I remember reading this a few years ago and felt an urge today to find this again and give it another read. It's as heartbreaking and as beautifully written as I remember. It's a challenge to give characters with only a name a heartfelt story, and I'm thankful that you took the time to do so with so much care. I hope you're doing well. Thank you for adding to the Potterverse with such a well written story.

It's Sunday morning where I am, and I've just read this story from beginning to end. BIG MISTAKE. Because now, instead of making breakfast, getting started on laundry, going to the farmer's market and doing a whole bunch of other things I should be doing on a Sunday morning, all I want to do is remain curled up in my bed and weep in hopes of reaching catharsis...

Objectively speaking, this was a lovely, well-paced, well-written piece, and I salute you for your talent.

Subjectively: this was gut-wrenchingly terrible because of its beauty and sadness, and YOU are terrible for having put us through it! (I still salute you, though, because you deserve it.)

I just read this and tbh I don't quite know what to say because it was soooo beautiful and it broke my fucking heart. I read it on the train and it was really hard not to break down crying right then and there (a few tears might have slipped) but as soon as I was home and finished it I couldn't keep it inside. You wrote a beautiful story there and made me love these characters I never thought that much about tbh because we really know little to nothing about them but I absolutely love what you did with these two and thank you very much for making me a mess of feels Damn it! I'm listening to your mix which was how I discovered the story in the first place and idk what else to say but you can write so beautifully and killed me a little bit there. That moment when they're sitting in the living room and exchange I love yous is so well written I had to go back three times to re-read it. And I also really liked the structure though I was at first doubtful it works really well and made the story all the more heart-breaking.
Okay, now I'm gonna stop rambling, just know that I loved it very much!

A ‘stranger’ to her family – after reading the story, it’s almost ironic, she’s always been a bit of a stranger to them really, hasn’t she? Although I would also be incredibly overwhelmed if I was suddenly surrounded by the family members I’d left behind.

Oh my god! This was great! She has his baby. Aww…Somehow I just feel like this is the perfect way to finish this story.

Of course they would just turn away. I kind of predicted it from the way you’d set it up. Still, a part of me hoped that after all these years of Dom being away maybe we’d get even some reluctant acceptance.

Lily stuck around and her reaction was the most heart-warming, especially from what we saw of the previous scene and the conversation she shared with James. It’s all the more poignant because Ben looks so much like his father.

This entire piece was well-written although I noticed the odd typos, missing words, here and there. I thought you did a great job of really trying to bring the emotion of this story across and it resonated really well. You have every reason to be proud of this piece. I’m really glad I read it!

Well, this was a nice surprise. Lots more fragments to read!

15: No one knows they're together! Apart from Louis it seems. This fragment packed more of an emotional punch. The reason for this is because I feel like you painted her dilemma and the conflict inside of her really well. What's great about it, is that you also gave me enough of a context in order for this to be successful. I don't need to know everything about them; I just need to know enough. Right from the beginning of the fragment there is a sense of dread, the bed is cold, why is it cold, it shouldn't be cold, he should've returned yesterday. Then there's the, how do I find out, there's not anyone I can contact straight away because then people will ask questions, and I can't allow that to happen. Then there's a letter, which doesn't tell us much, lulls us into a false direction, maybe it's something else, something unrelated, though there's something ominous in the 'should've known'. Finally, the realisation happens in her head but we're still not quite sure what it is until she says, "James". Then it all comes crashing down and the worst is, she can't even openly cry about it. Perfect!

1: Like that this takes us right back to the beginning. After the last fragment it naturally feels like the right place to be. The morose tone seems very in keeping with the way you started off this fic. Dominique seems like a very angry child...LOL!

5: Oh you do showing so well and this demonstrated that beautifully. I love that I can get a feel for your story without you even naming one single emotion. Is this omniscient POV because I get a feel it is, I'm not quite sure though?

4: So she's growing to like James and they seem to be quite close. Here again their relationship and her feelings are the focus of the story that is clear, in a way the situation doesn't particularly matter. It feels like it's just another medium of showing what she likes about James and establishing their characters.

