Dear Bookworm Gal,

I remember this coming out. Never watched it though. Lets see what you cooked up.

Warren R Monger. Huh. I see a play on words here /chuckles

What I wouldn't give to read his biography or personal memoir.

Hahahaha he isn't the only one hahahaha

Clark Lane...I sense a superman reference.

Becauae, jetpacks are aweasome!

I spy a spiderman reference

42 hehehe

Good grief. How hard was it to write from Bob'a pov?

Poor Bob!

Ham needs a introduction to a certain group of monsters.

Thanks for the story so far!
-Hyjinks

HAM will probably try to kill Dr C next because if they find out he saved Bob then they will kill his so he can't save anyone else.
Also, good job, so far this fic has been very interesting. Keep it up.

This story is awesome! I'm kinda hoping that HAM will try and kill of Insectosaurus. I don't have anything against him it's just I think it will leave a lot of drama between the remaining monsters. Because Doc would be figuring out a way to track them whilst Link would become sick of waiting and will start many fights and maybe even get into a fist fight with Doc leaving Susan more guilty and frightened. Anyway, that is just my prediction. Pleeeeeeeease write another chapter soon! I've read this one quite a few times and would love to know what happens next!:)

Please write the next chapter! I can't wait to see who's targeted next! I love the story so far and can't wait to see how it ends.

A well-written chapter with some good character stuff. I think you have a good handle on the characters and a clear vision of how you want the story to go, which are both crucial. I look forward to seeing them in action... I'm also assuming that several key members of HAM will appear as allies (ostensible allies), which is why you aren't naming them.

I actually like the idea of making Insecto into "chick flicks." A guy that big doesn't need to act macho anyway...

I wonder if Susan *could* throw Derek into orbit... It takes nearly a million joules to get 1 kg to a 100 km orbit. I've previously worked out very very roughly that Susan packs a 1.6 megajoule punch. So no, I don't think she could, and even if she had the power, Derek would be crushed by the acceleration, which might be around 1400 m/s (5,000 kph or 3,100mph). Incidentally, I worked out earlier that for Bob to remain in the air for the time we saw in the movie when Susan kicks the service station roof, he would need to kicked up at around 400 m/s, or 1440 kph (900 mph), and would attain a height of around 8km. Not taking air resistance etc. into account.

I like your chapter notes too. I would never have picked up on The Flash thing, for example, as I don't know anything about him (he runs fast. That's it). Nor would I have picked up on the Megamind reference. Tranquility Lake is not Lake Placid, I assume...

The main writing issue I see with this chapter is that about 2/3rds, overall, is basically an essay. It would be nice if this info-dump were presented more as a conversation. Say between Link and Susan to help reinforce that sibling relationship they have. There's some interesting information presented, but it's presented as an essay, essentially.

For example:
-
Link was sitting moping when a heavy thump let him know Susan had sat down beside him. Normally he might say something snarky about how much weight she'd gained, but his heart wasn't in it. And nor, he knew, was hers. Not with their friend in such critical condition.
"I hate feeling so helpless," he muttered.
"I know," Susan said. "But we don't even know who's to blame."
"I wish I could figure it out!"
"Doc's on it, don't worry. The brightest minds in the base are all trying to work out who wanted Bob dead."
"Yeah, which kinda leaves me with nothing to do." He looked up at the massive giantess beside him. "You and me, Susie, we're the brawn, we're the muscle. Even if you are a little bit stronger."
"Well, you're more the scalpel, while I'm the sledgehammer," Susan joked. "Considering all my collateral damage..."
-
It makes the chapter longer, but I think it's more character-building.

Actually it would be nice if you could have incorporated the sciencey stuff at the start into something Doc said. Maybe he could be reporting to Monger on how he stopped the reaction. Basically what I'm saying is, if you can put it in a conversation that helps flesh out the characters, do so. Just don't go to the other extreme, of course. Some in text, some in end notes. And I note Susan thinks of Insecto as a butterfly as well...

