i loved it please write more

Interesting story hope to see more soon.

Nice you captured the first time thing well

This was good for a first-time lemon.

But girls don't wear boxers. They wear knickers lol.

Sweet and innocent, well paced and in character. I liked it.
Possible improvements: add a few paragraphs that are more detailed and paint a more precise mental picture.
Thanks for the fun read!

Aww that was sweet. Thx for sharing.

For a first attempt, it is better than a lot of others. Kinda awkward tho, not sure if you were going for that.

Good story. Kinda awkward though

Dear Department of Fiction,
I wanted to let you know that I think that for a first steamy story, this is quite good. You bring the reader into a believable setting that they can picture, create a premise that is surprisingly ordinary, and weave a story that works well. The steamy scene is well-paced, descriptive, and believable.
Here are just a few suggestions to keep in mind. These are not criticisms, but rather suggestions to pull your readers in more. Of course, they are also my opinions, so you can disagree with me on them too.
When writing a story, you are weaving what the reader sees. Therefore, the reader processes information according to the words that are written. Therefore, when no mood is set, what the characters feel is unknown to us. In your story, during the steamy scene, we do not know how Harry and Hermione are feeling. Do they smile? Do their eyes twinkle? Does Hermione look invitingly at him? It is unclear what the characters feel. While the lack of mention doesn't detract from the story, it can leave the reader wondering what the characters are thinking.
Also, while the story is well-paced, it may not hurt to add a little more build-up to the steamy scene beforehand. Perhaps Harry doesn't say something to make Hermione cry, but rather they have a discusssion or one of them makes an inocuous comment that leads them to confessing their feelings for each other. This can also help us gauge how each of the characters are feeling. It builds an atmosphere that pulls the reader in.
Anyway, I really did enjoy reading this story. I usually only review when I feel like I really have something to say and this story really grabbed my attention. Keep up the great work, keep writing, and keep working to improve your writing! You are doing very well! )
All the best,
Andrew
Angel'sLove447

Very good pwp story, lol I was expecting a twist ending of it all being a dream of harry or Hermione's. Are you planning a sequel with harry giving her oral and maybe even sex?

This was very good! Especially as a first try. It seemed like a very natural transition.

I rather liked this actually for it was rather sweet in a sexual way

loved it thank you for sharing your story

Great story. Very believable for a steamy story!