Terrible, Terrible Twins

Author's Note: The concept of this story is largely self-insert mixed with canon and original content, characters and whatnot, so it won't stray too far away, but there will be minor changes, get over it. This story will be focused on the Mass Effect universe and two bothers that got sucked into this new and exciting world through a random system glitch, but not like the typical "poof! Here I am and there is Shepard!" style of self-inserts. The idea is that they have a choice on how they will appear in this new world in the timeline, appearance, abilities and whatnot, to give it more of a feel for seamless integration. The story will be largely following the youngest twin's POV, sometimes switching between the two brothers for viewpoints, other characters and such depending on the situation. Please be aware that there will be very dark aspects to this story, violence, smut, lemons, gore and language to name a few, so no flames for anyone wondering why this story will take many twists and turns. There is also going to be fluff, love, funny moments, filler chapters and such to balance out the good and bad, expect typical behaviors and classes to change slightly for my own entertainment.

Also to clear a few things up.

This is regular text

"Some speaking out loud obviously."

Sound effects, written messages, automated warnings, etc.

Thoughts

(Various info)

Please be sure to enjoy this story and post comments if you feel like it, please note that I don't respond to flamers, unless it is "good" constructive criticism or I feel the need to pass along a thank you.

Chapter One

Jason Brody sighed as he slumped down into the couch, kicking off his shoes and dropping his backpack on the floor next to his feet, sighing in frustration. The worst day of the week, Mondays, he cringed at the word, brought on a whole new meaning to the word suffering as he glanced at his backpack, three textbooks, two notebooks, a stack of homework papers an inch thick, his laptop with several very important files he'd need to read on to complete yet another homework assignment and everything else his professor thought would be needed.

The door opened with a bang as his identical twin, Jackson, came stumbling in like something from the dead, his backpack and gym bag dropping to the floor with a thud as he closed the door and shuffled over to the couch.

"Oh they want me to utterly fail," Jackson whined as he dropped onto the couch, "on top of the lacrosse practice I got after school, a date with Shelly on Wednesday, all the effing homework in the world and that test on Friday."

Jason spared a glance at his brother before he kicked his feet up, "Doomed?"

Jackson sighed, "Epically doomed little brother, completely and epically doomed."

A snort at the idea of being stuck as the younger brother, by a whole whopping six minutes, it had been a point between them before, but then again it didn't really matter, Jackson was like that most of the time as he glanced at the window.

"Huh, looks like the forecast for this evening is thunderstorms followed by heavy showers and despair," the sky outside was the color of granite as Jason got up from the couch and wandered over to the kitchenette, "still got some burritos in the fridge if your still hungry."

"How can eat whatever in the Hell you want and not gain a single pound?" Jackson whined from his position of the couch, having curled up in the fetal position and rocking himself, "You are a stereotypical dork while I have to slave away to have a body as good as this, it just isn't fair!"

"My God you sound like a chick," Jason sighed at his twin's antics as he dumped a bag of instant burritos into a glass bowl and tossed them in the microwave, "and I prefer the title "nerd" thank you very much."

Their bickering was something they had developed over the years, anyone else sitting in the room would have thought they were mortal enemies or something, but then again, they were twins.

Being in college together helped with the bills and schoolwork, Mom and Dad had been excited at the prospect of them graduating college and awaited news on how they were doing, which was often daily because it was a long way from Oklahoma here in Madison, Wisconsin. The scholarship, academic based for himself and athletic for Jackson, were ideal and affordable, unlike having to shell out thousands of dollars, that they didn't have, for just one semester, so they were balancing school, work and social lives precariously.

That really meant school and work, social activities were low, well in his case anyone, Jackson was the typically jock, though he wasn't a douche about it. Most nights included homework, studying for tests and such, then it was followed up by video games, movies and sleep, tonight wasn't any different as Jason nuked the burritos as Jackson fired up the Xbox.

"Want do you want to play?" Jackson asked while he flipped through a stack of games, "Gears of War? Pass. Halo 4? Na. Dead Space 2? No thanks. Call of Duty? Oh here we go, the uber nerd game of all, Mass Effect Collector's Edition, now with all three gaming experiences in one."

