A Day in the Life of a Hampton Park Secondary College Student

BE POLITE.

BE EFFICIENT.

HAVE A PLAN TO KILL EVERYONE YOU MEET.

-The Sniper, Team Fortress 2

OK, let me lay it out for ya

Grass grows,

Birds fly,

sun shines,

and brother, I write fiction

-Zac Bond, on himself

BEEN WAITING FOR A GOOD ZELDA GAME TO PLAY SINCE TP.

WHY ARE THERE LIKE TWENTY FINAL FANTASY CATEGORIES?

WHO AGREES IT IS AWESOME TO BIND 'IMPULSE 101' TO A KEY IN HL2/EP1 AND PRESS IT NONSTOP WHEN YOU'RE IN THE CONFISCATION FIELD? (IT MAKES A BAZILLION WORLD MODELS OF THE WEAPONS FLOOD THE FLOOR, FOR ALL YOU PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T TRIED IT, INCLUDING GRAVITY GUNS AND CROWBARS)

WHAT'S UP WITH ALL THE SHEPHARDS IN GAMES TODAY? (OPPOSING FORCE, MODERN WARFARE 2, MASS EFFECT)

I THINK THE ONLY GAMES THAT SHOULD EVER BE REMADE ARE OLD PC GAMES THAT DON'T RUN ON VISTA AND 7, LIKE GRIM FANDANGO, QUAKE AND BASICALLY EVERYTHING FROM BEFORE THE 2000s.

If anyone is going to make a Half-Life 2 movie, they'd better get Alfonso Cuarón to direct. Children of Men's aesthetic design and cinematography are the closest thing we'd get to a perfect Half-Life 2 film, expect apparently he designed it to be 'anti Blade-Runner' so we'd need a collaboration with Ridley Scott's for the Combine aspects to make a perfect balance - if there's one thing everyone agrees Blade Runner was good for it's the way it looked.

What is Minecraft?

Among many things, it's the kick ass game where you can play as the Gman and ride a pig while it tries to swim.

Rap is music.

I don't understand how people can object to that. Music, by definition, is 'an artistic form of auditory communication incorporating instrumental or vocal tones in a structured and continuous manner'. Some people have argued saying that by this definition 'poetry' is music. That's incorrect, while people do read poetry it is not A) primarily aural in nature (its literature, written word) and does not B) contain a structured beat.

If rap did not have a structured beat to it, I would be less inclined to call it music. As it stands, though, the only examples of rap without beats are the lyrics written on a webpage. For example, I read aloud '8-Ball' by N.W.A, without structuring it as the legendary Eazy-E did. I simply read it as I would a book and yeah, it was poetry. Then I opened Media Player and LISTENED to it, complete with beat and structure, and it was MUSIC.

Shit, even HUMMING is music. We've got bands that use their voice in lieu of instruments and yet people still claim that rap isn't music.

People, I don't care if you hate rap. I hate pretty much all pop music (funny thing, though, it sounds a LOT better when you're at a party. I actually thought Whip My Hair was good until I listened again afterward, and there wasn't even any alcohol), but I don't go around diminishing what it is just because I don't like it. So shut up about rap not being music, because it is.

As one of the four people that actually looks at my profile, you're probably a fan of my stuff and therefore a fan of the Half Life series.

For me, I'm like an internet vigilante for the series. Not one of those people that proclaims something's divine nature to the world and demands you love it, one of the people that defends an objectively fantastic game series from retards who make claims that would, regardless of subject matter, hold absolutely no water.

Case in point: Half Life 2 has no story. Reason for this claim: culprit didn't play Half Life 1. Number of times this little issue has come up: Probably around six or so times in the past few months.

I'm tired of it. People, look, that makes no sense. I mean, it might be your opinion that the series' method of exposition delivery can go drown in a toilet, but why the hell are you saying there's no story when you DIDN'T PLAY THE FIRST GAME?

It's not that hard to see the flaws with this logic, is it? For all four of you reading this, I'd like to ask you if you think reading the second book in a series before the first would warrant any condemnation concerning how the story made no sense. Who the hell reads the second book in a series before the first and expects the story to make any fucking sense? There's a big pretty number 2 on the end of the second game's title, surely that means its a SEQUEL, right?

Then you've got people that say, "Well, I expected it to have some sort of recap, like every other boring conventional game that anyone has ever made." Things like this stem out from the initial problem: you didn't play the first game, thus you have no idea that a recap would be both redundant and completely unrealistic. Why the hell would anyone just waltz on up to you and say, "yo, do you remember that twenty years ago you were at Black Mesa, and some serious shit happened there and then you went to Xen to stop it all. Do you remember that, Dr. Freeman, that extremely critical point in your life that any sane human being wouldn't forget?"

