Chapter 1: How Team DARN Wakes Up in the Morning

Two of the team were sleeping soundly. One dreaming of a fellow red-cloaked student, the other dreaming of a tall, cold glass of beer. Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end as a loud, screeching whistle disturbed their peace, causing both of them to roll off of their beds in surprise.

Both Drew and Arin looked up to see Richard, their 'leader', already fully dressed in his uniform, a whistle in one hand, his other hand on his hip and a judging, angry expression on his face.

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?!" He yelled demandingly.

"Time you got a watch?" Arin groaned as he struggled to his feet.

A small vein bulged in Richard's forehead. "You know how I feel about your sarcasm."

"Watcha gonna do about it?" Arin taunted back.

"Now now, you two." Drew yawned loudly. "Ugh, what time is it?"

Then, the door swung open violently, revealing Nina, the team's missing member. "Gooood Morning!" She chirped.

"Mornin'." Arin greeted, halfheartedly.

"WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU?!" Richard replied, less happy.

"I was off feeding my Baby!" She replied, ignoring (or perhaps not noticing) her partner's furious demeanor. "He's so big now! A whole nine inches long! It's amazing how quickly they grow up!"

"I couldn't care less about your stupid dog! Surely you know that pets are not proper school etiquette!"

Nina grew silent. Drew and Arin slowly crept behind their beds, not wanting to get involved in what was going to happen next.

"'Stupid dog' you say...?" She slow reached for her sports bag resting on her shoulder. "'Not proper school etiquette' you say...?" She reached in side the bag and slowly pulled out a long, metal baseball bat.

Richard is a control freak. He wants everything to be in its proper order, but not so much as to push his partner too far...

He quickly turned his head from his partner, not wanting to anger her any more. "D-D-Drew, you wanted the time, right? 9:20. That's what it is. 9:20. Yep." He blurted out, trying desperately not to make eye contact with Nina.

"Wait, wait, 9:20 in the morning?!" Drew gasped in disbelief. "We're late for class!"

"That's what I was trying to tell you!" Richard yelled, back to his irate demeanor.

"We've gotta get outta here!" Drew exclaimed as he grabbed his nearby bag and uniform and rushed out the door. Richard followed, lecturing him, whether or not he was listening. Nina, who subsided her rage left as well and Arin picked up a half empty can of beer from the floor and took a quick gulp before rushing after his team.

Ruby twiddled her pen between her fingers, losing interest in professor Port's story of his great battles with Grimm. As she drew her attention elsewhere in the classroom, she noticed a row of empty seats.

Curious as to who would be skipping class so early in the year, she leaned in to her sister. "Hey Yang, who's meant to be sitting there?" Ruby asked quietly while pointing to the series of lonely seat.

Yang chuckled as she saw who her little sis was talking about. "Only the guys people are calling 'The worst team ever to attend Beacon'."

Ruby was taken aback by the title. "T-they couldn't be that bad, could they?"

Yang simply shrugged. "All I know is that they barely scraped by in their entrance exams, they've showed up late to every class this year so far, and they finished the Initiation 5 hours after everyone else was done."

Ruby was shocked to hear this. "What?! Well, who are they?"

Just then, the door to the classroom opened up behind them. Everyone turned to see a group of 4 students panting for air.

"Team DARN, how nice of you to join us..." Professor Port sighed.

"I AM SORRY FOR MY TEAMMATES' LACK OF COMMITMENT, SIR!" Declared the first boy, who was dressed neatly in his uniform and had his short, black hair gelled back, looking very sharp, but very serious. He dropped to his knees and bowed. "I SHALL TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THIS UTMOST DISGRACE!"

"No, no, mister Richard, that's quite all right." The professor tried to calm down his student's extremist ideas.

"Yo! 'Sup Porty~!" Said the girl in the group gleefully, who was dressed in normally in her uniform, and had long, pink hair which swayed around as she stepped in front of Richard.

