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I would kill a man for a part two of this

Pretty good for your first lemon fanfic. Though hope you do some roleplay with Naegi as the submissive and Kirigiri & Ikusaba as the Mistresses.

Also some strapon sex.

That Good Madam, was a Fantasy. Lol. That as really hot. I hope that can be in the actual ending of the story. Only this time slow and steady and passionately so Naegi wont be terrified like here.

Okay so first, you don't have to worry about the quality, the way the scenes were described is impressive, Second I glad I've read the Bonus Chapter "A Future Birthday" before reading this, I'm reading you fic and an almost catching up to Date (chapter 46), Third, I can't help but be annoyed with Naegi, yeah with her, seriously I really like Anime and all but the "Super Dense/Oblivious/Inocent" trait of the characters (Mostly Protagonist obviously) irritates me some times, really now, you Naegi is such sweet angel and I can't hate her but OMG REALLY!? She is 18, She IS smart, she knows Kirigi and Ikusaba regards her in they Hearts with an umatched Love, they sleep AND bath together, they already made obvious how much they Love her, even people outside they relationship knows this and they kissed a few times and She reacted like it was a Nightmare? Asians and they strange things, it's cute but still annoying, sorry if it felt like a Rage review, I just got a little pissed, I know what Naegi have been through but, Kirigiri and Ikusaba suffered too, It's a miracle they didn't made sex already, They will to control the urges is remarkable, sorry again if it made you feel like the fic was bad, it is really good in fact, I love DGR : Gender Bender Edition, it took me too much time to get here and I needed to read some real Love action between the three, sadly it wasn't like the "Love Sex" I expected, I'm will be completely sure to leave a deserving review for the main story, it is amazing and it grew in my heart, I really hope you do this so-called sequel when it's finished 8/10 for the one-shot.

"She needed something to just bring an end to everything around her! And just like that, she gave up." That sounds... oddly despairing. You really have to choose your euphemisms carefully, Monokub; the wrong one can turn a lemon to narm. That said, even if it was a hallucination, it was nice seeing Kirigiri and Ikusaba cooperating like that. They must really love Naegi. As one who had written many lemons-varying from the pure plotless kind to those that only had certain designated lemon chapters in a far longer multi-let me show my approval. You say that romance is the one genre you're bad at? ...Heheheh, kind of reminds me of Chiaki. I find it hard to write anything else, though in truth, only about two-thirds of my fics are romance.

Its good, the eyeball fetish is quite a rare thing.
Naegi's reaction is weird but can be understandable but since this is a dream I think her subconscious telling her something both good and bad at the same time.
Tad bit strong for first time but nicely detailed her reaction.

glad it turned out to be a dream.
i mean, lust is fine once in a while but pure love fits those three much better.