Valve made Half Life 2 expected you were just as informed as Dr. Freeman was, and that's another reason we can relate to him: we're on the same level, completely oblivious to what's been happening in the time he's been away and the player has to find out what's happened as both Dr. Freeman AND themselves.

Look, it's just dumb saying the sequel made no sense having not played the first one. That's about it, I guess. Sorry for wasting five minutes of your life.

Why are they making Tron Legacy?

I mean, I seriously don't get WHY. I watched Tron, and it was a aesthetically unique little pictures for kids. That's it. Or am I missing something? Is there an underground community of hardcore fans who've been salivating to see the Tron story continued after twenty eight years (I love me some MovieBob)? I doubt it, the story was pretty average.

I mean, Tron's design has given it some recognition in pop culture, sure, but otherwise I don't see the point of making another movie. It's like if someone made a sequel to Blade Runner. What would they do? Explore a possible existential crisis Deckard undergoes not knowing if he's human or Replicant? Tron Legacy doesn't have anywhere to go in expanding with a sequel. Are they going to make the MCP return as an evil sentient computer bent on world domination, like they claimed it was trying to do in the first movie (in ONE line about the Kremlin)? I really don't get it.

So is everyone just looking forward to a completely new movie in the Tron universe, completely unrelated to the first one? Is that it? Well, it's not going to be anything special, let me tell you. People already got wowed by Avatar's CGI last year and I doubt Tron Legacy's going to get +$3,000,000 to do something just as good. At least, that's how I see it. I still don't know if I'm missing something, and if all you Tron fans are facepalming at my total ignorance. In fact, just reading that sentence will probably make you laugh.

You did just laugh, didn't you?

Aha, my clairvoyance is heightening.

But no, seriously, could someone bring me up to speed on the whole deal with 'Tron Legacy'? Is it just the people who were kids back in Tron's day looking forward to it, and if so why? I'm totally lost here.

UPDATED: Well, the general consensus on Tron: Legacy is pretty close to how I predicted. Weak story, great candy for the senses (DAFT PUNK did the soundtrack?!). Have a nice day.

UPDATED AGAIN: I saw the movie today. Much better than the original, and anyone who disagrees is speaking from the nostalgia in their heart. Everything about the movie has been improved (even the story, if only marginally) and that's what I like to see. Recommending it, even though I still don't get why it exists other than fan service, where even I could tell there was a lot of. But for what it's worth, it's a good movie, just don't expect anything mind blowing except... well, it looks and sounds amazing. Seriously, Daft Punk have mixed the big epic orchestral pieces of Hans Zimmer with their own magical electronic style, all while big glowing machines and people spin and twirl in arcs of glistening light.

Worth your money, trust me.

Alright, instead of talking about movies I LIKE today, I'm going to spend some time talking about a movie that I don't. Guess what it is? Blade Runner.

Instantly I can visualise its fans dismissing my comments as the ignorance of a child who cannot appreciate its full potential. To which I would like to respond, 'thanks for the bullshit stereotype about young people, douchebag'. I rented the definitive cut expecting a fabulously philosophically complex action film, kind of like what District 9 and RoboCop offered, but better because it's been considered one of the greatest films of all time. After all, Philip K. Dick wrote 'Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep' and he's one of my three favourite sci-fi authors along with Isaac Asimov and Orson Scott Card.

What I got instead was a movie with a mediocre detective story smothered in symbolic blubber.

Yeah, I get that the bullet wounds on the woman's back looked like clipped wings of an angel, I get that it makes us question things like humanity and the moral complications that arise from genetically engineering intelligent life on par with our own, but what I don't get is how that makes one of the best movies of all time. It worked fine as a novel.

Other critics, apparently, disliked the pacing and the fact that the story 'took a back seat'. That's pretty much where I sit. From what I understand now, a movie doesn't need plot or narrative for shit if it looks nice and has a lot of subtle imagery going for it. Alright, Blade Runner looks pretty nice, and the cinematography is really good, but why does that warrant a consideration for 'greatest film of all time', along with the heavy symbolism and philosophical questions?

If you've read my stuff, you might have noticed I also incoperate philosophical ideas into my work. Things like the relativity of morality and xenophobia are central to Episode 4: Possibilities, and I also touch lightly upon involuntary euthanasia (kudos to you if you actually KNEW that, by the way). But like I said earlier with District 9 and RoboCop, I also lay action on heavily so as to not bore the hell out of the viewer.

With all this Blade Runner business, it seems to me that perhaps District 9 could have been one of the greatest movies of all time if it had been a little more symbolic. In fact, combine it with Blade Runner and I can see the greatest film of all time easily. By the way, I've also seen 2001: A Space Odyssey, which is quite similar. But I guess I wasn't expecting an action movie when I watched it so I wasn't disappointed.

