AN: hey guys, Nasomta here. I've decided to ring in the new year with a really emotional oneshot. I've been itching to write some good old heartbreak (those of you from the old account know I'm a sucker for emotion). And, its from Shadow's perspective; my first works were always centered around her, so its nice to get back to my roots a bit. Sorry I haven't been updating much these past few months; a lot of stuff's been going on in my life. There's a story behind this oneshot. Every Thanksgiving I have a tradition of marathoning all of Zoids: Guardian Force in one go, and then I sit down and write whatever comes to mind. I watched it with a few friends this year, and we started talking about how different things would be if one thing had gone differently and whatnot. Well I decided to write out one of those ideas. It started as an exercise in writing how I imagined Organoid, human and Zoid mental links worked and it spiraled downward from there. Those of you that have read my other fics will recognize a lot of headcanon elements, so hopefully it won't need much explaining. However, if you're a little new to my works you might want to take a look at Birdsongs as some elements from it are touched upon here. This is currently a stand-alone piece, however, I do have some ideas for continuing it; for now, though, it will be marked as a completed piece. Check back later to see if I add another chapter or two! Cover fanart was done by the lovely Aardwulf of dA and tumblr!

Content Warnings: the following contains blood, traumatic injury, mental communication and character death. If any of these things bother you, please don't read any further; I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable!

["this is speech through the mental link"]
These are thoughts or emphasis

۞ Silence

The sand is so much cooler than the Core, that was Shadow's first thought when she regained her senses. The last few minutes had been a blur of pain and confusion from both Raven and Razor through the mental link. Whatever had hit them had hit them hard; she'd felt the crackling sharpness of pain through her then-physical connection to Razor, and in her mind from Raven. She remembered hearing her name screamed and then... blurs. The initial pain had been strong enough to dishevel her senses; she still wasn't quite sure of herself yet.

A loud hiss escaped her jaws, arms clumsily shoved under her body to push herself up. Joints protested, servos groaned, but she stood regardless. The Organoid felt heavy and hot and was beyond exhausted. It was taking everything she had just to stand; walking seemed entirely out of the question. Twisting her head a bit and straightening, her neck and spinal support cracked loudly as heat-expanded panels slid and clacked back into place, easing some of the tenseness in her body. The dim red glow radiating from her body was quick to fade and dissipate as her temperature decreased; most of the heat was trapped inside her body, and would take longer to-

A sudden, white-hot burst of pain from within her mind dragged a ragged scream from her jaws, her balance faltering as she struggled to keep from collapsing back to the sands. A loud, panting exhale of spent hot air puffed from her jaws, internal systems whirling as they tried to cool her down further and assess the damage; mental processes frantically blinked on and off, attempting to source the sudden sensation of pain. What is causing that-? Mental checks came back without cause, until she realized the source wasn't from within her. The dawning horror that it was coming from her mental link to Raven spurred the ailing Organoid into immediate action.

The ache in her limbs and complete lack of energy was instantly forgotten, legs forced into movement as she sprinted the length of the fallen Zoid. The pain-filled link was sourced close by. Cockpit; Raven is still inside. The overwhelming fear and agony the human was experiencing flooded the mental channel, smothering any specific thoughts or emotions aimed at her other than please help me, it hurts. The cockpit cover was dented in, torn and burnt; memories from what had transpired were still being compiled, but the acrid scent of charged particles bore a cold realization. None of the enemies had a Zoid equipped with such a weapon. The only force that had access to such weaponry, outside of the Geno Breaker and Psycho Geno Saurer, was...

Another intense flash of pain burst through the mental link, blooming in her mind like a flower of bladed petals and poisoned thorns. The agony only fueled her resolve to get inside. Razor was unresponsive, slipping in and out of consciousness, her presence akin to a flickering candlelight in her mind. She was too weak to open the cockpit cover, but the Organoid couldn't afford to wait for the Zoid to reawaken. Her hatchling was direly hurt and asking for help; she needed to reach him now. Taking a few steps back, she lowered her head and charged at the cockpit cover, ramming into it with all the force she could muster in a desperate attempt to dislodge it. No effect. A few steps further back, and another ram; this time there was a muffled metallic pop, the cover sliding open a few inches before catching on some hanging metal. It was only then, pulled tentatively along by an empty desert wind, did the overwhelming scent of iron reach her sensory panels. Iron? Blood.