A vein popped in the professor's head as all the other students laughed at her lack of respect. "Please sit down..." He sighed.

As the four students made their way to their seats, the shortest, Drew, who was at the back, twiddling his thumbs nervously, dressed in his uniform and had short, messy, brown hair, took a quick glance to his left, and saw that a certain silver-eyed huntress (aswell as everyone else in the class, but he didn't notice) was staring back. He quickly returned his gaze to the floor, his cheeks blushing wildly.

"H-Hey, Arin." He got the attention of his much taller partner, walking in front of him. "I-Is she looking a-at me?"

"I don't care right now." He replied bluntly, causing a bead of sweat to fall down Drew's head.

The students calmed down as DARN sat in their seats.

"Now, where was I?" The Professor returned to his lecture. "Oh yes, I-"

"NNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The whole class fell silent as they heard the panicked cry. One could only guess who had cried out...

They all turned their heads to the corner of the class that housed DARN. Richard had put his bag on the desk and started to rummage through it. "It... It's gone..." He smacked his fist on the desk in frustration. "MY PENCIL CASE IS GONE!" he cried, tears flowing down his cheeks.

"Is he really making that big a deal over a pencil case?" Drew sighed.

"Hey, Drew..." Arin giggled, as he leaned in towards his partner, secretively. "Look what I stole.." From underneath his uniform's jacket, he pulled a small grey case.

"Oh... you do realize Richard will probably kill you?"

"I'll take my chances, hehe..." He replied sluggishly.

"Wait, are you drunk right now?" Drew asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Maybuh..." Arin burped in return.

Richard had jumped forward to the front of the classroom and got on his hands and knees. "Please forgive this horrible offense!"

"Come on Porty! Give him a chance~!" Nina supported her partner.

"No!" Arin added to the conversation. "He must die for his actions!"

"Aww, Richy doesn't need that big a punishment!" Nina pouted.

"No! Wait!" Arin scratched his chin, deep in thought. "If it's Richy... then his punishment should be..." He clicked his fingers and pointed towards his repentant friend. "He should be forced to read each of Beacon's rules... and break them!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down there, Satan..." Drew urged his friend.

"No..." Richard stared into space, shivering in fear. "Breaking... every rule... It may seem like the most detestfull thing one can imagine, but..." He slammed his head down into the floor, resulting in a large 'Bang!'. "IF IT'S TO REPAY MY MORTAL SIN, I SHALL BREAK EVERY RULE THIS WORLD HAS!"

"ENOUGH!" The professor bellowed, uncharacteristically angry. "The four of you are to report to Professor Ozpin's office right now!"

The four students sat in the seats outside of their headmaster's office in silence. Drew stared at the floor, feeling awkward about their situation, Arin was rubbing his forehead in pain, slightly sobered up, Richard kept quiet simply because he was told to, and for some reason, Nina had taken out two knitting needles and began to knit a very small jumper, happily humming to herself as she did so.

The door of the office opened, revealing Ozpin, holding two cups of coffee. He handed the one in his right hand to Arin. "I think you'd like this." Arin looked at the cup, sighed and accepted it. "I'd like you all to come in, please." He asked, though it felt more like an order. Everyone followed him in and sat in the four chairs in front of his desk as Ozpin sat behind it.

On the right of his desk, Ozpin had a stack of folders. Setting his cup of coffee on the table, he retrieved the top one and opened it. "Richard Roland." he read.

"Yes sir!" Richard immediately stood up, hands by his side.

"Please sit down, you tool..." Arin sighed, taking a sip of his drink.

Ozpin simply chuckled and looked back to his folder. "Oh? So, you're the son of General Roland?"

"Yes si-!" Richard began to stand up, but got grabbed by Drew and dragged back down before he could yell."Yes... I am aware about my father's military position." he sighed.

"Are you mad because your father sent you to military school as a child?" Ozpin asked bluntly.

Richard almost fell off his seat in shock. "H-How do you know that?!"