OK, Blade Runner is alright. But I think it's WAY TOO overblown. I'm surprised Donnie Darko wasn't actually considered to be one of the greatest films of all time, but apparently it wasn't actually 'that good'. At least not good enough to get higher than 88/100 on Metacritic (don't even pay attention to that, it SO deserves at least 95, if not more). Then again, I haven't seen Pan's Labyrinth (though I've been told I should) and The Godfather yet, so that's that.

People, I got up this morning, right? September 4th, 2010. Two days after the Zero Punctuation Viewer's Choice poll ended and his mock review of Duke Nukem Forever was picked as his best video. So I check my emails, see one from reminding me I haven't completed registering yet, check the Escapist in another tab, see a few things about Duke Nukem Forever...

...and then I realise that, while I was asleep, some serious shit was going on at PAX.

DUKE NUKEM FOREVER IS GETTING RELEASED, AND PEOPLE WERE PLAYING THE DEMO.

Now, you probably don't know that I like Duke Nukem. But I do, I love all those 90s FPS' and their offspring (Painkiller, Serious Sam) especially seeing as you get like 15+ weapons instead of two and some grenades (looking at you, Halo). And I love how unique it is, how aggressively juvenile and self aware it is, and just how badass Duke is in general.

So now, hearing that a game that was long ago dismissed as legendary vapourware has actually pulled up its pants and is being MADE... actually, I don't know how I feel. EXCITED, yes, but otherwise I guess it's just the fact that I'm blown away by the whole 'holy shit it actually EXISTS' factor.

Always bet on Duke, I guess. I'm seriously anticipating this game, and Zero Punctuation's inevitable review of the REAL thing. Episode 3, Portal 2 and Duke Nukem Forever next year. Well, Episode 3 hasn't been confirmed yet... but come on, Newell sprung that 3 big surprises news on us and unlike the E3 secret he hasn't denied any Episode 3 speculation. Plus, there's that little Alien Swarm SDK easter egg that's hinting at something big. I'm placing my money on a surprise release of Episode 3, without ANY press coverage, trailer or anything at all. It'll just slip into stores and then hit us on its release date. THAT would be awesome.

I really don't understand the rating system. Apart from the international differences, they're so... unreliable, even inside one country.

Let me give you an Australian example by comparing the 1992 movie Fortress and the 1987 movie RoboCop. Fortress is rated M (PG-13) and RoboCop is rated R18+ (NC-17). Anyone who's seen both of these movies will know that Fortress is, by and large, much more violent and swears almost twice as much as RoboCop, and yet it's got the same rating as something like the remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still.

RoboCop's rating is apparently due to the violence and 'sex scene' in it. First of all, there's only two really bloody shootings in it at the beginning, with the ED-209 malfunction and Alex Murphy's brutal murder. And the so-called 'sex scene' is entirely comprised of a guy snorting crack off a woman's breasts with all their clothes on. The Terminator had more skin than this, and it too has an M rating down under.

Fortress, on the other hand, is... well, it's like what I do when I'm writing action scenes. People get blown up, there's almost three times as many shootings on par with the RoboCop ones, there's a really long and bloody hand-to-hand fight scene around the beginning and prisoners have to ingest this device that can cause their stomachs to explode on order, which we see demonstrated within five minutes of the arrival at the penitentiary.

Oh, and don't trust what people write on IMDb. It says The Transporter only says the s-word once and has one middle finger. Yeah, that's rubbish.

Anyway... uh, hey, if you haven't seen any of those movies yet, go see them all. The Transporter's pretty dumb story-wise, but there is this absolutely hilarious fight scene that involves a huge oil slick in a bus depot and Jason Statham fighting a bunch of guys. I already gave reasons to watch RoboCop and Fortress, and the Terminator is the Terminator and I pity you if you HAVEN'T seen it.

OK, people, listen up: I want you to do something today.

I want you to go down to your local movie rental joint and look for a movie. If they don't have this movie, go and look EVERYWHERE ELSE. If all else fails, watch it online (which is not illegal unless you download it). Watch it, analyse it, then look on Wikipedia and Google for the director's interpretation and everyone elses.

What movie am I talking about? Donnie Darko, of course.

THIS. MOVIE. IS. A. MASTERPIECE.

You think Inception has a complex plot? It's NOTHING compared to Donnie Darko. And the best thing is, that's not even a problem. It's complicated, but in the end everything will probably make sense and you'll realise what everything was about, and then... you look at everyone elses interpretations and notice yours is entirely different.

It's unique. It's fabulously deliciously excellently unique. And the narrative is probably THE BEST I have ever come across. It's better than Inception. It's better than Moon. I'm willing to bet it's better than Citizen Kane (though I haven't seen it, I can't say for sure). It's incredibly well done, and the director deserves some damn credit because he wrote it. I can see why it's got a cult following, because I'm just about ready to get up, find a Donnie Darko fan club and sign myself up.

