How'd did we end up here. Ravenous locks so dark draped around my fingers. They feel like silk. I listen to her heartbeat. It's been so long since I've heard such a rapid pounding it resembles a beautiful erratic melody. I'm wrapped up in everything that is her. Her legs were still wrapped around my waist and I reach out to touch her face. Her eyelids begin to flutter rapidly as the reality of what we've done attacks her brain.
"Oh my God! Shit!" She shoved at me unable to budge me. I slowly removed myself from her. She scrambled to get out the bed and grabbed her pajamas from the drawer. She looked back at me. I smirked at her awkwardness and she just groaned. She rushed off into the bathroom and locked herself inside.
That's how this all started with a visit to the bathroom …
After the Volturi left my family to its own devices everyone's happily ever after started to fall into place. Bella and I had Renesmee. Jacob seemed content watching her grow up as well. Sue married and moved in with Charlie and Leah rented her mother's house. Everything was great … at first. It seemed Bella and I worked best as a family unit, meaning when we were in mother/father mode we were compatible and had everything to talk about, however once Renesmee began to grow up and was less and less underfoot it became clear that we'd drifted apart romantically. Bella was the first to bring up the idea of a separation. I was shocked she felt such a drastic need to get away from me.
"Maybe if we're apart we'll begin to remember all the things we love about each other," Bella cooed at me one night with my bags packed and by the door. "I don't want a divorce or anything. I just need some time to think. You should want that too," she explained with her arms crossed as she looked down at the floor. I really wished she'd have looked at me so I could see the emotion in her eyes. I wanted to believe that her eyes carried more compassion than her tone did.
"Fair enough," I struggled to respond past the emotion in my throat. I felt as though I'd been discarded from my own home. I threw my bags in my car I wasn't ready to go up to the main house yet. I didn't want to see the pity in everyone's faces. I looked up at the moon and then to my car. The night was mine to do with as I wish. I drove into town and peeped in the windows of a few businesses with their lights still on. I passed by one of the medical buildings and saw an unexpected familiar face. She was handing an older woman some paperwork to fill out. I decided to stop. I pulled into the parking lot and just stared. She wasn't doing anything remarkable, just typing something, but there was something different about her than what I'd seen before. She was happy or displaying an emotion very close to happiness. I'd never seen Leah smile or truly seem happy. I got out of my car. I didn't know what I was doing I just felt I needed to be closer. I wanted to approach her but I didn't know what I was going to say. I entered what seemed to be a outpatient medical facility of some kind. She watched as I approached her and wondered why on earth I was there. I placed my name on the little piece of paper in front of me and she arched her eyebrow.
"What are you doing here?" She took her clipboard and marked my name out in a black permanent marker and ushered me around to the patient side of her desk.
"Well ma'am I have this unbearably sore throat," I teased as I grabbed at my throat and she chuckled a little. I was surprised she thought it was funny again, normally she was sort of dry and nasty when it came to our kind. I wouldn't have cared too much if she had been annoyed to see me. I just needed a familiar face.
"Aw, well have you tried cough drops, tea, or chloraseptic spray?" She asked and attempted to carry a serious look on her face but failed horribly. "What are you doing here bloodsucker?" She whispered.
"I told you!" I protested. She leaned back in her chair and glared at me. She crossed her arms and arched her eyebrow.
"Okay, I just moved out of my house," I explained. "That's not completely true I was kicked out."
"Oh God, she told you!" Leah gasped. "I told that little brat not to tell and to let Bella confess to her own sins!" Now I was completely confused. As Leah looked at me she realized I didn't have a clue what she was talking about. Her mind quickly ran through a conversation Renesmee had with Leah. My lovely wife had cheated on me and my daughter walked in on them. Leah told her to stay out of it and let the chips fall where they may.
"Why did you tell my daughter to lie to me?" My tone was raised and all of the patrons in the lobby were now looking our way. I got up to leave and Leah grabbed my hand.
"Hey wait, I get off in like ten minutes … if you weren't in a rush to get somewhere." I frowned at her. I couldn't believe she was being so decent to me. I guess she felt bad for inadvertently causing my heart to break further than it already had. I had to admit it was something about her big brown eyes staring at me in that way that made me cave.
"Okay," I went back to my car to wait for her to get off.
I sat on Leah's couch as she tinkered around in the kitchen. I looked around her mother's home it was a one story residence with plenty of pictures of the Clearwater family. I could tell that Leah wasn't pressed on making any changes to the home. She was nostalgic and sentimental and for some reason I'd never pegged her for the type. She came back into the living room still wearing her peach colored scrubs but with a beer in tow. She used her teeth to open the bottle. She balled her legs up underneath her and shifted so she could study my face.
