Hello, all! This is R. Reynolds speaking. If you're here, that means you read one of my stories, loved it, and want to read more of the same, high quality, exquisitely worded classic literature that the future generations will undoubtedly be reading in their English classes, or you got one of my reviews and wanted to learn more about the person behind the mysterious screen name. Undoubtedly, you are then disappointed by the lack of insightful information displayed on this profile. I'm sorry to let you down, but my identity will remain a secret.

Following is a list of my current mental afflictions. I only share these with you so that you might understand where some of the inspiration for my writing comes from or why I am the way I am.

Current diagnosed mental illnesses:

1. OCD. This means that there are no grammatical errors present in my stories, despite the fact that they tend to abound in most fanfictions.

2. ADD. If I leave you hanging on any of my stories, now you know why. This is also the reason that I will quite possibly never write a multichapter story. That, and I lack the time and dedication to make that a reality. Nevertheless, I shall do my best to tie up any loose ends in my stories as quickly as possible.

3. Depression. I tend to have downer stories. Sorry about that.

4. Anxiety. See above.

There are more, but they don't really apply to my writing. If you're genuinely that curious about how screwed up I am, send me a message and I'll tell you the rest.

That's all for now.

- R. Reynolds

Disclaimer: Decided to just put one on here. Frankly, I'm just too damn lazy to write one for every story. So here goes. If I owned the characters, would I be on this site? Enough said.

If you are here about my writing, this is important:

I'm not going to update that often. Why? Because I'm a lazy, insensitive prick. You're welcome. Actually, if you read the whole introduction thing above, it gets explained in nicer words. But this is applicable too.

If you actually want to learn about me, the anonymous author, keep reading. Otherwise, you can just leave at this point.

Age: Doesn't matter.

Gender: Not really any of your business, hmm? Actually, the reason I won't say my age or gender is because I will undoubtedly have my writing judged based upon it. It isn't intentional, and I'm not one to point fingers, but it happens all the time. So blame it on the world we live in.

Favorite book: How can I decide? Far too many to choose from.

Favorite color: Blue

Favorite movie: V for Vendetta. Easily the greatest movie ever created. I love you, Wachowski brothers!

Favorite music: Varies widely. Classic rock, modern rock, pop, some metal, R&B, some "scene" music... Basically, anything that isn't rap. I'm currently listening to Blue October. On loop. Nonstop.

Favorite pastimes: Reading, watching movies/TV, playing video games, other forms of vegetating...

Current favorite websites:

fanfiction.net

Random crap about me: Hmmm. I have a really dirty mind. You know those friends in every little circle that are always making sex jokes? That would be me. And you know those straight-A students everyone always hated in school? Also me. My sexuality is a hot mess. I would consider myself an atheist/agnostic. I definitely don't believe in God the way that religion describes it. The whole laziness thing brings us to something else. I am the laziest person you will ever meet. To be frank, I don't pee unless I really have to because I'm too lazy to stand up. Enough said. That's all for now, I suppose.

Political Standing: Libertarian. No, it is not just a two party system. Yes, your teachers did lie to you in school. For all of you who don't know, libertarians believe in the economic freedoms provided by the Republican party and the individual freedoms provided by the Democratic party. At least, that's the basic concept. Research it if you care.

Something I appreciate deeply but no one else seems to: Flames. I'd rather have a flame than no review. Actually, I'd rather have a flame than a mindless review requesting me to "kepe riting. is goood." Maybe it is, but your writing sure as hell isn't. At least a flame makes an effort to tell me how bad I suck. Flames make me:

a) Angry. They are a serious motivation for me to keep writing and show up said flamers.

b) Think. The way I see it, an insult has to be based in truth to have any negative effect. Flames that piss me off have to have an ounce of truth to them. These flames must then be telling me what areas of my writing need improving.