If you don't like it... well, you'll undoubtedly remember it, I can promise that. But I doubt you won't like it, because it's AWESOME.

Seriously, watch it as soon as you possibly can. It is WORTH IT.

Oh, but Inception is still better as a money maker and I still like it A LOT. I think they're equal on my scale of good (Inception had a great idea and gunfights, what's not to like?), despite how completely different they are.

I'm pissed off.

Why? Because today was the first day of year 9 city experience, and because of that I missed out on my school being evacuated due to a bomb threat.

http:///news/story/bomb-threat-at-hampton-park-school/

Tell me, when else am I going to get the chance to experience something like that? Well... at least I was able to buy Deus Ex there.

Man... isn't Falling Down such a great movie? Just finished watching it, and I reckon it's incredibly underrated. People still remember movies like the Terminator and Alien, right? Why doesn't anybody remember this? I didn't even know it existed until I watched the Gmod Idiot Box and even then I didn't see it until now. Now that I have... just wow. Anyone who's seen it knows what I mean. Think about it, the tagline is just the perfect summary: An ordinary man at war with everyday life.

Incredible tagline, isn't it? Amazing how calm and collected he is, how different he is from all those normal main characters we see nowadays. He's not a macho badass, he's not a space marine, he's not even a scientist in the wrong place at the wrong time, forced to fight for survival stuck in his workplace as aliens invade and the military try to kill him and every one of his colleagues. He's just an ordinary man witnessing the problems with society, and he retaliates with guns, violence and a hell of an intense and amazing two or so hours of awesomeness.

Falling Down is great. The one thing I didn't really like as much was the end, I felt it was a little weak in the psychological department. It should have had William Foster trying to justify what he did instead of what actually happened. Though I guess they couldn't do it any other way.

Great movie. Go see it now, it's really awesome.

Wow. Skyward Sword looks like complete crap, doesn't it? Please compare the pictures below and then tell me with a straight face that Nintendo has made a very big mistake, making this new game look more like those bloody awful Gamecube and DS cartoony bullshit fests. Yes, Wind Waker, Phantom Hourglass and Spirit Tracks are all BAD. Personally, I blame the DS because out of the three, Wind Waker is the better one. But still, TWILIGHT PRINCESS was amazing, pure gold that reminded me that despite Nintendo's stupid decisions and continuous kicking in the balls, they're still worth defending in the big bad world of current gen consoles. This just gave me another hard thump in the nads:

http:///news/2010/06/e3_2010_hands_on_the_legend_of_zelda_skyward_sword/attachment/0/large.jpg (THE NEW ZELDA, SKYWAYRD SWORD)

http:///wii/image/article/711/711723/the-legend-of-zelda-twilight-princess-wii-version-20060607043210489_640w.jpg (TWILIGHT PRINCESS)

I dunno, maybe I think the bright colours don't suit Zelda as well as the twilight bloom and shadow effects of Twilight Princess. It's too bright. A friend of mine saw it and said it looks like Majora's Mask (he's not the biggest gamer, as you might've guessed). But still, I hate what it looks like.

Recently, I fell in love with Grim Fandango.

For everyone who has ever played it, you'll know instantly how I feel because you obviously felt the same way. For those who haven't played it, I strongly suggest looking it up and either watching a playthrough on YouTube (one I've been watching is by Navnroid, very well done except the shadows are slightly screwed) or just downloading it from somewhere. Seriously, even if you're an FPS fanatic like I am you'll love it because... well, it's just so likable. The characters are interesting, the setting is ingenious and the plot is amazing. Tim Schafer has now been labeled as one of my favourite game designers ever because of this, and apparently Psychonauts is just as good.

You might not have heard about it, though, because it came out THE SAME YEAR AS HALF LIFE. Which is a pity, because both of them are incredible games, it's just Half Life got more credit and unfortunately Grim Fandango was overlooked by most people. It's critical reviews, however, are almost unanimously positive. It truly is a perfect example of how story and characters alone can make a nigh-perfect game. Of course, the graphics have also aged well because the simplistic look of the character's skulls is so incredibly odd that its perfect.

Seriously, look it up now. Find out everything you can, because it is amazing.

Wow, people. It's a weird thought thinking that the most reviews I've seen on a Half Life fic is something like three hundred. I was recently checking a friend's profile, and saw a Twilight fic that she's favourited: It had a thousand reviews or something like that. I looked up the most reviewed fic on this site on Google, and apparently another Twilight one that appears to have been deleted had over ten thousand reviews. Seriously, a good way to sum up my expression would be: 0_o

Half Life isn't the most popular category, sure. But it's just sad that it gets overlooked by people for the more popular Harry Potter and Twilight stuff. Maybe that's a good thing, because I hear if something becomes popular there's generally only two groups relating to it: people who think God made it, and people who think it's something Satan did in his personal water closet (Twilight cops this more, or so I hear. Harry Potter, so far as I know, doesn't actually get any hatred criticism as a book but rather the character himself gets his name abused).

