Hey
I love this story! The maincharacter is lovable and realistic, the plot is super cool ánd original, and it takes place in the Marauders area 3! I hope that you will continu this story altough there aren't that many likes follows and reviews. But I will understand if you don't.

Love it!

Greetingz Wendy

Hello! It’s been a while, hasn’t it!? Well, I looked back and saw that I’ve already reviewed the first chapter of this. So I just kind of skimmed that chapter to remind myself and moved on to chapter 2!

I really love the way that you portray werewolves in this, which I know is probably a twisted thing to say given the terrible circumstances, haha! But it’s fascinating getting a look at a werewolf that was not as lucky as Remus. It’s the plight of the average werewolf and being so shunned from society it’s suddenly painfully obvious why so many turned to Voldemort when he offered them more. I love the way you capture that though in all the little details.

Couple small things that didn’t quite add up for me though. If Wolf has never been to school, where did she acquire a wand? It’s also hard to believe with barely any work and trying to scrap by she was able to afford a house. If it was that easy to magic away bills, wouldn’t everyone do that?

Also, just a quick style note… right in your first paragraph when you say, “The wind was my only company, howling like the wolf inside of me, except on my exterior.” That comes across clunky. The “except on my exterior” part is pretty well implied, so it really doesn’t need to then be handed to the reader, you know? Sometimes less is better. In this case I would just leave it at “The wind was my only company, howling like the wolf inside of me.” Much more powerful sentence that way when you allow the reader to infer!

Those are all pretty nitpicky though. Overall, I am very drawn in and intrigued by this piece! You do a wonderful job of portraying the plight of the ordinary werewolf that doesn’t get a hand up from Dumbledore himself! Well done!

This is really interesting, please continue it!

Weres are all boys? That seems not fun...

Hello!

I like the beginning, when we finally get to hear more about Wolf's background. It's done in a really nice way- it's interesting immediately and you make it quite unlike a normal biography by introducing this sudden idea that Wolf has forgotten their faces.

The short sentences used here are really effective, so good job Cheesy! I also really liked the way you show Wolf's best clothes as dirty- it's an oxymoron that beautifully illustrates character detail.

I love how sassy Wolf is! She's amazing and I like how she's able to quickly formulate responses and replies and make people kind of…

WAIT IT'S FABIAN PREWETT YAY. It's a good introduction and gives us a good basis for the character.

Okay as I was saying. Makes people believe in her.

Amazing chapter! Really really good and I can't wait to see how you use Fabian! He doesn't show up enough, poor chap!

I liked how you opened this with a letter home to his mother. It's sweet and I really do think that bodes well for showing what kind of guy Remus is, he cares a lot about the ones he loves if he's going to write them and insist they don't worry when he's worried himself.

The whole werewolves gender is always male thing confused me and didn't make a lot of sense. Because I just can't see that, there's no way they can all identify as male that just would confuse the whole mating thing, I think, because they can reproduce in the beast forms and if they both identify as male, I just don't see breeding working...

I like where this is going. I'm very interested in seeing what explanation Wolf gets for not getting to go to Hogwarts.

I quite enjoyed this chapter. You did a nice job of showing us what Wolf's job is like and how she feels about her annoying co-worker.

Seeing as I've only ever seen Fabian fleshed out into a real, full-fledged character once before, I don't have too many set notions about what he ought be like already and enjoyed how you've characterized him as the chatty type who's not turned off by silence. It's interesting and I'll be curious to see if he manages to worm his way into Wolf's affections.

There was one bit, where she tells him she's leaving because she doesn't need to stick around and "get annoyed" anymore. Personally, I think "be annoyed" reads better and is a better way of putting it.

Otherwise, I enjoyed the chapter immensely and am curious to see what the next will hold given how you ended this one with the Marauders.

HIYA CHEESY MY FAVOURITEST CHEESECAKE

"I was a jumper." made me laugh so much because JUMPER, get it?! XD -slaps self-

"Once a Werewolf, always a Werewolf." -nods solemnly-

SPaG: "Here that Moony?" [Here] should be [Hear]

...Whoa. I did not expect it to end that way. How old are you again? My imagination has you down as someone too little to be writing tragic, angsty stories...

OH WELL I LOVED IT especially how the OC is kept ambiguous from beginning to end and is nameless even after the story ends. Very well done.

From the opening lines, I thought this was going to be Remus' point of view. I was actually excited when it was not. It was nice to see a different werewolf, and you really got her self-hatred and disgust across.

I’m not the biggest fan of first-person narrative, although that’s a personal stylistic choice.

I think it’s interesting that she’s a woman, but her wolf identity is male? It helps to separate them as distinct beings living in the same body, rather than her and the wolf being the same.

Good job :)

I liked the description within the first few paragraphs. I think it really served to characterize Wolf for us- you show her as not caring too much about others, and there seems to be very little that she holds valuable—I love how she refers to the street as ‘that’ Muggle street.

