it’s a shame you haven’t updated in a while. this story was getting really good and makes me want to read the previous one you made. equinox is a cute name, despite that she seems very annoying. she might be nice, probably just loves getting under kratos skin. shade also seems interesting. i’ll admit, everytime i read his name i think of the Shade from Eragon, lol. what’s his relation to Kvar, though. and who is she? i wanna knoooowwww. D;

Interesting story so far. I wonder where this goes...

This is quite interesting so far! I really like the way you've written the way Kratos feels about Lloyd- I'm a sucker for his fatherly woes! The way this is written invites a reader to wonder about your original characters too. I can tell you know a lot about your OC's and that they aren't just standard filler characters for a purpose. With that being said, I do hope that the story remains balanced between the canon characters and your OC's. I also like the last line of this chapter- nice hook to keep me wondering!

My only real (and minor) complaint would be the very large paragraphs you sometimes have within your chapters. As an example, there's one in this chapter that starts with "I suppose" and ends in "Kratos." For reading on screen, it just seems a tiny bit long and it is easy to accidentally skip whole sentences with such a long passage. I'd suggest separating your longer paragraphs into two or when the subject slightly changes. :) You'll find the natural break a lot easier if you read it aloud, I find.

Anyway, keep up the good work and good luck with your endeavours. You seem pretty passionate about this story and it shows in your writing! .