Hi!
Im going to proofread a translation into German of this fic (my friend sayed it’s authorized) and wanted to read the original beforehand. And I have to say that this is totally amazing! I love to read about personifications of Death and Live and all these abstract concepts and you did it perfectly! I especially love that none of the persons are called by their names but instead have a really short description and yet everyone knows who is meant. It gives the story a slightly abstract and distant touch that totally fits to narrative and narrator.

I liked the description of the dying man, I wonder what would be the future of the living man and the girl with the heart if the dying man had died? Thank you for sharing.

Wow, this was very poetically written. The whole thing had a certain cadence to it that I quite enjoyed, and the idea is rather interesting - James saved a life, and by doing so angered Fate.

I like the characterization you've given to Death, how he tries to stay indifferent but still cares, and his and Life's agreement (nice touch for them to meet in Asphodel, on neutral grounds). The retelling of events was nicely done with that whole behind the scenes touch with Death and Life being present, adding bits and pieces about hourglasses and kisses. Really cool.

There is a bit of repetition going on here, with the boys especially. You also contradict yourself a few times. You state that James laughs in the face of Fate, yet we see no such thing. He doesn't do it for fun or for a dare, he is clearly distressed and nowhere do you show him laughing or being defiant. I get what you mean, but this specific idiom does not apply to the situation. Another thing is when you say Lily was always the pawn of men. How is that? When was that shown or even alluded to? You even specifically state that SHE chose who will live, and then you proceeded to take away any agency she had, not just in that but in her life. Not to mention that James did have time to choose his death, he specifically told her to take Harry and run. This last segment feels a little like you're devaluing James and Lily's choices.

I do like the descriptives you go with though - dying and lively. It accentuates the contrast in their personalities quite nicely. Lily's alias is also very reflective of who she is - the girl with the heart, and her hesitation being compared to waves made for some very nice imagery. I think I've only ever once read something from Death's POV, though this was much more poetic, and I feel like the choice not to name anyone fuelled that tone. Death does not remember mortal names after all, there are way too many and they are way too insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

Though short, I felt like the piece carried a lot of emotional resonance, and overall I really liked it. Well done.

What an interesting perspective. It's fascinating to throw the concept of fate into the mix along with Death. I really enjoyed this :) There is something about the marauders that would suggest they had the power to throw even fate off its game a little bit. Perhaps it wasn't above James Potter to be so bold that he could even piss off destiny. Interesting to see Lily's role in this. I wonder how it might have turned out if James hadn't taken the gamble. Resentment of James for his perceived role in her loss of Snape? Or uncommonly kind forgiveness? It's intriguing to consider the possibilities.
thanks for sharing.
- PiP.

IT’S A STORY ABOUT DEATH! *rubs palms together* Yeees. I’m so ready for this.

Right off the bat, I just love, love, LOVE this personification of Fate! Yes! It’s so brilliant and splendid, and of course she wouldn’t care about all these trivial things that are so small in the grand scheme of it all.

Oh, this is from Death’s point of view! Yes!

I really like the way you characterize Death. He admits that perhaps there could be some sentimentality in his position, but he doesn’t allow for it (which makes sense, given what he has to do), and it’s almost sad when you think of it like that.

Ah, the whole Marauder prank scene is written spectacularly. There’s so much action that I didn’t want to pull myself away. I really like your headcanon for how it happened, which is almost even more dangerous for James now because Severus not only knows Remus’ secret but James’ secret, as well. But James does it anyway.

[The dying boy wasn't dying anymore.] - Oh, I really love this line! The simplicity of it, coupled with how much meaning is actually contained there. I feel like it bodes poorly for James, though, as he’s just spit in the face of Fate, basically.

[The heart is always the human's, to give to who they choose.] - Oh gosh, I love this so much! And of course Lily is the girl with the heart, and now I’m not sure if this choice actually involves one choice (James vs. Severus, perhaps) or more than one choice (culminating with life vs. death when faced with Voldemort). Thinking about it like that sort of tears me up, though. D:

It was Lily’s choice between the men, in a way, then. But I very much love how it was described. I actually really like that names aren’t given. I mean, there’s plenty of description, so we know the names without them being said, but I love that aloofness. Since it’s from Death’s point of view, I felt that was really effective in keeping us in that state.

I love the repetition, almost like a mantra, that Death is not getting involved and not getting emotionally attached. By now, we know otherwise, even if he’s still in denial (silly Death).

