Chapter 42

And Let Such Love Strike You Numb Dumb Blind – Love That Came Too Late

A/N: Title is the quote from one of my favourite books of all time - Malcolm Lowry's "Under the Volcano".

'So?' she sat down on a sofa facing a wall. It felt oddly homely, this little house that apparently belonged to her father. 'How did all of this' she pointed at the people surrounding her 'happen?'

For they all were there. Harry and Draco, reconciled and probably friends now, Narcissa and Dolohov, probably in love, Bill and Fleur, both beaming at her, Scabior and Rowle, both slightly battered, and Marigold, who looked smug – and there was Bellatrix, hovering beside her.

And, of course, there was her, the teenage version of herself, hair still bushy and a very smug smirk on her face.

And they were all in a small, dark house.

Nothing made sense. She was completely confused. Her ribs hurt like her, and the entire room was floating. Bellatrix took a wand to her side. She was muttering healing spells and Hermione shuddered. At least they had some sort of a damage control going on. At least this.

Maybe she was sick. Maybe she was exhausted and wanted nothing, but a closure. She felt tired.

But, for the first time in many years, happy.

'Long story, Hermione' Harry beamed at her.

'It won't make much sense' Draco piped in, looking smug, as though he won a ticket at the national lottery 'even to you' he grinned. Her younger version shot him a dark look. He chuckled and Hermione suddenly shivered.

She shook her head 'Test me.'

'So' Draco smiled once again, casting a swift glance at Younger Hermione (it still felt so sick to her other version by her own name) 'when you all left – it was just the two of us. And we knew nothing. We knew absolutely nothing.'

'Dad called.' Her younger self cut in, her expression turning sour 'Just like this, out of the blue, he called. He said he knows.' She shook her head vehemently 'He said this mess can be fixed. He said he would fix this. But he needed you.'

'What?' this made no sense, no sense at all. All this fighting and hiding and bloodshed – all for naught now all that were ever needed were a phone call from her father? Her father, their father, who had started all of this mess, had keys to end it all?

'I know.' Her younger head shook her head 'I know.' She walked towards her and crouched on the carpet, hand reaching forward. Hermione watched the other's palm inch towards her own, resting on her knee. Their fingers touched, slowly and tentatively, and her skin suddenly tingled. How odd it was, she thought numbly, to literally touch oneself.

'He called, just like this.' The girl was still crouching on the floor 'Draco and I' she turned to looked at the blond boy 'Draco and I' she repeated 'we had our doubts.'

Young Malfoy smirked. 'We had a bloody row.'

'Yeah' her younger self shot him a small smile 'we screamed at one another. A little.'

Draco sighed theatrically.

What was going on? Were they… flirting? Merlin's ass!

'Anyway' her younger version continued levelly 'we finally came to an understanding. Sort of.' She shrugged 'Then she picked us up.' She nodded towards Marigold who was standing near a large cabinet, looking as bored as possible 'We let Fleur and Bill – and the rest – know what was up.'

'We have a telephone now.' Bill added. 'She called us. We tailed them. Then we met with the rest of your…friends.'

Scabior nodded. Rowle was sitting crossed legged on the ground, back resting against the wall.

'We never met dad – yet' Hermione carried on 'but his American friend – she's not here yet, you know – picked us up and dropped us here. You recall her?'

'I do' Dolohov added 'she's his secret contact?'

'Something of this type, I think.' her younger version nodded.

'So' Hermione's mind was still reeling. She felt suddenly very sick. The puzzles were coming together now – however what was still missing, was the crux itself. There was no solution – yet.

Or was there? Suddenly she looked at Harry, her once upon a time in a life that never happened love, and he was looking back at her, terrible sadness marring his boyish features.

Maybe there was a solution. And she would do anything to save the ones she loved.

'So what do you think?' Draco piped in suddenly 'What's going to happen now?'

'I think' she exhaled slowly 'I might have to talk to dad.'

'Speaking of which – where is he?' the woman on her right, her hair a glorious black wave and her eyes hazelnut and full of something neither would name, moved sharply. Hermione looked at Bellatrix. The other woman shivered suddenly.

