Hey there. It's been a while.

I'm not entirely sure how to explain what happened to me and everything I wrote way back when. It all seems a bit immature now that I think about it. But I'll try to say it in as few words as possible:

I wasn't happy.

Not with my stories, or my life, or anything. I was dealing with a lot mentally, and in many ways I still am. Lots of crap has happened in my life that I'm not proud of and not happy with. Even now I'm not at a point in my life where I'm totally happy. There are still things I wish I could do, things I wish I'd done a long time ago, things I wish I'd never done at all. A lot of wishing.

Unfortunately, that all combined with my writing, and I just...stopped caring. I deleted all of the stories I had on FFN, particularly the stories I once dubbed "the Chaos Saga", which was a collection of four books that took place post-Twilight Princess. In hindsight, those books were rather awful. Too many plot holes, too much randomness, and not enough consistency. Granted, I still thought the first book was decent. Still needed work and proper imagination, though.

I just wish I had at least saved that first one. But all 62 chapters are gone, and all I have left are memories of what that whole story was.

In the years since I left FFN, I tried so hard to rekindle that burning flame I had when writing fanfiction. Even now, I try to put together original stories that I can one day self-publish on Wattpad or something. Nothing works. I get too many ideas and eventually it just gets so tiring that I want to stop altogether. But there's always been that little part of me that just wants to write. That one part that's just like, "You have to get these ideas out. Not just in your Notes app, but in an actual document. Fully written. Completed. Now."

Boy, I wish I had enough interest in my own stuff to want to write it all the way through like I did way back when. When I was a teenager, I could sit on my computer and write for HOURS. Chapter after chapter. I got so obsessed with my stories that I wanted to see them finished. I crave those days again, but to this day I haven't been able to get to that point.

I suppose that's another reason why I left and didn't come back until now. I lost my spark. I'm still looking for it. I don't know if this return will even be permanent. I just know I want to write something. If that something ends up being a fanfiction, so be it.

I don't know that I feel like apologizing for leaving, either. Lately I don't think apologies I make are ever sincere. So I'll just say this: I'll try. I'll try to write again, to bring back that spark I had so long ago. But please, if you even remember me and remember the stories I wrote, please don't expect me to stay. I don't know if I can or will.

But I'll try.