Whatever, I just think that good stuff goes to waste if like one person reads it. It might be incredibly amazing, but if it gets released in one of the least popular categories maybe five people will notice it and that's it (OUR DEAR ADMINISTRATOR. READ IT DAMMIT). I haven't read any of the stuff with these ridiculous reviews, but from the first paragraphs I guess I could say they're all better than the average fic on here.

Yeah, that's my random blab getting expelled here. I need to go and write some more of Chapter 11 for Episode 4. Hope that wasn't a waste of your life.

What would be a good analogy to compare the Half Life FanFiction Archive to or, more specifically, looking for something good and worth reading in it? Perhaps 'searching for jewels in a pit of excrement?'

Well, how about I make a list for all you people out there who are looking for a good read. Yes, I know there's a community doing this, but they've missed out one specific one that I read not ten minutes ago.

First, I'll name it: Our Dear Administartor, by FredThompson. It's his only fanfic, but it is amazing. Basically its what Dr. Breen was thinking during Gordon's assault on the Combine teleporter at the end of Half Life 2. It is absolutely INCREDIBLE, completely underrated and I demand you, yes, you right there reading this, read it and REVIEW IT.

Secondly, one most people know that I am utterly in love with: The Black Mesa Incident by Super Chocolate Bear. It follows not only Gordon through the events of Half Life 1, but Barney and Shephard too. However, it doesn't suffer from schizophrenic overambition and end up as a pile of failure. Not only is it action packed, it flows like chocolate with the buoyancy of water (my own comments on it) and character development and plot fit seamlessly together. It is so good that I sent a long and formal letter to GABE NEWELL himself requesting he read it. It's THAT good.

And... yeah, maybe I'll add more later. You can also try Shephard's Epic and Half Life Reborn. They're also both really good.

Well guys. Looks like our prayers have been answered. THERE IS NEWS ABOUT EPISODE 3!

http:///article.php?id=240672?cid=OTC-RSS&attr=CVG-News-RSS

Thank the Lord for Combine OverWiki (and Deremix, wouldn't have known about this if it wasn't for him). This isn't an April Fools, but it's also not super big. Gabe Newell basically says that the new half life needs to scare players more. When asked what players and hardcore fans fear most, he answered "The death of their children. The fading of their own abilities."

Damn. It also says the game will be expanded in its emotional palette. Does this mean 'relationship' will finally get its place in the whirlwind of emotions the game already has.

And seriously, if Gabe thinks the end of Episode 2 was weak sauce and the next game needs to be scarier, then damn, we're in for something big, people. Forget Portal 2, Episode 3 is going to be AWESOME!

And Gabe Newell has no intentions of giving Gordon a voice. http:///index.php/2010/04/05/gordon-freeman-wont-be-speaking-anytime-soon/

FAVOURITE MOVIES (in no particular order, subject to change because I have to see more from Nolan and Shyamalan) :

WALL-E (Favourite movie ever. See, you can go on all day about movies like The Godfather, Casablanca and all that, but when it comes down to it neither of those films made me feel really GOOD while and after watching them. The Godfather ended rater sombrely, and Casablanca just ended with two guys walking jovially into the mist. WALL-E kept it's innocent, childlike charm the entire way through. But what it also did was fabulous drama that almost made me cry, and that was without the ballsy dramatics that Toy Story 3 utilised to get the same effect. The way WALL-E does it is so subtle, and thus I appreciate it more. The one scene at the beginning of the movie, having watched it multiple times now, where WALL-E notices the two people holding hands on Hello, Polly! and he inquisitively tries to imitate them by himself is a perfect example of why WALL-E is my favourite movie ever.)

The Godfather

Casablanca

Falling Down.

Pulp Fiction (Tarantino is a master).

Terminator 1 and 2.

Patriot Games, Hunt for the Red October, Sum of All Fears etc.

Air Force One.

The Fugitive.

Batman (1989), Batman Begins and The Dark Knight.

Inception.

The Green Zone.

First Blood.

The Matrix trilogy (Revolutions wasn't that bad, and Reloaded had bits in it that kicked the first one's ass).

Equilibrium (got a worse rating than Transformers 2. What the hell is this world coming to? The acting was crap, yeah, but at least it had an intelligent premise and good action. Transformers 2 had all sorts of military bullshit going on while LaBeouf ran around with Megan Fox in the desert. Zero focus on the fucking title characters. At least Equilibrium was a pleasure to the senses).