'Muddy, this is by no means personal, but I don't like your family.'

'Understood' she fought and lost the urge to reach out and touch her. Gently, as though not to startle an anxious creature, she reached out and touched the inner side of the woman's wrist. 'You're most welcome to dislike my family.' She could not help it but smile.

Like an idiot in – no... Such words belonged to a different time.

Bellatrix scoffed, but there was no malice, only a hint of an amused eye-roll.

Look at how far we've come, she wanted to say. Instead she looked away and at Marigold.

'Where is my father?'

'Good thing you decided to finally ask.' The other woman replied immediately, boredom colouring her words. 'I'd rather put a bullet through my head –'

'Well that can be arranged.' Bellatrix cut in, her ire waking up once again. 'I'd very much like to know –'

'That will do for now, Bella.' Narcissa spoke out for the first time in a long time 'Time for interrogations will come' she glared at Marigold and then looked back at her sister 'but it will come later.'

'Oh, Cissy, Cissy' Bellatrix shook her head vehemently 'This woman has been betraying us repeatedly.'

'And she will answer for it, when the time is right.' Her sister smoothly interjected.

The Black sisters were at it, again it seemed. Hermione smiled fondly. She stood up from the sofa, Bellatrix immediately rising to meet her, as though she was expecting her to crumble any time soon. She turned and touched her elbow.

'Later' she breathed at the other woman 'I swear to you –'

'Let's go!' Marigold almost stamped her foot. Hermione sighed.

'Very well. Lead on?'

They climbed a flight of stairs and came to a halt in front of a door. Marigold knocked and the answer came immediately.

Come in, said the voice from the other side.

She knew it, the voice. It was the voice to which she would fall asleep as a little girl. A voice which told her stories of Odysseus and his dog, Argos dying when having finally reconciled with his beloved master, of Barry Marshall infecting himself with bacteria to prove stomach ulcers were caused by them, of Robert Scott's and Roald Amundsen's race to the South Pole, of the battle for the North Face of Eiger and Toni Kurz's final words – a voice she had always known and always loved.

It was her father's voice. She swallowed harshly, emotions pooling and coiling – and she pushed the door and walked into the study.

Yes, it was he. When he saw her, he gasped. And then he smiled, his eyes twinkling. He looked young. As young as when she had used the Memory Charm on him in another life.

'My daughter' his voice broke and she saw him take her in. She watched him watch her, and saw his eyes brimming with unshed tears.

Her father was weeping for her.

'My brave, brave child.' He wiped his eyes roughly 'I am so sorry for what's happened.'

She wanted to tell him off. She wanted to call him a traitor and ask how could he have done any of it, but she couldn't.

Suddenly she found herself walking towards him, breaking down for the first time in many years.

'Daddy' that was all she managed to say before she was in his arm, crying like a little child.

'This was never meant to happen' he said, stroking her hair 'this was not what I had in mind. I am sorry.'

'Is it too late?' she spoke to his shoulder, inhaling the all-familiar scent of his sweater. She knew him, it was her father – not the glorious traitor, the secret engineer of her people's flight, but a man she loved and knew.

'No.' he answered softly. 'But there is some work you must do. Your one last job.'

And then they spoke.

Hermione returned after what had felt like too long a period. Bellatrix was anxious. Not that she would ever acknowledge this – puppy love was not what she would ever indulge in, thank you very much – but she was restless enough to want to walk upstairs and see what was happening to her dumb Muddy.

Yes, her dumb Muddy. Mind you, she would not admit it to anyone, even on torture, but she was fond enough of the infuriating redhead to call her hers.

The moment she walked down the stair, eyes alight with something that instantly triggered the something-is-wrong alarm in Bellatrix' mind, followed closely by a handsome Muggle with red-rimmed eyes, she walked towards the young version of herself, ignoring anyone and everyone else.

Bellatrix wanted to follow them as they walked back upstairs, this time just the two of them, but she knew better. Instead she settled for something less pathetic and decided to glare the hell out of Hermione's father.

The Muggle was unfazed. It irked her. Narcissa sighed. Bellatrix rolled her eyes.

