A/N at end of chapter

So basically, she's fucked.

The words that the next tributes will be reaped from the existing pool of victors have just left Snow's mouth, and Johanna sees red. No, she's not just seeing red. She's seeing murder. She's vividly seeing herself burrowing an axe into Snow's head. Someone in the house across from her screams, and Johanna wants to bury a hatchet into their head, too. Snow's words have started a commotion in the Victor's Village, and she just wants everyone to be quiet so she can think. So she yells it in the direction of the window- "Shut the fuck up!" Before she can tell if anyone listened to her, she runs out the back door of her house.

She sprints into the forests, grabbing her axe on the way. She doesn't grab her sweater or bother to put on her shoes even though it's cold outside and there are several inches of snow on the ground. But she hardly notices the biting wind. If anything, she feels hot, a deep rage within her boiling her insides, burning her.

Running isn't enough to douse the flames. Now deep within the forest, she stops, panting heavily. Impulsively, she throws her axe at a nearby pine tree. It buries itself several inches within the bark. Johanna runs over to the tree, yanks her axe out, and swings it again, making another mark. She screams wordlessly as she slashes into the tree, not trying to cut it down, just trying to hurt it, to give it as many scars as possible. The violent action is an effective channel for her murderous thoughts. She's not sure how long she's been hacking away at the tree- maybe even an hour?- when her arms give out. Exhausted, she leans against the tree and collapses on the snow-covered ground, her hands red and raw due to both the labor and the cold.

She stays under the splintered tree for another hour, the snow slowly soaking her clothes, and tries to clear her mind. She's going back. There's no doubt about it; she's the only female victor in her district. But she can't go back there! The one thing's she's held onto in recent years is the fact that she doesn't have to go back to that hellish arena. It's the one thing that's given her comfort during her worst days, and that's been taken away from her. She would start sobbing, but she realized the futileness of crying a while ago. She hasn't bothered with it for years.

She stays in the snow until she starts shivering uncontrollably, and even then she's reluctant to walk back to her house. Her house is too big for one person, and its presence only serves as a reminder of how lonely she really is. So she makes the journey as slowly as possible, cherishing the scent of pine and the star scattered sky that will soon be taken away from her.

To her surprise, two people are waiting for her at her back door- Blight and Max. Blight's a victor from a bit more than a decade before her Games. At thirty three he's the closest to Johanna's age, but they only talk when the Hunger Games roll around. Max was one of Johanna's mentors. More specifically, he was the one who suggested to Johanna to let everyone underestimate her. She's not going to admit it, but she's a little glad to see them. It's nice to have someone to talk to tonight; she's worried about what she would do if she was left alone. Probably chop all her furniture to bits.

"What the fuck do you want," she snarls. Not like she's going to be all sappy about it.

"Can we come in?" Max says. Johanna doesn't answer him. She wordlessly walks into her house, throwing her axe onto a couch. They follow, knowing this is Johanna's way of inviting them in.

"It was nice knowing you two," Johanna says, pulling off her soaking wet socks. "Do you think we can hold my funeral before I leave, so I can hear all the great things everyone has to say about me before I die?" she asks as she walks over to her fireplace and fiddles with the box of matches. Her hands are shaking too hard to manage to start a fire. Blight takes the box from her.

"You're not going to die. Something's going to be done," Blight says in a hushed tone as he lights the fire. "The other victors won't stand for this."

"That's rather optimistic," Johanna says rather loudly. Blight shushes her. She glares at him, but lowers her voice anyway. "Nobody's stood up to the Capitol in years."

"We're already getting phone calls from all the other districts," Max whispers. "We can't say anything direct over the phone, but it's clear something's going on. Just keep your eyes open."

Johanna does. A week after her conversation with Blight and Max, while Johanna is out throwing axes at trees in an effort to get back into killing shape, a young boy hands her a folded note. It's complete gibberish, a random string of letters, and Johanna almost throws it away. But a week later, when Johanna's buying a new set of throwing knives, a teenage girl hands her a cipher. Johanna spends an hour decoding the note, but it still doesn't make any sense. She thinks she's done it wrong, but the next day she receives a second cipher in a delivery of meat. This time the letter actually forms English words, but the message still confuses Johanna.

"KEEP DISTRICT 12 ALIVE. WILL ESCAPE."

