So touching! So sad that they had to endure the pain! Great story!

Chapter 5 Chaplin is 3 and chapter 6 he is 5. I thought of time jump but since there are no kids yet and they are still in therapy I figure it is an oops.

Hi! Me again! I have had your 3 post s8 stories in my inbox for months but I have been steadfastly avoiding anything remotely connected with the finale because it made me so sad to think about. Well, today was the day that I finally bit the bullet and opened the email for ch1. Of course, it knocked my socks off and I feel stupid for waiting so long! Loved that they escaped to the Hamptons and all the emotional and physical ups and downs. Have to say that this part:

"Yeah, when it was on. I like it a lot." His throat closes up. He's not sure why he's feeling emotional now, why almost a decade's worth of one television show makes him think about his own life, and the events it marked, and what he's lost and gained since then.

Really touched me and sums up the whole Castle experience! Also loved that you gave Alexis a girlfriend! Completely out of left field and I haven't read anything with that twist in it before...can't wait to explore more of that side to this story!

Okay, see you in the next one!

I liked how I met your mother till the end when we found out she died. Never watched again. Ring any bells?

I rarely follow your stories as they tend to put more of a Rick/Kate on edge or at each other's throat than I prefer but I did find this series and began reading. I felt like I needed to comment as this chapter is why I read Castle fan fiction. The whole chapter but especially the paragraph where Rick talks about Alexis being 4 then turning 5 and began correcting his grammar and debating his plot lines. It finishes with "That's okay so long as they find a way to be four years old again.". This is made my day and made me smile even with the Meredith "mama" mention.

And the last one, but still SO WONDEFUL!

"Probably family news - Jim Beckett can be something of a gossip in that quiet, reserved way of his." - lol, this cracked me up.

"And the apartment." He slides his arm around her waist, tracing circles on her hip in the same way she's been on his shoulder. "It's empty. You want?" - Great progress in the plot, for the characters as well as the story, them moving back to the city but not the loft, still yet to a familiar place, making baby steps back to where theyve once been.

"He shakes his head. The idea of riding out with her detectives, but not her, doesn't hold much appeal. "I might not quite be there yet." He likes that she's talking about captaincy as if it's matter of fact that's where she'll be. "Office, though? That sounds right up my alley."

Loved this too, how he is not ready to go out, not without Kate, but he is up for spending time with her no matter how.

"Soon her apartment. But not the loft.
He breathes, feels his chest and lungs tightening, but he can still breathe. He's breathing.
It's just a nightmare. The lights are on, bright, and it should be fine.
But he keeps seeing her collapse, slow-motion, the horrendous awful collapse. Crawling, eyes dark and dizzy on his. The slick slide of her fingers in his, their blood, hanging onto her for life itself.
He won't be going back to sleep tonight. - Makes sense that he is uneasy, and that the nightmare catches him off guard and by surprise. Also, Kate has her job looking forward to. As for him..he is just a ride along once again, a ride along that doesn't even feel like riding along, to be there with her at the precinct but not able/ready to do much besides being there and fetching her coffee and being that obnoxious company. An odd ball, of sorts, resorting to haunting her office like a child whose babysitter has canceled at the last moment. Must feel strange for him.

"She presses her fingers to her lips, tamping down a smile. This smile is for no one else. "I need to call my husband. Can I - will you wait for him? So he can come on back." - Omg, she is pregnant and I am sitting at my Docs waiting room waiting for an appointment, and I know she is going to ask me how Ive been, and I planned on something moderate to tell her, that I am doing fine, sometimes a little stressed out, but okay, but now as I read, about Kate finally falling pregnant, I am all rainbows and unicorns walking in there, lol. World is a beautiful place once more, lol, its silly, how things like this can turn your day around.

"She lifts her chin to the woman. "Will you have him come back here? I want him to see this too." - I love how she insists they allow him in despite the nurses annoyance. How she doesnt give a shit cause hell, theyve been waiting for this for so long and she promised him he would be there for the whole road but more importantly, she wants him there for the whole journey, from the start to the end.

"At least she's grinning. He feels bewildered. Really? The one time, the one time and it was so damn pathetic.
She pats his cheek, softly rubs her lips against his. "Panic attack sex, for the win. You were right. Really did help."

HAHA, this figures! Did we actually got to see/read that scene in the fic, or was it just one that happened when we were "off-page"? Just wondering if I have to return back to sometime and re-read.;)

Anyway Laura, beautiful, wonderful, I LOVE IT! Cant wait to read how the pregnancy goes, how they conquer the many obstacles still in front of them - the loft, the nightmares, the flashbacks and scars and struggling to be healthy, so they can offer their child what she deserves once she arrives.

