Soldier.Seerhide bio
 Author has written 12 stories for Twilight, and Misc. Books. Soldier_Seer. This is the name I use on the internet. The meaning; Jasper & Alice from Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series. Soldier- as in Jasper the confederate in the war, and Alice a seer. I write to my own taste. Whatever I put on here is my own opinion. Unless I state otherwise. Constructive critisism is allowed THE EMMETT NEEDS RESPECT FOUNDATION Members: Soldier.Seer, Katherine Mason, Synara, Emmy131, trueVaMpIrE, edwards-4-eternity, crimsonshadow14, Freesia Like Heroin, kadensx3, LostVampireChild, ILoveJasperHale, NothingButTrouble Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series. Never have, never will. Nor do I own any of the characters regarding the books. Unless I state otherwise, I do not own it. I also do not intend to buy it. My allowence is to low, and with the taxes these days... Well you know. |
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Edward Vs the Toddler by Butterscotch82 reviews
Ch.1: Edward faces his toughest--or at least, his most annoying--adversary yet, in the form of a two-year-old. Post Twilight . Ch. 2: Find out how Edward and Bella handle Nessie when she takes on some of Eddie's less charming traits. Post Breaking Dawn .
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 6,960 - Reviews: 197 - Favs: 608 - Follows: 120 - Updated: 7/7/2018 - Published: 6/28/2007 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Dear Mr Diary by LethalxLilly reviews
Emmett has a diary? Well this could only mean one thing: Emmett likes to journal. And it triggers random crazy events. Like Dora, christmas tree Alice, Sky Dieing, singing, blowing things up and the such. :D Rated Q for mass destruction.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 65 - Words: 38,274 - Reviews: 897 - Favs: 273 - Follows: 99 - Updated: 2/6/2010 - Published: 12/15/2007 - Complete
Stupid Ten Piece Puzzle by SunnySkies4Life reviews
Emmett decides to attempt putting together a ten piece puzzle-previously Renesmee's-and one thing leads to another...
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,146 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 3/27/2009 - Published: 11/29/2008 - Emmett, Renesmee C./Nessie
Newton's Laws of Gravity by naiyangel reviews
Everyone hates Mike Newton. I’m not a fan either, but he deserves to have his own story told! How did the almostbest friend take in all the strange events? Mike had a rough time in the books and fanfics! Please review, feel free to flame.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 23,283 - Reviews: 72 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 35 - Updated: 12/14/2008 - Published: 9/17/2007
Oh Shiet by AliceTheVampire reviews
A funny script featuring The charectors of Twilight! More to come!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,041 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 9/7/2008 - Published: 10/27/2007
Twilight Character Songs by RedSoxWriter reviews
So Cat97 gave me a really good idea. I will post songs that describe all the main characters in the series that I can think of. Read and review! BREAKING DAWN SPOILERS!
