My heart broke so bad when Neo went back, only to find that Yang was gone...
this was a wonderful short story, and even though in my heart I’m screaming for a sequel since I feel bad about them both, I think it was a nice ending. Neo hadn’t rejected Yang completley and she had gained newfound hope for the future, leaving her broken and drowning self behind as she takes her first steps towards a better future. And maybe at some point, they find eachother again.

Thank you for writing this!

This is indeed an interesting concept! I’m loving the idea of Neo being forced to do what she does, and it’s really kind of Yang to want to help her.

id love to see more of this but you've stated your not sure where you wouldn't even really know where to go with it. reading this i had a couple ideas pop into my head but im fairly sure others have said about if not the exact same thing. if you read this and wanta hit me up or not its cool i just REALLY REALLY like this story.

Aww! Neo actually has a soft side! Can you continue the story as Neo trying to find Yang and ask for another chance?

Great alternative story! I feel like there is to few redemption stories in the fandom so thanks for making a good one!

I ABSOLUTELY loved what you did here, I love the idea of Neo having a difficult time with the White Fang and Cinder and I love the thought of Yang offering her a helping hand. I love how you portrayed Neo and I can't wait to see more.

I would love to see more if u plan to make it this story was amazing

Well Hana, that was utterly brutal at several points. Lovely and poetic, even more so than usual, but still pretty damn painful. I do like how well you put Neo forward though, and the whole story had one hell of an effect, so awesome work, as ever.

This is a very well written piece. More then that, it's accurate. I can't speak for myself in regards to Neo's situation there, but from what I've heard of similar predicaments people have had to suffer through, this reflects the mindset perfectly. Now though, Neo has a chance, and some day, she'll take it.

This was vicious and uncalled for. And I absolutely adored it. Your writing style is lovley and so easy to read, the way you show the characters is great and as ever with your work, this is a great story. And I'm totally not crying. Because you definitely didn't ram a railway spike through my heart. Nope.
Seriously though, this was gorgeous, thank you so much. And I've only just noticed there's a second chapter. I don't know if I can deal with this.

Silly Neo, thinking she learned how to swim

aww, poor yang

In terms of substance, this chapter is definitely extremely strong. You do a fantastic job of fleshing Neo out as somebody trapped in an unenviable situation- a peaceful girl who is forced to do the bidding of malevolent forces. You really articulate the situation Neo is facing quite nicely and effectively- although I argued against your utilization of repetition in my other review, here I believe you utilized it quite effectively- primarily because you tended to use a variety of metaphors to describe the situation, and fluidly incorporated them into the situation with Yang. You definitely managed to get me effectively hooked into the story and really be able to see things from Neo's perspective, and that is to be commended.

You really manage to do a good job as portraying Neo as somebody who has been broken due to the situation that they're in, which really negates any complaints I could have about us not really seeing what Neo is really like- this internal struggle IS essentially her life now- before she was just a broken shell of a girl who was now given hope.

Despite the fact that the outcome was somewhat inevitable, you still do manage to draw some slight tension when Neo decides to return and see if Yang is still there- if that opportunity is still present. And then share Neo's disappointment when it turns out it isn't.

I would say that there is one paragraph that doesn't flow very well- the paragraph where Neo starts crying. I feel like its too passive and indirect and tries a bit too hard to be poetic. Aside from that, no serious complaints.

A quite good conclusion to a quite good story. Keep up the good work!

This story could use a sequel.

great story! wish there were more chapters though. you could do the same thing next chapter that you did in chapter 1 and have neo initiate it, and for her to tell yang that she wants to come back to beacon. maybe change neo's appearance or have a disguise or come straight out with it to ozpin. then maybe have them find the feelings they have for each other and do a couple of romance/ slice of life chapters. you could have them struggle to maintain neo's secrecy of betrayal or have cinder know about it and try to kidnap her back. i know you said you didnt want to do anymore chapters so im sorry for even suggesting anything but i would love for it to continue. but you probably have enough on your plate to begin with so... sorry and sorry for the paragraph! XD