YAY! LOVE YOU!

"My pleasure." He drops into his chair beside her, his movement not entirely graceful, but definitely far more casual than hers could be, than his has been these last few months. Whether that's the effect of muscle relaxants or simply a mark of how far he's come, she doesn't know. She's just glad to see it."

This was a sweet thought on her part, on how proud she is of him - how he deserves to be better even if shes not there quite yet.

"You took off the sling."
"I probably shouldn't have done that," he admits, his eyes connecting with hers for a moment. "I'll wear it tomorrow, and the next day on the drive home."
She smiles back, lighter somehow for that. Maybe because it means he wants her to drive, maybe because he's not being reckless with his newfound strength."

Nice to see Castle to be responsible too. Also, I love that they took the trip, they SO needed it!

"They both laugh, Castle reaching for the dog, scooping him up. "Sorry, Charlie," he grins, Kate rolling her eyes at his new favorite joke. "They said no dogs on the bed. They're letting you stay special, so be good." He lowers Chaplin to the floor and the dog's nails scrabble on the wood floors before he darts away, making a tight circle around the bed."

THIS IS LITERALLY MY DOG, lol, I can see him circle the bed, trying to figure out whom he has a better chance to woo to let him into bed.

"I'm sorry," he says.
"No," she blurts out, lifting her eyes to him. "No, don't be sorry. God. I thought you were having a heart attack, all the stress and-" She blinks hard, despising herself for this overwhelming urge to cry. "Did he give you anything for the pain?"

You completely threw me off with this angle, but I loved it so much! Wished Kates side of things could have been explored a little more here, I mean her thoughts, her pov, but well, thats the problem with my fics, I guess, always dissecting everything to the bone and then some and the progress is then at a sluggish pace.

A wonderful moment here:

"He studies her a moment, and she has no idea what he's looking for; she's still shaking somewhere deep inside her, feeling time slip through her fingers, and if he sees that in her eyes, let him."

And this moment, it made me so happy:

"She's filled up. If this is their life from here on out, if this is how it is for them, she can be right with that. She can be good with that.
There's so much love. So much life."

So much hope and so much life!

"Kate nudges, Chaplin nudges too, and Castle is guided to sit on the toilet seat. He's still shaking. His scars, the bullet site and the surgical sites, they burn.
She goes down on her knees - God, down on the tile, Kate, no, he murmurs - but she leans her cheek against his inside thigh. Her arm wraps around his calf and the dog wriggles in between his legs, and she pets Chaplin's nose and neck, scratching his ruff.
"I'm sorry your dreams are so bad," she whispers. "I wish I could give you half what you've given me, numb you to them just as you've made me alive."

Loooove this scene...when Kate gets to be there for him in return. Because its a two way road.

"Yeah, I'll be fine by then." He hopes. He's wrecked. "I'm gonna - sack out, actually. Do you need anything before I go?"
"You've got that the wrong way around, Rick. Do you need anything? Have you had any water after physical therapy?"
Jim doesn't smile. His eyes fall from Castle's.
He thinks he knows. Burke warned him last night in their weekly phone therapy session. He has to start talking to her. "She looks hollowed out," he says.
Jim flinches. "I - wasn't going to say that. Just."
"It's eating her up," Castle sighs, blowing out a breath. "I know. I'm going down there. I'll find her."
...
With his hand on the door knob, he hears Jim clear his throat behind him.
"Bring her back with you," Jim says quietly. "Bring her back."

Okay, so many great parts here - Jim and Castle bonding and Jim taking care of Rick! How sweet! And yes, Kate working herself to the ground to fulfill Castles dreams, now I can see that happening.

"What's that look for."
"Just thinking," he says, like a promise. "Not taking you for granted. Appreciating all I have right here before me."

Aaaaaw...

"She leans against him, and he feels how slight she is, how narrow her frame. "You don't have to try so hard, Kate." He presses a kiss to the top of her head. Her hair smells like chlorine and winter woods. Cold. "It's not all on you to make our dreams come true."
...
"I really - I wanted to-"
"It's not over," he stresses, his head ducked down to speak right at her temple. "You have to cut yourself some slack. It hasn't even been a year, and we're both still doing the best we can to stay upright. We're nowhere near ready for a baby."
She gives a hitching noise, and he really hopes she's not crying. He's been such an ass, filling her head with his dreams but not giving her any kind of grounding in reality. Like he's the architect but she's the builder - and he's put it all on her to do the work.