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 9,907 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 8/25/2008 - Published: 6/9/2008
A Lover's Blindness by topazdream reviews
Doesn't Bella know that she's the only one ever on Edward's mind? Bella walks in on Edward with someone, and thinks he's cheating. But was it really his fault? What was the reason behind the act? What will he do to win her back? Edward's not to blame.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 22 - Words: 24,280 - Reviews: 459 - Favs: 167 - Follows: 133 - Updated: 8/7/2008 - Published: 12/27/2007 - Complete
The Weird and Wonderful Tales Of The Cullens! by HolliiiCruiser reviews
Random, funny, and sometimes sad situations between everyone's favorite family of vampires and Bella! I'll keep them coming, if you keep reading them! Ch. 35: Bella meets Bellatrix Lestrange from Harry Potter when she ends up in her refrigerator. RANDOM!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 36 - Words: 30,460 - Reviews: 458 - Favs: 117 - Follows: 92 - Updated: 7/1/2008 - Published: 4/26/2007 - Complete
My Son In Law's a WHAT? by MistressCashew reviews
Ever wondered how Charlie discovers the secret? I have. Rated K for small amounts of language. NOW COMPLETE.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Family - Chapters: 13 - Words: 13,894 - Reviews: 188 - Favs: 133 - Follows: 70 - Updated: 5/3/2008 - Published: 8/20/2007 - Complete
Know Your Stars: Twilight Series by Ghosts in the Snow reviews
A know your stars type story. If you've ever wondered what the characters of the Twilight series wouldn't EVER do, look no further. WARNING: Sever OOCness, sever character bashing, and totally awkward WTF moments inside!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 38 - Words: 38,022 - Reviews: 289 - Favs: 86 - Follows: 49 - Updated: 2/25/2008 - Published: 2/18/2007 - Complete
The Talk by nothingleft reviews
Edward's continuing worry about being with Bella before she's changed leaves him no choice but to have The Talk with Carlisle. Some things are too important to leave to chance.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 7,550 - Reviews: 212 - Favs: 397 - Follows: 113 - Updated: 12/31/2007 - Published: 12/22/2007 - Complete
The Petition by vampiregrrrl110 reviews
There's a petition going around Forks. About Bella. AND her fiance. Anyone care to sign?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,980 - Reviews: 58 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 43 - Updated: 12/25/2007 - Published: 11/18/2007
Truth or Dare by katcastle reviews
This is a random fic where the Cullens play truth or dare! See what crazy things these vampires will do!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 17,094 - Reviews: 596 - Favs: 390 - Follows: 377 - Updated: 12/24/2007 - Published: 7/14/2007
Interupting Bella by Klutzzy55 reviews
Origanilly a oneshot, but it was hard to resist! How does doghnuts, Rosalie, and hair mix? What is Emmett's blinky thing? Why does Alice despise McDonalds? How can Jasper be a life gaurd? What is Esme better at doing than Carlisle? LOVE REVIEWS!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 25 - Words: 42,466 - Reviews: 256 - Favs: 98 - Follows: 66 - Updated: 10/30/2007 - Published: 6/28/2007
Emo Boy! by afsluv reviews
Sequel to Eddie! Plz dont make me rate this M. really. But what happens when you call Jasper Emo Boy? Chaos! And warning! REALLY BIG PUN INTENDED! So plz don't hit on me saying 'oh this is retarded' and stuff like that.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,868 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 10/22/2007 - Published: 8/14/2007
Ellie's Pain by scarlet-fairy reviews
Short poem, ellie reminisces in hell, from John Marsden's Tomorrow When The War Began series.
Misc. Books - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 150 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/16/2007 - Complete
Carlisle's Secret by Blahboredom123 reviews
Carlisle is stealing from the bank!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 137 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 5 - Published: 9/29/2007 - Complete
23 reasons to be a cullen by vampirechick123 reviews
exactly what the title says
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 577 - Reviews: 77 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 9/29/2007 - Published: 8/31/2007 - Complete
Edward and the Tampon by livelaughloveWRITE reviews
“What’s this?” He interrupted. He was holding a tampon. You’ve got to be kidding me. “It’s a tampon, Edward.” “What’s that?” I buried my face in my hands. This was not happening to me. “You really don’t know what it is?” “Do you eat it?”
