You realize Ozpin and Found a technically committed treason by doing what they did?

Man this is so good! Loving the setting and the characters and everything :D excellent chapter as always, looking forward to the next one~

Great story so far, I can't believe I've just now found it

HOLY HELL HOW HAVE I ONLY JUST FOUND THIS?! The characters are fun and likeable and the story seems super interesting. This is really good, cannot wait for more :D

One thing I think I'll address here: there have been lots of little anachronisms; Cinder wearing a "t shirt", referring to Roman by way of botox, and so on. It breaks the immersion a little.

The introduction of Ilia seemed to progress far too quickly and was inexplicably out of character on the part of Blake, to the point where that scene was honestly one of the more confusing ones in the entire fic. Why is Blake so disregarding Ilia's feelings? Why would Adam call together the entire camp for ONE item of business when he'd already selected who the messengers would be? It was one confusing contrivance to the next.

The arc with Berry is actually really interesting, but it's a little confusing why it's there, especially because it's focused on a pair of OC's. I like it, I'm just wondering what purpose it serves.

Jaune's antiquated language was really funny, if only because of how many things were messed up, though I wasn't sure if that was intentional, to show that this is an area of leading that Jaune is unfamiliar with, or if it was accidental.

Despite this rather harsh review, I really like the story, and I'm definitely gonna continue to watch as it progresses.

Gmann, you're killing me. I can barely fit one chapter into my workout. So long, hot damn.

I didn't have a lot to critique about arcs at this point. Jaune's growing familiarity with Emerald, the appearance of Amber, Coco and Roman's banter; all very well done.

What DID stand out to me were lots of little...things. The occasional typo, but mostly really odd or stiff phrases, especially in dialogue. And I'm not talking about Tatu's deference. There would occasionally be pieces of dialogue or narration that felt stiff, convoluted, or just plain odd.

As I said before though, I enjoyed the chapter.

The Eve's Bosom and White Fang arcs are interesting, but both felt a little exposition-heavy. Of course, you needed SOME for both, but there was a lot that I felt could've been spaced out for future chapters. I trust that you'll connect Ashley's exploring to the main plot somehow.

Emerald's affection for the sisters (and I assume her growing feelings for Jaune) are interesting, and I really appreciate the slow build. It seems like she likes him, but doesn't love him, and has partially convinced herself so that her seduction will be easier when she clearly has feelings for Cinder.

If the reasons for Raven's affection have already been mentioned, then I guess I just missed them, cause I have no idea what to make of her.

The humor was crack-y, and while that's not inherently bad in itself, it's a little incongruous with the otherwise pretty serious tone. I'm not sure how you would integrate it any better, so this might just be what's needed to keep the work from being too dreary.

I desperately hope the 'Lady of the Bed Chamber' doesn't mean what I think it means, though that's more for personal reasons than narrative ones. I like Penny's characterization, and look forward to seeing more of her.

~~add Velvet to the haremunless she ends up with Coco, in which case, do that~~

Once again, Nora just seems like Yang in an orange wig. Yes, Nora can be serious, but everything in her demeanor, her characterization, her vocabulary; it all just feels so...not 'Nora.'

Still, that was really fun, and I'm looking forward to Monday's chapter.

Damn, this chapter took me the entire hour to get through. Long as hell. I appreciated the little insights into Emerald and Cinder's thought processes, and I was really impressed with how much you've humanized Cinder. She's quite interesting so far.

I'm a little curious as to Coco and Velvet's relationship, and I enjoyed the nice touch of Emerald's mind racing to remember everything in her 'seduction' of Jaune.

I've already said the rest of my thoughts on this chapter in previous reviews, so I'll just proceed to the next.

Ah. That's why Nora can't keep sleeping with him. I have to ask, why was it remotely necessary for Qrow to fly to Atlas and back if everyone and their Nora knew what he was going to say? Couldn't Ozpin have just... Made an announcement? Or just say that Qrow had been to atlas instead if putting him through all the work.

Jaune's devastating disappointment seems a tad melodramatic. It wasn't really clear why getting married was so heartbreaking for him. If he was in love with Nora, why does he still call her his best friend? If he cherishes his freedom, why is he so resigned to the politics. It would've been nice to have built up what Jaune cherished and what would've been taken away by him getting married.

Jaune also seems exceptionally eloquent in this fic, far removed from how he is in Canon, which makes sense as the heir to a kingdom. I'm a little confused why you would use Jaune for the role in the first place, if you have to change his demeanor so drastically to fit him in to the story. Why not use an OC, or Pyrrha, or someone else whose demeanor matches that of budding royalty. Why use Jaune?

The same line of questioning goes for Nora. Based on everything we've seen of her, I'm more strongly reminded of Yang from Canon than Nora. There's enough energy for Yang, but she seems tamer than Canon in this story, even at her most hyperactive. Why use Nora instead of Yang?

It's honestly a little confusing what the deal with Atlas will be. Qrow seemed optimistic about the news he was carrying, and you Ozpin is sure there is violent conflict ahead.

I'm a little unsure why Jaune and Nora's relationship will be any more perilous after the war starts than it is at the moment.

There were a few instances where it was sometimes difficult to tell who was speaking, especially in the conversation with Glynda and Ozpin. And finally, while I appreciated the inter weaving of the two plots, the Grimm fight and the conversations in Vale, the moments for splitting were occasionally poorly chosen. By the time we came back from killing the leech Grimm, I'd forgotten entirely what Ozpin and Jaune were talking about, and I had to scroll back up to remind myself.

I'm a little confused on the setting of the world. Is it medieval AU? 1800's (with dust and aura, obviously)? The royalty thing threw me for a loop when combined with things like flintlocks. It's not a GREAT inconsistency or anything, just where I'm not clear on the rules of the world.

I'm almost passed on the story when I learned about the Nora's Arc, but I decided since it was so thoroughly AU, and the ship bothers me less these days (though Pyrrha x Ren still unsettle me; I suppose that makes me a hypocrite), I figured I should give it a shot.

Lots of little threads established: Nora and Jaune's relationship, the treaty with Atlas, and Cinder's schemes. It obviously doesn't need to be established in the first chapter, but what are Cinder's plans? Is she working for Salem? A simple terrorist? Or just a political climber, grabbing a piece of royalty for herself?

Anyway, moving on to the next chapter.

interesting, please continue

I caught that reference you made with Cinders servants. I appreciate Easter eggs.

had to reread this it feels like it's been so long. just as enjoyable on the reread as before. Can't wait for the next update

Yay I thought this was dead I’m glad I was wrong