True Lies.

ALL THE JAMES BOND MOVIES.

Alien and Aliens.

Back to the Future trilogy.

Indiana Jones series (yes, all four).

RoboCop (Wow, only got 68 out of 100 on Metacritic).

District 9 (I swear, this movie is like nothing I've ever seen before. It's got a strange sort of mundane realism to it... maybe its the setting and the whole social satire aspect?)

Donnie Darko.

Fortress.

Transporter 1 (the second one was total shit, HEAPS WORSE than Equilibrium and Matrix Revolutions).

I talk to myself.

I like to go crazy in videogames and try to break the rules not just of the plot or whatever, but to find glitches (like what I tell my friends is a prototype Platinum in Diamond and Pearl, activated by walking all the way down from Snowpoint to Eterna with Walk Anywhere on. It makes everything SNOWY!)

I can't snap my fingers (Actually, I can now)

And I only do weights with my right hand (two little five kilo dumbells, not the big ones)

There we are. Now you know some random stuff about me.

FAVOURITE QUOTES:

Be polite. Be efficient. Have a plan to kill everyone you meet. -The Sniper, Team Fortress 2

The angels have the phone box. -The Tenth Doctor, Doctor Who Episode 'Blink'

Hmmm. A Combine zombie. That's, that's like a...ah...a Zombine! Right? Heh... Zombine, get it? Heh heh... OK... -Alyx Vance, Half Life 2: Episode One

Some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe. Maybe. I've yet to meet one who can outsmart bullet. -The Heavy, Team Fortress 2

Rope! It is like string, but more manly! -Vorgen, Fairly Odd Parents

Write what you would like to read yourself… and writing will never be problem. -Matthew Reilly, Melbourne Book Signing (wrote this in my friend's notepad)

YOU JUST GOT FROHWNED! -Gordon Frohman, Concerned

Bazinga! -Sheldon Cooper, Big Bang Theory

Other than that, a personal bio would be something like the following

Name: Zac (Zechariah) Bond (I kid you not)

Age: 15

Date Of Birth: Pretty blood close to Christmas

FAVOURITE STUFF:

GAME: NINTENDO, IF ONLY FOR THE NOVELTY OF MARIO AND THE AWESOMENESS OF ZELDA, AND THE EFFIN' HALF LIFE SERIES (PORTAL SURE AS HELL INCLUDED, AND TF2... WAIT, EVERYTHING BY VALVE) and FPS'. Any FPS.

TV SHOW: Doctor Who (Old and new series) Mythbusters and Top Gear (UK one, not Aussie one 'cause it sucks bad) the Big Bang Theory, Penn and Teller: Bullshit (I don't even think it airs over here in Australia)

BOOK (SERIES): ARTEMIS FOWL, FOUNDATION series by (Sir) Isaac Asimov, Shane "Scarecrow" Schofield series by Matthew Reilly, SPIRAL series by Andy Remic

FOOD: Too many to list, honestly.

ANIMAL: PENGUIN

ANIME/MANGA: INUYASHA (Don't watch much of the stuff)

MUSIC: Weird Al

Coldplay

AC/DC

Sabaton

That one Cee Lo Green song everyone seems to hate

A Day to Remember

Rage Against the Machine (some of their stuff)

N.W.A (Straight Outta Compton), Eminem (Marshall Matthers LP)

Hans Zimmer

Daft Punk

Mike Oldfield (Tubular Bells and Amarok)

Beethoven (9th Symphony, Moonlight Sonata)

Machinae Supremacy

And Game Soundtrack. Oh, yeah, game soundtrack. I have +16 hours of the stuff. Listing ... Phoenix Wright (Ace Attorney, Justice For All, Trials and Tribulations) Apollo Justice and Investigations: Miles Edgeworth, Deus Ex, SSBB, Mortal Kombat, System Shock 2, Command & Conquer Red Alert, Command & Conquer (Tiberium Dawn, if you like), One Must Fall: 2097 (Freeman's Mind is responsible for that), Mirror's Edge, Medal of Honor, Grim Fandango, Paino Squall's Audio CD, Doom 1, V-Rally 2 (Painful by Sin, only good bit about Transporter 2 is when this is playing), Super Mario Bros, Half Life, Half Life 2, Left 4 Dead, Left 4 Dead 2, Portal, Team Fortress 2 and Zelda.

GAME REVIEWER: AVGN (GETTING HIS OWN FUCKING MOVIE!) and Zero Punctuation (AUSSIE FTW), but ZP more because his humour is dark, sarcastic and he's an author (MOGWORLD IS OUT and it's actually quite good). And he'd hate to read this because he hates children. Plus he's an misunderstood genius dismissed by the general populace as a professional troll (he's not, he's just got high standards and no he doesn't need me defending him).

