Hey could you make that jay fall in love with one of the female lion I love this story and I hope you keep doing good

I don't mind Jay X Nala but I still prefer Simba X Nala and by the way if this fanfic was a film would it be rated PG-13 or rated R? Let me know if you know what rating it will be.

It seems to me the story is fine; the characters, the intention and the way. I agree with the comment below to correct some spelling points, but the rest is great. In my way I loved Jay's partner with Nala, although it is rare because of the difference in the species, it does not stop at all because there are popular stories or series with similar themes (As in the Bojack Horseman series). So do not disassemble that couple, but I think you give more depth to their history. Another thing that could be changed is slowness. The story progresses very slowly and there are no shocking scenes for the reader and I tell you because I have written stories about that style. It feels like all the chapters are the same. It would be good if you delved into adding interesting and shocking parts to the plot's progress.
Sorry my bad English, I'm Latin and I'm just going on that.
I look forward to the continuation and wonders you have planned.
Kisses.

Could you put nlala to fail for jay

I would suggest carefully proofreading each chapter and correcting all of your spelling mistakes. No offense, but there are quite a few.

Also, I believe I recall some hints at pairing Jay with Nala. Please don’t do this. It’s messed up on a number of levels. Plus, romance of any kind would drag your story down. Jay isn’t even eleven yet, so romance should be the last thing on his mind anyway, much less with someone of a completely different species. This story is about family, so please keep it that way. Have Jay interact with more cubs besides Nala, maybe give him a genuine friendship with Kovu, to the point that he starts to view them as siblings. Since Jay’s an only child, it would make sense for him to eventually form sibling-like bonds with the cubs. Read Rudyard Kipling’s stories of Mowgli and I think you’ll see what I mean.

Another thing is you might want to give Jay fewer injuries from his encounter with the buffalo. That many injuries broke my suspension of disbelief and I spent the next few chapters wondering how Jay wasn’t dead. I don’t think he should come out unscathed, but I’m sure goring him was the right choice. I recommend doing some research on how to survive such an attack.

Overall, your story is very enjoyable and rather unique. None of the other “Human in the Pride Lands” stories that I’ve read handle the protagonist’s struggle to fit in quite as well as you do.

I forgot to ask, will JayxNala be in the fic? because I would like that and it would be very interesting in the fic, besides others asked the same.

I would suggest that you leave it like this, but make sure that the sequel focuses on the main plot with some stuffing, that the story is long (not much) for those who like to read and it will also arise that you take your time to write it calmly and without precision.

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!

CAN'T WAIT TO READ MORE!

Ooooh

SO SWEET! LOVE LOVE LOVE!

This Story is amazing almost like an AU of The Lion King film and a bit of Tarazan in their.

Now I don't know if you take requests but The Human Outsider is a story where Zira adopts a human boy into her pride and may be you could do an AU of this story where Scar & Zira are the ones who adopt Jay and they actually love him and in turn Jay helps them overthrow Mufasa almost like an Evil veirson of Jay.

this is my favorite chap!

I'm sure you forgot the "R" in "shirt" and so it came off profane. And you forgot the "E" in "quite" in the "quite muscular" part of the same paragraph.

I’m not able to read it won’t let me

fun fact: Taka is Swahili for, I kid you not, 'trash'