Mouhahahahahaa!

Quel est votre niveau de français ?
And not 'Combien français parler vous ?'

Really good story!

Hoooooooooooooooly craaaaap. That... was the best chapter of any fanfic I've ever read in my life. Light and L's adorable hide-and-seek thing, the feeding and the kissing, and MAN THAT SEX WAS HOTTT! 10/10 That was flippin sexy af

Whoa! That was so crazy and exciting! I was so worried for Light... you really know how to write a thrilling scene :o

That was really informative and awesome. I dig this fanfic so much..

This is a beautiful first chapter

I wasn't aware that girls typically jump up and down in the seats of cars.
Have I mentioned separating who's talking into separate paragraphs? I probably did already. But I was thinking if you did that, you wouldn't have to use all those awkward "the brunette" tags and such.
*boos at Max* Go away, creeper. Let Light relax for goodness' sake.

I freaking love this story. Really. 10/10

Matt and Mello are just kids of fifteen or so but they're referred to as "men" here. The scene made me all kinds of uncomfortable. (Maybe I was thrown into a disapproving mood by the referral to Matt's hair as "red." I know, the vast majority of the ever-loving fandom gives him red hair, but it's a pet peeve of mine. I went back and double-checked that there's no new statement about this. The creators have allowed later manga artwork to reflect the anime color. So, until one of them says "We actually thought about making him a redhead," there are no grounds for it being anything other than brown.) Kid sex in the middle of a grown-up story squicks me. Maybe if the whole story were from kid perspective then I could get the artificial sense that the reader, as part of the story, is also a kid, and therefore it's less weird. But with most of it being about age-of-consent L and Light... awkward. Also, to each his own kinks, but it felt like a 180 from the trust-building relationship that L and Light are working on and more like a rape story.
I guess if contrast was what you were going for, you achieved that. I liked the fluffy L/Light part that effectively cleansed the palate. And then I skimmed the bad-guy part because life's too short to spend time reading bad-guy sections with attention to detail. Too sleepy to read more atm. Cheers.

Just got a life breather so I could read this chapter. I'd just as soon Near and Mello mind their own business, but it was still entertaining.

When quoting within quotes, do double to start, then single, and go back and forth. Example:
"He said 'she said she "thinks" she knows the answer.' But who knows if that's accurate."
Badguys and goodguys alike are closing in on the love nest... this could end badly. xp But I'm not worried.

I'm sure I had something to say about the mechanics of the beginning of the chapter, but... the end of it kind of blocked everything else out. xp I'll just move on.

Light's being a bit bratty... wondering just how much trouble he's going to be in. xp

Ewwww. Sorry. Had to get that out of my system. Good job making me squirm.
Anyway, the mechanical thing I thought of this time around is eye color. Once you've established it, it gets kind of monotonous to keep hearing about L's deep onyx pools, and etc. I've got a good picture in my mind, so you can just mention his eyes and I'll be seeing the color already. xp
I'm interested to see just when Light's heat will hit, and whether B or any other baddies will be in the vicinity when it does. Dx

Midnight is 12 am, not pm. That's something that confuses a lot of people.

Another rather distracting thing you've been doing throughout the story is starting new sentences unnecessarily after dialogue. "...that new mate of his." He said evenly... You made two sentences out of it where the "he said" is just a tag. Tags should be part of the same sentence, like this: "...that new mate of his," he said evenly...

Once again, it's been a while; maybe you've figured all this out by now. But if I wait until I've read all of your stories before commenting, then you'll get a lot fewer reviews, and me, I like quantity as well as quality. _- And you never know... maybe someone else is benefiting from these comments. I'm obviously still enjoying the story over all, or I wouldn't still be reading. It's making me want to try my own alpha/omega story sometime, because I don't think I've done that yet.