You could properly paragraph and actually type out the word and to make it better.

This sounds like it might be an intriguing story, but it's very difficult to read. Your paragraphs are very long and you have more than one character talking in each paragraph. You might want to fix this and re-post it. I would like to see how it turns out, but not like it is now.

Happy for the new family

Great plot for a story. However, the grammar and lack of paragraphs makes it really hard to read. I could not make it past half of the first chapter. Please use a LOT more line breaks.

geez, a whole twelve line breaks in this? that's too many, could you clump everything together into just one or two giant paragraphs? i spotted the word "and" once or twice, too. that word is too long and confusing for me! please just stick to the & sign, its nice and easy :)

Could please write out the word "and" instead of using the & symbol? It was so annoying I couldn't read past the first few sentences.

Glad to see Gibbs and Tony having a much needed heart to heart about Kelly

Fantastic story. Great beginning. Can't wait for more

Which would be harder for you, hitting the return key, or spelling out the word and?

This is a good story plot but really hard to read. You might consider getting a beta to help you with the grammar.

wow thanks