As to who will be next attacked, and how, I really have no idea. If the field is limited to something peculiar to each monster, it gets a little easier (though I suspect that chemical that nearly did Bob in would not have made the other monsters happy either). For example, what would be particularly suited to taking down Susan? I'd go with some sort of internal poisoning-or possibly smallish nanobots attacking her from the interior. Or infect her with a nasty disease like Ebola. We know she's physically way stronger, but how's her immune system? Poison would probably work on Link, too. Something in his pool water. Insecto is so big you'd need a truck full of poison, so a really giant can of Raid. Ditto for the Roachman. That gets boring, however. You can't crush a cockroach-or can you? Actually of course you can. If a crack in the earth opens up, Doc falls in, and it closes back again... Hard to control that, even with a seismic monster. Insects don't like the cold-stick him in a freezer. With Insecto, assuming he follows a normal moth lifecycle, I'd just wait for him to die, but I guess the radiation has done a number on his lifespan as well.

Bob is chemicals chemicals harmed Bob.
Susan is giant something very large harms Susan
Insecto is a product of radiation something radioactive harms the bug
Doc is a product of gene splicing some mutant harms him, or perhaps his giant brain is hypnotized through those giant eyes.
Link is aquatic eats bad fish

-
Just a few minor editing shafus I caught:

"He larger than most buildings" - Should be self evident...

"It just wasn't right for the most cheerful and sweetest monster she'd ever met was nearly melted or something" - "It just wasn't right *that* the most cheerful and sweetest monster she'd ever met *had* nearly *been* melted or something" would be better.

"...the janitor shrugged before empty the trash can" - Again, self-evident.

Not a mistake, but something that caused me to ponder:

"defending ourselves from random citizens" - Wouldn't this be better as "random civilians," if the monsters see themselves as this government/military Monster Force?

Anyway, I look forward to the plots you have plotted. It's nice to see some quality stuff in this section of fandom...

I am loving this story so much! These kind of stories are my favorite kind- really insightful and super deep into the development of the characters. It's what a lore-loving nerd like me dies for. D

One thing I noticed: before Insectosaurus starts talking, there's a big portion in italics, but it's still in Link's POV, not Insecto talking. Is this on purpose?

Also: KICK HAM'S BUTT, LINK! GET 'EM! NO ONE HURTS POOR BOB AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!

great chapter as always.
well worth the wait
keep up the good work as always

This is absolutely brilliant and very well written! I am enjoying every word of it! You are incredibly intelligent in the way you word Dr. Cockroach's phrases and being able to work out chemical reactions like that :) Amazing! I'll be looking forward to more future updates

Yes, yes! I have long wondered this, and carefully ever avoided touching on the issue: how the HELL does Doc get those turtlenecks over his head? The only answer I can come up with is that they actually fasten in front. Another issue I fudge is how he clings to surfaces with his feet when he has shoes on...

I was wondering, would Doc, being a good Brit and all that, use an American cockroach, but then Periplaneta americana is not actually native American and has been found in the UK since 1820, and it's of course also possible that Doc was doing his experiment in the States. The fact that his clipboard shows the US date order suggests that (actually what it suggests is a lack of awareness on the animators' behalf).

Incidentally, my personal fanwank for their ages is Doc accidentally invented a time machine and sent the entire base forwards in time a couple of decades - I just haven't worked out which couple...

I like to think my Susan has a mild tempter, but she does get pissed off a fair bit. But she would (almost) never want to harm the innocent. Okay, that was supposed to be "mild temper," but I kinda like thinking of Susan as a mild tempter...

Should quantonium be capitalized? I started out writing it that way, but then realised it was like "aluminium" and "uranium" and "geranium" and didn't take one.

"though Bob and Monger apparently did enough damage already to ensure that he spoke with an American accent and idioms" - Very nice snark. You can also blame the radio, in canon at least.