"Why not?" Jason said as he waited for the microwave to stop beeping before he grabbed the food and a pair of drinks from the fridge as he walked back to the living room, watching Jackson tossed the disk in and hit Play.

A resounding boom rattled the windows as the sky outside was darkening at an alarming rate as another lightning flash herald the next upcoming roll of thunder.

"Damn it, storm is going to be a good one alright," Jackson said as he tossed a controller at Jason, "pass the food man, I'm wasting away over here!"

"Fine," Jason said as he plonked the bowl down in between them and picked up his controller, "think we should unplug everything in case lightning strikes the building?"

"What for? We're on the second story of a three story building between a ten story building and a seven story building, lightning rods and all that jazz," Jackson snorted as he finished logging into his account and waited for Jason to load his account before letting the game load, "it's not like anything bad is going to"

A loud crash of thunder stuck again, hard enough to shake the appliances and furniture in the apartment, a bright flash of light appearing as Jason felt himself suddenly being yanked forward and downward, sputtering soft drink everywhere.

What the flying fuck? He wondered before he realized something.

"Jackson you fucking idiot! You jinxed us!"

All he got for a reply before the bright light abruptly disappeared was a long "Sorry!"

Line Break

His head hurt, that much was certain as he opened one eye and rolled over, spotting the form of his brother laying a few feet away.

What had happened? Oh yeah, now he remembered, firing up the Xbox in the middle of thunderstorm had seemed like a wonderful idea at the time, then lightning struck and they both got electrocuted it seemed.

Only except that instead of seeing the familiar surroundings of their living room, Jason frowned at the bland white walls and floors, lit up by some light source he couldn't see as he got to one knee. The annoying thing was that he couldn't see the actual walls or ceiling, the ground seemed solid enough, but he shielded his eyes for several seconds to allow them to adjust to the overwhelming brightness.

Da fuck? If they were dead then he was going to be royally pissed as he walked over to where Jackson was snoring away, honestly asleep after dying, typical.

"Yo," he nudged Jackson with the side of his foot, "wake up and join the land of the living bro, because this is really messed up."

"Naugh," Jason sighed in relief as his brother answered him, "turn down the lights man, my eyes are killing me over here."

"Jackson, you need to wake up," Jason paused as he looked around again, "I think we're dead."

"What are you talking about?" Jackson groaned as he rolled over, rubbing his eyes, "I swear that if the guys think this is time for an initiation rite, I'm gonna bust a gasket."

Jason watched as he stood up, blinked owlishly several times, spun in a slow circle to get a good look at his surroundings before he stared blankly at him for several seconds, "Da fuck?"

"My thoughts exactly," Jason replied as he walked in a random direction, Jackson hobbling after him to keep up, "it's almost as though we died or something."

"Hey Jason, hold still."

"Hmm, what"

Thud!

"Dude what the Hell!" Jason shouted as he massaged his aching shoulder and glared at Jackson who stood there staring at his hand in awe, "that hurt!"

"I know," Jackson whispered as he flexed his fingers before looking up, "it hurt and you didn't wake up, so this can't be a dream can it?"

Jason paused for a few seconds, "No, it obviously isn't a dream."

"Shit, now what?" Jackson asked as he crossed his arms and bounced on his toes, a twitch he had developed when he was on the verge of panic, not that Jason didn't think about joining him as he ran both hands through his hair and wracked his brains.

"I doubt that we were abducted and this is some freaking Matrix shit or some jazz," Jackson rattled off as he started pacing back and forth, "maybe a coma where we can feel pain, but not wake up? No doesn't make any sense."

"Quiet, I'm trying to think Jackson." Jason snapped as he sat down and pondered what had happened.

Jackson paused to reach down and grab an can and up ended it over his face, frowning comically as nothing came out before he dropped the can and kicked it, "Well that's just great, no drinks or snack food while we discover ourselves in some kind of sci-fi dilemma, just wonderful, I wonder what will happen next."

"Jackson, shut up already, I need to think!" Jason shouted as he scratched his head.

"Next thing you know something is going to jump out and attack us, you wait and see bro, it's gonna happen." Jackson was frantic as Jason reached over and slapped him.

"Get a hold of yourself," Jason huffed, "there is nothing else here, so calm down already."

"Greetings."