"I would've offered you one but … you know you're undead," she muttered and tapped her fingers along the glass.
"Yep, that I am." This conversation was going nowhere fast. My face mirrored her discomfort and then I released a deep and unnecessary breath before I returned my gaze to her.
"Its' weird having you in my space," she mused as she examined my face. "It's not as bad as I thought it'd be though." I knew she wasn't joking she was mesmerized by me, like a child with a toy. I got up and my first thought was to leave but there was something about this place that made me feel … warm. "I'm not the type of person to say sorry, but I really didn't mean for you to find out about your wife this way."
"That is an apology of sorts." I smirked at her as I sat back down beside her. "I know you didn't mean to tell me."
"Good." She seemed to breathe easier and took another sip of her beer. "So my day was interesting," she started to blab on about her day. I knew she wasn't the self centered kind, she was doing this to distract me from my own thoughts.
"Yep the old woman used the seat as a toilet and straight pissed right in front of me!" She shook her head and burst into laughter.
"So what did you do?" She shrugged and chuckled.
"I treated the woman with some respect! I closed down my station took her straight to the back where I worked with Sandy to get her cleaned up and a fresh depends. I wasn't going to laugh at her that could be me one day. However, after the fact … it is a little amusing." We both laughed and just as she thought about getting another beer I whipped into the kitchen and got one for her. I didn't want her to stop talking. I didn't want her to stop smiling or doing whatever she was doing to me with those eyes.
"Could that be you one day, Leah? Have you begun to age again?" Something about the statement caused her mood to sober, but only slightly.
"Nope, I'm still nineteen when I should be just about thirty," she grouched as she laid back and placed her head on the pillow. I moved and sat down on the rug. I liked eye contact when I was talking to her.
"Most women would kill for your problem," I said as I took the beer in her hand and placed it on the table behind me.
"Yeah, they probably had the chance to have a child. I always wanted a baby, a little boy, but fate had other plans and took my plans and gave them to someone else." She closed her eyes and tried to push her hurt back. It had been years but she still felt the sting like it happened yesterday.
"I can relate," I murmured and her watery brown eyes met mind.
"I'm sorry, I brought you here to cheer you up not have you wrapped up in my ancient drama," she hopped up and stretched. "I need to get ready for bed. Feel free to stay longer I just have to get out of these work clothes." I watched as she started down the hall.
"Actually, if it is alright with you could I stay here? Until I process everything that's going on in my head, I just don't really want to be around my family right now." I hated to admit it but it's the truth. Leah pursed her lips as she gave my request some thought.
"Sure, I mean it's the least I can do for what I said earlier." She continued down the hall to her bedroom gathered her things and ended up in the bathroom. I took the opportunity to look closely at some of the pictures in the house. A lot of the pictures were Sam and Leah together when they were younger. I wondered why she never took them down. It couldn't be healthy to be reminded of what some would consider a hurtful past. After a few minutes I was pulled from my musings and my mind began to focus on something else. The shower, Leah cut the water on and she pulled her shirt over her head. I hated when my mind became captivated by something like this it made me feel so crude and dirty. I shut my eyes in an attempt to shut out the visions from Leah's mind, however the visions just seemed to become more vivid. She was so simple yet sexy in her black bra and panties. Her body was full in the right places. She quickly pulled her panties off and unclasped her bra. There she was gloriously naked in living color … in my mind, yet close enough to touch, and I wanted to. It'd been years since I'd seen a naked woman and Leah's body was showing me exactly what I'd been missing. I sat back down on the couch. Since I couldn't ignore what was happening in the room two doors down the hall. I decided to enjoy it. What was the harm in watching as she enjoyed the steaming hot water as it caressed some of her more intimate parts?
She turned around and backed into the stream running from her shower faucet. I watched as water wet her hair then she closed her eyes, and everything went black. "Shit, no!" I was shocked by my own words. I wanted the visions back and apparently so did the bulge in my pants. After a few moments Leah opened her eyes and I had the pleasure of watching her as she massaged her soap in to her glorious copper skin. She sighed a little as inhaled the scent of her body wash. This went on for what seemed like an eternity and caused my slight bulge to become a fully erect problem. There was no way to adjust the situation I now had in my pants the only thing I could do was surrender to it, but how and where? One thing was for sure I'd never been in this situation before. My body has never responded to a woman when I didn't want it to. I quickly went outside and hopped back in my car. It seemed like the best place to fix this mess. I hopped in the back and closed my eyes and focused on the images that were now so prominent in my head. A plump succulent soap breast with perky erect nipples and a very plump behind all drenched in a flawless light caramel complexion. It didn't take long for me to accomplish my goal. I took one of my shirts out of my duffle and cleaned myself up and returned back in the house.