["Raven!"] she screamed through the link, outwardly roaring as she threw herself against the cockpit cover a third time. ["Raven answer me!"] There was no more movement from the metal, but in her mind she felt her connection to Raven waver, reducing to little more than pointed flashes of pain and fragments of emotions and words that withered before they could form. She had only experienced this through his connection once before, when Razor first fell to Flyheight all those years ago. His mental presence was diminishing at a terrifying rate, weakening less like Razor's flickering flame and more like a rope fraying; unraveling and tearing and falling to pieces under some unseen force.

There was a sudden surge within her mind, drowning the pain filtering through Raven's fragmenting connection. A blunt confusion prodding into her thoughts, disoriented and hurting and so very intrusive. Razor is awake. As soon as the thought filtered through her mind she whirled around, seeing that the Geno Breaker had lifted her head up off of the sand; she could sense her running her own mental diagnostics as she tried to determine what was hurt and what was not. There was no time for that.

["Open the cockpit!"] there was no time for pleasantries or politeness. For a moment she felt a pointed irritation from the great Zoid trickle through her connection, but once she felt the pain in Shadow's mind from Raven were all thoughts of self abandoned. Clunk. The Organoid leapt backwards as the heavy cockpit cover opened clumsily, slamming down onto the sand, pulled down by its own weight and dislodging the catching metal. The sudden movement stressed damaged joints, but the Organoid's own pain was but a ghosting sensation in the background of her mind. The cockpit was open. Raven needed her. She didn't hesitate to jump inside, even though it was filled with inky smoke and hot, shattered metal.

Too much smoke. Too dark. Not enough light. No sound. Crunch. The Organoid hesitated, thought process broken by the sudden sound and sensation underfoot. Glass. Glass? Where did that glass come-? An almost inaudible wheeze and a flash of pain through the mental link silenced all of Shadow's other thoughts. There. He was still strapped into his safety harness, but he wasn't moving. That realization distressed the Organoid greatly, and without a second thought she tore apart what remained of the harness with her teeth. When the last restraint was torn loose, Raven slumped forward, Shadow catching him across her muzzle. He felt cold, but at the same time far too warm; it clicked across her mind in sharp realization when the overwhelming scent of iron filled her sensors that the warmth she was feeling was blood.

["Raven? Hatchling answer me"] the Organoid tried to conceal her fear as best she could, but it was hard when it was consuming every rational thought. She tilted her head a bit and held the shoulder she knew was unscarred from Razor's death carefully in her teeth before bringing him into her arms. Even though Shadow had only a basic understanding of how human's functioned, she knew Raven's past injuries inside and out; this smoke would hurt his lungs, he needed out. As she worked, there was no response, barely a ripple of emotion or thought through the shattered link, merely a brief crackle of pain when she moved him a bit too harshly. She was close to panic, but she needed to get him outside to assess where he was hurt.

With him moved to her arms it was much easier to get out of the cockpit. She scarcely cared that her muzzle was now streaked crimson from her partner's blood, or that it was painted across her chest like a damning mark of her failure to protect him; her only thoughts were on getting Raven to safety. Despite the urgency of their situation she moved as slowly as she could force herself to; every jostle and jolt brought a fresh spark of pain across the mental link. It reassured her that he was still capable of feeling pain, and therefore alive, but it made moving him difficult. In the shade cast by Razor she laid him down, optics adjusting back to the desert sun so she could see.

She almost wished they hadn't. It didn't look as bad as the injuries he sustained at their horrific defeat years previously, but from the pain filtering through the link she knew most of the damage was inside, where she couldn't see. What she could observe, however, would have made her heart sink had she been human. Deep ragged gashes covered his torso and right arm, partially hidden under the tattered remains of his uniform top; the glittering of glass amongst the blood told her the origin of the wounds. Old scars were freshly torn, ribs shattered and loosely held in place; crimson soaked his uniform and dyed the sands below him. Too much blood. Breath came difficultly with gasping, rattling wheezes; nothing sounded right to the Organoid.

Raven's mental presence was wavering dangerously. His face was covered in blood and it matted his hair; his eyes were closed and he hadn't opened them at all. Shadow stamped her feet in agitation. The pilot was unresponsive and she wasn't sure of what to do. Their fall to Flyheight in the past had been different; Raven hadn't born the fragile scars and internal damage, the trauma or weakness that plagued him now. His body was still recovering from the time spent wandering the desert and the draconic Zoid didn't know how that would factor in. The threat of death never once crossed the Organoid's mind despite how bad it seemed. Raven would pull through. He always had. He had to this time.

