"Hog-warts, hog-warts, hoggy warty hog-warts..."

"Make it stop," Helena whined to Salazar. "They're actually crazy..."

"Whether we be old and bald..."

"Godric's drunk," Salazar commented.

"I KNOW, Uncle Sal! And it's AWFUL! He can't even sing when he's sober," Helena almost sobbed.

"We can hex them later," Salazar grinned.

Helena put her head in her hands. "Can you hear it, what they're singing? I can't believe Mum wrote that! It doesn't even rhyme properly!"

"To be fair, she's drunk too."

"It's so embarassing," Helena moaned. "Who would actually like this?

Far in the future, Dumbledore sneezed violently.

Hello! My name is TeachUsSomethingPlease, a certified Huffleslytherclaw. Among other things. I have too many ideas - but that's okay, because it means when one story is running dry, I'm busy with the other ones! I really like to write humour, because as far as I'm concerned, there isn't nearly enough irony, sarcasm, whimsy, or bad puns in this world. That doesn't mean I can't write serious, though. I like to take humourous moments and serious themes and combine them together as best as I can. It turns out interesting. I hope.

My update schedule currently consists of rotating through my five pieces - completing a chapter of one, then the next, then the next, etc. This means each piece is getting updated about once every three or four days. It'll probably slow down in the future, once assignments really start to pile on. For now, enjoy the regularity.

I'm currently writing:

Potterverse

Riordanverse

A touch of Miraculous Paris, Middle Earth, and Berk

Rules around my work:

1. Credit to the people referenced at the top of the chapter. This is fanfiction, after all.

2. Want to translate this story? Go for it. Just credit me when you're done. I don't mind in the slightest.

3. Like an idea, concept, or thematic combination? These non-specific things are not mine to claim. Go for your life. If you make it greater, even better.

4. Like an OC? Credit me for the concept, then pick them up and drop them where you like.

5. If you plagiarize me, the plagiarism monster (which is actually Dobby and Chicken riding an angry Hydra) will come. And it's not even my fault.

6. Reviews are super super appreciated. Positive reviews are great and inspire me to keep going. Constructive reviews are even better because they tell me what to do to make the stories better. Flames are not appreciated, because it means chasing the Hydra to retrieve the fire extinguisher.

7. The Hydra's name is Kevin. We love Kevin.

Anthology of Pieces:

Spiderwebs - Potterverse - Marauder Harry meets Political Slytherin Harry. T for swearing Brits, especially Ron, and because GoF is the turning point of J.K's theme creep. Apparently, people like this.

Luna, Queen of Azkaban - Potterverse - Harry Gets Dumped in Azkaban meets Luna Lovegood. T for swearing Brits, dark-ish protagonists, and, well, Azkaban. Always liked Luna, so here she takes over stuff.

Wizards are Irritating and So Is Hecate - Potterverse X Riordanverse - Demigod Hogwarts Quest because Gods Need Worship. T for swearing Brits, fighting demigods, and theme creep (unless I split it up according to year. Which I might.) Apparently crazy Leo is better than crazy Luna.

Assorted Whoopsies - Potterverse X Other - Universe Collapsing Crossover One-Shots. T for occasional swearing Brits and violence. A random idea that popped up and won't go away.

The Bittersweet Melodies of a Music Box - Potterverse - Evil Dumbledore Prompted Redo meets OC Centric Hogwarts. T for dark-ish protagonists and themes, and swearing Brits once again, because we can't escape it. Something I wrote a long time ago and am now editing into adequacy.

Pending because I Need to Store Ideas:

[Glasses are Cool] - Potterverse X Whoniverse - Harry Raised by a Doctor. Inspired by something awesome I read that unfortunately ceased, unended three years ago.

[Godwarts] - Potterverse X Riordanverse - REALLY Potterverse X Riordanverse. As in Hogwarts and CHB are one and the same.

[Odin's Twisted Game] - Potterverse X Berk - The World Functions like a Video Game meets Hiccup is a Wizard, Apparently