Something I don't mind all that much but everyone else seems to: Minerva. I don't think she's intentionally making everyone hate her. In fact, she doesn't even seem like that bad a person. It's just that she is interfering with a certain pairing which shall remain unnamed that also happens to be the major ship in its fandom. We can't help who we fall for, right? I really wish that people would stop bashing her just because two imaginary characters "belong" together and she is somehow preventing that from happening.

Things I can't stand:

1) Twilight. To be perfectly honest, I fell asleep in the middle of the first one. Literally. I never bothered finishing it. Anything that pathetic doesn't deserve to be graced with my time. And frankly, this quote from an unknown internet author sums up the entire series quite nicely: "Twilight is a four part book series about a girl struggling to decide between beastiality and necrophiliasm." Amen to that.

2) People who are full of themselves. No, you are not the greatest person to happen to the world, and no, neither am I, but at least I haven't convinced myself I am. This applies to people who think they are the smartest, cutest, strongest, or best at anything. You aren't. Believe me. Just stop. If not for my sake, then for the sake of the greater part of the thinking world.

3) Grammatical errors. It's not that difficult, people. Use your common sense. Contrary to popular belief, it is important to the function of a sentence. If you have any self respect at all, take enough pride in your work to proofread it.

4) Your mom.

Something about which I have strong feelings: Abortion. Who the hell are you to decide if an unborn baby gets to live? Don't give me this crap about it not being human.

Quotes:

"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self." - Cyril Connolly

"Death is no more than passing from one room into another. But there's a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room I shall be able to see." - Helen Keller

"Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them." - Edward W. Howe

"I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do." - Helen Keller

"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running." - Groucho Marx

"Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid." - Hedy Lamarr

"Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing." - Robert Benchley

"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please." - Mark Twain

"Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother." - Kahlil Gibran

"We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in an ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop." - Mother Teresa

"We can do no great things, only small things with great love." - Mother Teresa

"Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now." - Mr. Regan

"Haikus are easy

But sometimes they don't make sense

Refrigerator." - I have absolutely no idea

"A clean house is a sign of a misspent life." - Unknown

"A diplomat is one who thinks twice before saying nothing." - Unknown

"A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house." - Anonymous

"A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't." - Rhonda Hansome

"You really know you love someone when all you want is for them to be happy, even if that means that you are not a part of it." - Anonymous

"Age is a very high price to pay for maturity." - Unknown

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but an onion a day keeps everyone away." - Cassandra Chatfield

"When it comes to design, I'm like Stephen Hawking meets Jesus Christ meets Gandalf. My work is like a black hole of perfect Jesus wizard sauce." - "Why you don't like changes to your design" by The Oatmeal

"TEE-HEE BUBBLES!!!! I LOVE bubbles! and koala bums!" - description of people operating on fluff in "Why you don't like changes to your design" by The Oatmeal

“Look into my heart? Honestly, Papa, I am not a Care Bear!” - Minerva in The Lost Colony by Eoin Colfer

Mulder: "It all fits a profile of alien abduction."
Scully: "This fits a profile?" - The X-Files, "Pilot"

Alec Mosca: "Who are you guys?"
Rigsby: "Remember the badge? CBI."
Alec Mosca: "What the hell is that?"
Cho: "California Bureau of Investigations."
Alec Mosca: "What the hell is that?"
Cho: "We're like the FBI only more conveniently located." - The Mentalist, "18-5-4"

Scully: "Oh my God, Mulder, it's smells like, I think it's bile."
Mulder: "Is there any way I can get it off my fingers quickly without betraying my cool exterior?" - The X-Files, "Squeeze"

Mulder: "All these people putting bars on their windows, spending good money on hi-tech security systems, trying to feel safe. I look at this guy and I think, it ain't enough." - The X-Files, "Squeeze"

Mike Teevee: "Why is everything here completely pointless?"
Charlie Bucket: "Candy doesn't have to have a point. That's why it's candy." - Charlie and the Chocolate Factory