"My dear flamers and haters, followers and reviewers, fanfic'ers, readers, authors, reporters, assholes and... wincesters." [cheers]

"Wincest is incest!"

[Hobbits laugh. Author waves dismissively.]

"Don't like it don't read it twat! Uh, each to their own?"

"Alas, eleventy-one years is far too short a time to live among such excellent and admirable hobbits vertically disinclined readers." [cheers abound.]

"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."

[processing.jpg]

"I, uh, I h-have things to do." [fidgets with the Ring notifications behind his back. [Whispers to himself]

"I've put this off for far too long."

[to the empty crowd] "I regret to announce — this is The End. I am going now. I bid you all a very fond farewell." [whispers to Frodo beloved stories] "Goodbye."

[queue Con Te Partiro]