I entered the house with one of my duffel bags and Leah was sitting back on her couch with a book at her side. She looked at me and scrunched her nose up. She smelt something different about me but she wasn't going to say anything about it. She hopped up and took my bag and led me down the hall way.
"You can stay in Seth's old room," she murmured as she opened the door and placed the bag on the bed. "I know you don't sleep but I figured you'd want some solitude." She hitched her grey shorts up and pulled down her camisole. I shoved my hands in my pockets as I tried to discretely take in her curves.
"Actually, I'd rather just stay up with you. I don't want to be alone with my thoughts. My mind is so dark and dreary right now." She looked at me and nibbled on her lips as she mulled over my statement.
"I was getting ready to head into my room. I have to work tomorrow," she explained and I nodded and sat down on the bed. It was then that I noticed that she'd never cut the light on. We were standing in this room with only the moon's dim light shining through the sheer curtains. I looked into her eyes and I knew I was rebounding hard. At least I figured that's what it was. Maybe I was just having a moment of lust because Leah had spared me a few kind words. I don't know what the reason was but I was drawn in. She gave me a slow little grin and looked away from me.
"I guess you could chill in my room for a little while … until I fall asleep." She exited the room and I was quick on her heels. I watched as she crawled into bed and pulled the comforter up over her body and snuggled in.
"Cozy?" I asked as I sat down at the foot of her bed. I didn't want to get too close. I wasn't sure what she considered indecent.
"Very," she murmured into her pillow. A moment of silence hit us and she dragged herself to a sitting position. "You know if you don't want me to fall asleep you better say something. I did just work a thirteen hour shift." She patted the area of her bed. I saw in her mind that she wanted to rub my shoulders to show me comfort. I hesitantly did as she requested. I actually shuddered when she touched me. It actually felt good as she kneaded my shoulders.
"So was it Jacob?" I asked.
"I don't know. I didn't let Nessie tell me because I didn't want to be too involved. I just comforted her like I'm comforting you now," she murmured. "I know how it feels to be betrayed. Sam slept with Emily before he left me. I couldn't have gone back to him even if he had the power to break the imprint. It's just something about knowing that he viewed someone else in that way. I saw no one else but him. I don't know if I'll ever want another man."
"That's how I'm feeling now. I don't think that I'll ever be able to go back to her knowing that she's lain with another." I didn't mention the other part of Leah's statement because part of me wanted to turn around and convince her that she could view me just as she viewed Sam.
"You'll heal Edward. Your daughter will help you too. When do you plan to tell her about moving out?"
"I'm sure that Bella's already told her," I muttered dryly. "I don't want to talk about this. Can you just," I leaned back and wrapped her arms around me. This was far better. "Your warmth is like a blanket Leah can you just hold me until you fall asleep."
One Month Later …
I sat in Leah's apartment glaring at the legal document on her coffee table. She hadn't come home from work yet. I was enraged by the day I'd had. It took a lot as a man to admit that you weren't enough to satisfy your wife. I had made the decision to finalize cutting ties with my wife. I thought she'd be agreeable and sign the papers but that was not the case. She felt that we still just needed time. I didn't get it she was the one that had broken our vows, how could she think that what we had could be salvaged? I picked up the papers and looked at the area where her signature should now be. My thoughts were distracted by Leah coming in. She looked a little alarmed by my disposition.
"I'm guessing today didn't go well?" She said as she placed her Chinese food on the table.
"She wouldn't sign," I answered and then covered my face with my hands. Leah sat beside me and rubbed my back.
"I told you she wouldn't," she snickered I shot a glance her way and couldn't help but chuckle too. "You belong to her Edward. She still loves you in a way; at the very least she loves the idea of you." Leah shrugged as she started to fix her plate. I got up to get her a Dasani.
"She cheated on me she doesn't get to choose," I stated bluntly.
"Don't tell me that, tell her," Leah offered before stuffing her mouth.
"You don't think I tried! She told me in so many words that I left her no choice because I stopped pleasing her physically," I confessed and Leah looked at me shocked.