'Everyone' the Muggle suddenly spoke out 'please join me for dinner.'

Bellatrix knew she wasn't alone in her incredulity. The rest of the room went instantly deadly quiet. The Muggle was persistently unfazed, though. He nodded towards another room. 'Everyone, please follow through.'

Without a word, like an obedient flock, they followed into the dining room. The table was set enough to fit more than fifteen people.

'We have no magic' the Muggle spoke out with an askew smile, which undeniably was charming just enough to have Bellatrix consider sparing him in the end 'so we'll have to rely on each other to bring the food from the kitchen.' He nodded towards another set of doors.

Without a word, Harry Potter, Draco and Narcissa Malfoy followed him like the silly puppies they could sometimes be. Bellatrix sneered in sheer contempt, but she was alone in this – soon Fleur and the oldest, was it, Weasley followed, then Dolohov and Marigold and suddenly she found herself alone with Scabior and Rowle and their foolish faces, so despite her better judgement, she trailed on behind the rest of them.

The indignities, she thought in annoyance. The truth however was that she was worried, very much so, about what was taking place upstairs. Yet she knew better than to pry. Her Muddy was a private creature. And Bellatrix was fond of her just enough not to invade her privacy too much.

They carried dishes and then sat down to the table and then the two girls returned. Hermione's face was oddly pale and Bellatrix fought against an urge to rise up, grab her by the shoulders and ask her what was wrong. The younger girl was also pale. Nothing was right.

They sat down to dinner in total silence. Hermione's father poured them wine. Bellatrix lifted the glass to her nose; oddly enough Muddle drinks did not smell overly foul. They were quite decent in fact, she had to agree the moment she tasted it. Were she not worried, she might have even considered savouring it.

Hermione and her father were seated at the opposite sides of table. Bellatrix was on her right, followed by her sister, Dolohov, Fleur, Bill and Rowle; on the other side there was younger Hermione, Draco, Harry, Marigold and Scabior. She was forcibly reminded of sitting at the Dark Lord's table, Death Eaters at her sides.

It felt as though it had been a most realistic dream. Reality of what was happening now was still more vivid and surreal than anything else.

Muggles, Mudbloods, Purebloods, whatnot, were sitting by a single table in a world which was at warm with itself.

And the food was good and Bellatrix was in –

No.

The dinner was quiet. She kept stealing glances at Hermione.

Her hair was dark and red like the wine and her face looked porcelain, almost translucent in this light, her eyelashes long and curly, her nose slightly upturned and her lips full, her wrists slim and nimble and the way she held the fork and the glass and everything about her was mesmerizing, beautiful, unreal.

She was magnificent, glorious like an extremely rare magical creature. And she was hers, the proud beast within Bellatrix prowled and growled and she found herself smiling under her nose. Yes, she was fond of this woman. Quite much, if truth were to be told.

'I need a cigarette.' Hermione stood up and, without looking at anyone – or anything, to be honest – walked out of the living room. After dinner they had returned there and she needed to see the night sky.

She knew she was being followed. When she sat down on the doorstep, she felt Bellatrix' presence. The woman sat beside her.

The wind has died down and the sky was clear. She looked up and the first thing she saw was Ursa Major, the Great Bear.

'You know, when I was a kid, I wanted be an astronaut' she smiled as she light her cigarette. The first hit of nicotine made her head swim 'You know, Muggles have actually been to the Moon.' she felt Bellatrix move beside her. 'I wanted to be the first woman on the Moon.' She continued 'Then I wanted to be a doctor. But then, then I went to Hogwarts.'

'Do you regret it?' the question came immediately and in a small voice.

She turned to look at the woman beside her and smile 'No.' she looked at her, drank her presence, committed every line of her face to her memory 'Not at all. You know' she grinned 'if I hadn't gone to Hogwarts, I wouldn't have met you.'

It was the simple truth and she saw Bellatrix shudder. She waited patiently for a barbed remarked, but nothing came. The other woman was looking at her questioningly, but there was a terrible softness on her face.

