Hi

Nice little one-shot.

The basic story with humanized Ariel spending time with Eric and talking to him about Dandelion is very good.

The quality of the writing is good in many areas. You should put “The End” at the end of the one-shot.

A narration calls Ariel a mermaid. Since she is human, I don’t consider it proper. She should be called Former mermaid. If Eric called her a Mermaid as a nickname, that would work.

Eric and Ariel are very complex in their portrayal. I liked how you show Ariel learning about the human world. Though a quick learner, there are many things that surprise and fascinate her.

Eric is great too, how he loves Ariel and enjoys her adventures as she learns about the human world.

The chemistry between them is good too. Their interactions and dialogs are full of depth, complexity and scope.

The wholesome standards are high.

The language is clean.
Nothing is suggestively offensive.
No extreme violence or any other vile content.

I hope this review brightens your day. God bless

Data Seeker

Good read! Could you please do one that includes melody?

Sorry about the end of my last review of this, it was a typo. I meant to say this: p.s. I find writing hard work so I respect you.

Great story but I think you should start making longer stories like will eventually do when I finally decide to do it p

Hi Blue!

I have to agree with the first reviewer. This story was beautiful, sweet and really showed us the tender sides of Ariel and even Eric’s hearts, and their appreciation for the sometimes delicate beauty of nature.

The story’s title was a clever double entendre, of course referring to the fuzziness of the withered flowers flyaway seeds, but also that it is a FanFiction “fluffy” story about Dandelions. Umm. That was so cute!

The author’s note, explaining the genesis of the idea was lovely as well, and further substantiates that you are a RLA. Ariel’s not the only girl who had that thought.

“Eric simply laughed. He loved seeing that part of Ariel. He loved the excitement in Ariel’s eyes whenever she discovered something new, which, luckily for him, happened pretty much every day.”

I just loved this, delving into Eric’s feelings for Ariel and framing the story through his eyes, showing us how he sees her.

“We’re here!” the mermaid exclaimed as soon as they reached the top of the hill.

So, you have some clever irony going on here, a mermaid reaching the top of a hill, one that isn’t underwater, that is.

Ariel is overwhelmed by the beauty of the hill’s flowers, while Eric is overwhelmed by the beauty of his fiancée. “Man, did he love her.”

Sighs. I know how he feels.

So, by this point in the story you have absolutely nailed Ariel’s and Eric’s characters and are weaving a beautiful little visit with them for us to enjoy. I was so happy when I realized where you were going with this, generally speaking, because at this point I didn’t “specifically know” where you were going with this, other than that it was bound to be adorable.

Ariel has been learning the names of flowers from the land, and is obviously excited by not just their beauty, but because she recognizes them. Such little tests would be one of the ways I think she would realize that she is fitting in, belonging, to Eric’s world. Her new world.

As she sat down beside him and she chided him for telling her how beautiful she was “way too many times,” you developed this scene into a beautiful and clever exchange between the two. I loved how Ariel tried to downplay her embarrassment and how charmed she was by Eric, and how Eric responded by pulling her into a kiss, really enjoying the thought of her as his soon-to-be wife. I loved this segment of the story!

We get to sweet Ariel’s unjaded wonderment. The plain little dandelion fascinates her with its color, and she judges it based on its immediate, colorful beauty. You followed this with some really beautiful touches, as Ariel found herself with sticky sap on her hands and Eric gently rubbed them to remove it. There’s just something so wonderful about him both teaching her and caring for her, making things right for her, especially because she obviously appreciates what he does for her tremendously, in addition to just loving him to bits.

But when he introduced her to the old withered dandelion, I knew Ariel as going to be enthralled. I was so delighted too, because you were surprising us with how much like Ariel Eric really kind of is. He still feels a sense of wonder, at dandelion fluff, and at the most precious blossom in his life.

I had forgotten about dandelion latex and wishing on windblown dandelion poofs, so these memories came as lovely surprises for me, and I could imagine how Ariel felt. Ariel’s reaction was gorgeous, and I could see everything playing out.

Yet, you managed to still surprise me!

Yep.

I was trying to guess what she had wished for. Was it marriage? Was it babies? Was it being with Eric for the rest of her life?

Nope.

And this was SO sweet!

All that she wished for ...

was a kiss.

My heart just melted!

So, you lady you should be very proud of yourself for having written such a cute, beautiful, and romantic little story, one that ably explored Ariel and Eric’s sense of wonder and actually kept the reader guessing. Yes, it was fluff, but it was great fluff, enough to send me to bed thinking about it with a smile on my face and a happy feeling in my heart.

Thank you so much for writing and sharing this Blue. I’m looking forward to more of your stories when time and muse avails.

-Axantur

This story is really beautiful and nice :)