U r a pathetic writter and harry potter a 4th year can't perform a first year spell like seriously or do u forget that leviosa is the first year spell may be u only know about this one spell and yet dared to write a fan fiction such a pathetic ff from a pathetic writter

4 years abandoned.

Thats a shame. Im stealing this story. Or at least parts of it.

Interesting story. Good writing as well.

This is plagiarized. You just took at the smut scenes from dragon Lily by werewolf warrior

I'm someone who loved the original fanfic of this and here are some thoughts.

1. Don't see the point in Narcissa in the story. The original-fanfic-Narcissa was a love interest before a mentor. This Narcissa just acts like a mentor with ulterior motives, thus there's no point in her being a 'milf' and gaining attention among the male population of Hogwarts, especially from Harry.
In the original, she had to be super talented to be a mentor of Harry cause she is a love interest; there had to be a reason for her to be a DADA professor in order to create drama with Harry and Lily. (which was a major point of the original; a love war between Lily and Narcissa) Here she's not a love interest, hence her becoming DADA professor really seems out of place and random; not to mention the lack of shared experience with Harry during pre-forth year summer makes her interacting with Harry more random.

2. Lack of Lily means lack of drama among Lily/Harry/Narcissa, thus making interactions with Harry and Narcissa dull and unimpressive. The original worked well cause there was always the dread. The dread of when Harry will be exposed of his two timing. Lily and Narcissa were portrayed as very possessive women hence making the stakes even higher. But if you borrow the original's conversations or scenes without the original's set ups and premises then those conversations and scenes just become bland. You should've just written your original conversations instead of borrowing from the original.

3. Once Harry passed the first step at the First Task he should've come out as the winner. I have nothing against Harry failing the First Task; I just don't see the point in him trying his best to just anti-climaticaly fail.
In the original, he was sucker punched at the First Task which makes it frustrating for the reader but in a good way, because we are later explained why he was sucker punched(his misuse of occlumency) and have he not been knocked out by the initial rock fist, it becomes clear that he would've came out as the victor. Fleur's performance was dismal and won by sheer dumb luck(the monster threw her to the goal) and Victor's performance was uninspiring. The readers are constantly reassured from the people who is aware of Harry's potential(Lily&Narcissa) that compared to the other champions Harry obviously has more prowess; he just made a very dumb mistake and he is laughed at thoroughly by it. This, while frustrating, builds anticipation and makes the reader to look forward to the second task, his redemption stage.
But here, Harry just fails cause he's plain weak! No excuses, no dumb mistakes. He gives all he has and fails. There's nothing for the reader to forward to in that situation. It just becomes a frustrating reading experience.

All in all, the core of the original fanfic was a love war between to formidable witches, and during that love war the reader gets to see Harry reach his full potential thanks to the guide of those witches. I assume that later along the story Harry will be the one to deal with the wizarding world's crisis, but the story was discontinued so we'll never know.
While you borrowed the concept of the wizarding world's crisis, you discarded the major plot point which is the love war. Then you should've also discarded the conversations and scenes based on the relationship between the love triangle. Instead you borrowed pieces from it and wrote made exactly what this is, uncompleted pieces. If you're gonna borrow from another fanfic, borrow the whole package.

First 4 chapters were good. Ending of this one was terrible.

I thought this was fantastic, really great work! I hope you do continue, but if not, thank you for what you have done so far! All the best

This is extremely well written...as usual. And a most intriguing plot..I do hope you can finish it one day!

Okay, it's starting to feel like your own story and not just sections of Dragon Lily copy and pasted with slight tweaks. This is actually a really good start to a fic, it shows a lot of good signs. While Ron is jealous, he isn't being overly antagonistic just distant which is far more realistic and bodes well for his redemption, even despite that smug smirk over the article.

You handled Harry's turn around really well. I'd never had considered the memory of his mother being used against him to inspire his latent ability. While yes he is developing quickly, it's not like he's displaying spells beyond his years, he's just becoming more proficient in their usage.

I'm also surprised to see that Harry is going to get with Hermione, if your clues are to be trusted, especially since Fleur is apparently end game. But again, this is yet another pro. No one marries their first girlfriend... very few people marry their first girlfriend from the age of 14 so it's excellent that it looks like Harry may play the field a little. Not to say he should play all the different positions at the same time... that would tread into harem territory.

World building is excellent and the plot is moving at a good pace, your fic is nice and lean. Not much unnecessary fat on the bones.