As we've discussed, the idea of using a real fossil is great, though it would be nice to toss in a quick bit about *why* the "Kollikodon" - the "pseudopisces" is obvious, and you can pretty much use whatever you like there, but why does Cockroach think it's connected to "Kollikodon"?
- "though he intended to propose the scientific name of Kollikodon pseudopisces, due to the remarkable resemblance between Link's teeth marks and an obscure Australian fossil he had noticed when examining his arm where the still-savage Link had bit him, whenever he got around to publishing his research on that topic" or something like that.

I like the mail call idea. Shows a strong connection to the outside world.
"Some merely expressed their fondness for the monsters, which was nice to hear regardless of the spelling and grammar of some of the students." - This reminds me of some fanfiction here which shall go unnamed... "vulgar young men who should never be allowed near anyone female" are clearly most of those who Favourite my Ginornica art on DeviantArt. Seriously, some of these people have opened my eyes to what perversions are possible...
And it does kinda annoy me that Modesto in the film is such a generic Anytown, USA. In my stories I've been very careful to remove that, and place everything precisely, but your rationale for going with a generic name for a generic town is also fine.

I like your Bob. I think this is the first fic I've ever read which has any sort of Bob POV at all. And yes, it's clear Bob has to "want" to dissolve something, or he'd go right through the floor. Reminds me of the joke about the chemist who invented a universal solvent then spent the rest of his life looking for a container for it...

Doc's right-Bob's full name would be released anyway. It's not Susan's fault. And just as well for the perp that Bob opened his own mail, and the security at the secret base doesn't scan incoming packages...

Would Ostylezene be something like Benzene? Doing some research (my knowledge of chemistry doesn't extend far beyond how to spell it), it seems ene means with a CC bond, a double carbon bond. Cannot begin to figure out what "ostyle" or anything like that is...

Anyway, now for the actual REVIEW rather than random comments:
Another good chapter. Actually a better chapter. Much less infodump, and a mystery worthy of Cockroach Holmes himself. The meaning of the title becomes painfully (especially to Bob) clear, and it should be an interesting ride. I now see what you were referring to with your discussion of different PsOV, as well.
And I said this before, but I still love the background details you've gone into and the things you've chosen to focus on, which give it a very lived-in, real air. In particular, that these are characters, people; not just plot points to get from A to C via B, or from A to 9 via jam for less well-thought out fics.

The Phantomanal Editor Strikes Again...
- "he corrected" really needs a subject. "he corrected XX"
- "Dr Cockroach's antenna twitched" - One or two? If one, it might help to specify, otherwise it's like "Bookworm Gal's eye opened wide." (Apologies if you're actually a cyclops.)
- "High intelligence [...] to occupy their time" - "its time," surely.
- "It should have similar effects to hair." - "on hair" sounds better, methinks.
- "Of course, General Monger already visited Derek about..." Is a word or two missing here? " had already visited Derek and explained about" sounds better.
- "undoubtedly will leave" - "undoubtedly would leave" should be better.
- "Bob popped the pieces of torn off tape in his mouth. Then he "ate" it." - "pieces," so "ate them."
- "held a feud." - I think "held a grudge" would work better. "Feud" generally needs two to tango, and Bob wasn't doing anything.

Most excellent work I really enjoy your writing with a particular liking for Aloha.

Poor Bob! God, I hope the rest of the gang gets to teach those jerks a lesson! :(

Also, I just wanted to let you know that you've got the characters down really well. I actually hear their voices in my head whenever I get to their speaking parts. :D

Awwwww. Poor Bob. I feel so sorry for the little guy. I mean, I know that it's not exactly the best idea to get revenge, but those guys deserve to be beat for hurting him like that. My heart is crying...

You captured the emotion in that scene perfectly. Big brothers and really, really big sister to the rescue!

