I absolutely love this fic! Cant wait for you to update it, no matter how long i have to wait for it. Hope this is updated soon.

Anyway, love this fic. Well done! :)

This is so good...I really hope and can't wait until you continue this story. It fills the void until Volume 4 comes out in the Fall.

Jaune's voice actor said that Ruby and Jaune will have ALOT of interaction in Volume 4...if that helps for your story. Also they're canon Team RNJR (Ranger) though they said it may not be officially said on the show...

Even if it's subtle I hope you have some JaunexRuby moments. Like how Summer helped Tai when Raven left him. They ended up falling in love. Plus I noticed that Jaune looks like a younger verison of Tai and Ruby looks like Summer. Perhaps Ruby is going to make Jaune's world not cold anymore with her support and comforting him. We'll have to see...

This review has been long overdue, so I'm going to dive right in.

I think this chapter did well to explain some of the lore (I assume) you plan to use, but there in lies my biggest gripe with the story. You could have gotten to that section allot faster. As much as your opening scenes all seemed well characterized and on point, I felt like the chapter could have opened later, like when the two were already fighting. The rest could have been explained by referential dialogue. Its not a terrible thing, again, because you are good with these characters and you can keep them all interacting in believable ways no matter what they're doing, but the scenes we open on just feel a little like they're removed of compelling tension beyond the underlying subtext of "everyone is on edge over this plan."

Once the chapter gets to Ren's story, I felt like I could see where things were going and it was easier to get engaged. One thing that nettled me was how very scholarly Ren was while telling the campfire story. I know its a historical event and he seems like the studious one, but It felt a little weird hearing him mention "alternate translations" while telling his story. The tale of the four leaders was interesting, It reminds me of the story of the "Virtuous Troglodyte." IDK if that was intentional or if I just made a really weird comparison between this chapter and 'The Plurality of Worlds' but I noticed the parallels and found them interesting.

As usual, I conclude this chapter enticed to know where things go from here. Very interested to know what you envision Stitch to look like.

Keep on typing, buddy.

Nicely done! I especially loved the story about Trajan and how Mistral was formed.

I like your way of writing dialogue and exposition, I'll be taking some notes from while I'm continuing my own fanfiction.

Will definitely be reading the next chapter when it comes out, but please take your time!

I see having special eyes leads to ruling a kingdom

I'm guessing the version Ruby got purposely left out silver-eyed warriors. So she hasn't told them about her powers yet. Be interesting to see how they react when she does, rather verbally or physically.

Good luck on your school work.

Thanks for updating! Before I get into anything else, there was some strange wording about Trajan when it was stated that he could 'defeat them single highhandedly', did you mean 'singlehandedly'?

Anyway, I loved Ren's slightly critical view of Ruby and her position as leader, and the advancement of those views as the chapter progressed. Ruby's grown up as well, and it makes sense: she witnessed Pyrrha's death, after all. Your mythology was fantastic, it was well written and thought-out, and even slightly touched on the silver-eyed warriors!

Overall fantastic chapter, I look forward to more!

Back at you for the shout out, man!

But yeah, the themes are starting to get a little clearer now. And I don't know if you'll touch on this at all in the fic, but now I really want to see more of Jaune dealing with all the pathos that followed in the wake of Pyrrha's death. I don't know what it is about stories in which characters come to terms with [insert "whatever" issues here], but I always find them supremely fascinating.

Also, I like Ren helping Ruby improve her CQC along the journey; it ought to make for a couple good bits of levity down the road. (Maybe some bits of angst as well, now that I think about it...)

*Sighs longingly* I guess I can wait until May to get more of this story... Can't wait for that /r/RWBY fic in the meantime! From what you've told me about it, it sounds like a good read.

Lol noob u suq never write again!

I kid, I kid! Seriously though, not bad so far! It's a bit light on plot right now, but it's also only three chapters long so far. Otherwise, aside from a few things here and there that other reviews more anal than me have probably already told you about, it looks pretty good: everyone seems to be in character, and there's a good balance between light humor and character pathos, and your scene with Jaune and Qrow felt natural. I especially like how you're actually using Thomas Moore's "The Last Rose of Summer", it's a nice touch.

Anyway, I look forward to seeing what's in store in the next chapter, and I hope we'll see more plot soon as well.

I have to disagree with the idea of Jaune blaming Ruby.

It's contradictory with your own take on him. You define Jaune as someone pitiful who takes all the blame.

Then you have him put the blame on Ruby to feel better about himself. Doesn't fit at all.

So this chapter was pretty nice. All around very satisfying.

The opening is a little slow. Jaune and his training by himself was nice, and I could tell what you were trying to do with it, but I feel like you spent allot of time on it and while it was emotionally charged it wasn't all that grabbing. I felt like I could see the clear attempt to get me to sympathize with Jaune is this moment and it didn't quite hit me for the first few paragraphs.

It DEFINITLY hit me when you started describing how Jaune's memories of Pyrrha were deteriorating. That really got me soppy eyed, especially because I could liken it to my own experience with losing family and friends. The pain felt more real than I was expecting and it lasted with me.

The flashback was kind of thrust on me. Like, I could tell from the italics and the page break that you wanted to signal this as a change in scene but next time you could perhaps just say that Jaune took a few minutes to reflect on what happened after Pyrrha was gone. Otherwise, I felt a little confused as to where we suddenly were in the RWBY timeline. The scene itself, however, was very good. I should probably confess right here and now that of all the show's characters Qrow and Jaune are two of my least favorite. That said, I felt bad for both of them in this scene and also respected the things they said and choices they made. You nailed portraying Jaune as a vulnerable teen hurt by loss who's trying to maintain his sense of control over his life by rejecting other people.

