Almost anything can be dirty ~ The four food groups consist of fast food, junk food, frozen pizza and take out ~ Always carry a book, you never know when you'll need it ~ Oy with the poddles already! ~ God Lives in London ~ Coffee is essential for survivial ~ Swans are vicious birds ~ Snow is magical ~ The difference between cows and humans is hay ~ Childbrith is like doing the splits on a crate of dynamite ~ The fish flies at night ~ If you walk with a Harry Potter book on your head and drop the book, Harry will die ~ If men can name their kids after themselves, why not women? ~ Never buy something just because it's furry ~ Backwards baseball caps and flannel never go out of style ~ Copper Boom! ~ It's much better to have a haunted leg than a cold ~ You can never have too many thanksgiving dinners ~ Booze is grown-up milk and cookies ~ Make sure to invite bikers and low life's over when your parents leave town ~ Fancy water has nothing on coffee ~ A lap is an illusion ~ If you're fustrated with someone, try pushing him into a lake ~ When stuck in a hopeless situation, climb out the balcony window ~ The answer to problems in the Mid-East is poop ~ Dressing up in a cute little maid costume is as close as any self-respecting girl needs to get to cleaning up ~ Answer the pepperoni ~ Roomba vaccum and entertainment is one nifty package ~ Bad girls always wear red nail polish ~ Doing laundry is highly overrated ~ Blasting the Cure after having a bad day will do wonders ~ Chocolate makes it all better ~ 8:00 means 8:15 ~ Wearing a dress that says,"come and get it," doesnt mean you're a slut ~ You can never have too many books ~ Reheated pizza sucks ~ Saturday is the day of prerest ~ Yoga kills ~ Women at sixty-forty bars want one thing; their names on the will ~ Some just aren't meant to be pet owners ~ Never let your guy friend drive the car your boyfriend made for you ~ Why wear normal lipstick when you can wear flavored? ~ You wanna learn how to play the drums? Bang on some pots and pans for a while ~ You know you've reached rock bottom when you're stuck planning a kids Lord of the Rings party; and that kid isn't yours ~ Four n four means no martini's for four years (gasp) ~ Some keys can talk ~ George Clooney beats any man ~ Never sit with a group of girls who enjoy talking about prom colors-it will end badly ~ Termites are evil ~ Having a gym card is just as good as going to one (plus they come in handy when breaking into churches) ~ Always make sure your boyfriend has enough money to outbid your guy friend ~ Procrastination is a rule to live by ~ Never sleep with your ex ~ Cakes can never have too much chocolate ~ Mock those who like to run ~ Nice means bad butt ~ Every girl should have a dirty monkey lamp ~ Babies don't know their butt from a hole in the ground ~ Throwing your life away for a guy is only worth it if he has a motorcycle ~ Never ever go to lunch alone with the mother ~ Butt crack bareing jeans never go out of style ~ Dating your daughter's teacher is a no no ~ Having hot parents can suck sometimes ~ The bigger the pizza, the better ~ Never let your child-hating friend baby sit ~ Make sure your hubby got fixed before doing the dirty ~ Always bring ice ~ Wallowing is necassary after a break up ~ No running with scissors ~ Coffee keeps you peppy ~ Doing cartwheels is a sure fire way to catch a guys attention ~ Don't date anyone your mother knows ~ Having a driver can come in handy sometimes ~ You can't mock the mocking ~ When in doubt, road trip! ~ Never volunteer to host a rummage sale~ Cats pity the single ~ Always have a mirror, condoms and a can of bread crumbs, in your purse at all times ~ Avoid strangers, or you'll end up watering their lawn~ "Air pants", are tights for men ~ Bandages can't fix broken windows ~ A girl can never have too much denim ~ How ink comes out of pens will always be a mystery ~ Talking baby talk to babies will prevent them from being fully tarded ~ Sometimes, tough love is neccassary ~ And last but not least... The greatest bond is that of a mother and daughter : )