The ending was dramatic... It was like BOOM! In your face! But anyway , please update soon! :3

A promising start, with a nice mix of comedy and drama. Well written too (that's a rarity in this fandom). It's difficult to say much about the story at this stage, as it hasn't actually started-save for some sinister plotting by Derek, Shrieking Tea Lady (I assume), and a few other characters I can't identify yet.

Damage to buildings in Tokyo? Write it off as an earthquake...

I like your take on Link as the silverback, so to speak, with his harem, and you have nailed Bob's character - him staring at a blank TV screen is classic Bob. I find Bob really hard to write.

Whenever I think of killer rabbits I think of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
Does Cockroach now have dual citizenship?

Minor point: Susan was captured in 2008, officially, not 2009 (it's only a minor point: in my own story she was captured in 2012 because the film was set in the 'present day').
I do like the way you consider the issue of tossing in a female with all the males. It's not something I'd ever considered, possibly as they have separate rooms anyway.
Another minor point: technically, Insecto's a moth, not a butterfly.

I am curious about that extra half-inch for Susan's height. I see it referenced in a number of reviews, but never in any of the official stuff. I wonder where that originally came from... Incidentally, it's more accurate to refer to her as 50 feet rather than 49, considering she's only an inch off 50, and eleven inches higher than 49. I see this a lot, actually. It's literally short-changing her...

If you look carefully behind Monger when he's telling Susan that "nobody needs to know" in the Pumpkins short, you can see that Link actually has a rather nice pool and rocks and palm trees area on the other side of Doc's lab and library, in the same relative place where Bob's wooden jungle gym thing is.

"Martial Arts Bear" is of course "Kung Fu Panda" (I'd probably have gone with something like "The Karate Panda" myself, but that's neither here nor there), but what is "The Composition Book" a parody of?

My main critique for this chapter is that much of it is a gigantic info-dump - perhaps this information could have been presented in the form of Susan's interview with Lois Kent - sorry, I meant Clark Lane. This could turn people off, and at this stage the relevance of some of it is unclear (world-building is great, but ideally it should all have significance for the plot or characters. If that's hard, I like to add it in conversations, as convos are automatically character-relevant).

There are also a few minor spelling issues I noticed in addition to the "F" snafu I mentioned in the PM:
"lopping" is chopping things off. Link's not that dangerous when he walks, I hope...
"ancient fish-ape's" - doesn't need the apo'stro'phe.
"Golden Gates Bridge" - it's just the one gate. Bill G. hasn't bought it. Yet.
"biologists and paleontologist" - just the one paleontologist?
"She was seeing world" - you want a "the" somewhere there...
"she greeted" - seems to need an object. So does "correct" re the bunnies not being rodents.
"she shrugged" bugs me a bit: you can't really shrug a sentence. "She said with a shrug" would work better. It's a fuzzy area, and I know I've used "she grinned" (for example) in the past, though I'm trying to be better these days. Smirked (which you've used), grinned, and the like seem a little more acceptable however, as they're mouth descriptions so there's more of a connection with saying things.
"their long furry tail" - might be better as a plural: tails.
"Some people looked at them as saw a" - "as saw a"?

Please don't think all these comments and concrit points mean I don't like it. Quite the reverse. I'm terribly picky about stories that are good, especially with writers who say things like "I like it when you tell me what you think. Otherwise, how will I ever improve?" which I view as an invitation for concrit (not flames, though). If a story's good enough then I tend to view it as "what would I fix if this were mine?" rather than "Yeah, nice job, look forward to the next chapter."

What I like most about the story so far is probably your world-building, which in many cases focuses on issues I hadn't considered or hadn't done much with. I definitely appreciate that different take on the world. So I do look forward to seeing this world being further fleshed out. And of course it will be interesting to see what Derek and the other members of HAM are up to.

Yeah! Yay! Woohoo! I gave up searching for Monsters vs. Aliens fics a while ago. This makes me happy. It is good, it's not cheesy, it's made complicated and interesting and satisfies my nerdy fangirlish desires. Yay.