'I don't regret a single thing.' She repeated and suddenly, as though on its own, her hand shot up and gently touched the other's cheek 'Bellatrix, I –' words failed her.

And Bellatrix smirked. 'Big words, eh?'

'You would know, would you?' she allowed her hand to drop. 'The world has gone to shit, hasn't it?'

'Can you imagine us' Bellatrix shrugged 'living a normal life?'

'No.' she shook her head 'we're always in the middle of some tremendous confrontation. Do you remember the first time we met?'

Bellatrix laughed 'I gave you quite a beating, didn't I, Muddy?'

'I fought back.' She smacked the woman's thigh.

'You did. You did quite well, in fact.'

'And now we're here.' Her hand rose once again and she watched her own fingers trail through Bellatrix' hair. 'I am really glad I have met you, Bellatrix Black.'

'Don't sound as though you're saying goodbye' she could feel Bellatrix alarm 'What's gotten into you, Muddy? Feeling sentimental, are we?'

'Maybe.' She grinned coyly and then leaned in.

Bellatrix kissed her instantly.

It was a slow, messy kiss. Hermione's fingers dug into the other woman's scalp, and Bellatrix palm came to rest on her waist.

Then they pulled back. Hermione sighed and allowed her forehead to rest against the other's.

For the last cigarette, it was quite perfect.

'Now that we're all here' he father began when they came back from the cigarette 'we probably should discuss our next steps.'

She inhaled deeply and walked to him. Side by side, they faced the room. She saw Bellatrix looking worried, Narcissa was tense – and Harry, bless his souls, was sad. With a shudder she realized he knew. Her best friend, her closest ally, the boy who truly was a wonder, knew. And he was sad for her.

'I had discovered Magic with Hermione' Her father began 'and I don't mean paternal magic, the magic of having your first child' he added with a hint of a smile 'but your magic. She was magic. I knew it the moment a bottle levitated in the nursery.' He cleared his throat 'I dug deep and I made friends and what was a passion, turned into an obsession – and my obsession led to a disasters.'

'Throughout history there always were secret societies invested in all that was paranormal. From shamans through priests and priestesses of the old days, through medieval alchemists and Masons, there were always those, who sought out the unnatural and tried to bend it to their will. My fallacy was that I trusted them. I trusted in them – I had hoped they would use this knowledge to do good things. I am a scientist and thus I am susceptible to probably the most ironic mistake: blind faith.'

'What I failed to realize was that secret societies constitute of men who have power. Corporations and government sometimes have mutual interests. Some care about power, some want to save their people – I will not be the judge of this. Awareness led to trials and trials led to greed. I remained the leader, but I was trapped, always trapped by my positions.'

'Things Hermione had told had come to pass didn't – because she altered the timeline. Marigold learned of her and of her story – and passed it on to me. We can't stop this. The situation has escalated beyond any contingency plan I could ever come up with. There is a solution.'

'The war' she spoke out, praying with all her might her voice would remain clear and strong 'started with me.'

'And it must end with me.' She added moments later, forcing herself to look Harry straight in the eyes.

She could feel distress radiating off Bellatrix.

'If I had never been born, this would not have happened.' She added. 'That means I have to go back in –'

'NO!' she was cut off by a scream so terrible she flinched.

She looked at her and saw her cry. I love you, she wanted to mouth to her, but her face had suddenly become stiff. Please don't cry. It's for the best. Bella. I love you.

'You can't leave me!' Bellatrix found her voice and Hermione realized she indeed was loved. In no other occasion would this woman show her weakness to anyone.

'I must go back in time and –' she tried carrying on, but lost her voice.

'She must kill me.' Her father finished. He pulled Professor McGonagall's Time Turner out his pocket and handed it to her. She accepted, still numb, still unable to look away from Bellatrix.

'I will finish him off first' she said to Bellatrix and even though they were in public, she was speaking to her and only to her 'so that you will have never lived through this. Harry' she looked at the boy and smiled and he also was crying – and quite possibly her eyes were watering as well – 'you will have your parents.'

'Hermione.' She turned back to her and suddenly she found herself walking to Bellatrix.

It was just the two of them. No one else mattered.