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,599 - Reviews: 517 - Favs: 813 - Follows: 143 - Published: 9/15/2007 - Complete
Jane's Birthday Party by iceprincess263 reviews
Jane has a birthday party. She has everything from clowns to balloons. What else is she missing. What does Alec have planned. Summary sucks but the story is good. R&R
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 4,502 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 9/6/2007 - Published: 7/17/2007
The Cullen Chronicles by llamoandllama reviews
Many, many pointless oneshots about our favorite family. Mostly lists. Including smashing Edward's piano. BITE US, EDDIE!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 1,014 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 9/5/2007 - Published: 7/25/2007
Paint Balling with the Cullens! by Twilight Fan Girls reviews
PAINT BALLIN! Ok, so Emmett angers Rosalie, starting a war between the genders... Includes a pretty good paint balliing[manipulating Bella, scheming [when is she not?] Alice, and a sulking Emmett bent on revenge...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 10 - Words: 11,274 - Reviews: 160 - Favs: 129 - Follows: 69 - Updated: 9/2/2007 - Published: 8/10/2007 - Complete
I Love Ed by LovelyPriestess reviews
[Fluffy Oneshot][EB] Bella compares a kitten to Edward... causing an interesting argument.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 962 - Reviews: 97 - Favs: 153 - Follows: 26 - Published: 8/18/2007 - Complete
Charlie's Fantasy by Emmy131 reviews
I imagined him in handcuffs, a terrified expression on that unfailingly smooth face of his. Based on page 351 of Eclipse, from Charlie's perspective. Why exactly did Charlie look so amused as he stared at Edward in the backseat of the cruiser?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 760 - Reviews: 60 - Favs: 64 - Follows: 15 - Published: 8/18/2007 - Complete
21 ways to aggravate Bella by DreamsAreMadeOfVampires reviews
For writing bird, thanks for the idea.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 196 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 4 - Published: 8/16/2007
21 new and improved ways to aggravate Edward by DreamsAreMadeOfVampires reviews
Thanks for the reviews I hope you like this one just as much!
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 274 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 8 - Published: 8/16/2007 - Complete
Two Vampires, a Human and Aro by Twilight Fan Girls reviews
After getting into a fight with Emmett, Rosalie's feeling a little down. What will the girls decide to do to cheer her up? GIRL'S NIGHT OUT of course! UPDATE: A nice, new, long chapter has been added. Enjoy!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 6 - Words: 7,257 - Reviews: 73 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 44 - Updated: 8/15/2007 - Published: 8/4/2007
Vampire Idol! by HolliiiCruiser reviews
The Cullen's have their own version of American Idol! It involves: cross dressing Emmett, Rosalie with a gun, Edward being emotional over Clay Aiken, Mike in a ninja suit, Edward as a horse, Emmett as a cowboy, and so much more!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 10 - Words: 6,804 - Reviews: 122 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 7/31/2007 - Published: 4/19/2007
Edward VS Washer by Chibidarknekoangel reviews
muhahahahha! what's happens when a clueless vampire has to wash his family cloths!summary sucks the story is much better
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,238 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 7/27/2007 - Published: 7/18/2007
Crazy One Shots! BAMMM! by PerfectPaperHearts reviews
Random One Shots!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 527 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 7/14/2007 - Published: 7/5/2007
Mike's Stupidity by Forbittenlove reviews
So, what happens to Mike when he finally decides to stop being 'discreet' and to just show Bella how he truly feels in the most physical of ways? When the Cullens find out, it's not a pleasant thing. For Mike at least. Rated T for adultish content!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Suspense - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,291 - Reviews: 106 - Favs: 57 - Follows: 75 - Updated: 7/7/2007 - Published: 5/8/2007
22 Ways To ScareAngerHarassConfuse Carlisle by WhereStarsComeFrom reviews
The result of too much daydreaming.... hehe.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 243 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 6 - Published: 6/21/2007 - Complete
In Jasper's Words by theenvylover reviews
Twilight told in Jasper's POV
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 5 - Words: 11,357 - Reviews: 73 - Favs: 59 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 6/13/2007 - Published: 6/9/2007
The Torturing of Jasper by angelofmusicxo reviews
Jasper goes through more than you'd think! He catches Edward and Bella in an... awkward moment...haha! originally a oneshot but I love Jazzy too much to keep it at that! REVIEW!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,360 - Reviews: 104 - Favs: 59 - Follows: 65 - Updated: 5/29/2007 - Published: 5/25/2007
Jasper in Gym by LindaRoo reviews
A PE scene from Twilight, from Jasper's point of view.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,282 - Reviews: 148 - Favs: 224 - Follows: 42 - Published: 2/1/2007 - Complete
Attention, WalMart Shoppers by sillybella reviews
Edward has decided Bella needs protection. What kind ofprotection? The kind you can buy at Walmart. In the pharmacy.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 6,536 - Reviews: 1742 - Favs: 3,183 - Follows: 676 - Updated: 1/29/2007 - Published: 1/24/2007 - Complete
I'll Vote No by sillybella reviews
Inside Rosalie's head.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,720 - Reviews: 171 - Favs: 233 - Follows: 39 - Published: 10/18/2006 - Complete
Hot Stuff by sillybella reviews
Emmett and Jasper are worried about Edward and Bella's relationship.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,742 - Reviews: 441 - Favs: 921 - Follows: 155 - Published: 10/18/2006 - Complete
He Who Walks Behind the Rows by Bitter Wishes reviews
A Children of the Corn Poem. I wrote this one along time ago but just got around to putting it up.