"It says so right here..." Ozpin pointed to a section in the file.

"Oh..."

"Is that why you're such a stick in the mud? Daddy issues?" Drew asked bluntly.

Richard straightened his posture in his chair and crossed his arms. "Because of my previous education, I've simply been thought to follow the rules. And I do so. That is all."

"I think 'following the rules' is taking it a bit lightly." Ozpin commented as he skimmed through the pages. "You have been given detention five times for harassing other students, most of them aren't even in your year."

"But... they're just so unorganized!" Richard complained, almost child-like. "How am I supposed to sit still when other people don't know the name of the author of their textbooks?!"

"I think that's enough for you." Ozpin closed the file and reached the new one. "Drew Naywing. You actually had bellow minimum grades in your entrance exam. And your grades for your current term have been abysmal." Drew turned his gaze to the ground, embarrassed. "To be honest, we only accepted you into Beacon because of the compliments from your previous school."

"I was just... having a bad day the day of the exams..." Drew half-heartedly explained

"Care to elaborate?"

"He has a crush on Ruby." Arin bluntly explained.

"A-Arin! That was a secret!" Drew cried, beginning to blush.

"He told me that on the day before his exams, he noticed 'mysterious, red hooded girl' in his school that he 'couldn't stop thinking about'."

"Ooohh, I see." Ozpin chuckled to himself. "It does say that you went to Signal."

"N-No! You've got it all wrong!" Drew tried to explain, turning redder by the second.

"So, he was rather distracted the day of his exam and he couldn't concentrate on doing the tests." Arin explained. "And to make things worse, when he did manage to get into Beacon, he found that she came here aswell."

"Arin! Shut up!" Drew cried.

"What do you mean 'make things worse'?" Ozpin questioned.

"Apparently, since I'm his partner, I get the privilege of being the one who he hangs his emotional baggage on. He asks about how he should approach her, he's been keeping me up late at nights because he wants to talk about her, he tells me about every little detail he knows about her, seriously, out of the two of them I'm convinced that he's the teenage girl."

"P-Principal! Please don't listen to him! H-He's insane!"

"No, no. I understand." Ozpin smiled to himself as he got to the next folder. "'Arin Heartly', oh boy, here we go... 'Alcohol on Campus', 'Ignoring the Chain of Command', 'Disrespect towards Professors'-"

"Ugh, yes! I'm a drunken mess, I'm sarcastic, I've been through this song and dance before!" Arin groaned.

"'Been though it before', so I've heard." Arin looked up from holding his head in his hand. "I've seen your military record."

"... ugh." Arin sighed.

"You were in the army?" Drew asked, surprised.

"If so, you should be completely aware of the proper manner you should have in a school environment!" Richard accused.

"Well, if you couldn't guess, me and anything resembling a 'chain of command' is not a good mix, especially if there's some bossy general involved. Not that I wasn't a good soldier!" Arin sat up straighter in his chair, folding his arms in a moment of pride. "I was a fairly good shot with a pistol. And I was pretty good at hand-to-hand combat."

"But...?" Ozpin question further.

"But... according to their rules and regulations, I didn't have a proper 'military education', or 'combat education'!" Arin mocked his previous instructors lectures, making quotation signs with fingers for good measure. "Or an 'education'!"

"It must have been so unfair for you." Ozpin switched to the final folder and began to study it. "Nina Crusher."

"Hmm?" Nina, who had been completely oblivious to the conversations around her up until now, had turned her attention now to their principal.

"You're somewhat of an odd one. You've been missing from 85 percent of your classes."

"I have?" Nina asked, happily surprised.

"But for those that you do attend, you seem to be an excellent student."

"I am?" Nina asked, happily surprised.

"You have had high marks in all the tests you've took so far. But just where do you go?"

"Where do I go? I go feed my pet Beow-" Arin and Drew immediately and suddenly scrambled over to Nina and covered her mouth.

"Umm, she's... training!" Arin explained.

