Please update!

what do you mean with a woman makes a woman, woman?
it's a secret makes a woman, woman

If this truly has NOTHING to do with "The detective that just can't remember" then you should post it as a separate story.

Nice chapter.

I would like to offer a few constructive criticisms though.

First of all, I have to say I had an issue with the scene of Kaito relieving himself on the train. It's just too unrealistic. ANY teenage boy is going to have techniques to calm themselves down. And Kaito is Kaitou Kid who has one of the best poker faces around which means he's going to have that much more self-control. If he were doing it on purpose (maybe to get Shinichi riled up - which I can see isn't the type of Kaito you're going for) it would be one thing - but him doing it because he can think of no other option? No way.

I don't mind ecchi scenes in and of themselves, but this one was so unrealistic that it just ended up pulling me out of the story which is the last thing you want as the writer. Honestly, the scene just seemed like a gratuitous throw in and in my opinion those usually just end up cheapening the overall substance of the story (which you DO have). If you want to have a scene like that, then MAKE IT COUNT, make it realistic.

Oh, but regarding that scene - a bit of technical advice. You separated the word "Nope" out - giving it its own line and everything, but personally I think it would be been much more effective to do that with the line "He was looking at his face" instead. It would've given the already strong line a even stronger punch. Just a little tidbit.

Finally, it wouldn't hurt to do a LITTLE bit of research on the various elements in your story. The way you've written it, it almost sounds as if Osaka and Tokyo are districts of the same city or that one is a suburb of the other. They're not. They're huge separate cities that are over 200 miles apart (even by air its over an hour travel time, train is usually double that) and the train that travels between them is the Shinkansen (aka Bullet Train) which don't have the type of rush hours you describe - they're set up so that everyone has their own seat (think of a plane's layout and that's what those trains look like). The type of rush you described would be on intercity subways - which Shinichi and Kaito COULD have ridden to help them get to or from the Shinkansen station; so you could still keep the scenes and just make a few adjustment to maintain authentic facts. And when you're writing fiction, maintaining those little facts help to keep your readers in the story - anyone who recognizes a fact to be wrong (like I did here) can get pulled out of the story by that realization. Let me give an quick example:

The boy ran through the field, the purple grass so tall it almost hid him completely.

When you got to the word "purple" you probably paused, right? You know from experience that grass isn't purple. So seeing that wrong fact makes it stick out and can pull the reader out of the world you're creating for them which, again, is usually the last things any writer wants.

Anyway. I've rambled a bit, but I hope what I said helps. Looking forward to what comes next!

Characters out of character, grammar mistakes, and unnecessary words. Well, other than that, ummmm good~ish? Umm, your ok with constructive criticism right? Ahaha.

Why didn't he just take him to Hakase and why was he in front of Shinichi's house anyways? Well, I guess it helps the plot along, but its a little awkward. Nice start though!

Seven chapters are good but this one-shot is awful computer speak nonsense.

needs fixed

I really liked it! It is very cute, and the whole memory loss thing is amazing!

I am guessing this is your first fan fiction, seeing as it is the only one under your user name, and I know first hand how hard it is to write a first one, and how exciting it is to see that people like it. So, if you don't mind me offering up some constructive criticism, I think it might help you.

The story is moving really fast. A bit too fast. Slow it down a bit, focus on the individual thoughts of each character and what they are doing while thinking that. Go into more detail on everything, and have fun doing it! This story has a great plot, so make it beautiful!

The move over to Kaito's world was a bit sudden. This is kind of just personal preference, but seeing the reactions of other characters would be nice. As much as I love a good KaiShin, a reaction from Ran might be fun to do, or from the Hakase and Haibara, and might help slow the story down more!

I have all these problems with my stories too. It's hard! But it's really worth it to do the hard work on a story to see people like it, trust me.

The characters are a bit OOC, but that may be just because I don't know their thoughts deep enough to see their character. If that makes sense. I feel like Shinichi would still keep his sarcastic snark, even with memory loss, but that may also just be personal preference. I don't know. I just feel like it's a huge part of who he is, and that it wouldn't just drop that easily.

All this constructive criticism is just for future reference, so don't feel like I am asking you to change what you have so far. It's great for your first time, and with each chapter, you will just keep getting better!

If this doesn't help, as I think I am the worst with constructive criticism, just let me know, and I will keep to pointing out everything I love about the story. It's a really good story.

Sorry if this doesn't help! Keep it up and keep working, I believe in you!
Zookie -