Lol

Learn to use periods

great ending... please write more

This how you use commas:

[Orignal]
"Hey, are you alright dude?" I asked. These guys looked pretty bad one guy was passed out bleeding from the chest another was on the ground clutching his arm which had no hand. Blah I had to swallow my puke

[Edited]
"Hey, are you alright dude?" I asked. These guys looked pretty bad, one guy was passed out from bleeding from the chest, another was on the ground clutching his arm, which had no hand. Bleh, I had to swallow my puke.

Nice chapter. You need to work on your grammar, especially commas. Also, some of your sentences were redundant. The pacing in this chapter was better than the last so good on that, and I think you should try to do an A/N every chapter.

This story seems alright but there's a lot of room for improvement. The pacing is way off, it feels rushed. Also, it doesn't seem normal for the main character to be so calm about dying, he should be in a panic to save his life.

That was the first chapter, going over it I realized I misspelled something in the AN sorry. :)