Continue this book it's man good

I'm late. Again. Sorry.

Again, same as before, short.

Who was the metal-teeth Brit? Yes his captor, but there must be more to him. And there's no way he, a man with a build like that, get KO'ed by a single punch in the teeth after he sucked in the heat.

When the soldiers came at him, they must've used bullets to stop him right? So what did he use to protect himself from those after escaping the cell? (I assumed that they were in a hallway with concrete walls like a bunker.) on that note, there could've been a brief but packed fight scene between Colt and those soldiers - I mean - mercenaries. It could've added more action.

If he did have cash for a flight home, immigration will hold him at the terminal because he doesn't have his ID or passport.

Has anyone in done any Geronimo Stilton fanfics that are from the TV series? Just asking because there aren't a lot of them here.

Let me guess - you rushed this didn't you?

It was fairly short and I expected more content. I see an improvement in your formatting of the dialogues; good job to that! Also, I wouldn't insult a human by calling them 'hairless' if I were a mouse, I'd rather use 'furless'.

Cheers to this new chapter!

Ye boi,
-DrifterDan

Review for Sora

I am so, SO sorry for leaving a VERY late review. I had been busy with adjusting to adulthood; getting a job, getting my drivers license... So, let's get down to business.

I like that you're now branching into another series of Geronimo's books. You're adding variety to your canon and that's no easy task to manage.

Second, formatting. I'm gonna be frank here; I find it really difficult to read the story because of its poor format and paragraphing. It was really eye-straining for me and I sometimes skipped some paragraphs, which later I found out to be the climax of the chapter. Yes, I, talking about that one LONG paragraph. When I skipped it, I realized that I was already at the ending. I had skipped the most important part of the chapter. So, avoid using long paragraphs, and ALWAYS start new paragraphs in your dialogues when there are two or more people talking in the same time.

And now I thing I've founded what your problem is. You rush your chapters. Writing rule number (I don't know what number though): NEVER RUSH WHEN IT COMES TO WRITING STORIES. When you rush, you tend to make a lot of mistakes like the paragraphing. You don't need to rush the chapters because you don't have a deadline to meet. Not when you're not a professional author. You write your own story. YOU chose what your gonna write, YOU decide how you write, and YOU decide when you write. And you write in your own terms. Take it slow and steady so you can write at your best, and so that you can detect your mistakes during editing. This way you'll please your readers and prevent their eyes from straining and have them enjoy what you write. It may take long, but it's worth it.

I hope this review helps and keep writing. I'd like to see you improve. Oh, and happy New Year.

-Malaysianpro

Revealing Benjy as a new Meta is certainly a good twist to the story, exactly what the story needs. Good job.

I'm still waiting for that investigation on Marcus' murder.

-Malaysianpro.

Awesome new chapter.

Well uh, just as before, this story is continuing to grow and I like it kept that way, some misused words detected but still forgivable, and get your lazy bum on repairing that punctuation. Lol.

I'll be sure to drop by your DeviantArt page (can't wait to see how Colt looks like), and all the best to you and keep writing because I know it's what you love to do.

Your fellow storyteller,
-Malaysianpro

P.S. I could've sworn I've read this part already... And oh, you're welcome for the snippet.

Well, now we can see how much Colt's extended family wants his money so badly... So, as usual, the plot is going somewhere, the introduction of new dangers Colt and his siblings might be facing in the future, and so on and so fourth. Anything else, I'd just say that some of your words are misspelled (good thing I spelled 'misspelled' right), your punctuation still needs work (you still are lazy about correcting that huh?), and... that's pretty much it.

Keep doing what you're doing cuz these are really great and it's something you should not stop. I'll be waiting for more (especially the investigation of Marcus' murder, good thing that you hinted that a Meta probably killed him) and I'll see you in the next one!

Malaysianpro, out.

PHEW! I thought that this was already the end of the line for this story because I WANT TO READ MORE! Your writing is gradually getting better, minimal spelling mistakes, punctuation still needs some work, yet it's enough for me to cope with. I'd like to see the mystery of Marcus' death solved, because that is the plot focal point in this story. Wish you all the best!

-Malaysianpro

Really like the interactions in this one :)

You've got a great work on building the story arc here, but the grammar and punctuation needs a little bit more work, yet still understandable.

So, like I've said, you've got a good plot going here. Which also begs the question: what will happen next? What, when, and will Geronimo and the crew do something about Marcus' murder?

Hope this review makes plot bunnies pop in yer head!

-Malaysianpro

All I can say is brovo, mein freund! You have pulled off another good job overall, so far. Just three things: commas, dialogue formatting, and content.

Commas. Short breaks in sentences. When I read your work, I always get confused on when should I stop or where should I keep reading because there were too many commas! I advise to use them at where they are most necessary.

Dialogue formatting. After each dialogue of different speakers, you should separate the dialogues in different paragraphs so that we know who's speaking. Not doing so confuses your readers on whose words are in the dialogue.

Content. I felt like something was missing when Benjamin went after Madi. You could've added something like this:

I sneaked up the stairs so Madi wouldn't get startled. "Hey Madi," I greeted.

She turned around. "Oh, hey Benjamin." Her voice was soft as silk.

I sat down next to her in the moonlight. "Couldn't sleep?" I asked.

"Yeah... Can't stop thinking of Dad. How'd you know I was here?"

"I heard someone in the hallway. Went to check it out and found out it was you. Your footsteps sounded like stomps."

She blushed away, brushing off her hair to behind her ear.

Something like that. Make them talk, have some chuckles or whatever, then get to the confession. Come see me on tips for writing dialogues.

I hope you found this review helpful, and I can't wait for another chapter. Keep up the good work!

-Malaysianpro

I am impressed by how you're starting your plot, very simple, yet very compacted. However, there are some things I want you to work on.

(I liked your author's note, very loud like Jackcepticeye. Must be a fan eh? Same here! And thanks for the shout out.)

First of all, your first words. When you start your story, don't get to hasty to start the plot right away. Write that in the middle of the chapter. For first words, write a scene where Geronimo was busy in his office doing paperwork or make him enter his office early in the morning and starting his work, then he receives a phone call, and is informed that Marcus had died from another friend that knew him or, the Gazette's mailmouse shows up and gives him the invitation. THEN make G introduce himself. Your current first words are cool, but Geronimo introducing himself killed the suspense.

Secondly, showing vs telling. The way you introduced Marcus's kids was actually telling the readers about them, and in general, it bores some of them (excluding me). You can actually tell and intro the kids by actually putting them into dialogue, where necessary. Intro the kids' names first, then tell a little about them. Just ask yourself when you decide to inform readers something: "Can the camera see this?" as if your story was a movie.

Three, character emotion. Thea HAD to walk into the office looking gloomy.

Four, dialogue and verisimilitude. Verisimilitude means the appearance of being real. Your dialogues seem too formal, and it's not how normal people speak. Use a bit informality, like saying 'yup' instead of 'yes' when necessary.

Fifth, formatting. When you wanted your readers to read what Geronimo had read on the letters, you should have put formatted them in a way so they your readers realize that they're reading the letter. Try bolding or italicizing them next time.

That's all I can comment, tell me if you need help.

High fives all 'round! *whoopsh, whoopsh* and I'll see you... IN THE NEXT REVIEWWW!

-Malaysianpro