How horribly sad. What was going to become of the children?

I adored A Child Who Lived in Knockturn Alley, so this was definitely something I was looking forward to reading! I loved reading more about Greg and Ellen's romance, and how they came to be together, and finally how they fell apart.

It was definitely bittersweet, but beautiful, however I did feel sometimes that you didn't elaborate enough on some areas, or you rushed a little to get to others. Example: when Greg's taken to Azkaban. I would have thought he would have fought, at least a little, from having to leave his family.

Their story was believable, definitely, and I feel an immense amount of sadness for them both. I wish it could be a truly happy ending, but I suppose it is, in one way or another. Ellen was understandably angry that he left, but happy at the same time, which definitely makes a lot of sense, at least to me.

I know you've got a third companion to this - are you considering making this a series? Because this idea is definitely big enough for an entire series. I hope you consider it, in any case.

I thought Ellen was maybe a little young? Having sex at fourteen? I understand that things are different in this universe, and people do actually do that, but I personally thought it was unrealistic. it's probably just me though, so please don't worry too much about changing that. It's simply personal preference.

I didn't notice any SPaG problems (although it's getting late so it might be my dozy brain XD), and overall I thought this was an absolutely amazing story! I'm definitely going to read the third companion now XD

(Completely unrelated, but I couldn't help but notice that you've written for Hetalia too. I'm going to be all over those in a second.)

How on earth do you get your awesome ideas omg
Ellie xxx

First off, I’m so sorry this review is so late! I was unexpectedly swamped the past two days. But better late than never, right?

Oh, I really like the idea behind this story! It’s got a very Oliver Twist or Great Expectations feel to it in the beginning. It does feel a bit rushed though. I feel like you’re trying to pack a lot into just this one short one shot. I feel like just this first section could easily be the first five chapters of a novel.

That aside, I really liked how you developed Greg’s character throughout this. I really like seeing his growth as he goes from being an orphan on the street to having a home. And I think the bleak atmosphere is really suiting for a place such as Knockturn Alley. Certainly not a place for a child to be left on his own.

Oh my goodness! Then the transition when you’re talking about the happy memory and then hit us with how it was destroyed by dementors… what a twist! I just loved how you handled that transition and how the story moves into the next section to explain what the heck just happened. That was really beautifully done!

It’s a little odd how Greg and Ellen end up together after her parents basically adopted Greg. It just feels a little weird, like a brother and sister getting together, even though I know that’s not technically what happened. Despite that though, I liked the dynamic between them. When they were working together to rob the bookstore, they had a very Aladdin and Jasmine feel to them, which was cute.

The pace is very quick, and I feel like so much more could be elaborated on if this was a multi-chapter story. I’d be interested to know more of how Ellen’s mother was able to convince her father to let her come back home. And why she wouldn’t want to live with Greg if she was having his baby.

I think you really captured the devastation of Emmanuel’s death really well. I really felt for the family, especially since it was what ultimately tore them apart. So tragic.

Overall, I think this was a great piece! I just wish there had been more to it!

O_O His mother just abandoned him in Knockturn Alley?

He's just going to go with the first random person who talks to him? That dude is super sketchy... Didn't anyone ever tell Greg not to take candy from strangers?

He gets beat up a lot...

Greg's adoption into Earl's family all seems very sudden after the way the family initially reacted to his presence there.

Hmm, we jump right from him being accepted into his new family to him being put in Azkaban for using an unforgivable curse. It would have been nice if you'd shown more of what his life with his family was like before jumping ahead to him being in prison.

Greg seemed like an alright kid in the first part of the story, but in the part we get from Ellen's perspective he seems like a horrible person and it's difficult to imagine that she would be able to fall in love with him with the way he acts in general, much less the way he treats her.

Tsk, using the kids to try to make this horrible abusive relationship seem even remotely OK? Shame on you.

Greg is a just a horrible person, as is proven by him going and murdering the kid who killed his son.

This is such a great companion piece to your other one shot. Like the other, I love the ethereal tone of the story. Even though at times you're depicting really graphic violent and sexual themes, there is always a sense of calm which is really comforting. You have a very eloquent voice in these stories. I would definitely love to read more one shots about this family.

At times, it did feel a little rushed. I though some very poignant moments, like when Ellen learns he's dead and the end of the first segment should have been a little more descriptive. Those are both key moments and you kind of glide right over them. Especially, the end of the first segment where you remind us that Greg goes to Azkaban. I read the first story and I was still a little confused, because it's written almost as if the dementors are a metaphor. It took me a second to realize what you were getting at.

