this is a good start. i like the interactions so far. looking forward to reading more. thank you

I really like the concept of reversing the firenation with the water tribe, this is pretty good what you got here

Welcome back,

It's been a while hasn't it?

First and foremost, it's nice to see the improvements from the last chapter.

I still have some gripes with the style, but it's definitely feels more sincere and in-character.

For starters, I would suggest using both, the active voice and the passive voice, by using them interchangeably most sentences won't start with SHE, she, Toph, etc. It becomes quite stale and even annoying (I will try to explain in best of my ability what i mean)

Active she struggled to contain her anger.
(subject performs an action)
Passive Anger within her cannot be contained.
(subject receives the action)

If interested you can read more about the active/passive voice: .

I would say different type of sentence structure is very important too, but this is getting long. (you can google sentence structure and find 4types.)

One more thing, I would like to see more left to interpretation. The last scene seems unnecessary to explain as it was quite obvious by the way you phrased the sentence that Toph is entering the avatar state.
(Not every scene needs to be explained in detail, just give us small detail, we will catch on :) ) That way you can build cliffhanger and make us more engaged.

All in all, I hope my thoughts are clear enough and won't leave you discouraged from expression yourself.

With enough practice, perfection will follow!

Don't include Zutara I hate that pairing.
Also Aang's missing and where's Appa and Momo?

i love it

this sounds like it could be an interesting story. I like it so far.

I like I please update soon

I love this!

Wtf was that. I'm so sorry but it was just pure bad. I understand you wanna switch things up but if your going to do it do it right. I sound like a bitch I'm sorry but I just can't put it nicely. The idea of it is cool but the story is another thing. Other people would be like to me 'oh if u don't like it don't read it blah blah blah' but reviews are to help them improve in my opinion and not all reviews are nice... Anyways I hope this helps and see ya.

Yours sincerely ForgottenLov3

I love the new version.

Hey Lily,

I'm not that good at reviewing. This will be long...
But i'll put some effort because i really like the main idea of Toph being the Avatar and what great possibilities it can bring.

I'll start with the negative, sorry.
The first thing that struck me, was that characters seemed a little fake, what I mean they just didn't have enough HUMANITY in them for example:
1) Azula seemed a little one-sided, i mean who would insta-attack a small fleeing girl on first sight? (if your trying not to make her a villain, it's not a good first impression.) (Compared to old version i like her less at least for now)
2) Toph seems way off character, I may have quite high standards for Main char. but I expect a little more sarcasm, badassery and bitter-tongue from her. (I know it's your story but please don't make her a damsel in distress).
2.1) I like the first-person story telling over third-person, IMO it deepens the atmosphere around character and makes you more involved.(but that's besides the point, It's your story and your choice i just thought i should mention it.)

Now on to the good points.
1) The idea behind the fanfic is amazing, it seems not overused and unique.(IMO Toph works really well as Main char.)
2) It's a small one but thank you for using vertical lines for each different chapter, it makes it easier to read.

As i have said I'm bad at reviewing, take everything with a grain of salt.

On the side note:
More details please. For example:
Portray scenery, like ship or someting. What season is this in, the timeline, how long has war between nations been going on. Small details makes story more lively and enjoyable.

Anyway keep up the good work and in the end write what you feel like writing.

And if you enjoy reading i suggest:
1) I'll Walk You Home ( I think he nailed Toph's personality) u/2018625/Justthisguyyouknow
2) Bakemonogatari by Nisio Isin (totes my fav. book)

(If your not asleep yet i'm just gonna say holy shit this is long...sorry :D)

I read the old version and this is much impoved
The concept is still just as interesting as ever
Is most of the action going to be taking place in the Fire Nation?
Also one thing you might want to fix - when Azula is talking to Toph she refers to her as the Avatar when it hasn't been reveled yet
My advice about ships is - I don't care so long as its well written - frigure them out as the story flows
Have fun

we have 2 water pole?right?my point is they can't have t

nice ! It's a nice story but I don't like Tyzula ! Don't get me wrong I don't have something against homosexual relationships ! It's just my opinion !

I really like this. The original was so good and this is really good too. My opinion is two thumbs up. At the beginning about ships, I'll be honest and say the reason I clicked on the first version and read it was because it had Tyzula in it. But I like it for what it is outside of that.