"Why did you do that?" She asked. "A physical bond between a man and a woman is just as important as a mental one Edward. I mean you vampires don't require sleep so you can't say that you didn't have the time to please your wife." I thought back and tried to pinpoint how we grew apart I wasn't the only one that created the distanced. It seemed that we'd both tried to reconnect at times but we were never on the same page about it at the same time.
"We just grew apart I don't think either of us should really be blamed for that," I murmured. "I do hold Bella responsible for her infidelity though." Leah sighed and shook her head while she picked at her food. The mood had soured and Leah was trying think of how I could compromise with Bella.
"What if you evened the score? You could find some random stranger to give your vampire love to and then you and Bella can start over." I looked at her like she'd lost her mind and she knew it was a far stretch.
"Ooookay … well, what about if you two went to therapy. Marriage counseling is supposed to be very affective."
"Leah stop. Don't you think that I've thought about counseling? I would do it if I thought it would work." I got up and started pacing in her living room I wanted to talk about something else.
"Why haven't you taken any of the pictures of you and Sam down? Are you hoping that he'll come back to you?" I picked up one of the pictures where he was holding her close and looked as if he wanted to kiss her. I couldn't blame him she looked very appealing in the picture. Leah put her food down and went to retrieve the picture I was holding.
"No, I don't hold out any hope of that ever happening. Just because we didn't work out it doesn't mean I hate him. He had no real control over what he did to me." She caressed the image of her ex lover and placed it back on the shelf and I picked the picture back up again.
"Having these pictures surrounding you isn't helping you move forward. Don't you want to move on Leah and find somebody new?" Leah went to take the picture back from me and I held on with a firm grip.
"I'm content the way my life is Edward!" She snapped.
"How could you be Leah? All you've done is sacrifice and what do you have to show for it. You live here alone. All you do is work and come home you have no one to love and no one to share your life with! Your life has pretty much ended before it began and all these pictures are just reminders of that." She tugged on the frame once more as I released it and the picture went crashing onto the floor broken glass was now everywhere. Leah glared at me but said nothing she went to kitchen to get a broom. I didn't know how to explain my behavior. I don't know why I lashed out at the one person who'd given me what I needed to heal. She kneeled down and started cleaning up the mess I made. I kneeled down to and started picking up the pieces.
"Don't! You've done enough Edward," she whispered forcefully. Tears gently streamed down her face as she picked up the picture with shaky hands. "I'm doing the best I can to move on and keep my sanity. I'm sorry if you don't understand."
"No, Leah I'm sorry … I shouldn't," I started to speak and she held her hand up to stop me.
"I really think you've said enough. Tonight should probably be your last night here with me." Leah word's weren't mean but I'd hurt her and she wouldn't let me apologize. I watched as she poured the glass into the trash can and disappeared down the hall. I felt like a real imbecile I plopped down on the couch and noticed that she left the picture just laying there on the floor. I quickly picked it up and placed it on her counter in the kitchen. I heard as she cut her shower on. I groaned, not again. She began to disrobe and it meant that it was time for me to find something to distract myself. I didn't want tonight to go by and for Leah not to know how sorry I was. I didn't say those words to hurt her but I needed to finish what I'd started. I went to go to my room when I realized that I couldn't see Leah. She had closed her eyes and she was sobbing. I entered her room and expected her to be in there balled up somewhere she was in the bathroom and I pounded on the door.
"What?" She yelled with tears in her voice. I hesitantly opened the door and saw her bawled up in the shower with water just pouring over her naked body. She hadn't even bothered to close the shower curtain. "GET OUT!" She screamed at the top of lungs but her words had no affect on me. I kneeled down beside her and she looked away from me.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you Leah. The only reason I said those things is because you are an amazing woman and you deserve better than to live off a bunch of old memories. I think you can have anything in this world that you want if you reached out and grabbed it. I don't want you to settle," I murmured and I went to touch her face and she immediately let me know that was a bad idea.