Indeed, this. So true to their dynamics as a duo, and you worded it perfectly.

"It's not about work, not this. That's what I'm trying to say. We have enough to work on right now that we don't need this to be one more thing. I want us to make love when we feel like it, and if we don't feel like it - no pressure."
"Was I pressuring you?" she murmurs, lips twisting.
"Not quite." A little bit. "When do I ever say no?"
"Plenty," she says, with enough heat that he laughs. Surprised by her.

LOL, this made me crack up! I can so see it happening, Kate being the wanting one despite her injuries and hurts, Castle wanting to want it, just so damn tired.

"I'm just... tired of not having what I want. What we want. Always putting it off because some case interferes, something is always more important-"

"It's okay," he whispers, kissing her ear. Her cheek. "It's okay to press pause on the trying, the work, and just live for a while."
"Not too long," she says. Tears in her throat. "Please. Just-"
"Okay. I know. Promise." He cups the back of her head, pressing her against him, and he feels her whole body release, falling apart. "Oh, Kate. It's not supposed to be this hard, honey."
And then she cries.

Looooved this, but oh my, so dark still! I understand all the achey places this is coming from, but its still hard to read, especially when they are on their way to mending.

"Her heart thrums in her chest whenever he talks about raising his daughter. She wonders if he knows how much it gets to her. "That's sweet."

Oh I think I can guess, though Castle is - obviously, as always - clueless. This part always spoke to Kate, even right from the beginning, this is something that showed her his real, human side, so now, that they are actively trying for their own child, their own family, I can only imagine how much his fatherly side speaks to her now.

"You were the one who told me her first word was denouement. Like you were proud of it, Castle."
"It wasn't. It was mama."

Aaaw, heartbreak. And I love it. Its deep and yet quiet possible. I cant even imagine how that would have broken Castles heart. And great, really great, now its part of my headcanon, thank you very much.

"Chaplin yips like a puppy and circles her again. As if to say hurry up. But he's not a puppy; he's five years old. He ought to know better than this."

OMG, for a moment there, you had me experience a little heart attack - cause before, when Castle talked about chaplin, you had him - as far as I remember, but I do almost always things regarding pets, lol - you said Chaplin was three years old, and now having read this, I was like - WHAAAT? She made a 2 year long time jump? Lol.

"She's trembling, reaching for him, but she pushes forward just enough to stroke between his ears. Chaplin's eyes slit and his head leans into her touch.
Just like Rick. So grateful for love."

Yep, true. And yes, I guess, I am quiet the same. Also, this also speaks not only about Castles big heart, but his insecurities as well. He wants to please, because it brings him joy, but also a source of fulfillment and feeds but satisfies the insecurity that in order to be loved, he always has to go the whole way (because hes apparently tried it in the past and it didnt work). So to keep her, he always goes the whole way.

"When Castle glances at her, she's still glowing. He can see the tight pinch of pain at the corners of her mouth, the slant of her eyes, but she looks proud. Happy.
It's the anniversary of her mother's death, she's struggling with recovery from two debilitating gunshot wounds, and yet she looks content.

Wow, now THATS an achievment!

Okay, I finished reading the great story, but I made notes as I went and here they are, the favourites and my thoughts tot hem.:D

"Your dad called me about coming up."
She's surprised. Her father has been content to let her work it out on her own, her pace, and he knows she has Castle. "Have I been... unreachable?"
"A little bit," Castle hesitates. "You've slept a lot these last few weeks.
...
When the waiter leaves, Kate studies her husband. "Have I been unreachable to you?"
...
"Yeah," she says softly. She doesn't want to be unreachable - shut down so much that their family feels cold-shouldered by her inability to deal. "You don't mind if I sit on the couch and watch?"

Awww, I love this, this is Beckett at its finest, and not really the Beckett we knew a couple od years back - she is deliberately considerate, aware, doesnt want to shut ppl out, even if only by habit. And she directly asks, checks, even when its obviously not easy for her to voice the question, but this is important, this cant be her first shooting all over again. She wants to be there as much for him as he is there for her.

"They're not pregnant yet, but it's not for lack of love."

Lauraaaaa, THIS SENTENCEEEEEEE...! I dont need to elaborate on this one. Its all there. All the feels. In a single sentence.

"Kate glances over her shoulder and she suddenly knows. "A girlfriend," Kate breathes, something releasing inside her chest. Relief. Alexis is somehow more real. "Did you invite her to stay for Christmas?"