2: Nice little scene again. Like the dynamic you created between Victoire and Dominique, with Dominique feeling like the less beautiful one.

7: Awww…poor Dom! I really felt the disappointment and hurt in this section. Those Gryffindors were mean! Evil lot!
6: Oh no, this scene just makes the one before seem a lot worse.

3: I like how with every scene you expose Dominique’s vulnerability a little more but juxtapose that with the only person that seems to care an understand her. I’m starting to feel how impactful James’ loss actually is to her because of this reason. It just made me think of the first scene from the previous chapter, her isolation is so symbolic in a sense because it feels like without James her entire world is isolated…empty…

8: And they’re happy again.

16: I can’t believe Fleur. Nice description of the funeral scene.

13: Another sweet scene.

10: We get a little insight into James here. I was nice to get his perspective and it almost explains why him and Dominique fit so well together as well. In this little section you’ve explained how James happened to become the only one that understood. It was because he was suffering a similar internal struggle. Very nicely done!

11: Aww…they never got to runaway to Ireland with each other. :-(

9: So this is how Louis finds out.

12: Another well-written sweet scene.

14: And you follow it with this. It makes that much of a bigger impact just reading about the way James dies after reading how happy he is with Dominique. Comparing the green of the curse to her eyes…fantastic, I thought that was a brilliant touch!

You did a great job with this. The way you positioned the fragments seemed perfect in this chapter. The meaning to each fragment changed with the proceeding fragment. I liked the way you’ve told James and Dom’s story through these sections; it’s really helped to bring together everything you hinted in the initial first chapter. I really enjoyed reading this. Fabulous!

Loved the reunion between Lily and Dominique. Lily’s so matter of fact with her ‘we thought you were dead you know’.

[so she’s an aunt twice over] I thought Dom knew the kids already? They were mentioned as ‘Dora’ and ‘John’ in the previous chapter when Dom learned that James was dead. Unless Dora and John have younger siblings.

Ah, these two seem to have different names, but it makes me wonder what happened to their siblings. I guess they just didn’t come this time.

Damn, I had to read that twice because I thought Ben was Lily’s kid before realizing he was Dom and James’ kid and they probably only returned because he’s going to Hogwarts. I felt so awkward for Dominique, because she’s clearly not there for a family reunion (which is what I thought she was returning for in the first chapter)

I’m not surprised Rose couldn’t handle it, she didn’t seem to get along with Dominique all through their childhood and she probably doesn’t think too kindly of Dominique for running off after James’ death. I think it she married Scorpius? She’s got a blond kid with a constellation name. (Leo should be described as blond rather than blonde. Blonde is used to describe females, as it comes from a French word).

I loved how welcoming Lily is to her nephew, and hope that the rest of the Potters are just as welcoming if they meet Ben. He is still their grandson / nephew.

Loved the ending, I think you did a wonderful job!

Dominique feels so alone here because James is so much more to her, but she has to pretend he’s just her cousin. I like how you work in that Dominique knows it as soon as she sees Teddy because James is probably like a brother to him, so it makes sense he’d be this upset.

I like that you acknowledge that Dom and James only see each other at family events. I feel like a lot of next-gen stories just have this ‘one big happy family’ thing where all the cousins are best friends all the time and are always at the Burrow.

The jealousy Dom has for Victoire really comes through, even as early as the part where she’s disgusted at Teddy/Victoire. I had wondered if she had a crush herself or was just jealous of her sister.

I like how you seem to order these. You introduce a concept in an earlier segment, like the Princess or Dom leaving for Ireland, and then in a later segment that is from an earlier point in time, it’s further explained. It gives this sense of connection as you jump forward and then work your way back in time.

It was also wonderful to see where the title came into play, and them dealing with the fact that they’re cousins and their relationship probably won’t be acceptable to their family so they’re not going to be like Teddy/Victoire, who probably have a very similar situation as James/Dom where Teddy’s part of the family since they were kids, but not actually a blood relative so it’s fine.