There is only one glaring con at the moment. There hasn't been an update 8 months, which is a cause for concern. Hope you continue this story, it deserves to be told. It sounds like you have most things planned out, you just have to find time to write it.

Oooh, I approve, most heartily! You've done an excellent job in this story, and I'd love to see where you go with it.

Having Harry genuinely fail without any mitigating factors to deflect blame is rarely seen in fanfiction; people love their main character too much have them *lose*. But wonderful things can come from it, and the proverb "you learn more from failure than from success" is true. The opportunity for character growth and changes in character dynamics from something like this is *staggering*. That he didn't try to make excuses gives hope that it will be positive.

What will Narcissa do? She had high expectations of him, which he didn't meet-but then again, the gap in *knowledge* between him and the other competitors is tremendous. But which, as Narcissa brought up before, he could have fixed if he had been even partially as dedicated as his mother (hell, even is father, considering what imaginative hijinks the Marauders got up to). And she IS British and a Hogwarts alumni, so some degree of national pride must come into play in this.
But I think it would be pretty clear to any person with eyes that Harry's beating himself up more than anyone. She's been shown to be harsh so far, but fair. To what degree does she berate him? To what degree does she console him? To what degree does she encourage him to do better? What she says to Harry now can firmly place her in his highest regard, rather than simply admiring her as a teacher and someone who helped him.

Narcissa said that she didn't think Harry was doing as good as he was capable of, and this might be the push that would get him there. And with that, comes the revelation of his past, and maybe his past adventures in school (likely not Sirius, I would imagine). That sort of scene is always something I enjoy reading, when well done. She was wondering about his pain tolerance, the way he seemed to lack any motivation to succeed or anyone to impress... I'd love to see her response when she sees just what the Boy-Who-Live lived with.

Up until she showed up, Harry really didn't have strong reason to put in more than the bare minimum effort. It's simple classical conditioning; if he did better than Dudley, the Dursleys got angry. If he did badly enough to get a teacher's attention, the Dursleys got angry. If he stood out from his classmates or seemed "different", the Dursleys got angry. If he outshone his fellow students, resentment would give Dudley more pals for Harry Hunting. If he was at the bottom of class, the classic "join the pack to pick on the weak" mentality that can make kids such _utter jerks_ would give Dudley more pals for Harry Hunting. If he does well at Hogwarts, he has no family to praise him, has nobody to impress, will receive no familial pride in his accomplishments; if he does badly, the only people who will care are the teachers (who he doesn't really have personal connections to) and Hermione (who is an impossible standard to live up to).

One could say that making the memory of his parents proud is a reason to succeed, but... is it? For all that he loves the *idea* of a mother and father, he never knew them. He's only learned that they were successful, talented people-hell, that they were worthwhile human beings at all!-in the past couple of years. That's no time for a sense of a legacy to truly sink in. Everyone brings up how talented his father was and how brilliant his mother was, but... Harry's been told his whole life that he was awful, and has been trained to be mediocre-and even if he rejected them saying that, you can only hear a statement so many times without anyone refuting it before the idea starts to settle into your head. How could someone like that envision stepping into shoes that big?
The reason for his mediocrity that I really lay at Harry's shoes is the loss of wonder at magic. Magic should never be a chore.

Although he has gained that back, which is fantastic. But has it applied to his studies outside of his "detentions" with Narcissa and D.A.D.A.? Considering how much focus has been put into runes in this story, I'm surprised that the Ancient Runes course hasn't been brought up. Goodness knows Trelawney's class is a waste of time (although I guess if you already have the Sight, it might help focus you? The books, at least, are supposed to be authentic. Speaking of divination... Basira made her prophecy a long time ago. Any chance it would have been shortly before the birth of a certain Tom Marvolo Riddle?). How has Harry done in Potions recently? Has Snape noticed any difference in his behavior?

Maybe we'd get to see what Narcissa thinks of how honest Draco's been with what's been happening at school-especially about Harry.

How much will others find demoralization to play a role in his loss? Because it did-morale is a major part of success in any high-pressure situation. And while I'm pretty sure Harry has more experience with life-threatening danger than either Krum or Fleur, that danger has always come with *purpose*-saving someone, solving a dangerous mystery, fighting an enemy to school and country-and that's what caused him to choke this time, I think, when he managed to do so well so many times before.
Will the other Gryffs regret their incessant teasing, or blame him? I imagine that Ron will come back after seeing just how dangerous the tournament was (I'm not Ron-basher, but I'd like to see HIM survive that gauntlet! Or Draco, for that matter... although the prat will probably just mock him for failing). Will the knowledge that James's scion has so publicly failed alleviate some of Snape's misplaced disdain for Harry, or just give him more fuel to scorn him?
Will Skeeter be stuck with any blame for sticking her greedy little fingers in and riffling up anti-Harry sentiments right before the Task just because he snubbed her suspicious request for an "interview" (in a Hogwarts broom closet)?