But overall, it's wonderfully done! I vote for many more one shots of the family or even similar one shots about other wizarding families from before Harry's time. I really love reading these, almost folkloric, stories.

Oh my God. That was... beautiful. Their love was so strong, only to be ripped apart by circumstances that neither could have prevented. With the way that Greg grew up, it's no wonder that he acted the way he did. And Ellen... she was faithful to him until the very end. I generally don't like OC stories, but this was amazing. It was wonderful, tragic, and most of all, believable. You should keep writing companion fics to these oneshots. I loved it.

This was unexpected- but in a good way.

Definetely different. Not sure I like it too much. I have to think about it for a bit. Thanks for the read though .

Hi there! How's it going?

This was a rather interesting read. But it was very rushed and abrupt. There were times when the story went back and forth and it was slightly confusing. Especially the abrupt jumps in between, like when Greg went to the man's house and then you simply say things turned really bad. And then he runs away. And then he's thirteen. There's such gaping holes in the flow of the story that causes more unanswered questions than answers. I could put two and two together from what information you have given, but it would have been easier on me if your story flowed smoothly instead of having abrupt gaps in between that had to be filled based on pure conjecture.

Slight errors: "The world so big and fierce then and he just a little..." should have 'was' after 'world' and 'he'- "The world was so big and fierce then, and he was just a little..."
"You're no good father..." should be "Your no good father..."
"Wiping the snot from his sleeves, he told the man..." should have a comma after 'man'.
Next sentence, "A light had come to the man's eyes then..." comma after 'then'.
"The next time he almost starved, he was just turned thirteen." The word 'had' should be used instead of 'was'. The sentence that comes after that is slightly jumbled and clumpy and I found it sort of difficult to read.

There's also either a lot of people without names or a lot of names without people. You haven't made the relationships between the characters very clear. There's abrupt explanations on who is related to who, but it doesn't immediately follow after the character introduction many a time. Or sometimes you just mention names as though under the assumption that we already know who they are based on the time or two you've mentioned them previously. Again, it causes confusion.

There's also a lot of abrupt twists and loose ends all over the place. Your story will be going in one direction and one sentence that would be explaining a particular scene abruptly ends with a plot twist. There's no continuity in the story and it's all over the place. You've got a pretty stable idea of what you want to put forth, but it would be better if you put it forth in a way that makes it easier for the readers to understand. Even if you have an epic plot, it becomes pointless if the people you're trying to communicate it to cannot understand it. I can see that you've got interesting ideas and your language and grammar isn't bad at all. You just have to make the story flow better so it reads easier. Because your ideas go from straight to reverse and up, down, sideways and diagonal and by the time I could catch on to what was going on, it was already another scene.

And I suggest that you add the part about this story being a sequel of sorts in the summary or right a the beginning so people have some reference before jumping into it. As you can see, most of my confusion stemmed from the fact that I had absolutely no clue about what was going on. Because this seemed like it started from the beginning rather than some sort of continuation, I had no idea there was more to it until I read your Author's note at the very end.

All in all, I found the concept interesting. It's only the flow that needs to be better. I'm sure you can handle that. I hope my critique doesn't offend you, because I believe in constructive reviews that provide opinions and point out errors to further make the story as close to perfection as it can be. Just passing on the love.

Have a great day, cheers!

Hey
I know have a very heavy feeling in my heart after reading this and I'm slightly choked up in the throat. This is a great accomplishment on your part as I have the heart of a boiled stone and rarely experience emotion.
Your story however has truly touched me, your use of characters and life on the streets is absolutely perfect. Your jargon when it comes to giving them the uncouth accents of the streets is unparalleled. I absolutely loved this fanfiction and will be definitely checking out the main story.
-Ciao Mate

I reread "A Child who Lived in Knockturn Alley". I need a timeline. That story jumped around a bit. In one paragraph, I was reading about Emanuel's murder. In the next, I was reading about Sascha.

Thank you. The urchin boy was sweet. He made me think of Oliver Twist. Actually, most of Greg's boys recalled Oliver Twist. Greg is a Fagan counterpart.

Mickey even called Ellen "Mum". I find that so endearing. How did was his relationship with Gaspard and the other extended family members? He wasn't mentioned by Earl

Also, he lived in Emanuel's room. Did Gaspard see Mickey as someone who tried to take his little beother's place? Did he treat Muckey like a surrogate little brother? Was he grateful but distant, because Mickey helped avenge Emanuel?