I loved how you started and ended it with the same line.

I can’t get over how beautiful your writing is. Great job!

Hello, I’m here from the Diagon Alley II House Cup where your story was posted as one of this month’s stories to be reviewed because it’s awesome. :)

I liked the comparison Dominique makes with how much the muggle world changes compared to the wizarding world which is very stationary in JK’s universe. Especially since the next gen kids were born after the millennium, where the muggle world is the world we are in right now and it’s constantly changing with not just technology, but buildings popping up or switching ownership.

I enjoyed the way you slowly added a hint of conflict to this. She’s not just back in the wizarding world, she’s back in the country after 12 years away. That might not be too unusual if she moved away after graduation, but then you add the bit about her hair and how she cut it because James used to play with it. Leaves me wondering what happened between the two of them and what she ran away from.

Ah, so James is gone. I’m inclined to feel like he passed away then, since Dominique has this sad feel to her like she’s been in mourning for 12 years rather than just hiding from a nasty breakup.

It’s also neat that you started with the 17th piece out of 18, because not only does that give 16 pieces to lead up to how Dominique got to this point, but you have one left to see how this gets resolved. I’m intrigued.

Good job!

Right, so the first paragraph immediately makes me feel like this is almost like a homecoming. Very clearly you've identified that she hasn't been in this familiar place for quite a while. Though she's picked this particular day to return, either deliberately, or it's a happy coincidence.

'She can come back to something that's still the same' - This has a bit of a mournful undertone to it. I'm thinking, what isn't the same? What's changed so much about her life that the familiarity is almost comforting?

Even the cutting of the hair is so significant and I think you set this up very nicely. Just in those two sentences you hint towards something between the two of them, something she either wants to forget or be away from. Again your narrative hints towards a change.

'she's been remembering for twelve years' - I love how this tells me straight away that her departure was linked to James and possibly his death (?) in some way. You've written it in a way that allows me to make those links without explicitly telling me, which I think is a great skill.

So I've got a nice hint of what this story might revolve around and at the centre of it is this relationship between James and Dominique. You've got me guessing and I want to know more because I have so many questions about what's happened, particularly as this is the seventeenth fragment.

I think you choose your words really well and precisely. Every little detail of information you've provided is relevant in some way or has added to establishing the mood, which I think was really well done. I love descriptive prose and you have some great gems in this little piece.

In the last paragraph I feel some sorrow and I know that James is important to Dominique, but because I know very little about Dominique or even her personality, the last line doesn't deliver the same emotional impact as it would if I had more of a connection with her. (This is very, very minor though as it is a short piece and that's very difficult to do in a few words. Plus I'm imagining that once we learn more about what happened this first bit will hold more meaning.)

All in all, I thought this was a great start. Must read on!

This was very well written. I like that contrast of the Muggle world changing and the stagnant wizarding world, especially since Rowling's portrayal had them all sort of backwards, technology-wise. While I do like how I, as the reader, am just planted in the middle of a story (I actually really like it when I am confused for a while because the story is unfolding with the character, who already knows), it means my [biggest] criticism is contingent on several things.

Which is this: that mention of Fortescue's-which-is-no-longer-there. I am assuming, because you have given nothing to indicate otherwise, that "the war" is the Second Wizarding War. If Fortescue's hadn't been there since, why is she mentioning this? That was before her time, and so it wouldn't have made any difference to her. Maybe mentioning off-handedly that it was once an ice cream parlor, because it still has, I don't know, a window or serving booths, but naming it like that is straight feed-reader-connections rather than building on your character.
If another war happened after the Second Wizarding War - *sigh* again? really? That means we need to find out (eventually) the who-what-when-how-why of this whole ordeal.
I really hope it's the former.