"No, I can't have anything I want Edward. Sam himself is proof of that. I don't want anything or everything. The things I wanted in life were simple I wanted to be loved by a man; I wanted to start a life with him, and give him children. Somebody else has my dream." She sobbed for a minute but then stopped herself. "You are right though, I do live in my memories because before all of this supernatural shit I had everything I wanted but no one can bring my happiness back." I wanted to reach out to her but I knew how successful I'd been with that the last time. So instead I took off my shoes and socks and joined her in the tub fully clothed and wrapped my arms around her. At first she looked at me as if I was weird but then her eyes softened. I was wrapped up in our eye contact that I'd almost forgotten that she was completely naked. It was the first time I'd seen all of Leah. I didn't just see all of her body; I saw all of her emotion, her strength, her fury, and her pain. Her both lip was trembling I didn't know if it was because she was going to cry again or if it was because my body temperature was making her cold. I smoothed my thumb against her bottom lip and she gasped at the chill of my touch. I watched as the look in her eyes went from something fearful to something more dark and needy. She pressed her nakedness against me and crushed her lips against mine. She used her hands to cradle my face as she made our kiss more passionate. I could feel the sting of her warm tears still streamed down her face. After a moment she broke our kiss much to my dismay.
"I'm sorry," she whispered as her eye examined me with fear and hunger. She shook her head as she searched for clarity. She quickly removed herself from her tub and wrapped her body in a white towel I followed her out of the tub and into her bedroom. She was waiting for me to leave so that she could change but I had no plans on leaving. I had already seen all of her and had no plans on leaving. I approached her from behind and smoothed my hands along her shoulders and then her arms.
"This isn't happening," she murmured as I turned her around. "I made a mistake and got caught up in my feelings."
"You really didn't mean to kiss me? You're telling me that you've never thought about doing that before?" I asked and she glared at me a little.
"You're a little smug somebody," she murmured. I shook my head.
"No, I just know the inner workings of your mind. I know what you want right now. You may feel a tad conflicted but every fiber of your body being is tingling … to hear you mind say it anyway. You're wondering what I'm going to do next and you really want me closer." I snaked one of my arms around her so that our bodies were flushed against each other. I went to kiss her and she pulled back.
"Come on Leah, you want this. I know I've wanted this for quite some time now." She had the nerve to look at me alarmed.
"You want me? Edward you're just rebounding which is completely natural but pointless because this isn't going anywhere," Leah countered but she hadn't attempted to move from my grasped.
"I thought about that too, but being around you everyday just confirmed to me that Bella and I were done. I need you Leah because there's something you provide by just being by my side. Whatever it is you possess I need all of it to consume me. So please give it to me Leah," I murmured before I attempted to kiss her once more. This time she obliged me as she lifted her arms and wrapped them around my neck her towel fell and once again I was surrounding by her glorious smooth copper skin and voluptuous curves. I backed us toward the bed and then lifted her gingerly onto it.
"You're so beautiful Leah," I murmured as I discarded my drenched clothes and threw them across the room. Now we were both exposed. I took the time to allow my hands to explore Leah's perfection. She closed her eyes and marveled at my hands chilly seduction. She compared it to ice being dripped down her chest, circling her nipples, and slowly trailing down her abdomen.
"Lower," she groaned with a needy hunger. "Please." I leaned down and kissed her and then moved my lips and tongue lower. She moaned as soon as my lips grazed against her right nipple and I began to suck on it. The aroma of her arousal began to fill the room and began to sang to me on a bewitchingly. I was fully excited and ready to please her. I dragged my body over top of hers and slowly sunk into her womanly sea.
"Edward," she called for me. I didn't think it were possible for me to feel anymore turned on but sound of my name coming from her lips that way cause me to possess her hungrily.
"That's right Leah call out to me I want hear it," I groaned in her ear as I began to pick up speed. Between Leah's eratic breathing and moans she peppers kisses along my check and jaw line. Her gently touch cascade down my shoulder blades and spine.
"Oh Edward I'm close," she cried, tears were literally in her eyes and I did my best to give her what her mind asked for. Love me Edward … I want to give you all of me. Her mind chanted over and over again.
"That's right baby give it to me!" I groaned and thrust inside her harder causing her to climax beautifully. Leah's eye clenched shut as her mind revealed something to her. It was the same thing I'd begun to feel for her the very first night I stumbled into her work place. I was in love with her and she felt the same way about me. It was crazy to think of how we got here.
Ravenous locks so dark draped around my fingers. They feel like silk. I listen to her heartbeat. It's been so long since I've heard such a rapid pounding it resembles a beautiful erratic melody. I'm wrapped up in everything that is her. Her legs were still wrapped around my waist and I reach out to touch her face. Her eyelids begin to flutter rapidly as the reality of what we've done attacks her brain.
Author's Note: I entered this in the Paws and Art Contest and it received Judges Choice. I just wanted to share it with my fanfiction people first. It will be on Tricky Raven and my blog as soon as I receive my lovely banner :-)