District 12? At first Johanna thinks the note is referring to the whole district, but abandons that idea quickly; it must be referring to the victors. Katniss is definitely going back to the Games. Either her lover boy or Haymitch (whom Johanna knows quite well) will be joining her. Even though she generally does her best to avoid the Games, Johanna watched them last year with great interest from the moment Katniss volunteered. She could tell that Katniss was wearing a mask, trying to fool people, the same way Johanna had tricked her opponents during her time in the arena. While Johanna pretended to be meek so she could be underestimated, Katniss pretended (was still pretending, Johanna thinks) to be madly in love. It was the moment with the berries that really caught Johanna's attention. It was a glorious "fuck you" to the Capitol, even better than the literal "fuck yous" Johanna frequently indulged in. Katniss interested Johanna enough that she even tuned into the Victory Tour, where she was disappointed to see a more subdued Katniss. Max took notice and questioned her about her newfound interest in the Games, but she lied and said she was only watching for Cinna's outfits.

How is she supposed to keep Katniss and the men alive? Was this message directed towards her specifically, or towards all the victors? And what does that even mean, "WILL ESCAPE?" Escape before being reaped, or escape while in the Capitol, or escape during the Games? Johanna memorizes the short note before burning it.

She doesn't get any more information until after she's been reaped. Johanna laughs when they call her name, then flips off the camera. If she's going to her death, she might as well have fun while she can. Poor Blight is called up as the male victor. He looks like he's about to throw up when he joins her at the center of the stage. Max and another victor named Genner are chosen to be mentors.

It's a very short train ride to the Capitol. It only lasts a little more than two hours since District 7 is one of the closest districts. Johanna wants to get more information out of Blight, but the train doesn't stop so there's no opportunity for them to get away from the prying ears of the Capitol.

The Capitol. It makes Johanna sick every year she comes. These are the people who tried to kill her- who are trying to kill her again. These are the people who've killed everyone Johanna could ever care about. She's constantly having to shove thoughts of Maris and Simon to the back of her mind when she's in this wretched place. There's only one person Johanna is happy to see.

"Finnick!" She runs to him the moment she spots him. He, too, is here earlier than most of the victors, since District 4 is also fairly close to the Capitol. Johanna hugs him tightly. He's the only person left in her life who she can embrace without having to fear the consequences. "I'm thrilled we get to spend time together before going to our inevitable deaths."

He laughs. "So nice of the Capitol to be so considerate of our friendship. Hey, come up with me to the roof. The view's gorgeous." Johanna smiles when she follows him to the elevator, knowing that she's not going up to see the horizon but to hear some valuable information.

"You got the note," Finnick says quietly once they're out of earshot from any possible bugs, facing away from her so no cameras can read his lips. Johanna nods. "And you've heard about the revolts in the districts?" Finnick asks. Johanna nods again- it's the only news she pays any attention listens to. "Katniss is the one inspiring these rebellions. People see her as some kind of symbol."

"I don't see what's so special about her," Johanna lies.

"It's what she represents that matters. Haymitch told me that we should all try to get the Games cancelled. If we can't do that, he and some of the other mentors are going to rescue us from the arena. Apparently the head game maker's in on it."

"So what are we supposed to do during the Games?" Johanna asks.

"Keep Katniss and Peeta alive. I've heard Districts 1 and 2 are refusing to cooperate, or maybe Haymitch just doesn't trust them, so they'll still be a threat. Then there's something to do with lightning, but apparently District 3's in charge of that. Then once they break us out, we get to go free." He turns to her. "What do you think, Johanna? Is this plan worth your time?"

"Why not," Johanna says, feigning disinterest. But she's actually suppressing a fit of girlish giggles, the idea of freedom, real freedom where she doesn't have to constantly fear for her life, filling her with unbridled glee. And, although she would never admit it, she's intrigued to meet the girl who was ready to swallow poison berries in an act of defiance.

"Let's go fuck with the Capitol," she says.

A/N: Thanks for reading! This fic will follow the events of Catching Fire (and possibly some of Mockingjay) but will add (slow-developing) Joniss to the plot. It will take inspiration from both the book and the movie, and the chapters will alternate between Johanna's POV and Katniss's POV. It's currently rated T but it is likely that it will be bumped up to M in later chapters. I hopefully should be able to update this weekly, and, if failing that, biweekly (sadly the next chapter may take two weeks because I've got a busy week lined up). I've written a decent amount of it already but it's all over the place and needs heavy editing. Reviews are awesome. You can follow me at [[at-the-light]] . [tumblr] .com