Qrow also got out some pretty good advice for Jaune that was clearly rooted in pain of his own past, and that allowed me to really connect with him. It was nice seeing him portrayed as an experienced, emotionally weathered person with years of loss and baggage on his shoulders. That said, I would have taken anything other than him acting like a sarcastic and cynical prick. (Sorry, I just don't like his character that much.)

The conversation at the end was also really good. I liked that you took a route I wasn't expecting and had RWBY say thanks for the first day instead of just mothering him. The utilization of the poem felt nice without being too much, and the interaction between Jaune and Ruby felt characteristic of both their emotions and their age. You seem to have a grasp on the theory that people rarely say everything that's on their minds and the things that weren't said were as poignant as what was. I liked how Jaune thinks to himself about how he already knows what to expect with this conversation and plans to brush her off. I liked how you portrayed Ruby, too. She felt more centralized in this chapter like Nora did in her own, so I was able to focus on one emotion at a time and thus got more out of her dialogue.

This was a good chapter for sure. I didn't love it top to bottom, but when you got something right you got it really, really right. Good job.

Ok. Here's my two cents. Between her and Ruby Rose, I can definitly say that I like the way you're potraying Nora's character in this scenario allot more. Don't take that as me speaking ill of the previous chapter.

Ruby wasn't unlikable or anything in your first chapter. I just feel like I connected with Nora ALLOT more in this chapter. On one hand, Ruby's chapter was dealing with allot of emotions for the character at once and it was a bit overwhelming. On top of that, we spent much of the first chapter doing what most do on their debut chapter: getting things set up.

Meanwhile, this one was much more centralized on the idea of Nora feeling responsible for lifting everyone's spirits, and that idea was very captivating. It felt true to her nature while also fitting the mood of this story overall. I liked it allot, I did.

You sorta began to lose me toward the end just a little. Nora's reasoning for having to fight the Grimm by herself was a tad confusing. I could use my own imagination coupled with the context to get an idea of what it was that she was getting at when she prophecized her friends getting bummed by the sight of it, but I feel like you could have been clearer with how she worded it to herself. The segment with the walkee talkee type WHSSPR device (nice name btw) felt like a fat brick of exposition to the face, but it was at least interesting exposition. I like seeing the RWBYverse fleshed out in ways like this; it makes it feel more lived in and atmospheric. That said, you could have gone easier on it. Ren's dialogue in that section felt unnatural, a common biproduct of exposition through conversation. It's nothing game breaking, just something you might want to beware in the future.

Ironically, the fight with the Grimm was the section that exhilarated me less than all the talking, but I wouldn't take that too much to heart if I were you. You know how to captivate me with your characters, I just think the action scene was a bit ho-hum. If anything, it felt like it wasn't necessary at the moment. Fight scenes are very hard to get right, ESPECIALLY in written media like novels, so if I were you I'd hold back on fight sequences until you feel they've been set up and are a good pay off.

Nora noticing that the crow is Qrow felt oddly sudden and kind of uneventful, but I'm going to give you the benifit of the doubt and assume Nora knowing crow is Qrow will play into some nice dramatic irony later on so no worries.

The eventual conclusion was very pleasant. I was put in a good mood and felt proud of Nora, which I don't normally feel because the show normally doesnt focus on her that much. If I were you I probably would have left it on more of a cliffhanger seeing that this is still one of the few opening chapters which means readers are still deciding if they're invested or not, but that's really just me. Seriously, I just do that because I prefer using tension and suspence to keep people reading. Ending it how you did is not at all 'wrong' and I'm sure some would say its preferable to my tactic. Just wanted to share that tid bit anyway though.

This was a good second chapter. It convinced me to fav/follow, which is as telling as it sounds.
Good work.

Hm... Maybe it's because I just don't like how some people see things, or that I'm really just sleepy. I really don't think Jaune would have ever loved Pyrrha, to him, she was just a goal, not someone he truly wanted to be with to help which is what a relationship is in the first place. The fact that Jaune would give out his heart to practically everyone is why I don't see him having much romantic feelings towards another person in the first place, he's just... selfless like that.

I had realized this when someone posted about this analogy on Reddit, and to be honest, I fully believe in that guy, as much of a shipper I may seem like. Really I just think that he would ever truly 'love' Pyrrha in the way you would love a lover. Dunno just my views on this, still going to see this through though, good job so far and I need to sleep. Sorry if this is all jumbled up.

You were holding out on me, man. I never even saw the conversation between Jaune and Ruby, but it's the most satisfying part of the chapter. Especially after reading Hearts of the Weary, I think it's safe to call you a master of emotional dialogue.

That's not even the only skill you appear to have. The subtle references you make to canon - Qrow's experience with loss, another line from *The Last Rose of Summer* - are nothing short of brilliant, your interpretations of the characters continue to be absolutely on point, and you're still great at illustrating feelings without outright naming them. I can only find a couple of things I'd have done differently, but I doubt any changes I'd have made would significantly impact the quality of this story.

Congratulations on another success. I can hardly await your take on Ren.

Friend and fan,
~mewtwo15026

You know, I'm surprised everyone is so ok with Ruby as a leader. Even if Jaune insisted, I'd still expect Ren and Nora to consider him their leader deep down. And certainly Ruby to at leasr be more confused on why she was made leader instead of Jaune considering she is thecnicaly the outsider.