["Raven?"] Shadow couldn't stand the silence, both audibly and through the mental link, so she tried again to get some sort of response from her partner. Seconds ticked by, her words unanswered, until there was a faint ripple of pain and confusion from Raven's end of the link. It wasn't much, but it was a response. It was enough to stir the Organoid to action. Without any other prompting the Organoid had leaned down to the pilot's level, nosing his cheek and purring quietly. The blood on his face was tacky and stuck to her muzzle, but she didn't care.

Seconds ticked by with no other real response. Her concern grew with each passing moment, enough so that it was picked up on by Razor; the Geno Breaker shifting her weight and lowering her head down to look at her pilot with her own optics. She might not have shown it outwardly, but Shadow could sense that the Zoid was just as concerned over the boy as she was. And yet, there was little either could do. Shadow couldn't heal him like she had those years ago; she lacked the energy, and her elevated internal temperature would surely kill him. Razor's fumbling suggestions would only prove fatal; she was trying, but the Zoid had a very weak grasp on the nature of human beings, and on biologic creatures in general.

In a final act of desperation Shadow roughly nosed her partner's shoulder, humming loudly in worry as she used the weakening mental link to get into his head. Normally he had up so many walls and defenses to keep her out, but they had all fallen away and for the first time in years she could freely peruse his mind. There was a slight ripple of resistance, a weak push against her mental presence, but she couldn't afford to obey; she needed to try and find out why he wasn't responding and if she could wake him up. Without him fully conscious, the Organoid could try and determine where he was injured the worst. It was difficult due to how weak their link was now, but it was better than just waiting for something else to happen.

He is alive. I need to hurry. While she continued to flit through his mind the Organoid fussed over his wounds, pulling out glass and shattered metal and licking away blood as quickly as she could. It was dangerous to leave the injuries as they were; now that she was in his mind and could read his nervous system, she knew they were close to his lungs and heart. Normally she would have been much more gentle with him, but she was scared and when she was stressed she tended to forget that her partner was a human and not a more sturdy Zoidian. The crude medical attention, however, seemed to finally bring Raven back to consciousness. Oh how she wished he had stayed compliant for another few minutes.

A welling in the mental link suddenly surged like a bubble bursting, pushing Shadow's mental presence from the human's mind as Raven suddenly regained awareness. His eyes flew open and he gasped for air, pushing himself up into a sitting position, in a full panic and momentarily unaware of his own condition. The movement was far too sudden for his body to bear; Shadow heard the unnatural grinding of broken bones as he froze in place for just a moment, the pain of the movement catching up to him all at once, before he started to collapse again. He never had the chance to hit the ground, landing instead against her neck as she ducked down and caught him, holding him up.

The pilot didn't immediately sit back up like she expected. His full weight, which although wasn't much, was resting on her neck and he was all but limp again, albeit for the alarming shaking. She didn't think it was possible, but his breathing sounded worse now that he was awake; it sounded less like breathing and more like gurgling wheezes. Each breath was shallower than the last, and through the link she felt nothing but pain and panic. For the first time she felt his mental presence trying to latch onto her own; his overwhelming fear smothering his normal cold and aloof demeanor. It was likened to a scared hatchling in Shadow's mind. She couldn't recall him ever like this before, and it caused a great deal of anxiety in her as well.

With great care did Shadow slowly lower herself to the ground, shifting Raven so that he now leaned against her shoulder. The Imperial whimpered in pain but remained still; it alarmed the Organoid greatly. When he had been badly hurt in that ill-fated fight against the Zoidian's boy he had been all movement and noise, not silence and stillness. Everything about the situations set off warnings in her mind, but there was little she could do to aid him with them both so debilitated.

Razor snorted loudly, swinging her head close to the both of them and rumbling quietly in concern. Her normal demanding presence and loud confidence was absent; she was scared, Shadow could sense it. Razor was scared. Moving with much more delicateness than the Organoid thought was possible from her, Razor rested her head on the sand beside the pair, looking down at them with one of her glowing crimson eyes. Shadow could sense her fear and something else; anger. Hot, burning anger that swirled underneath the fear and pain in the injured Zoid's mind. Anger about the situation. Anger about her injuries. Anger at the fact she had let this happen to her pilot.