GENRE (BOOKS, GAMES, MOVIES): SCI-FI, ACTION/ADVENTURE, THRILLER,

People I reckon you should cheek out:

Super Chocolate Bear: OK, this person is the best author I know here as of the fifth of February 2010. I actually don't know if Chocolate Bear is a guy or a girl (WTF on my behalf) but (s)he writes really really well. The Black Mesa Incident is better than some books I've read by published authors (Like Armour by John Steakly) so check it out if you're a fan of Half Life. Also some Doctor Who stuff which I haven't read (added just FTW)

Profile: http://www.fanfiction.ws/u/515936/

Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus: The funniest author I have found yet. His humour focuses on the randomness of everything and stuff like that, so yeah, check his stuff out. It's pretty good.

Profile: http://www.fanfiction.ws/u/858447/

Teen Titans Go: not many stories, but writes good battle scences in Super Smash Bros Tournament.

Profile: http://www.fanfiction.ws/u/1278455/

Sweswe: Smashers is one of the best Super Smash Bros stories I have found. Check it out.

Profile: http://www.fanfiction.ws/u/564774/

KILL THE EMPIRE: He's a really good writer, and he has a good sense of humor. Check him out.

Profile: http://www.fanfiction.ws/u/460572/

The Great Gonzales: Man, this guy is funny and a really good writer. Check him out.

Profile: http://www.fanfiction.ws/u/1333687/#

Royal Kenya: She writes really, really well, and I've only read half of 'Lay Off My Guy!' Check her out.

check my favourite authors to find them. all others in my Fav authors are just as good, so feel proud, you authors!

STORIES I RECCOMEND (SSBB):

Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus: All of 'em except Link becomes DINNER.

Teen Titans Go: Super Smash Bros Tournament (Adventure) http://www.fanfiction.ws/s/3820576/1/

Sweswe: Smashers (Humor/Romance) http://www.fanfiction.ws/s/3014452/1/

The Great Gonzales: Yoshi vs Microsoft Windows (Humor/Adventure) http://www.fanfiction.ws/s/3924758/1/

Royal Kenya: Lay Off My Guy (Romance) http://www.fanfiction.ws/s/2240648/1/

(Half-Life)

Everything in the Community The Resistors, specifically The Black Mesa Incident (http://www.fanfiction.ws/s/3147068/1/) Shephard's Epic (http://www.fanfiction.ws/s/2738635/1/) and Half-Life: Reborn (http://www.fanfiction.ws/s/5049575/1/).

FAVOURITE VIDEO GAMES

Mario: Mario is... well, uh. That's how I describe it. He's an icon, definitely, but he's been unfortunate enough to have the most remakes of a game in the history of the universe. Really, NSMB Wii is exactly the same as Super Mario Bros. except it's got different power ups, different lands and co-op like running around in a trampoline full of holes. And yet it sells, so Nintendo is happy to make more. However, when he tries he can usually bring out something good that deviates from the normal sidescrollers like Paper Mario, Mario Kart and Super Mario Galaxy.

Favourite game in the series: SMG (Super Mario Galaxy) or Mario kart series

Legend of Zelda: I actually don't have much criticism for Zelda. Sure, Ganon needs to stop coming back and the sequel chronology is more messed up than my headphones are after the leprechauns have gotten at them, but if you forget all that and play the games individually (because they don't NEED you to know what happens in all the other games most of the time) then you have a kick ass time! For Twilight Princess: The graphics are excellent (something special for the Wii), the Wiimote actually works well, the plot is immersive and it all works together. However, sometimes things get a smudge monotonous and occasionally I have to use a walkthrough, but that was when I was 13. AND I LOVED THE GAME!

Favourite games in series: Ocarina of time and Twilight Princess.

Pokemon: the coolest RPG series ever. It has so many opportunities, and the game never ever ever ends. It's the most ultimate RPG ever! Flaws include suffering from Mario syndrome, where deviating from the norm brings decent games, otherwise Pokemon games are the same 'Catch This, Beat Five Good People, Become Champion, Defeat The Evil Generic Team' with a redecoration and a relocation.

Favourite game in series: Blue, actually. Sure, you can't teach Venosaur Earthquake, but at least MissingNo and Mew make an appearance.

Super Smash Bros.: Story mode is OK (Brawl), otherwise it's just... average.

Favourite game in series: Super Smash Bros Brawl

Metroid: Samus. When Metroid 1 came out, chicks weren't legends. Samus started something in a series that rocks.

VALVE games: Really, there isn't a favourite. They all kick ass in separate ways. Portal has portals, humour, GLaDOS and cake (which IS NOT A LIE), Team Fortress 2 is pure Online FPS genius, L4D had Francis and Louis, and hell, the Half-Life Series has everything else that made gaming (and life, the universe and everything) good.

