I'M ON EDGE HERE PLEASE HURRY UP AND UPDATE SOON!

Please tell us what website you will be re-posting your stories on so we can keep track. I want to still be able to read your amazing fanfic.

Hi, could you please send me the new site you are planning to poster the next chapter and so on, big fan off some of your work :3

The story is so good you need to create even more chapters I want to find out what happens next!

GUESS WHO'S BACK BACK, BACK AGAIN AGAIN!
YOU'RE FAVORITE REVIEWERS BACK BACK, TO DEFEND FEND

That was an awful intro. Let's get started.

I'm going to say right now, the beginning needs some commas and semicolons because you seem to pair up a sentence with an action. It's weird reading "Blah blah blah" she said giving him a quick kiss. Sometimes it's ok to just write an action itself or even a sentence the character is saying (I can't think of a word for talking right now) itself.

Is "NightHaven" one word or two? If one, "Night Haven" if two, "Nighthaven".

Don't say the same words too many times. "She checked the room" "She walked around the room" That's a nono; as a writer, I'm sure you can think of another word for room or leave it out. Maybe you could have said "She checked the room" "She walked around" or "She looked around the area".

When writing, you have to remember in which point of view you're writing. First or third? Present or past? You seem to be bouncing between the two.

Between Clayton, Midori, and Silver, Midori's explanation of Clayton's past seemed forced. I think instead of just saying it so the readers understand, Clayton should say something so they can be like "Oh yes, I remember! How's your wife? Last I heard of her 'blah blah blah'!" To which Silver could respond with "You knew my mother?" and Midori would go "Of course 'blah blah blah'. But to be honest, you have your grandmother's looks." To which Silver could maybe blush or something. Idk!

Like I said, there are a few grammatical errors that need fixing! Commas where there shouldn't be and need to be, same with semicolons.

Now for the praises:

Amu is a badass. You knew that.

Angel is the most badass OC that I have fallen in love with. I hate OCs, but if I had to choose between Amu or Angel for an anime, I'd choose yours. Angel is not the best, Angel is in a conflict, she's not perfect, but she strives to be, you can just relate to her! I love it!

And Naomi... My god what did you do to my character. Holy shit she is amazing and I'm just exploding with rainbows and unicorns over here. Naomi's dress is just fabulous (I saw the pictures!) and the way you describe her as such an innocent character is so perfect.

Angel and Naomi seem to balance each other out which is exactly what Amu needs. It's almost like Iru and Eru for Utau where Angel is the one who knows when to get violent and Naomi is the one who knows when someone needs a hug. It's beautiful.

I can't wait to see where this goes, but you also need to get a beta-reader (I apologize to your beta if you already have one!) because there are errors that need fixing. Some people can't sit down and read through this with errors (Which is awful since your writing is so DAMN AMAZING!).

Ok, my head is pounding now because of the over-excitement over this chapter and your writing. I swear you are getting better each time.

For once I am proud to say I cannot wait to see what happens to Angel.

Sincerely,

-ASMG

PS: That doesn't mean you revolve the fanfiction around Angel. Go on wattpad or something and make a fic about her there. I love her, but focus on Amu or it's just a mess and not a "fan"fiction.

If I was Amu I would just say " I love u " to him when he noticed that my eyes were open !

OMG! He kissed her!
When I actually realized what he was doing I couldn't stop grinning like a madman. I had to stop halfway through the kiss scene cuz I was so tempted to squeal in the bus... 3
Anyways, keep up the good work and please continue updating!

P.S. The last few paragraphs are a bit 'clumped' together, kinda making it difficult to read... Can you fix that?

hihi . so kawaii ikuto is a so bold 3

awwwww me encanto , estuvo hermoso y por fin se besaron :3 ojala que el proximo capitulo pase algo massss ;) porfaa ctualiza pronto

hehehehehehe its not oftn u see ikuto flustered ;)

oooh! quick quick update! :D spelling is good, grammar is good but try and check your dialogue between Ikuto and Tsukasa. If I'm not mistaken, there is an error when Tsubasa was referring to Ikuto but instead said his own name. *thumbs up* story line is awesome. favourited!

Loving the plot so far, cant wait for the next chapter. :)

Txs for updating. But that last part was scary. De fang him. I'm about to go to bed. I'm scared. Lmaoo
Anyways this was too good. I like the chapter a lot and can't wait for ur next update

so cute, Ikuto is slowly falling for the she-wolf kawai 3 great work ;3

Thanks for updating. Awesome chapter. I think any is too paranoid. Lol. Pack.