EVERY1 HATES SIs SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL SHOOT YOUR SELF OR KILL THE ACCs AND SI OFF. IT BETTER NOT BE AN SI/ANYONE FROM ORIGINAL CAST PAIRNG OR ILL KILL YOU!

Ugh I fell out of a tree yesterday and bruised my side really bad and after I got done reading just the cast list I have tears in my eyes from the pain.

One thing to say: Humor hurts.

Cya

Richard

Oh I will read the rest later...

Ogenki Desuka DBM

This is actually my first review. (Scary thought considering how long I've actually been reading EVA Fanfiction)

I've followed the whole Altered/Fragmented Lives story arc from the beginning and can only express my awe an wonder at something I truly consider to be one of if not the greatest Evangelion Fanfiction stories to grace The Wired. The originality in cast (re)naming and actual direction in story/plot create a captivating tapestry that is woven on numerous levels.

As a fellow Aussie and EVA Fanfic writer (although my own efforts pale dismally in comparison) I tip my hat to you sir.

I only hope you do indeed decide to finish this under-rated masterpiece.

PS - I voted for 'Altered Lives' in the TAKOBALLS.

Hopefully something comes of it.

For starters I must commend you on the backgroud research you did. Human genetics are a hobby of mine, and I found your theories on the way Rave was made and who Rave is very interesting.

As for the story itself, I find myself in awe again. The way the plot advances, from one climax to the other, shows that this is a work of a very talented and experienced writer. Omakes seemed to be a bit less funny then in the other chapters, but they were very funny nontheless. It's very hard to be find any negative sides to this chapter, so I guess I can't really give any advice on what you should do better. Just keep up whatever you were doing, and this fic will continue to stay on top of my "favorites" list!

Let me start by saying that you're doing one hell of a story here. Rei and Shinji definetly stay within character, although teh attemp to make Rei into a "supergirl" doesn't really work too well imho. The biggest problem for you though, is definetly writing Asuka. In your dtory Asuka is, well, too "Rei" for the lack of the other ways to explain. She seems so insecure, so unsure of herself. And Asuka was a girl who said to Shinji in the eva "if I can have all of you, I don't want you at all". That pretty much sums up her attitude, she's an "all-or-nothing" sort of a person, and that sort of a person can't afford to be insecure.

Still, one has to take in cinsideration that Asuka indeed was just after the coma, both physically and mentally broken. That can account for some of her insecurities. Just keep her "insecure" and not "socially inept" like Rei, for in the end, that is the fundamental difference in their personalities.

Now for the humour of yours. Omakes are some of the best I've ever seen, and they do account for most humour in the story. The rest I consider a pretty serious story, that is actually quite believable. Plot is very original, but don't let it sink to just "a/s or r/s" sort of soap opera. Keep up the tension. You've done it well so far.

Surprisingly name changes soom to fit the story the more, the more I read it, and they certainly do set this story apart from the masses.

Overall, a very good piece of work. Just don't stop writing it.

That was excellent. Though I agree that the use of &'s should be eliminated. I also have no real problem with you using altered names for characters at all.

As for the fragments, I leave that up to you. Though, I am totally willing to wait for whatever full chapters you manage to come up with, and would prefer them over any partials. I can be really patient for a good story. As long as the partials don't interfere with or spoil the main story, I have no gripe. Looking forward to whenever you get the next segment up.

Kevin C.

Hmm, on one hand it would spoil a lot of the suspense reading bits that are well ahead of the main storyline. However, on the other hand... I love you're writing!

Decisions. Decisions.

Well, the title has sort of a catchy ring to it. I say go for it. Hell, I'm definitely going to read anything you post. You're one of the most entertaining authors I've had the privilage to stumble across.

Dear All, thanks for the constructive criticisms!

Please don't think I'm ignoring your views if my work doesn't appear to change as per your advice. I'm taking your points on board, but unfortunately, it's a sad fact that even if you DO know what needs to be improved in your work, it's another thing entirely to break a bad habit you've gotten into.

I started writing this story after seeing NGE on Australian TV back in 1999/2000. Only now are my writing skills getting to the stage where my work is halfway presentable. I've gone back over the earlier (and VERY rough) work I've done, trying to polish it up enough to put on the Net (New Year's Resolutions for 2000/2001)

So far, I've posted all that I've been able to put together in a coherent timeline. Unfortunately, I am unemployed & will soon have to find work. What that means is, I won't have the time needed to continue the story as I would like to. In fact, I probably won't be able to get any more 'continuous timeline' instalments out at all, let alone on a regular, predictable basis.