"WWWAAAAAHHHHH!" (The undignified cry of a pair of startled human males as they jumped into each other's arms.)

Hovering behind them about five feet off the ground was a glowing ball of white light the size of a basketball, but it appeared to be translucent and made of revolving light, almost like…

"Hold the phone," Jason muttered as he dropped his twin ("Ouch! Don't leave me!") and stepped closer to the glowing orb, "Glyph? Is that you?"

"Correct, this unit has been designated in guiding and providing both of you with the proper guidance in order to create a user profile and integrating into the system." The orb pulsed for a second, speaking in the same tone as the Glyph he knew from Mass Effect 2 and 3.

Jackson stood up, brushing himself off as he glanced between Jason and the hovering info drone, "You know this guy?"

"Yep, info drone thing from the Lair of the Shadow Broker DLC and in Mass Effect 3," Jason replied before turning back to Glyph, "that is correct right?"

"Correct, now please follow this unit to the user friendly interface system so as to create proper profiles," Glyph chirped before turning around and flying away, "this way to the interface."

Jason shrugged as he followed the drone, Jackson opting to throw his hands into the air before following after the talking drone and his twin.

"This is nuts," Jackson muttered as they caught up with Glyph, "we got a talking ball of light from a video game acting as our impromptu tour guide through whatever this place is?"

"This is the space between realities, a pocket dimension created through the influx of change between two dimensions that allowed the two of you to reach this place," Glyph responded as it came to a halt, "in order for you to enter the next dimension, you must create a proper profiles in order leave this place."

"Woah there talking electro-Yoda guy thing," Jackson said as Glyph turned around, "you mean we can return back to our reality, dimension or whatever?"

Glyph halted his revolving light show for a brief second, "That is an incorrect assumption, in fact it is the opposite, you must create a profile in order to enter the reality, there is no chance of returning back to the plane of reality from which you have traveled from as you are now hurtling through time and space into another reality and you must prepare, or you shall never leave this place."

Jackson scratched the side of his head before glancing at Jason, "Want to put that in English?"

"What he means to say is that we cannot go back, only forward and in order to do that we have to create profiles," Jason glanced at Glyph for a second, "because without them, we cannot leave this place, right?"

"Correct," Glyph paused for a second before it bobbed a few times and a loud zapping sound before something appeared from thin air, "please input proper profile commands and we shall begin."

"Wait, what?" Jackson said as he stepped forward, easily within arms' reach of the computer terminal that had suddenly appeared.

It was a large grey rectangle tilted at a 45 degree angle forward covered in an orange glowing light that could be made out as a keyboard, number pad, touch sensitive pad, a whole bunch of other keys that didn't make sense. A hesitative swipe at it revealed another feature, a pop up screen above the obvious keyboard, some kind of holographic display as Jason stepped up to it proper to read it. A simple loading screen appeared for a brief second before a screen loaded that he recognized as he looked back and forth between the screen and Glyph several times before Jackson peered over his shoulder.

"Well shit."

That was putting it mildly, Jason discovered the controls were universal and very easy to figure out as he began scrolling through massive amounts of data, more specifically the Codex.

The Codex of the Mass Effect universe.

"Is now a good time to panic or do I have to wait?" Jackson asked as Jason shushed him, diving into the articles, files and documents that outlined everything that was very important to the Mass Effect world.

Because that world was about to become their reality soon.

History, planets, star clusters, Mass Relay travel routes, technology, science, languages, biology (skipped over the Krogan biology lesson), species, schematics, politics, designs and other things, reams of information as Jason stared in utter disbelief at what he was seeing.

"Does the user wish to create a profile?" Glyph inquired as Jason had to sit down before he fainted from the sheer shock as his twin glanced at the drone and scoffed.

"Alright, so what is the big deal here Light bulb? We gotta become saviors of the galaxy to restore balance to the cosmos or some deal, give us a hint or something because we're a little out of our depth here." Jackson threw his arms wide to gesture and hopefully emphasize the severity of the situation.

Glyph paused for a few seconds, "In order for the users to integrate successfully into the reality, a profile must be created to ensure no abnormalities occur that could alter the reality in any way, shape or form, safeguards have already been put in place, but it would appear that user input is required for integration."