'I love you, Bellatrix Black' she breathed against the other woman's lips 'I don't regret anything.'

'You won't exist.' The other woman's grasp on her waist was painful 'I don't want a world in which you're not – you don't – I can't lose you.'

'I love you with all my heart.' Hermione repeated 'There is no other way. I would do this a thousand times.' Maybe she was lying. Maybe saying this particular goodbye was the most painful ever.

Maybe she was afraid and maybe all that she wanted was her little, odd, very dysfunctional family of Death Eaters, the Order of the Phoenix, Muggle special agents, her younger self, her father, and the woman she loved so much it hurt, but none of this mattered.

Because if she wanted her little patchwork family, she needed to die for them.

She needed to die for each every one of them. And she was afraid – who would not be? – but she was willing.

'I promise' she spoke to them all, even though she was talking through Bellatrix hair which was partially obscuring her vision 'this isn't perfect, but it's for the best. This is no happy ending. But this is your happy beginning.'

'You can't leave me' Bellatrix repeated stubbornly, her grasp painful and her voice slightly furious 'not now, now when I –' she lost her ability to speak.

'I know.' Hermione said. "Let go, Bella.'

She needed to go now. Otherwise she would never leave. And she knew the others have already learned of her father's treachery and were in hot pursuit. Time was ticking away at great speed.

'Let go.' She found the other's lips and kissed her one last time and then pulled away.

Without a word her father handed her the gun.

She started setting the Time Turner.

Her vision blurred with tears, she looked at them all. This was the last time she was seeing them, and fuck this hurt. Draco and Harry were crying. Bill was holding Fleur tight against his chest. Scabior's mouth was agape, Rowle looked grim. Marigold, for the first time ever, was not looking bored. She could see respect shining in the woman's eyes.

She locked eyes with Narcissa, who simply nodded, an unspoken promise neither could hold, but hoped to and hoped for nonetheless, passing between them.

Life maybe could be better.

'Wait.' Bellatrix snarled and Hermione froze.

'I won't let you go' she started and Hermione's heart wrenched ' – not before – I won't be a coward, Hermione, I –' the woman's face twitched.

It was seconds now.

'I love you.' Bellatrix said and then Time Turner spun.

It was December 31 1926. A newborn baby had died in Wool's Orphanage in London, few hours after being born. There was no big fuss, whatsoever, the child was sickly and has probably suffered at heart failure.

Having killed the newborn, who one day would become Lord Voldemort, Hermione left the orphanage.

All of this would over soon. It was a mantra that had her going.

Live to serve, die for lover.

If there was a God, she hoped He would forgive her.

Feeling more than sick, she stepped forward in time. It was 1975, eleven forty five on Thursday evening, and a thunderstorm raged over the City.

A young man with dark red hair was opening the door of his car, when he noticed a young woman whose umbrella had just upturned. She was quite pretty, despite having bushy hair. He smiled and raised his hand to wave at her – surely he could give her a ride.

Someone tapped his shoulder. He spun wildly and saw another woman, quite beautiful, but also somehow wrong. She cocked her head and regarded him with something that resembled profound sorrow.

She looked as though she had cried recently.

'You're Bunny Boy, are you not?'

Only his closest friends knew and used this ridiculous nickname. He looked at her with shock.

She lifted a gun and pointed at him.

'You don't know how sorry I am, dad.' She said.

When the bullet ripped through his head, she disappeared.

Only a woman with a broken umbrella and bushy hair saw that.

None of them would know that.

-Fin

So this it it. That was quite a ride. I most thoroughly enjoyed it and I hope you did too.

A big thank you to all of you guys who have stuck with this little story ever since the beginning. CrucioMe (you're RedFrozenQueen now, aren't you), AlsethGosia, inque, , white-walker89, justine, Ladyfun, Etheanne... I probably could go on and on and inadvertently fail to mention someone and thus insult them... So basically: thanks to all of you.

Thanks for the consultations, for nudging me, prompting me, getting annoyed at me, being super kind to me, for all the tidbits, ideas and pretty crazy theories which I dearly loved - but most importantly: thanks for sticking with me and this story

Christine de N.