Eh, you should fix it up, Orochimaru wouldn't act like that and you butting in by breaking the fourth wall might work in a comedy crack fic but it just ruins the immersion when you do it here.

I've only read the first chapter and I like how you've set it up, though it looked a bit rushed. I hope this story turns out good.

Ive only read the first chapter and its fucking dumb 1 how can something so advanced as the traveler become a tree you know what ill try and read it see if it makes sense.

Your story makes no sense and I've only read 2 chapters you made kyuubi the traveler and Oryx which is impossible cause that wouldn't work at all.

I can see the sequel now: "The Adventures of the Taken Queen."

Oryx plus kindness and pacifism DO NOT MIX. And its only because I find it extremely weird and WAY out of character for him. [You know what to do if you want an explanation.]

Chibi Oryx? ... Okay, that's actually the funniest thing I've heard thus far.

Piiiiieeeealula! piealula! piealula!

... I really need to get around to doing Kings Fall at some point.

that god's laugh spells bad news

Can I get your XBOX 360 gamertag? (Please reply)

Yay! Character development! It's not a stomp anymore so I'm happy. Concerns met, opness nerfed. Character development is a go for takeoff command!

Oh yeah and I do have an account under the same name but I don't stay logged in all the time cuz I'm on mobile. If you wanna message me :D

Idea donation: i think he'll sing had a point. As they say the brightest light will cast the darkest shadow, you could have a manifesting insanity or an evil doppelgänger who tries to corrupt the taken. Idk, but I like donating ideas cuz I know that helps writers write. :D

Again srry for the hate from before. Had a sh!t day. One thing led to another. Hope you keep writing!

Time to do regicide (killing royalty)