"Oh, enough with the techno babble already and give us a straight answer," Jackson sighed as he massaged his temples, "you got any ideas Jason, because I'm fresh out."

"We need to become team members of Shepard," Jason answered as he climbed to his feet and approached the computer, "we can create whole new identities for ourselves, I bet we could create a character that we will become."

"That wasn't what I really wanted to hear Jason," Jackson sighed as he watched his twin begin working at the console, "you can't be serious."

Jason paused what he was doing and looked up, "Oh I'm dead serious and I've already begun to find several flaws with this plan."

"I refuse to become some alien, blond chick or the wimpy techno geek," Jackson laughed as he stepped next to the console and took a deep breath, "alright, what have we got to work with?"

Line Break

In short order (four hours, seventeen minutes and thirty-one seconds according to Glyph) the twins discovered just how much control they had over creating a user profile when it came to the Mass Effect universe.

A lot and Jason was quick to point out how they had to place a cover story or some such nonsense while Jackson discovered just how detailed the character appearance program was, (somewhere between the lines of GFT 4 and Saint's Row 3 it turned out) as well as the background story aspect.

Jason had been the first to argue how they should be portrayed in this new universe so as to avoid suspicion. Even though all the available data pertaining to every single subject in every single game was downloaded into both of their characters, (Glyph pointed out in order to avoid messing up the timeline, blocks were placed on information pertaining to the first, second and third stages of the game, Jackson was very upset when he discovered that he couldn't run around with a nuke launcher until the second installment) along with specific skill sets picked by each one of them, there was still the matter of making themselves powerful enough to join the team of a Human Spectre without going completely overboard.

Another sensitive topic was that the transition wouldn't be seamless and they would have a difficult time understanding the current cultural cues and such, so Jason had come up with yet another answer to that problem, one that Jackson agreed too nonetheless.

In order to have half the stuff Jackson wanted, they would create a history of being Cerberus test subjects, cloned from birth and given extensive genetic modification and cybernetic upgrades, as well as proper biotic abilities and such. It would be the ideal cover story, history of their involvement with Cerberus was short and to the point, they had been cloned in a lab somewhere, got some training, escaped and been on the run from Cerberus (a single isolated cell that not even The Illusive Man himself knew about because it had been created for this sole purpose) before they came across Eden Prime to start a new life.

As for the personal development and character improvements, this is where the twins were at a crossroads of sorts before they decided to create their own characters and go from there.

Jason had scanned his own body size and dimensions into the computer, adding a long list of upgrades that boosted his reaction time, balance, agility, mental thought processes, biotic abilities and giving himself a much more toned looked. He wasn't above improving the little things, correcting eyesight, respiratory, organ functions, nervous system, vastly improved immune system that was borderline Wolverine, biotic aptitude enhancements that would easily put him on par with Subject Zero and a few other nifty features. His primary specialties were biotic and tech skills (not to mention every single weapon, armor, engine, electronic lock, cyber code and mechanical schematic downloaded into his brain) along with extensive weapon training in all manner of weapons, offensive tech skills and a long list of biotic skills that would progressively become unlocked through each segment.

Jackson on the other hand decided that he wanted to create the ultimate body just because he could and wanted to, currently by creating a body that would make James Vega green with envy. He went more for the same base upgrades Jason had worked out, but he shied away from the biotic potential for some reason or another, going more into the raw power of a Soldier class that got worked over by the Terminator, Chuck Norris and Wolverine combined. The idea of having faster reflexes, reaction times, speed, strength (of course he wanted enough bodily strength to move upwards of eight hundred pounds), dense muscles, bone weaves, tissue replication cells to allow for faster healing, adrenaline rush amplified by twenty, a ridiculously high pain tolerance and a few other things. He went more towards hand-to-hand combat training (nine different martial arts, four styles of boxing, MMA training that would make Vin Diesel jealous, and every known unarmed combat technique known by every single species), body conditioning, demolition/explosives training, everything from pistol to vehicle mounted weapon systems in detail and just general all around tank character development.

Other such petty arguments, such as tattoos, scars, height, weight, appearance and such (Glyph noted that the argument over who had the bigger dick ran to be an hour and twenty-seven minutes before Jason remarked that sixteen inches was just excessive, not that either one of them really cared) they had decided to keep their overall original appearances as much as possible, because not only did they want to keep the twin thing going, but they also had to be clones.