"Y-Yeah! She feels like she isn't up to par with us in her fighting! So she's been training!"

"What are you guys talking about?" Nina asked, slightly resisting them. "I don't-"

"Shut up Nina!" Arin and Drew grunted.

"Right..." Ozpin closed his final folder, playing along with their vague excuse. "Look, I'm not in the mood to be handing out punishment left and right. And after sitting down with you, I see that you kids aren't... that bad. But... at the same time, your acts can't go unpunished."

"We shall accept any punishment you see as required!" Richard stood up and declared.

"Shut up Richard!" Arin and Drew grunted.

"Well, I would assign extra work or essays to write, but..." Ozpin turned his gaze towards Richard. "I keep thinking that you wouldn't see it as punishment."

"Ugh, just give us something so we can get it done." Arin sighed as he sat back down in his chair.

"How about this; a team exercise. Go to the forest of Forever Fall and fill up a jar of sap."

"That sounds kind of easy." Drew commented.

"Do you think that your team will complete it easily?"

"... no."

"One jar of that sap on my desk by 6:00 pm."

"Okay~!" Nina cheered and exited the office.

"Umm, I guess we'll see you at 6." Drew farewelled as he and his teammates exited.

"We're goin' on a trip~ To Forever Fall~!" Nina sung aloud.

"Nina, I think 'We're going on a bear hunt' is a more appropriate. There are Ursas in Forever Fall." Drew explained.

"Okay! We're going on a bear hunt~"

"Hey Richard, is the plural of Ursa 'Ursas', or 'Ursa', or 'Ursai'?"

Glynda entered Ozpin's office with a rather concerned look. "Excuse me sir, did I just hear them say 'Forever Fall?" she asked, partially frightened for their safety.

"Don't worry, Ms. Goodwitch. They won't be in any danger." Ozpin took a sip of coffee and continued on his paperwork.

"Unless there is an unexpected migration of the Ursa out of the forest, I think there is some danger!"

Ozpin simply chuckled. "Ms. Goodwitch, are you familiar with team DARN?"

"I've had a few classes with them. Not the best students I've ever had..."

"Well, where they lack in teamwork, co-operation and academics, they are fairly strong fighters."

"How strong?"

Ozpin opened the drawer in his desk and removed his holographic scroll. "Take a look. This is footage of them during the Initiation."

Goodwitch walked over to him as he began to scroll through the saved footage. He played the footage and Glinda stared at the screen. "Oh... Oh! Oooohhh..."

"Alright team, I've organized a plan for us." Richard explained. "The jar must be delivered by 1800 hours. Considering that it takes 20 minutes to travel from the principal's office to the entrance of the Forever Fall forest, we must be finished by 1740 hours. I suggest that we-"

"Look, not to interrupt you or anything," Arin interrupted. "But does this mean we need to go back to class?"

"Well, Ozpin didn't say we have to, so..."

"Good. I'mma go back to our room and catch a few zs. And maybe some beer." Arin veered off in the direction of the dorms.

"Wait, Arin! I need your advice on something!" Drew quickly followed.

"Great..." Arin sighed in response.

"Oh hey!" Nina cried. "It's almost 12! I need to go feed my baby!" She ran off down the other end of the hall, leaving Richard all alone in the hall.

"Oh... well... okay then."

AN: So, I was reading a bunch of RWBY fanfiction and I realised something, 'There's a lot of RWBY OC teams'. After reading a bunch, I began to notice a bunch of character cliches and tropes that kept occuring, like the bad ass hero, the quirky comic relief, the sassy badass girl, the otaku who has inexplicable knowledge of various Earth media, etc.

So I began to think up a bunch of ideas for parody characters, then just funny characters, then I thought 'What if I fleshed them out and made a whole story about them?' And when the dust settles, The Misadventures of Team DARN was born.

Currently, we just have a slice-of-life introduction arc, a sort of 'Meet the Team', but I intend to give each of the main four an entire arc of character development later on.