"After all, this is the first time she's been in the wizarding world in twelve years." Now, THIS intrigued me! One of the things I constantly see is Muggleborns just up and leaving the Muggle world and joining the wizarding world and POOF! all of a sudden, they are totally socialized with wizarding society and have left behind their own. Obviously, Dominique is not a muggleborn, but it is still interesting to see someone incorporate non-magical into a story about the magical. It's there; it exists; it SHOULD be part of their reality. And of course, I am now wondering WHY. Even better, she hasn't even been in Britain (France, perhaps?). That is very interesting, very unique.

Oof, I am a sucker for good, sensory imagery! *rubs hands* "the breeze lifts up the strands, and they tickle her neck" * "a leaden weight just beneath her breast bone* Lovely!

The meaning behind the cutting of the hair is great, especially since getting a new hair cut is something women typically do to get that sense of "change" and "new beginning". It's the thing most women do after a break-up (though I am not sure about death).

I loved that last line, with that simile. I am such a sucker for literary devices; it's sort of sad, actually.

You packed a lot of emotion and imagery into so few words, which takes a lot of skill. I also like your use of just their first names, getting rid of that instant "omg this is HP and I'm still going to Hogwarts!" feeling some fics give you and completely re-orients them as your own characters.

But as good a writer as I can tell that you are, I am not...enthralled or drawn in to these characters or this story. Maybe it's that this is not a good chapter to start on or it was TOO short or...I just felt like I was given a glimpse of the plot but not a glimpse of my character. You've made this your own, I feel like I am stepping into an original story, but I have no clue who my characters are. And since I have no clue who my characters are, I can't relate to any one of them (this assuming James isn't dead, but if he is, like I think he is, then it's just the one character). I can't describe to you who Dominique is. She comes from a big family, and she lost someone she loves. That's it. She is completely defined by circumstance, so while I sympathize, I don't really care for her, because I don't feel like I have a "her" to care for.

I was actually really eager to read this, and I tried to guess what would be left to end such a beautiful piece already, so I'm looking forward to seeing how you decided to truly leave it off.

I love that Lily is the one to discover her and that she sounds almost disappointed to see Lily. I can imagine it would be difficult, after everything. I thought the mention that she smells like apples and sour candy was a really interesting detail.

Oooh Rose with a blonde toddler. That sounds like a Scorose! I kind of love it. I really love the emotion here in this scene, too, which seems like it should be such a commonplace scene but, of course, with what we know of them, it isn't. I like how she's just starting to regret, after being away, not being on better terms with her family.

OMG SHE HAS A SON! I...did not see that coming. And yet I love it. I want to huggle you, because that was sort of what my poor, brokenhearted, fangirl soul wanted after reading the last chapter.

This scene was so tragic and beautiful altogether and I take back what I said about the last chapter. THIS was a truly brilliant way to end the story. Poor Ben, not being accepted, as if it's his fault. I just love it so much, though, that Lily is the one person who stays because that's just sort of my headcanon of Lily, as being supportive and compassionate.

Of all the stories I've read, I have to say, I don't think I've read anything that has such beautiful, raw emotion as this. It's so powerful and unique and amazing. I believe I've said that several times. I just don't know what else to say (which as a writer, I suppose is bad xD).

My first thought was sort of why you made this three chapters and shoved 80% of the content into chapter two? I was also a bit curious why you decided to have them out of sequential order? Does it mean something to read them out of order?

Normally I'm really picky about run-on sentences, but I actually really like your use of run-ons in this first one here because it really fits. She's stressed, and the run-ons are very train of thought and fit perfectly with what I imagine her mood at that moment would be.

This is such a powerful, emotionally charged scene, and I love the build-up. We know from the start that something is wrong, and Dominique does, too, in a way, but she tries to dismiss it. I love how you have everything unfolding bit by bit and her denying all the time. Teddy crying and her realization of what's going on is just so heart-breaking. D:

[They say Dominique...her happy] - So this is where your description came from! I just love this line. In one little sentence, it portrays their whole relationship and the way they feel about each other, which I think it what makes it so darn powerful.

