Hey there Random(s)

If you ever want to read something original by me, I'm at http://www.fictionpress.info/u/561262/Erisah-Mae

I'm eclectic in my tastes, and am sadly horribly addicted to fanfiction.

On this site, I know I'm not alone.

ANNOUNCEMENT: 11/4/13

As some of you might be aware, on fictionpress, I'm the writer of Bela the Nymphomaniac Vampire Slayer. If you weren't, then all you need to know is that it's a send-up of the Vampire Romance genre, and I wrote it as an antidote to Twilight.

I'm currently posting an edited version, called "I Like My Stake Bloody". You'd be doing me a favour if you tell me what you like and hate about it.

Things I have learned from Fanfiction (aka. some things that make me lovehate fanfiction).

1. Sex cures everything, including evilness.

2. The hero always gets the girl (or guy)

3.a. Sometimes the Hero is actually a disguised Heroine. This is pretty much never the other way around.

3.b... unless the hero is the "uke" in which case, bring on the drag.

4.a. People are always more powerful after they have been imprisoned unjustly.

4.b. Even (especially) if they've been starved, tortured, and otherwise kept in conditions that would make the guards at Guantanamo uncomfortable.

5. a. Binding your soul to someone for all eternity (who you do not know well/at all/just met) is not creepy.

5.b. Especially if you can now read your partner's mind whenever you feel like.

6. Stalking is romantic. Kidnapping or imprisoning someone is even more so.

7. Two people who hate each other always secretly love each other and AREN'T the worst idea for a relationship ever.

8. Scars are only disfiguring on the badguys. They make Heroes or Heroines look distinguished.

9.a. Anyone who doesn't like the hero is automatically a bad person.

9.b. This goes double if they're the ex- of the hero's love interest.

9.c. or if they dumped the hero. If this happens then by the end of the fic they are sorry.

10. Dating your student isn't creepy at all so long as they are mature/brilliant.

11. Everyone on a team can be paired with anyone else on that team. In case of odd numbers, (ex-)rivals are also acceptable.

12. The Hero can be randomly related to almost anyone from any canon. Bonus points if they have the same surname.

13. If a (magical) macguffin/inheritance/power exists, it is only a matter of time before the Hero either has it, or has access to someone who does.

14. Heroes do not get nice childhoods. Ever. The only exception is if their parents are brutally killed in front of them.

15. If at first you don't succeed, use timetravel to go back and try try again.

16. There is always homoerotic tension. Especially with rivals.

17. Love is always requited. If it isn't initially, the love interest changes their mind just after the Hero moves on.

18. The most logical way for two men to have a baby is for one of them to get pregnant. Finding a surrogate or adopting is not as romantic.

19. If the hero goes away, when they come back, everything has been put on hold for them.

20.a. The hero's girlfriend/boyfriend may spontaneously develop superpowers to match the hero.

20.b. These superpowers will generally be complimentary, or a variation of the hero's powers.

20.c. If the hero can change into an animal, then the love interest may be able to change into the same species.

21. If the hero is deaf or mute, then everyone can speak sign language, or learn it within a few weeks.

22.a. The Afterlife has a revolving door.

22.b. Unless the character was killed off-screen.

22.c. Or was evil!

22.d. Or had a competing love interest with the hero. (e.g. the wife that the hero's love interest picked up whilst the hero was presumed dead)

23. Pranks and pranksters are funny, not cruel, malicious, bullying or a pain in the neck.

24. Any of the above rules can be broken to serve the Greater Goddess of Angst.