While I’m not ready for Dom to die. Fuck. That killed me. If you get inspiration. I would love if you continued this.

Oh god. I know what’s next. Dom. Nooo. I’m still pissed off. I’m also not ready. Fuck. I cried so hard during the game.

Oh Dom. I’m still emotionally compromised from what happened to him on Gears of War 3.

Oh yeah. I can see Myra doing something like this. Trust me. You nailed her evil voice.

Im really like this.

oh no I've reached the end! I think you've captured Baird perfectly. I hope you update soon. this is an amazing fic

Dominic is my favourite character. I hope he gets some good scenes in this. hoping to see more interactions with Sera and Marcus too. second chapter and in hooked already

oh wow I'm definitely interested. loving your writing style

so, i meant to keep up with this as it was posted but for some reason i just let go of all my reading. i guess i can take a look at the chapters now, though it's been a while.

chapter 2: Sera's grown up, and seems to be the type who uses humor to deal with dangerous situations. the most interesting thing about her perspective, however, is her reaction to Anya at the end. it's stuff like this that makes characters interesting, and it's interesting characters that make stories great. you don't need a fight scene in every chapter. it's fine if you want to include as many fight scenes as possible, but a story can be good without them too.

i saw some grammatical errors, which might be strange coming from someone who types like i do, but my fics don't look like this i assure you. i would suggest giving your content a read before you post, so you can take care of mistakes or reword things. some sentences were a bit wordy and clunky.

chapter 3: "imperceptivity" should be "imperceptibly." a Drone attacked Sera, which i find odd. the Queen didn't tell them what she looked like? i suppose it would be suspicious if all the Locust were obviously avoiding this certain human, but was Myrrah concerned about her weapon getting hurt in the crossfire, or did she not anticipate Sera having to be so close to the fighting?

i'm glad she got consequences for her attitude there. that sounds odd, but it's distressingly common for characters (not just in fan-fiction) to get away with stuff they really shouldn't, just because the author likes them. that said, she converts to believing the humans rather quickly. maybe that's just how she is, but it usually takes a lot of time for people to let go of the beliefs they were raised with and to fully turn against whatever system they previously had faith in. but that might be a nitpick, since i'm comparing it with my own experiences.

chapter 4: to address the author's note, a chapter isn't necessarily filler just because there's a lot of dialogue. truth be told, most of my own fics hinge on dialogue scenes or thoughtful introspection. fight scenes don't show up very often in my works.

the first thing i'll say about the chapter itself is that Baird is a tad weird here. he's mostly how he should be, but he never displays that kind of vanity in canon. another thing i'll say is that author's notes in the middle of the writing are generally frowned upon. you could show the effects from her poor diet in another way, such as having it be inferred by a doctor. but while you said she's small, you also stated she's only a little shorter than Baird-so she's got to be pretty tall. is she tall but scrawny or malnourished-looking, maybe?

so we know Sera had a relationship with Myrrah, however toxic, but did she have Locust friends? what would happen if she ran into one of these hypothetical friends? she doesn't feel sympathy for the Queen anymore, but what about them? she's human, but she was still raised around them.

that's about all i can think of right now. keep writing!

I like it so far. Sera seems more human than she realizes, hopefully we will get to see her real nature soon enough!

i like it

i was interested in seeing what this was about when you first posted it, but there was nothing there so alas, i had to wait. i'm glad it's finally up for real.

quick correction: the word you should have used was prologue, not epilogue. the epilogue goes at the end. you said the Locust "baked" and i think maybe you meant "balked" or something similar? also, don't know why, but there's a random bit of code in the text, during the dialogue scene between the Locust and Queenie.

'Twist it's mind"- the correct word is "its," as you're indicating possession. and, at the end when you're writing from Sera's perspective, you switch tenses.

anyway, that's it for pointing out errors. now onto other stuff!

i read the same fic you did. it is cute, isn't it? i like the general idea of a human ending up in Locust hands, and i'm sure it'll be interesting seeing how Myrrah twisted the young Sera. the set-up of how the Locust finds her and decides to save her seems like a bit of a stretch, but i can buy more than most. i hope we see him again. maybe he was sort of a surrogate father figure to her, since Myrrah seems to be her surrogate mom? o:

not much really happened, besides the general premise being explained, which isn't a bad thing. i'm guessing there'll be more going on next time. it has potential, and i want to see where it goes, so i'll tag along.

sorry if this displays weirdly. i'm on the mobile site; i already know the app utterly fails at posting reviews, but this is the first time i've used the mobile site.

Well this sucks