I just love how James calls Dominique 'Princess'. I find it so adorable and a great touch that really shows their relationship! And I had to go awww at that backstory about why he calls her that! So much feels. I can't take it!

OMG, James taking the Gryffindor side and Dominique's reaction pretty near broke my heart. / Such betrayal.

[You can't be serious!] - Oh my gosh, I LOVE THIS EXCHANGE! It made me laugh.

The funeral is so sad, especially after her mother finds out and instead of supporting her turns away and shuns her. Especially in a time of need like that. You capture emotion so beautifully and it's beautiful and tragic and sad and just oh-so-perfect. D:

You know what? I withdraw my previous question about everything happening out of order. I actually kind of like the way things are out of order and how everything unravels very neatly as you go. Also, now that I have read the whole second chapter I GET IT. I mean, I know why it's all packed into one and why it's all in one chapter. :) I LOVE THIS. I don't think I can say that enough.

The ending, oh my gosh, it's so beautiful. I love that you waited for the bit about how he died until the very end and ended with the same line you began with. It really brought it full-circle and it was just so POWERFUL. I have nothing bad to say about it. I think it's just amazing. / I only even have just one concrit and that's the error below.

SPaG:
[...knocking her head she's laid it...] - This bit of the sentence doesn't make sense.

I read this all in one go and boy was it a rollercoaster! The whole thing was sort of melancholy but that's good because you really capture that bittersweet feeling and make it beautiful. I don't really have any criticism. Everything from the vocabulary to the order is perfect. Great work!

Hey

[In the soft . . . bed is cold] – This first sentence just completely immersed me into the story. I love how we instantly realise that something is wrong because the other side of the bed usually is kept for that significant other and for it to be cold means that they aren’t there anymore. It’s just one line but we’re instantly pulled into the fact that this story is going to be tragic and I am a sucker for tragedy.

It’s only the first fragment and I’m already broken down inside because of that scene with Teddy just shaking and being comforted by Victoire because the Teddy/James brotherhood ship is one I sail till I die and I cannot imagine how it must feel like to lose a sibling. My throat is already getting that choked up feeling because your writing is so good.

That scene there with the Capture the Flag was beautiful and it truly showed us Dominique’s character – and I feel that the line [I pick Dominique] is going to be a recurring theme for this story so I commend you for placing it right in the beginning.

The bit where he responds to Jaime when Dominique calls him that but refuses to let Albus call him that is just deep on a whole new level because it shows how much they care for one another. I really, really love the way in which you have James mopping up Dominique’s insecurities and such because that just shows how much he loves her.

It’s really interesting how we have both Louis and Lily covering up and keeping their secret for them because it just shows the bond of sibling love that exists between them at this point in time because damn it all, I’m feeling my eyes begin to water and I don’t cry. . .

-Crawls into a corner and dies a little inside-

That last line –bawls-

Bravo! This truly is my favourite Harry Potter fanfiction of all time.

Okay so cousincest does kind of bother me but I've heard from many people that this story is absolutely fantastic, so I'm not going to let that bother me for now.

I love the first paragraph because it's absolutely beautiful and sets the scene perfectly. Dominique's reflection on change and how the Wizarding world seems to be exactly the same. It's so perfectly written in her voice and it makes one wonder where she's been for all this time. It's so introspective and slow and is paced perfectly!

Stylistic, the second word in the first two sentences is 'sit' or a variant of it. I feel like in the second sentence, it's unnecessary and it feels a little jarring.

The description of her hair is beautiful and I love the way that you build this beautiful scene that introduces her relationship with James and then, by having her cut her hair, introduce a bit of conflict.

It makes one wonder what exactly has happened- particularly when you mention that James has gone and you tie it in with the twelve years motif that just builds curiosity even more. It’s like you’ve got all these little strings in the story and you’re tying them up perfectly, yet leaving enough loose to make me want more.

Also, I love that this story’s going to be told out of chronological order. It takes great skill to be able to do that, and I’m excited to see how it works because I have great faith in you after this absolutely stunning first chapter.

Great job!