Veri n1c36yhst0rihB

Overall, a well done story and a great unique take on the JSRF universe. I binge read the whole thing beginning to end over two days, only taking so long because other responsibilities required my attention. The writing style needs some improvement, but overall a very well done piece. This story is easily one of the best JSR/F fanfictions I've read on any site.

What a grdyeat climax for act 3.
Everyone is happy.
But for how long?

Well, I must admit - you got me hooked. It took a few chapters but you succeeded. If I may critique on one thing: while your spelling, grammar, and writing style are all very much well done, your technique could still use a little work. Show, do not tell! It takes a reader out of the experience when we are told why a character is doing a particular action, or given info that a reader already knows or should already know!

Big example: There's a part in the late 20s chapters where Yoyo and Rhyth go to Rokkaku-Dai and Rhyth is wanting to tell the rest of the GGs that her and Yoyo are dating. Yoyo has some inner monologue interrupted by "because he didn't know Beat had told the rest of the GGs that he was dating Rapid 99" which a) breaks the flow b) breaks immersion and c) assumes the readers did not remember that Yoyo and Rhyth left before that point. Not only is it poor form, but slightly degrading to the readers that they can't remember that detail from several paragraphs earlier within the same chapter. Don't tell us that Yoyo's embarassed, SHOW us! "His cheeks turned red", "he fiddled around with his glasses", "he looked around at everything but Rhyth", etc. And DEFINITELY don't tell us reasons for their actions like outlined above! If you have to tell us that a character doesn't know a certain detail for x reason, it is poor story telling! All these details should be present within the story itself. Don't underestimate the memory of your readers, especially within the same chapter!

Anyways, I impatiently await the next chapter. Despite my above criticism, I am loving your take and loose adaptation of the game - it gives new life to the monotony of many of the fanfictions present here and adds a certain "realism" to the series. The suspense has me on the edge of my seat. Keep pushing forwards!

Great chapter.

Cool chapter as usual I hope you work death ball into the story

This is great. I'm really excited for an update.

Great chapter. I liked the big reveal about Gum's past and the truce with the Love Shockers, can't wait to read on.

Oogh, some Gum/Corn past stuff, always love this.
Great chapter.

I love the dialogue in this chapter, and how you went into detail on their past and why they became rudies. I also like the development on them going from taking on other gangs to the government. brilliant stuff.

Aw snap i sense a love square in the making good chapter

Another great chapter, can't wait to see if Beat is gonna let it slip that he knows a little about corn and gum. Plus I wanna see if gum really likes beat or just wants to break his heart

Another awesome chapter

The situation got more Dark...
And The problems will appear.

Ohhhh this is getting very interesting, specially to Corn's fate.

Now what will The GG's will try to do.

Keep up The nice work~

This fic should hqve more reviews... Its freaking awesome, especially how everyone deals with social problems and how they overcome difficults.

Keep The great work. ;)