Like, yo, you guys.

So, I'm liking this place (as a writer) better than I thought I would. Responses I've gotten so far have been awesome, and so much love to the people who decided to watch me or any of my stories. Thank you, guys.

I think I'mma bore you with an analysis of myself!

Commence!

Likes: MY LITTLE PONY FRIENDSHIP IS MAAAAAGIC, Star Trek, writing, reading, slash, food (not-starving is so awesome, now), stake-outs, mystery and intrigue, Really Confusing Movies, 80's cartoons, (Transformers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles = win!), showers, curtains, lutes, sleeping for ridiculously long amounts of time, HotGear (new favorite - it's so much fantastical), Star Trek, X-Men, baking, hiking, Star Trek, science news, woodwind instruments, toads, Spanish soap-operas, boxing, centipedes, oldsy blues, obscure music, dogs, hot towels, comedians, Pac-Man, Kuwabara, loud music, exercise, the Internet, gaming, sushi, watching the preparation of sushi, Star Trek, supreme pizzas (with olives out the wazoo), Xiaolin Showdown, paper, being... alive, Sinead O'Conner (she just rips into your soul with that voice), mythology, disco, solitaire, laughing so hard it feels like I'm working out, satanic rituals, discovering gems, 342, Caribbean flavors, and... Star Trek! Everything to do with Star Trek! ... Except Enterprise.

Dislikes: Not having any free time, homophobia (it's so gay), having to monitor what I say so I don't offend delicate sensibilities, too many cats (I've had to deal with having thirty. All at once. In the house), those little umbrellas they put in drinks sometimes, talking babies, shedding, Disappointing Sequels, the sound of cracking knuckles, math, ads, really ornate fonts, constantly hearing about athletes who used drugs to up their game (god, I don't care), Fox News, the frill shark, Really Big Hair, ice cubes, dandelions, bad typing, even worse grammar, that Elmer's Glue man-cow, the thinness taking over, willful ignorance ("Oh, I've never finished a book and I'm so damn proud of myself!"), crappy doors what don't open right (and on that note, screen doors on a windy day), my old house, my town, my state... I could go on.

Physical Features: Eh... I'm like, somewhere between 4'5 and... 7'8, yeah. I don't have hair, I have sheets of metal embedded into my scalp, and my skin is made of leather. Blue leather. So I'm blue. My eyes are ifjsiofj (it's a very common color) and I have talons. But I've got like, no use for them, seeing as I don't hunt or anything, so they're pretty useless.

... No, I'm kidding.

I do go hunting.

Mental Features: ... Uh... um... Really... nothing you can't see on a daytime talk-show.

Surrounding Features: Idiot brother, more-than-adequately-awesome sister, mom, yellow walls in a yellow house, in the Middle of Nowhere (in the Land of Nowhere, just beyond the Valley of Somewhere, but just before the Jungle of Neither Here Nor There). A very overgrown lawn because the mower ran away. And jungle cats - what totally pwn our stupid house cats.

There's a dingo named Blue who's in love with a jaguar, but his feelings are forbidden. It's very sad to see dingoes lamenting taboo love, so I'm trying to find a way around the rules society has established to get them together. I might have to martyr myself for their love.

There's a raven who smokes cigars outside my window, and all the characters from Labyrinth come out at night and sing. And really weird neighbors - the ones to the right are just lame, and the one to the left throws wild parties at least four nights out of every week. I think he's living life in the fast lane. Pretty soon he won't be able to stop on the highway and he'll crash, and then the doctor won't come unless he pays him cash.

There are some horses who try to eat my hand whenever I pet them, and a cornfield behind the house. Haven't seen any aliens, though, but my sister claims she has. She says she saw them in an intergalactic spatula, and that they were here checking up on all the trees on Earth. They have some sort of prophesy that says trees will one day rise up from their rooty shackles and take vengeance upon all those who wronged them and then go on to take over the universe. They were coming to see how they were doing on that.

A big red sacrifice tree is in the middle of the cornfield. We have to feed it half a pig every three days, and mom says when it matures, it will repay us for our kindness. Sacrifice trees always do. I'm hoping it will bring back all the pigs we had to kill for it - I miss them.

There's a dragon named Puff who lives by the sea, but he comes over sometimes and tells us stories. Stories about when he used to have treasures hidden in a cave that he protected and virginal maidens sacrificed to him monthly. He told us to dig a pit in front of our house and he blew fire into it - dragon fire is magical, and it burns eternally. The only thing that can extinguish it is leprechaun blood. We don't have any anymore because a tiger drank it all last week. The tiger said he had to go on a spirit journey so he needed the powerful hallucinogenic effects of the blood. He hasn't come back yet.

I roast marshmallows in the eternal dragon-fire pit a lot, and I think maybe I should slow down on 'em, because I might get fat. Actually, that's impossible - we have a corpulence worm that lives in a pecan tree. It comes out and steals fat while you're sleeping. Kinda creepy, but it keeps you thin. We hear tell someone had to sell their soul for the thing, but when it first came from the Dimension of Kang it was very hungry and so ate the whole person up.

We have a jar of mayonnaise that holds the secrets of the world, but we're not allowed to open it. The raven with the smoker's cough says it's rotten and sick now - the mayo and the secrets - and that we'd become rotten and sick if we ate it, too. It's not really tempting. Mayo that old wouldn't taste very good on a sandwich, anyway.

A man named Rando came around nearly a score ago, and he soothed the concrete-bears who always tried to steal our sunlight. But he got called away on an epic journey mandated by the Parliament a half-decade ago and the bears have been running rampant. It's dark most of the time, now, and I really need a tan for my leather. I'm planning to attack the bears... or maybe bribe them with ukulele pickle. They really like those.

A giant hibachi grill is at the end of the street, and it's always hot. When it rains, steam rises from it continuously, and after there's a thick fog that blankets the land as far as the eye can see. Seven armed chefs (three on each side and one from the chest - really a big help in their profession) cook for anyone willing to come, and they're amazing to watch. Nine foot tall waitresses decked out in beautiful kimono provide the most excellent service and entertainment imaginable, and I think it's an experience everyone should enjoy at least once.

We get calls a lot from strange people who seem to know everything about us. They have funny accents and try to sell us things, but lately they've been saying that they need us to make a paper star for everyone in the world. But they won't tell us why, they're just very imperious. So far we've gotten up to around 2,000 - so only like... 6,783,555,000 to go!

You know, it's all the norm around here.

Cease!

Totally truthful analysis, I swear.

(I miss you, Writing, and I'm traveling back to you. I don't know how long I'll take, but I'm always heading in your direction. All my love.)

Peace out, people.