Then again, there's the demands of trying to write. I've reintroduced everyone's favourite red-head (hopefully in a way that respects the character), but writing her on a continuing basis, in a way that develops her believably, is not going to be easy. Then there's the other essential character to be introduced, & the effects he will have on ALL of the other characters.

I had many breaks between chapters when writing the 'Linear' story I've already posted. Reasons for that were Real Life & Writer's Block. During those breaks, I often wrote story 'Fragments' - ideas, stand alone omakes, 'main Story' scenes, or even scenes that have NO reference to NGE except that you dump the NGE characters into situations just for fun.

(Glando starts sweating nervously...)

Some of the 'Fragments' are almost ready to be posted, they just have MAJOR gaps between them & the timeline in the main story. I was thinking of posting them under a different story heading, something like "Fragmented Lives The Parody".

Since I can NOT guarantee any sort of regular update to the Main Story, would you like me to post what Fragments I can?

Yours, DBM.

From somewhere in Australia, Land of Tree-Hugging Funnelwebs.

P.S. Second attempt to post this note. Please pardon screw-ups.

Hey great story, don't know why you call it a parody, if the names were changed back to normal, it'll be better than 90% of the "real" eva fics out there. Got more character development and good dialogue. Although I should say in that department your're cheating a bit since you're developing 150 Rei's at the same time, every reader got to like at least one of the new Rei's.

Looking forward to the next chapter when the uber-bitch come back into town.

thn.

Hey great story, don't know why you call it a parody, if the names were changed back to normal, it'll be better than 90% of the "real" eva fics out there. Got more character development and good dialogue. Although I should say in that department your're cheating a bit since you're developing 150 Rei's at the same time, every reader got to like at least one of the new Rei's.

Looking forward to the next chapter when the uber-bitch come back into town.

thn.

Wow, I'm in awe of you're mad writing skillz. Replacing #3 with another clone, and Shinji not noticing, I thought that was really cool. It's like they're interchangable.

Also, with this gestalt (group mind) thing, what if each Rei was taught a specific thing? (ie, driving a car, interacting with friends, another language... and so on) Then at the end of the day, they pool they're experiences. Each and every Rei could become a genius in multiple fields of study within six months.

Hell, they could run the world.

Well, this is probably the most original fic I've seen this year. Wow. I really gotta say this again. WOW.

Well, now that that is out of my system, here's a review.

First thing that really bugs me about this fic is the renaming of the characters. I've actually gone as far as downloading the fic and replacing all the names back to the original ones after reading the first chapter, then re-read it. and I must say, even without the twist with the names, the first chapter was very well done. Original idea paired with good plot and background research. the only thing that left me wondering was the lack of numbers in sub-chapters.

Still, this is a parody, at least it says so in the beginnig, so I'll take the name changing as something that is supposed to be here. It certainly does add a very "fresh" flavor to the fic.

Special thanks definetly go to your mad omake writing skills. I'm actually on 40 hours straight with no sleep when I was reading this fic, and the sheer fact that I actually found energy to laugh out loud says a lot of you humour. A definite bullseye.

Well, I'll post a continuation to this review after I get some sleep and read the rest.

P.S. Aesir Screwyou? my god, that one alone woke me up :) The swearing goddess indeed...

Quite impressive. Your omakes are REALLY amusing. And for something that's supposed to be a parody, you've really done well in portraying the cast in character. I personally think you could do with out the OOC/ACC/SI warnings, as I've yet do see any of that. I really like how well you've done the girls talking with each other, and their dialogue. Looking forward to you next installment.

P.S.

This is going on my Favorite Stories list now.

Brilliant. And I've only read Chapter "1" so far. Your mix of parody and the absolute seriousness I've seen is...Undescribeable. My props to you for now. Until I have time to continue this.

Wow...

To be honest I wasn't expecting much from this story. It took a while to get into, and after reading the second chapter I got the feeling it might trail off into obscurity from there on in. How wrong I was! Disguised within the parody elements is a really interesting story. Great characters, interesting plot elements, and you're sort of weird writing style is starting to grow on me.

I don't know how you can say this is OOC either. Despite the changes in their names, everyone seems to be acting exactly as they would in the show. In fact, I'd be hard pressed to find an Eva fic with more believable interaction.

Anyway, this is great, and what a bonus to get three chapters out so fast. I'm on the edge of my seat for more.