"Sha-" Raven's weak voice was drowned out by a violent coughing fit, immediately drawing Shadow's attention back to him. What little color he had had drained from his face, eyes grayed and blood dripping from the corner of his mouth. He tried to speak again when he realized he had her attention, but no words left him, only a pained wheeze. The Organoid could sense a growing panic in his mind, but at the same time the link weakened, even more so than it had been before. It was difficult to discern any individual thought or emotion other than pain and I'm scared, I'm scared. Her body ached at the fact that she couldn't do an Eve damned thing to help him.

["I am here, hatchling"] she gently pressed her nose to his scarred hand, head resting in his lap, purring quietly to try and reassure him. In addition she pulled some of her memories into the link, the many nights out stargazing, days spent with Karl and Prozen, their escapades with Irvine and Moonbay, all in an attempt to keep him calm. Good memories. Peaceful memories. Razor added in her memory of the first time they had met, all those years ago in the Imperial research base.

There was a sudden change in the link between her and Raven; she had no idea at first what had changed, but something was alarmingly off. Shadow lifted her head, looking the boy up and down, looking for some sort of difference. He had closed his eyes and his breathing had quieted drastically, as if he had fallen asleep, but she could feel his heartbeat. The bleeding had slowed from his wounds; she believed that to be an improvement. Razor sensed the oddity too, exhaling a hot puff of air from her jaws and optics narrowing down towards the human. Both Zoids were alarmed and perplexed and wanted an answer.

Raven himself had gone oddly quiet through the link. The overwhelming panic and pain had faded to more of a soft presence within the Organoid's mind, but she could still pick out individual emotions. Confusion. Fear. Regret. Fragments of thoughts, glimpses of memories. They were mostly the memories she and Razor had shown him, but there were memories of his own as well; of people. Karl, Prozen, Irvine, Moonbay; his family. Then Razor. Herself. It was odd to the Organoid, and seemingly to Razor as well; the Geno Breaker's mental presence had backed off, now little more than a silent observer to what was happening.

Then, without warning, the link began to break apart. Not all at once, but a piece at a time; like a collection of lights being extinguished one after the other. The icy realization of just what was happening struck Shadow like an arrow. She froze in terror, staring at the unmoving human as slowly, piece by piece, she felt his mental presence grow dimmer and dimmer. Shadow discovered she could no longer see his memories, sense his emotions, hear his thoughts; the connection frayed further and the splintering quickened, and no amount of reaching out could stop it. Within seconds there was but a single, fragile link between her and the human, flickering and weak and so very delicate. And then, softly, it faded away into nothing.

Her mind was filled with empty silence.

Shadow was frozen, frightened by the alien feeling of nothingness in her mind. Her mind had been untouched by the likes of Zoidian or human for centuries, vacant of all but herself, but this emptiness was unlike anything she had ever experienced. Razor's presence was all but forgotten, confusion and despair gripping the Organoid with talons sharper than any enemy could possibly possess. No. This had to be a mistake. No. This couldn't be real. No. He was going to wake back up. Please no.

["Hatchling, wake up"] Slowly, so very slowly, she stretched her neck out and gently pressed her nose to Raven's cheek, voiceless and body trembling. No response. Raven's blood had dried to her body under the unrelenting sun, crimson war paint of a lost battle. ["Hatchling, please wake up"] her shaking worsened, a broken whimper escaping her jaws as the weight of reality crashed down on her. ["Please-"] he wasn't going to answer her. He was never going to answer her. Raven.The tiny human that had managed to tame her, that woke in tears from nightmares, that had brought whole armies to their knees. Raven is dead.

My partner is dead.

The words hung in her mind, consuming every thought, every sensation; she felt cold and empty and hollow. It had been her duty to protect him, to aid him and guide him, and she had failed. She had failed as a partner. She had failed as a guardian. Her control chipped away under the weight of this reality, trembling worsening and emotions building into a maelstrom of despair-induced chaos. The pain was all-encompassing, but that wasn't the only thing filling the Organoid's mind. Anger. Fury bloomed in her mind like a bloodied tempest, the need for revenge consuming every rational thought. It was too much to bear. The sounds of approaching Zoids were dismissed, and with the last bit of control exhausted, she lifted her head and roared her fury and suffering. An otherworldly scream of loss and anger and pain. The cries of a mother who had lost her hatchling. It was a sound Zi hadn't heard in centuries.