Ooooh, I did not see this one coming, but yeah, it does make perfect sense and yes, it also makes perfect sense that Kate is the one to realize it, to catch on it, where alexis is concerned, this thing not really coming as a shock for her, maybe even because she recoglizes some of her experimenting past in it. I love that you can always be so versatile in your stories, and considerate of the other characters as well, of their development.

Oh," Castle says blankly. And then his face clears and he grins. "Oh, is that what we're talking about?" He draws his arm around his daughter and pulls her into a hug. He doesn't manhandle like he might have once; he doesn't have the ability to move quickly. "You have a special someone. That makes me happy. Though I will still give this girl-"
"Woman, Castle," Kate interrupts.
"Woman," he says witheringly. "Fine. I will give this woman the second degree just as I would any boyfriend. Equal rights."

AAAAAHAHA, I LOOOOOVE THIS and find this SO DAMN MUCH IN CHARACTER!

"Alexis is less emotionally compromised than we are and we're trying to get pregnant."
Alexis gasps, two hands to her mouth, swivels to look at her dad, and then back to Kate. "You are?"
"Trying," Kate cautions. She can see Alexis check herself, giving her father a more subdued hug, and then the young woman comes for her next. She receives the kind of embrace she's always received from Alexis, but this time she feels care and regard in it rather than distance.
"Trying is good," Alexis laughs softly. "Trying is really awesome."
Yeah. Yeah, it is.
Everyone is moving on, the world keeps spinning.
Kate really hopes she can keep up."

Love that they kinda are open about the trying thing with their family. Letting them on the secret. Also loved the little blip of Kates insecurity, a single mention in passing, but there, prominent, nonetheless.

"She glances at him in surprise; he's already releasing her hand and beginning the effort of standing. It's always harder for her to get up than it is for him, and lately he's outstripped her in so much of the healing process.
She's tried not to feel abandoned. He's leaving all the same."

Again, a little nostalgia, a little self-pitty, perhaps, and the ever-present extreme exhaustion of just living. Not much space for anything else but dark thoughts, despite the trying.

"He's German Shepherd mix," Castle says, beaming. "Three years old. I adopted him from the Hamptons Animal Rescue. He's had his shots and he's been fixed. He's just - too friendly, they said, and he doesn't like stairs. Someone abandoned him. I..."
"Oh, God, I love him," Kate laughs, her face full of brown and black happy dog."

HE GOT HER A DOOOOG! AND SHE LOVES HIM!

"I wanted to start," he tells her, drawing her eyes back to him. The earnest want on his face. "I wanted to start regardless of the timing. Kids deserve a dog."

Yes, indeed, a family starts with a dog. Also, a great distraction, also (especially) for couples wanting to get pregnant, actually, there is research even, to support that when couple are trying too hard, its good to be a little less..wanting, needy, nervous about it, and focus on soemthing else and things come naturally, so many couples who get a pet soon fall pregnant, because for once, they werent so much concentrated on the trying, but on living and loving a new creature in their lives. Lol, funny how nature works sometimes. Yet not so surprising, after all.

She aches in places foreign and domestic?! Hahahaha love it!

The recovery is always the hardest part because you're in a state of limbo. Don't really know what's next but gotta keep moving forward, even when the progress is slow.

Some of my favorite part from this chapter (happy sigh):

"On top is the plastic bag they use to collect shells, and propped against that is the walking stick to dig in the sand" - yes, they would totally do that, wouldnt they?

"She takes a hesitant sip, and her eyes close. He watches avidly, waiting on her verdict, hoping he did the right thing, surprising her this morning. Out of their routine." - I love how he is still so desperate to please her, to make her happy with the little things, not the grand gestures, always striving to make each of their days magical.

"Castle reaches past her for the French door, turning the handle and opening the world to her." - such a normal sentence. Made suddenly so extraordinary. LOVE IT. Such a good wiriting.

"Kate nods. "It is. But I want to watch the sunrise with you."Close she seems to be saying,let's be close." - so touching, these small details.

"Determined to have a regular routine, to get up in the morning and do her exercises and be something like normal. He'd rather sleep until he doesn't feel like this any longer." - HAH! This is why personaly, I feel like I am the Castle of of all the Castle characters, because my own character is so much like his, imo, in all the little things, the obnoxious too, but very similar. Maybe thats why I love Kate Beckett so much, too! ;) So yes, this appears to be the perfect thought for Castle. Kate: lets put in all the work, cant do nothing about the pain, Castle: Cant we just skip in all and be there already? can we just..not hurt, not do anything, for a couple of months, until one day, we wake up and nothing hurt? Do we need to make it worse before it gets better?