Aside from the fact that Jackson had a solid foot (7'2" to Jason's 6' 1") and over one hundred eighty pounds on him, they looked exactly alike, white Caucasian males, dirty blond hair and green eyes, just like before.

Jason had opted for multiple surgical scars to prove the whole 'genetic clone experiment' thing they had going, along with a few other scars that could be anything from bladed weapon injuries to 'childhood accidents' and he tossed in a few tattoos. The only must have tattoo was a simple barcode with a long series of numbers (which coincidently was his date of birth and age in reverse) on his left arm, his other tattoos were simple things on his shoulders and back, something he had never gotten around to getting in his real life.

Jackson took it all out of proportion, ditto the surgical scars and the 'genetic clone experiment' tattoo with his own information, but he had several tattoos covering his arms, shoulders, chest, neck, back, thighs and face. He had gotten a tribal tat (similar to the one in Hangover Part II) on the left side of his face, along with a few others somewhere that couldn't be seen if he was wearing a shirt, or armor for that matter, along with more scars, everything from knife wounds, mass accelerator wounds, shrapnel, burns, acid scars, animal bites (the Varren bite pattern around his right leg was going to get lots of mileage) and other assorted mementoes a man of his stature would have collected.

It turned out to be a relief when Glyph informed them that past memories from their old reality wouldn't be made available to this reality (Jackson had been pleased to hear this as he was muttering "Embrace Eternity indeed" to himself) while 'fake' ones were planted in the event their minds were probed (or as Jackson said, "Willingly surrendered.") so as to avoid revealing that they were not from this reality.

In fact, many safeguards had been put in place, there was no way they could tell anyone in this reality where they had come from in fact and they didn't have to worry about saying something that would alert someone, given the right situation and circumstance, after which Jason had a long conversation with Jackson about.

Then came the default clothing and equipment decisions that nearly had Jason ripping his hair out and Jackson deliriously happy, but he got talked down into a lot less than he wanted because they had to pass off the 'escaped lab rat and desperate' appeal, not the 'top of the line Spectre grade armor and weapons' and enough money to buy a small planet.

It was the little things Jason pointed out that would help with the cover story, along with a lot of help and insight from Glyph, painstaking leaving a long list of tells as well without being too obvious. They had settled on low level suits of armor that had the original Cerberus colors before being painted over, in a manner that would show the armor had been looted from a Cerberus complex as well as shoddy detail by hand. Jackson had gotten the first tier one omni-tool, put a few programs, a couple thousand credits and some other useless junk data generated by Glyph to show a browser history and had been done with it, but Jason had done the exact opposite.

Rather than give himself a Savant Mk X, he had heavily modified a Bluewire Mk III model, loading it with programs, creating a few new ones, the browser history Glyph created, the reason behind this junk data was to show anyone that both omni-tools had belonged to these users for a certain amount of time (coincidently the same day they had been scrubbed from a previous setting and programed to suit their needs) and such. The little things, such as avoiding high end weapons with extensive mods, the idea was 'cheap and serviceable' and not 'expensive, flashy and overpowered' that Jackson wanted.

Turned out that the weapon rating system wasn't based on damage points like the games were, but more for functionality, durability, number of shots, power, accuracy, range, cooldown period and other technical stuff, so Jason had laid down the law that he would be having the final decision on weapons after allowing Jackson to draw the decals on his armor.

A horrible price to pay, but it would prevent any suspicion if a pair of random strangers showed up with high quality weapons with low quality armor and other supplies.

First he gave them matching Kessler Mk II pistols, he installed an Mk I stability dampener and a Mk III hammerhead ammo mod for Jackson and gave his own pistol a Mk II combat scanner and a Mk II phasic ammo mod.

For assault rifles, he'd given them both standard issue weapons, Mk I Lancers with matching Mk I scram rails and Mk II tungsten ammo mods, the most default weapon in the game that would be quickly upgraded in his mind, having to refrain from beating Jackson aside the head when he asked for a Revenant.