Children of the Corn - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 114 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 5 - Published: 10/11/2006 - Complete
Great in Bed Ed by iheartsunshine reviews
When Edward realizes that he doesn't have a real nickname, he asks Bella for some ideas. And knowing the Cullens, things get a little crazy when she suggests some of them. ONESHOT!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,172 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 50 - Follows: 9 - Published: 9/1/2006 - Complete
Third Tuesday by Likeasunburn reviews
And you think you're uncomfortable around that time of the month? Try being Bella. Oneshot, written for a laugh
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,621 - Reviews: 175 - Favs: 361 - Follows: 67 - Published: 5/3/2006 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .
Breaking Dawn Quote Stories reviews
Using the BD Quote of the Day I have and will been coming up with stories that use the quote in some way. Enjoy!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 10 - Words: 9,226 - Reviews: 66 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 7/22/2008 - Published: 7/12/2008
In Holy Matrimony reviews
I was mere inches from the mahogany doors in front of me. I could hear myself breathing ‘I can do this.’ I thought to myself, ‘I can do this.’ I squeezed the bouquet of flowers in my hands, a mixture of exotic roses and lace.‘I can do this’
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 8,102 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 7/11/2008 - Published: 11/3/2007
I had plans and lots of them reviews
Edward has to tell Bella the only thing in the world he didn't want to tell her. But it's him or Alice. Don't make a big deal of it. Or else. CHAPTER 1
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,090 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 7/11/2008 - Published: 12/28/2007
The Last Day reviews
-Edward and Elizabeth Masen in the year 1918, it was their last day in the hospital-
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 873 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 4 - Published: 4/16/2008 - Complete
What Twilight Is reviews
It is focus, obsession, and endangering my bank account. This is what Twilight is to me.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 277 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/15/2008 - Complete
Ellie's Thinking reviews
John Marsden's Tomorrow When The War Began a bit of Ellie's thinking after the war. SPOILER
Misc. Books - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 390 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 12/28/2007 - Complete
Never Change reviews
What has Carlisle so nervous? There could only be one thing. He better get it right, or else.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 840 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 10/9/2007
So, You Fell reviews
A Poem For Esme
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 58 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 8/28/2007 - Complete
Too Long, A Poem For Jasper reviews
These cuts and scares don't make themselves, The metals I have up on the shelves...
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 287 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 8/26/2007
Alice And Her Thoughts reviews
Alice is having trouble. She is starting to doubt herself. Chapter 1 is complete.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,841 - Reviews: 3 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 8/22/2007 - Published: 8/20/2007
The Cullens Poker Game reviews
What happens when the Cullen's play a little poker? And what's this about a mustang?
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,505 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 5 - Published: 8/19/2007 - Complete
Emmett Cullen reviews
We all like Emmett. Why do people make him look so dumb? My opinion.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 199 - Reviews: 44 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/18/2007 - Complete