"He has no idea what life they have to go back to.
"Will you go out with me?" he asks suddenly." - this was SUCH A NICE SURPRISE! And yes, they sorely needed it. A date night.

"All that and just... um. We haven't had sex since that day in the pool, and it's been weeks."
He laughs. Her face goes scarlet and she glares at him, but he didn't mean it like that. "Not laughing at you, Kate. Just us. Believe me, the sex is great, still great. Was great." He presses his thumb and finger into his eyes and squeezes the bridge of his nose. "Are you really in the mood?"
He yelps when her hand comes to him; he jerks his head up, staring at her. She sighs. "You're not in the mood." - again, lol, this seems so much like beckett and castle. She, despite the injuries, is always in the mood, well, moderately, but its still there, her sexuality a breathing thing, an integral part of her, Castle just, well...he would LOVE to, but at the same time, geez, so much effort. So its more like he wants to want it, the idea of it currently more aluring than the act itself.

"Are you angry with me?" Her brow is stamped with furious lines, and she pokes his good shoulder. "Are you seriously yelling at me after all this?"
"I'm not yelling," he says, hearing his voice raise. "I'm trying to-" He grips the box and crushes it, chucks it towards the trash basket. "You did it without me." - aaaw, this is a great aspect, a little blip of their old conflict/insecurity - kate doing things alone. I loved the explanation. Though she better not do it again. ;) Castle deserves to be a part of it too, the whole way, even the failures, the excitment, the disapointment - cuz all he really asks is to just be able to a part of it, of her. And though it sometimes can be more than a little overwhelming, she should know better (and love better) by now to want to have him close, and be as generous as to allow him be close (maybe for his own sake only), even if she feels like crawling away and lick her wounds in private.

I love all the way theyve come together.

And I love your writing.

Miss u.

HUGS!

These parts were gold!

"She's faded.
Whatever conflict and tensions they used to have, whatever spark, has been subsumed in pain and grief and desperate gratefulness. On both sides, he thinks, not just her. She's not the only one so sickly grateful to have a life together still that all problems or issues are met with that submissive wash of how can this be at all important."

Heartbreaking. True. And understandable. Then this...

"He feels about as tender and raw as a plucked chicken, only no one has shown up with that comforting killer cone to break his neck."

Is it bad that I feel about the same ammount horrified as well as amused? And this...

"Will you be back?" Alexis says, her voice so quiet that she sounds like a little girl again.
"You know Kate," he answers. A slow breath that doesn't disrupt the ache that has spread across his chest. "She won't let it keep her down. She'll be back."
"And you with her."
"Of course."
Alexis sighs and drops her cheek to his good shoulder, snakes her arm through his. "Of course," she says, squeezing. "Of course. Thank God for Kate."

AAAWWWWW...And last but not least...

"We won't stay here forever," she tells him roughly. Her fingers come to his nape and scratch lightly at his scalp. "We can't stay. This isn't our life, it's vacation."
In November, after they've had a summer of trying so hard to live with it.
"A vacation, Rick."
He nods into her lap. But he could use retirement, not merely a vacation.

Hell Yeah, I can imagine. After all those years of high-stakes and near-misses, one feels almost like retiring. But it wouldnt serve them in the long run, something he cant see yet because he is just so damn tired and spend. But I love that he has kate to remind him of that, that they have a hard patch right now, but that it wont be forever, that it will get better. That its not who they are, these invalids. And when they feel better, they need to return to their lives. I also love that she is kinda the voice of reason and optimism for the both of them, such a nice change. but also, again, makes perfect sense, since shes already been there, done that, knows its not forever. Plus, she still has this terrible burden of being the cause of all of this, so she feels like she needs to be to source of light for this wonderful, selfless man she got shot "for her cause".

Again, I am in awe with this story, in love, really. I love ittt! I love that they took a "vacation", that it was the hamptons, because I am sure that would be the place where there would go. Take time off from all of it, their lives, just to get back on their feet, everything else being put aside.

I love how you can see the tiredness drip from the whole writing, this eternal, never-sleep-this-off tiredness. Its hard to stay positive when you hurt so much, as castle is a clear example of. Miserable together but yet just so grateful to be there at all. Its all there.

Yay. And also, yeah, I am a sucker for relationship drama, so I cant wait until they once again tackle the baby issue. Yay. But dont wanna rush into reading it, so taking this slow...

HUGS