He passed the only shotgun off to Jackson, a Storm Mk III with a Mk I heat sink and a Mk II anti-personnel round ammo mod, but he took a sniper rifle for himself, a Mk I Lightning Strike with a Mk II precision optic and a Mk II sledgehammer ammo mod just in the event they'd actually need a long range weapon such as that.

For grenades he kept it simple, three for Jackson and two for himself without any kind of upgrade for now, but he allowed Jackson to equip himself with a vast collection of bladed weapons and such, though he crossed a line at the broadsword.

Jackson decided on seven throwing knives, two combat knives, a larger field knife (that looked uncannily like the one Emile carried on Halo: Reach), a tomahawk and a collapsible baton while Jason went for a much more simple mixture of three knives and a machete he fully intended to use for clearing vegetation and using it as a pry bar in a pinch. Another amazing feature was they would give the weapons personnel touches, signs of extended wear and tear, scuffs, dings, scratches and other damage, the little things Jason reminded himself.

From there Glyph had given them detailed information on the current reality and they were both stunned when they got around to reading Shepard's file.

Or both of their files as it turned out.

"Commander John Shepard," Jackson blinked before turning to the left where another personnel file was displayed, "Commander Jane Shepard, huh that never happened in the game."

Glyph was a Godsend as he passed along information pertaining to them both, apparently John was the Butcher of Trofan after having a rough childhood on Earth with the Tenths Street Reds (Jackson called that he was a Renegade) while Jane was the Lion of Elysium, grew up as spacer brat and joined the Alliance (definitely a Paragon). Turned out that they were husband and wife before both instances occurred in their careers and they were both under scrutiny to be Humanity's first Human Spectre ever, both were default characters while John was an Infiltrator and Jane appeared to be an Adept.

Everything else checked out, no surprise gender swaps or special characters so far, Glyph providing detailed information on Joker, Dr. Chakwas, Presley, Adams, Garrus Vakarian, Ashley Williams, Kaidan Alenko, Liara T'Soni, Urdnot Wrex, Tali'Zorah nar Rayya and all the other notable characters that Jason had downloaded to their minds.

"Gonna get me some blue," Jackson giggled (his shameless romancing of Liara in all three games apparent) as he watched Jason from the corner of his eye, "now no cock blocking on my end and I won't cock block you."

"What?" Jason felt the sweat trickle down the back of his neck as Jackson smiled that annoying smile of his.

"Oh you know, the whole 'what's under the visor' (yes finger quotes were used) as I remember you going on about," Jackson laughed as Jason tried to muster up a proper response, "you've always had a crush on her."

Jason sighed, (secretly delighted that both Shepard's were married to each other and therefore leaving Tali available to be romanced) "Last time I checked you didn't have any blue tattoos or biotics, so why would she interested in you?"

Muttering something about a bet, Jackson turned away as Glyph hovered in between their heads, "Have sufficient profiles been created?"

Jason paused for a long moment to think, this wasn't just some randomly created character to play thirty consecutive hours of FPS on a pixelated screen with the option of a respawn along with a restart ability if things got difficult, this was about to be their new lives as he shared a long look with his twin. More words were spoken silently in those few seconds than in a real conversation as Jason looked back at Glyph and swallowed.

"Yes, these profiles are acceptable," he paused for a second before adding, "thank you Glyph, we couldn't have done it without you."

"Yeah, we'll miss you Light bulb," Jackson raised his hand towards the info drone and smiled, "high five buddy."

The resulting electronic shock startled Jackson enough to yelp in surprise as Jason smiled and waved at Glyph.

"Prepare yourselves for minor disorientation," Glyph responded after Jason stopped laughing Jackson's expense as they turned to watch the drone glow brighter, "in ten…nine….eight…"

"This is the part where one of us breaks down and babbles something girlish right?" Jackson asked as Glyph continued the countdown as Jason shrugged.

"Eh, ladies first I guess." He laughed again.

Comments about genital size (Jason smiled at the look of pure horror when he told Jackson about the possibility that he had altered Jackson's file to be a hermaphrodite, priceless) and other demeaning factors flew back and forth between the two as Glyph continued counting down unnoticed until a bright flash appeared.

And then they were gone.

Glyph remained for a few seconds longer before a beep caused the console to disappear into nothingness as the white light began to fade.

"Best hope for reality survival," Glyph's 'face' spun a few times, "high chances of success."