Oooh, I love that Death does something in favor of Fate. There’s this subtle dynamic there that plays perfectly into my headcanon for the two, and I love it. xD “My enemy, my partner,” and yet he could spite her and instead does this somewhat chivalrous thing (even though it’s for his own purpose, in a way, too) and grants her one life out of three deaths. :3

OMG IT’S ALL JAMES’ FAULT THAT THEY DIED. D: You mentioned this, but the way that it’s done here is just brilliant and magnificent. If Snape had died, he never would have delivered the prophecy. So if James hadn’t interceded, he would have survived. Gah, it hurts, but in a good way. D:

I was right! Lily gets two choices. :D You’re killing my feels, and I love it.

Ugh, well, now you’ve destroyed my feels, and poor Life and Death and damn Fate and gjieajfelajfeiajfeia. This was incredibly creative, and I loved every bit of it so much! You wrote it magnificently, and Death’s voice, as a narrator, was brilliant and engaging.

SPaG:
[Fate had instore] - in store
[heart waited him] - awaited?
[An orphaned was] - orphan?

Wow, this was absolutely amazing! I've always loved stories written from Death's POV—like the Book Thief, for one. This was very reminiscent of that. I also loved your characterization, because even though you only had one character's name in there (I think you only had James yell Severus once), we knew exactly who each person was within moments of meeting them, and it wasn't in one of those amateur moves like "The fair-haired man with the scar did this" sort of thing. You dropped description easily without telling us, and it left more up to the imagination. It was much more fun that way. Also, you pointed out something that I don't think I've ever seen in a fic before; because James saves Snape's life, he condemns his own. I've seen fics written about Snape betraying Lily, and even introspective ones where Snape wishes James hadn't saved him so he would never have lived to see Lily die, but I don't think I've ever read one that words it in such a... I honestly don't know the word for this... fateful way? I guess. Either way, it was a unique take on this one scene, and I absolutely loved it.

Oh, and happy birthday :) it might be the 19th for you (I've no idea what time zone you're in) but it's still the 18th for me, so we'll say you can still celebrate ;)

Hullo xD

Happy Birthday Laura. Let’s hop right in, shall we?

Right off the bat, I like your portrayal of Fate. She comes across as a Machiavellian Goddess, one that plays the game and knows every possible move that can be made for every change she weaves. It’s a really nice way of showing her character – especially as you immediately discount her hand in all the petty things people refer to as fate and show that she plays a much larger game.

The immediate contrast to Death is a pleasant juxtaposition, and not at all jarring. The hint that Death obeys the whims of Fate as opposed to be being the most powerful of the Immortals is also a very intriguing and adds a nice layer of depth to both characters.

I like the way he keeps referring to Severus as the dying boy – in fact, the entire section in which he refers to the characters by such titles as opposed to their names speaks about how insignificant they are when compared to him. The shift in fate is somewhat of a ripple effect that completely changes the timeline, and to those of us who know canon, we can already see that this was the moment that set it all into motion.

If I do have once critique here, it’s the use of [Severus] by James. It just seems more in character, in my opinion, to use [Snape] instead, since despite the circumstances they’re not really on first name terms and such.

I became rather caught up with the story at this point and thus didn’t break away from it to make any further comments, but I did enjoy it wholeheartedly. The touches of Fate being all powerful and how Death bent the rules, just a little, because of her attitude, be asking Life for her assistance, is a really powerful scene, especially when we know that it’s more than just James and Lily who will die because of Snape being saved. The price will be paid to Fate a thousand times over.

Overall, this was a unique and well-written read that I quite enjoyed.

-Ciao Mate

Happy Birthday Sable! Hope it's a good one!

Wow. This was a very heavy story. But really amazingly done. I love the unique perspective that you took on, that couldn't have been easy to portray Death himself. I think you did a fantastic job of keeping Death neutral (although in the tale of the Three Brothers he seemed a bit... vindictive to me... but still I think this version worked really well). The hard pill to swallow here is that James saving Snape all those years ago is what essentially condemned him and Lily to death. But the way you present it makes so much sense.

Oh but the guy wrenching is when both Life and Death are together and they know two will die and one will live, but they don't know which one will life. That was gut wrenching. Lily had the real option to save herself. I think this made that so much more clearer. She could have lived. *goes to cry in the corner*

Overall this was a really unique and fantastic story! And so well written as per usual! Thoroughly enjoyed it!

This is really good! I love reading stories about Death (the entity), and Snape is my favorite character. This was an interesting take on the werewolf incident.

This is really good! Your writing style is amazing. This fic reminded me of the Boom Thief. Love it!