COPY AND PASTERED (or stuff I copy and pastededed, or bordem reliever, or puple monkey...)

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you're bored, and wish to subject others into wasting about 5 seconds of their lives, copy and paste this into your profile.

Ninety-eight percent of teenagers have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the two percent who hasn't, copy this and paste it in your profile.

98 percent of teens have smoked or tried smoking weed. If you are one of the 2 that knows this is complete BS, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile!

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you think that donuts are the main reason many people go to work, paste this on your profile.

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself (i find that i am a very tough opponent). So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

If you think that Pokemon is cool, copy this into your profile.

If you are happy that the Pokemon Trainer is in Super Smash Brothers Brawl, copy and paste this into your profile.

I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball. Milk tastes good. People call me crazy but I'm just random! If you are random and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile. (I was called random at my primary school graduation!)

It's obvious that flamers are really just immature people with nothing better to do. If you're mature enough to take a flame, ignore the flamer, and repress the urge to strike back, then copy and paste this in your profile, and add your name to the list: RoyalFanatic, Yoshizilla, Luigi Rules 512, The Great Gonzales, Nintendolover222

If you think that sirens would go out and cops will crash your house if you rip the "Do not remove under penalty of law" tags off your mattress, paste this on your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you just want to waste several bytes on the FanFiction.net server, paste this on your profile as this message will use up several bytes.

If you love Yoshi Kart and support it, then copy and paste this into your profile.

Studies show that if Abercrombie released the fact that is wasn't cool to breathe, 92 percent of teenagers would die. If you're part of the other 8 percent, copy and paste this into your profile.

Studies show that someone has done something really stupid in their life. If you're one of those who has done something completely stupid, paste this onto your profile.

Studies show that cancer may kidnap Princess Toadstool someday and Mario will die in the process. If you wish Yoshi to go in an all-time adventure to rescue Toadstool, paste this onto your profile and put your name on the list Gonzales, Nintendolover222

Studies show that only two percent of people has never copied and pasted something. If you're the other ninety-eight percent, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you are the two percent, copy and paste this onto your profile to finally copy and paste something.

Studies show that ninety-eight percent of people are getting tired of my Studies Shows messages. If you're the other two who wish for more Studies Shows messages, paste this onto your profile.

If you want Luigi in Brawl, copy and paste this into your proile.

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.

.eliforp ruoy otni etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you're confused whether donuts is spelled donuts or doughnuts, paste this on your profile.

If you are obsessed with something considered childish for someone your age, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever been to McDonald's, copy this onto your profile.

I solemly swear that anyone who flames my stories will get a flame back. FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE! BEAT OUT THE FLAMES! If you agree (or hate flamers), copy this into your profile. (I hate 'em when I don't ask for 'em)

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you've ever tried to lick your elbow and knew that it was physically impossible, copy this to your profile.

Copy the bunny to your profile to help him achieve world domination, and come join the dark side. (We have cookies.) COOKIES!! (insert cookie monster from sesame street)

Even when you can’t see him God is there! If you believe in God, copy/paste this into your profile. (WOOT!)

If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile. (I have a list further up!)

cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! Tahts so cool!
If you could read that put it in your profile! (What's so hard about it? Honestly?)

If you're a 'The Legend of Zelda' fan, copy and paste this into your profile. (I AM ONE!! FEEL MY FANFULNESS WRATH! BWAHAHAHAHA!!)

If you know a video game character or video game weapon that needs to exist, copy and paste this into your profile. (My opinion: Link!), (Dude Link needs to exist) -Ocarina of Twilgiht XxSandVillageGirlxX (Bomb-arrows! I'd kill myself, but I'd have fun dyin'! Oh, and Link totally needs to exist, too) (Link DEFINETLY(sp?) needs to exist. So should the Master Sword and Fire and Ice arrows because I'd have too much fun with them and they'd lock me in an Asylum. Cloud Strife needs to exist along with his Buster Sword. Reno needs to exist. Rufus nees to exist cause I really like him.)LinkFangirl01

My Video Game Character opinion: Can I only choose one? I'm going to choose lots to annoy you. Link, Zelda, Mario, Luigi, Peach, Bowser (he he he), Ness, Lucas and practically all the Smashers except Olimar.)

My video game weapon opinion: Master sword, fire, light, ice and bomb arrows, Fire Flower (technically it is a weapon), Ice flower... May continue later.

If you like pie, copy and paste this into your profile!

Add this into your profile if you like fire and burning things. (Burning sugar is fun, and babies... I mean what.)

If you get a kick out of explosions, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you took the time to read all of these (and you usually do), copy and paste this onto your profile.

END PRETENTIOUS PROFILE.