I’m not sure what you meant by the ‘façade’ sense- perhaps a little elaboration would help? But I loved how Wolf immediately considers the bond between Remus and James impossible. I also love how she’s so much more in touch with her “inner wolf” than Remus is- it brings up interesting ideas of nature vs. nuture.

I loved hearing about Wolf’s background! It was very interesting and well-written.

A stylistic thing that you might want to consider: I find that a story flows better when numbers are written out as words (if I’ve already commented on this, please forgive me). It’s a personal choice, but just something that you may want to look into.

Ooh, I wonder what this job is going to be for!

Overall, a good chapter with lovely development and good SPaG!

You say there wasn't much plot in this chapter but I think it was an excellent choice, building up Wolf's own sense of stability by showing, not just telling us, about her job. She continues to have a great, fun voice that makes her parts a real pleasure to read. I especially enjoy her banter with Fabian (a character I've rarely seen) and look forward to seeing Gideon and a young Molly (as well as a bit nervous for the war). You're nicely weaving in all of the canon events and characters, I'm very impressed.
The second part with Remus and Minerva was well done and leaves me eagerly awaiting the next chapter when, I suspect, they'll run into Wolf again. The dialogue with the Marauders was also spot on, you captured them in quick, concise moments, well done! Ah, Sirius...
Looking forward to more!

It was an interesting way to open the chapter with a bit of background that lead into her longtime unemployment and the like.

You say her mother sang her "calm rhymes", but you might want to change into "nursery rhymes" or I'm just going to think she sang things like "the hog and the dog, the bog and the fog" and the like. Just having rhymes makes me think she sang nonsensical things when it's more likely you mean she was singing things like "Row row your Boat" or "Twinkle twinkle little star"

I can't figure out why she'd tell them she's a werewolf. That doesn't help her at all and doesn't seem like a smart thing to do if you need a job.

I'm curious to find out how Fabian could have figured out their was werewolf at Hogwarts when everyone did such a painstaking job of hiding it.

Overall this wasn't a half bad chapter and I hope we'll get to see some action soon!

"semblance of a single noise" seems a little wordy when "semblance of noise" should work just as well.

"worries, everything, seriously" again this feels like you're trying to put too much into a sentence. I think if you got rid of the everything this would read a lot more smoothly

I'm curious why Wolf had been stealing from her family while living with them. She couldn't have been that old while she was there if she was at the orphanage at age eleven. Unless her parents were terrible people, which from last chapter, they didn't seem to be before she got bitten, I don't know why she'd have ever stolen from them. And I can't see why they would have kept her past her first or second transformation if they disliked the wolf so much, so again, why would she need to over such a short amount of time?

Other than that, I like how you're building up her history. Growing up in an orphanage. I wonder if the matron had been right about Dumbledore or she'd just lied to Wolf. I lean toward the second, but Dumbledore is known for being biased, so, I could see him rejecting her and then making an exception for Remus due to some reason.

I wonder where she saw James before, it makes me curious and I'm interested in seeing how this job interview goes!

I loved the way that you use first person here. I'm usually not a big fan of its' use in Fanfiction, but I think it was well done here. It was a great way to really depict the OC's thoughts- reading it was kind of like having a conversation with her. It was an interesting, engaging style that I enjoyed immensely.

An issue that I had- tense. You narrate actions and the story in past tense, but the thoughts are all in present. This leads to a bit of jumping around and it gets a bit confusing, so I'd suggest you stick to one (present- I think, would be fab for this). Also, the dialogue tags are done incorrectly.

You reveal just enough detail about the OC to keep us from confusion, yet you withhold enough to keep us interested. Well done- I loved it!

AW HER IMPRESSION OF REMUS WAS LOVELY. I enjoyed reading it and I like how she immediately picks up on the fact that he's looked after.

The bit at the end was so well done! Excellent job! I'm really intrigued by Wolf!

"thin but muscly" should be "thin, but muscly"

"any girl would want it, if it wasn't marred, and it was." So, I'm confused, is her skin marred or is it perfect? I think it's the "and" that gets me. Maybe you should switch it out with a "which it was (not)" to make it clear.

I like how you opened this, it felt like a person waking up to a hangover or coming down from a high. That was an interesting comparison I haven't seen before and I thoroughly enjoyed it!

You use first person quite well. Many times, I see people get lazy/unconsciously use it to start all their sentences and even dialogue. But it looks like you made a good effort to ensure that didn't happen and I appreciate it.

Now, she hasn't gone to Hogwarts, but she can disapparate? Don't you have to take a class on it? That's one thing I'm not too sure about being believable, but maybe if you explain later how she could have learned...

Overall, this is a nice start and I'm curious to see how the rest of this fic will go!