saying right now, Darth Maul would not be beaten

ok i WAS going to point out that Anakin is better than Grievous and thus should have won but your explanation showed me you're right, plus that gutshot

I swear they bit their lips so many times it's bleeding by now( no offense just a joke)

God damnit, why does everyone have habit of killing Dooku...

This was such a wild ride that it took me a whole day to finish this. Holy crap, your writing was fantastic. All of the backstory and knowledge of Star Wars was interesting. What really got me hooked was your tie in with the Old Republic and tying in Ahsoka to that was EPIC! Ugh! I was rooting Anakin not be turned, but hey. I can dream right? Anyway, I'm heading into the sequel now!

I really liked the pacing in this chapter. I like the way you introduced various characters in this chapter. It all felt natural. However, what ruins the flow for me is the unnecessary inclusion of context. I get that you want to explain every part of what's happening but you don't have to go into detail the origins of the Sandcrawler for example. There are places where does fit, like touching on Quinlan's backstory and that's because it is essential for the reader to know, unlike learning about the history of a vehicle.

The way the plot with Ahsoka and Anakin is going, I am expecting another use of the meditation crystal further down the story. If know me, I am very particular about canon-breaking parts, but I can appreciate the story you're telling. Personally, whilst reading this I was just thinking about why Padme isn't part of the story. Seeing how she is one of the only people who uses 'Ani'. I know it's a alternate universe but it just seems weird how he isn't talking about Padme or trying to contact her you know?

I somewhat like the way you introduce Thrawn in the story. You've got his motives and overall sense of prowess is there too. I think it'll be cool to see the Chiss attack the CIS. I would however prefer if you introduce him in a more surprising manner whilst leaving clues here and there. For example, you could have a third party spreading rumours of an ingenious Chiss Admiral destroying CIS worlds and holdouts. It would give the reader a chance to think and expand on the story instead of it being shoved in their faces.

I still don't know how the whole Bariss sup-plot is for me. It just feels very isolated from the rest of the story. At least Vos' story connects with Anakin's and so does the Chiss with the war. I don't know, feels like a side quest in the book. I feel the characters are forced into the story without it really connecting. That's what makes it feel like a side quest. I think that is definitely your weakest plot point right now.

This was a very content heavy chapter introducing a lot of key points. However, I think you've done it pretty well with good pacing and character motivations. It's only the third chapter, a lot could still happen!

I liked this one. I guess my only problems were repetition. You don't have to mention the class of ships every time is what mean. You stated the ship as Invisible Hand, why not used it instead? Not that big a deal but it gets very repetitive if you know what I mean.

Otherwise I like how you showcase the scope and size of the battle with stories from the ground and space intertwining with each other. The combat was pretty good too. Lightsaber and aerial likewise. It would take some getting used to with 2-lined paragraphs, I guess it's the site's formatting?

My question now is what time period is this set in? I have a feeling it's ROTS cause of Grievous-Anakin dialogue but I might be wrong.

I'm excited for the next chapter. I'm hoping to see Anakin's reaction face-to-face with his greatest enemy... SAND.

Good first chapter mate. There's references that the casual fans might completely overlook and I like that. Barriss, Bane, the casual fans wouldn't really pay attention to these things.

Anyways, the pacing is nice. The brief descriptions doesn't make your story look like a chunk of words making it quite easy to read. I'm intrigued to see what's gonna happen. I never once thought that Barriss could best Maul or Ventress unless she used surprise just like TCW.

Exited to see where it's going.

-Calrissian66 ;-)

Ps. I'll be reading once a day

Good great

Good

Good

Good good

Hm I don't like how nervous your version of Ahsoka is. When she was a new padawan then sure, she even admitted to being scared most of the time but by the time she left the Jedi she was a lot more confident and fearless than she was in the beginning.

So an 18 year old Ahsoka, whether armed with her lightsaber or not, shouldn't have been worried about entering a seedy bar. Especially since she's been in them before. Also I swear she's thrown more punches than swung her lightsaber in the duration of the show so she can look in the face of danger and still kick a** but you've made her a bit too...un-Ahsoka like.

Oddly enough the slave episodes were some of my favorites, especially the one before they eventually escape. It was uncomfortable listening to that asshole taunting Ahsoka and saying that she'd be his slave since we all know what would've happened but it was hilarious watching how casually Ahsoka used the force to nearly knock him off the roof.

Of course it went to being infuriating after when he started to shock her and a bit worrying but then along comes Anakin and she just casually crushes the shock collar, so even if Ahsoka because assholes slave it wouldn't be for long lol

Still for curiosity's sake I wonder if she was even wearing anything under her skirt. It looked like the only thing holding it together was a thin strand of beads on her left hip. If she really wasn't wearing anything than that makes her even more awesome with how not uncomfortable she seemed to be but makes me also curious as to why she didn't seem to mind no undies around Anakin or Obi-Wan

14 year old Ahsoka was awesome and funny, 16 year old Ahsoka is still awesome and funny but a hell of a lot calmer and willing to obey orders rather than protest. Well, protest too much anyway.

Hello! :-) If I've not reviewed before, I'm quite sorry because I am REALLY, really enjoying this EPIC story, and I'm especially impressed with its depth of plot and characters! Except for a few nip 'n tucks with some of There's grammar to reduce some redundancy in use of adjectives - and some spelling errors - you write like a pro! Hopefully you're still sending / receiving PM's, because I'd like to hear back from you, and I'll also try sending you a PM as well. -Missy