The story tags list this as a Harry/Fleur story, but you look to be building up some Harry/Hermione, too. Is it just listed as Harry/Fleur because of the limited number of tags, or is it only that Hermione is discovering teasing and Harry is a teenaged boy?
Speaking of which, there's been little interaction between Harry and Fleur, despite her being brought up a few times. Considering what happened, I look forwards to seeing how that will go, and her reaction when she sees that Harry really doesn't feel her charms.

It's a pity he was disqualified from the Tournament. I was looking forwards to seeing other people react to what he's like now-his casual displays of stunning power and the way he can twist magic to his purposes in a manner normally reserved for wizards that are masters in their field after years of study. Especially Draco. The reaction to someone so small and young being a powerhouse is always fun to read (Harry Potter fanfiction or otherwise), more so when someone has made fun of the character for it.

Hermione wanted lessons on magic. Well, she's getting them... but will she be the only one? I imagine her being gone so often (and not in the library! *gasp*) would eventually get someone's attention, and rumor would spread at a speed moderately surpassing the speed of light. Either everyone will think they're off together snogging, or she's going to explain what they're really doing... and that would only make more people interested, wouldn't it? The idea of HARRY teaching HERMIONE was just so stunning that I have to wonder-will the DA be created early in this story, as just a club for DADA?
What would Narcissa think of Harry leading such a club, or at least being an instructor in it? Would she think he's being prideful, or would she be impressed? And... when she sees him, this immensely powerful wizard who somehow manages to befriend and draw in others without any effort on his part, who manages to teach even those who have difficulty with magic to perform advanced spells like the Patronus Charm, who leads a group, a number of whom are older than him... just what will she see in that?

Finally-when will we get to see Harry lay down a royal smackdown on someone?

Wow... I've been looking for a story like this. So many others either make Harry some over powered person that could have beaten Merlin at age three, if he wanted to. This is a far more literal take, more... coming-of-age. I hope you are still planning on updating, because you're story is excellent. I look forward to seeing MUCH more. Well Done.

oooh this is fantastic! great writing, great plot, great charactisation. I was quite desperate when there was no more chapters. thank you!

Holy shit. Where do I bloody begin?

I'm so thankful I came across this. It's been so so /so/ long since I read an actually original, well-written fanfic. I'm so sick of the WBWL and the cliche plotlines.

I really like the writing style. It's really good, like the level you'd expect in published novels. I don't see any grammatical/spelling errors. You had the punctuation in all the right places (some fanfics aggravate me as the sentences keep going on and on with no full stop.) The pace was great, btw.

I never read any fanon fics with her in it but I really like how you portrayed Narcissa Malfoy. I have a thing for characters with sharp wit and she certainly had that. I dare say that she's my favourite character in this fic, currently. Good job by making her tutor Harry. That was really unexpected. (lmao with the MILF joke, I love it.)

tHaNk YoU for not going down the Hermione/Ginny bashing route. I am so sick and done with fics like that. Idk why everyone else thinks Hermione was 'overbearing' in this. I thought she was perfectly in character, like in the books. And this is coming from a diehard Hermione Granger fan. You need not concern yourself with hateful comments like that.

The First Task was too brief but I'm glad you made Harry lose. No matter how talented Harry was, Fleur and Krum were 7th Years. It didn't make sense for Harry, who can't even do a proper levitating charm in the first place to suddenly win, even with improved duelling skills under Malfoy's tutelage. However, this will probably be a lesson for Harry and no doubt he'll improve by leaps and bounds in the later Tasks. Kudos for making an original Task, btw.

I am a little bit confused. I know you listed this as H/F but I can see the underlying Harry/Multiple as well? Or is it just me?

Anywayssss, overall, you've done an amazing job writing this. This is the first fic I reviewed since 2010 so I apologize if this is too long/lacking. Keep them coming. I look forward for more chapters, especially the H/F development and how you'll portray Fleur. Have a nice day!

thanks)

I would tell you how good this is but you've already got enough reviews telling you that so instead I'll just tell you to update soon.

P.S. Could you pm me the original story for this, I remeber reading this but I can't remember the name of it.