Hi, all!

First off, I'm an amateur! Even if my work isn't top-notch, I hope everyone will find them enjoyable. My primary goal on this site is to improve my writing skills, so questions, comments, insights, etc. will all make me a very happy writer.

I'm always looking to improve my work, so any and all constructive criticism is appreciated.

Also, I'm bad at adding humor into my stories but I absolutely love witty or funny things! So here are some quotes and poems and such that I've come across over the years that I've appreciated just for the fun of it . . . and some of them ring quite true!

"Two Dead Boys"
Poet Unknown

One fine day in the middle of the night,
two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other,
drew their swords and shot each other.

One was blind and the other couldn't see
so they chose a dummy for a referee.
A blind man went to see fair play
a dumb man went to shout "hooray!"

A paralyzed donkey passing by,
kicked the blind man in the eye,
knocked him through a nine inch wall,
into a dry ditch and drowned them all.

A deaf policeman heard the noise,
and came to arrest the two dead boys.
If you don't believe this story's true,
ask the blind man; he saw it, too!

Random quotes from various sources (none of them are mine!):

How long a minute is . . . depends on which side of the bathroom door you're standing on.

The second thing to go is the memory. I can't remember what the first thing is.

If at first you don't succeed . . . erase all evidence that you tried.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.

Before you criticize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you'll be a mile away and you'll have their shoes.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Dogs come when called. Cats take a message and get back to you.

Nothing would ever get done if it weren't for that last minute.

Bacon and eggs: a day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

Never go out to meet trouble. If you just sit still, nine times out of ten someone will intercept it before it reaches you.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift . . . that's why it's called the present. (This one is really famous, and I love it!)

Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent, that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train Americans to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

The early bird gets the worm, but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese.

To err is human; to really foul things up requires a computer.

Well, in any case, I wish everyone happy reading and writing!