A/N: *Takes a deep breath* This is it guys. Thanks so much for being with me every step. It took me a while to finish this journey, but here we are, at the end. When I say you all mean the world, I genuinely mean it. I started this story when I was like a freshman in high school and it was the best thing I have ever started. Now, I am graduating soon so it felt right to finish this before school ends. Now without further ado, I know you are all anxious to see the end, so enjoy!

Love, edancel

Chapter 19

Five years later.

"I'm pregnant," she whispers.

His whole world begins to spin. Did he hear correctly?

"Tony, I am pregnant," she repeats. "You are going to be a father."

The Sun has set for the evening as Ziva has him seated on a couch in their new house. Placed in a suburban neighbourhood, it is safe to say it is very similar to Tony's "American Dream" white picket fence and all. For herself, she is sitting across from him on a brown coffee table that was once another subject of an argument. She clasps her hands with his but he immediately rebuffs. The atmosphere around them has changed inevitably. No longer is it warm and welcoming; it is cold and suddenly distant.

He lets out an exasperated sigh. Should he be happy? Excited? Too bad, he is neither. He is terrified.

His vision is a blur. He can feel his heart rate accelerating. It's too fast. This is too fast, too much to take in. Nonetheless fear somehow engulfs him, he is on fire.

"Please, say something," Ziva went on. "I know it is a shock but -"

" -I have to go," he breathes.

Ziva closes her eyes as she tries her best to keep tears from falling. Everything will be fine, she thinks. All he needs is time.

The front door closes.

The patter of footsteps does not surprise the silver haired man, as he knew this would happen. Not too long ago did Ziva also come down those familiar steps, asking for what Tony would soon ask for: reassurance.

"You're gonna be great Dad, Dinozzo," Gibbs states as he opens the lid of alcohol and places two glasses in front of him. He flashes a quick look of empathy but then resumes on pouring the brown liquid into two glasses.

Tony indulges it as fast as he could. His throat soon begins to feel like fire - just like the rest of his body. But he doesn't care. "How would you know?"

Gibbs does not hesitate, "I just do."

Still, the thought of him becoming a father sends shivers throughout his body. His own father was never good to him, so where will his fatherly instincts come from?

This time Tony pours himself another drink. And then another. Before he could drink the third glass however, Gibbs takes it from him.

"Hey!"

The silver haired man places a hand on Tony's shoulder. "Listen to me - you are going to be a good father. I know Senior never treated you right but he's starting to now. You've forgiven him and you said you were ready to move on, simple as that. So, move on."

Gibbs adds, "And it also helps knowing that I'm gonna have a grandchild to help me with my boats." He laughs and then returns to his serious nature, "But don't forget you have Ziva too. She will be there every step of the way. I'm sure she's just as frightened as you are, but together I know you'll manage."

Oh God, Ziva. Suddenly he remembers the end result of their previous conversation. He just left her there. He just closed the door and left. And now, the fire inside his body is subduing but guilt soon replaces it.

"Oh God," is what he manages to say as his mind starts to race again.

"What, Dinozzo?" Gibbs asks.

Tony stutters and runs a hand through his hair, "I..I just left her there. She told me she was pregnant and I just left. I left and I came here."

The famous hand gesture soon takes way. He's been Gibbs slapped.

"Well, you better fix this. You better fix this soon, Tony."

Tony winces at the pain but then regains himself. He nods, "I'll try to Boss. Thanks."

The drive back was one of the worst rides of his life. He's guilt ridden, remorseful and a little hazy from the liquor.

Whenever he feels guilty, it is always the same. No matter how small or big, it eats him from the inside. It gnaws on his every move, feeling and thought. He needs to apologize, but he does not know how. He doesn't know how he can possibly make it up to her.

He doesn't deserve her, that's a fact. She's too good for him, too pure. She is his light and he is her darkness. Sure, he may be overreacting, however, his actions still do not justify him leaving her at a pivotal moment of their lives.

She's having a baby. Ziva David is finally having a child. His child. The thought of having a Dinozzo running around the house makes him smile until the corners of his mouth begin to hurt. A child wouldn't be that bad. No, it would not be bad at all.

Still, guilt follows him like a plague. Tony arrives at his home and parks his vehicle. He takes a few breathes before he takes foot inside. Just for tonight, he decides he will sleep on the couch - for his sake. In the morning hopefully this plague will be gone and he can show the love of his life that for once, children don't scare him. He's ready.

He plops down onto the couch after finishing his nighttime routine and begins to drift into unconsciousness. The absence of his partner soon starts to weigh on him.

The bedroom door closing startles him from his wake. Suitcases at the front door is what initially catches his attention. His mind starts to wander as panic envelops him.

Ziva is there also, back facing away from him. Her shoulders are slumped and he can hear her sniffling. As if she had been crying.

Tony nervously rubs the sleep from his eyes when he asks cautiously, "Ziva? What are you doing?"

She answers him as she starts to walk to the front door. "I cannot be here. If this child - our child is not wanted then I must leave."

And like that, she is gone. Out of his life.

She leaves Tony on the couch groggy and confused. Her actions beginning to settle into focus. He runs after her, yelling and screaming behind her, not caring if the neighbors are looking. Thankfully, no one does.

"Ziva! Please, don't leave me!"

But it is too late, her existence is non existent and there is nothing that he can do. He's lost her. His whole world is gone.

He retreats to the front stairs and cries out in defeat, "Don't leave me.."

Warmth on his face awakens him. A hand, then two grasp his cheeks. "Tony, it is okay. It is just a dream. A nightmare."

He embraces her tightly. "Ziva," he breathes. It was only a dream. It has been a while since he's had one of those.

He continues, "Ziva I am so sorry. I'm sorry I left you when you told me that you're pregnant. I..I just needed to remind myself that I'm ready. God, I love you so much Ziva. I love you and I will love this child."

Ziva smiles that all diamond smile as she pulls him in for a brief kiss. She looks into his emerald green eyes and whispers, "Come back to bed, please?"

He does.

As he holds her in his arms at their first ultrasound appointment, he feels ultimately content. They are officially starting their lives together, as a family. And for that, he could not be anymore happier. It finally feels permanent. The love they have for each other and their child is all he could have asked for.

The months of searching for Ziva when he was lost has led up to this moment. The people he's met, the people he has learned to care deeply for, from that he's learned to be grateful. All of the sleepless nights, the terror of nightmares and false hope from his dreams happened. His life changed forever. Without them, who knows what life he would be living. He's lucky. Like what wishful thinkers always say, it's a little like serendipity.

All of his life he had been lost. All of his life he had been chasing the wrong women. And when he finally thought he found the one, Wendy, he lost her. But this time, with Ziva, it's different.

This time, he won't lose her. Never again.