So dumbledor can press charge but harry can't against him for using unforgivable curse on him this harry looka like a fool he should kill dumbledor or put him in azkaban for what he suffered but all he does is shout this is such a pathetic ff from a pathetic writter

holy shit the story sounds good and everything but your grammar is fucking trash, I can't even finish the first chapter

Good

Make the next one

Please write the next chapter already. Thank you very much. I really appreciated it and liked it a lot.

Hey! Currently, in the fifth chapter and I love your idea and I think I get the direction you're planning on taking this story. If you don't mind, I'm going to give a bit of constructive criticism as a reader. So I have a few points to make. Please don't take any offense.

First of all, the pacing. I feel like you're skimming over a lot of things and it leads to confusion. Of course, you don't have to go too slow. It gets boring that way. I just wish you'd add more action, more development. It makes the story more juicy and worth it to read. Show rather than tell (maybe add flashbacks?). I feel as if I was way too detached from the character. I could not feel or relate to anything. I know Harry's angry but I can't understand why he's angry or put myself in his shoes.

Second point, structure. I'm gonna take this from another author on Wattpad who says "Put the Cat in the Oven, and THEN Describe the Kitchen." Harsh I know and it's a rather crazy analogy but it makes sense when you get the author's point. You have no lack of adjectives and I'm extremely jealous of that but it gets tedious. The statement above merely says "Action first THEN description." It adds tension, drawing it out before dropping the results of a certain action with an explosive bang. It adds excitement and that's one of the best parts about reading. Another thing about structure is the random capitalization that seems to go on in your story. I'm not sure if you use it for emphasis or it's accidental but there's really no need to capitalize words like "plaintiff" or "owl" in the middle of a sentence. It's just minor so I have no room to judge.

Third, depth and development. You told us about how Harry studied but everything came way too easy. I feel like your character could be way more complex. Make him feel more emotions, maybe anger or hate, and show it to us. Add more dialogue and drama. We know he does not trust Dumbledore but we can't really feel the tension between them, and Harry does not feel like a real live being. I mean they just argued in court and they just shrugged everything off. Harry just let him in and even joined to Order. It doesn't really make sense.

Anyway, aside from those three, I really have no qualms with your story. I think your aim is fantastic and the story's somewhat unique. Thanks for your time.

~SF

ugh, one of my biggest pet peeves is when people start throwing around ridiculous amounts of money in these fics.

Enjoying this story greatly, with the multi shades of gray being used for the format of alignment of good and evil, this is quickly becoming a favorite... Having Bella and Harry as a pair (Favorite) is a serious bonus.

So far this story is interesting with the relation of Bella and Harry and join side to Voldy i look forward to the marriage of them

After seeing your AN at the start of chapter 1 I planned on leaving this fic until you have gone back and fixed the issues. I had a quick scan of the latest chapter (15) to see if it had improved and imediatly noticed a problem in the second sentence. so I think I will be leaving this until it has been finished and rewritten before trying to read it.

This could be great if you have someone check it for grammar and sentence construction. You also need to use paragraphs.

Any particular reason Ron was left out of the bequests? How does Harry know where Black Manor is located? has he ever been there? Why didn't he have Dobby pop him there? Minor questions, the answers are likely in the next chapter.

It seems to be a nice concept or idea as a fan fiction but I can't read It , there's no paragraphs and the grammar is less then stellar. fix that and I wouldn't be able to see why this fan fiction wouldn't become a lot better .

I read this and I feel this is on spot I like to see how this goes love the last chapter Dumber-Then-A-Door is at fault for Harry turning dark can't wait til he gets his just deserts good job excellent writing

Wait Umbitch put a bounty on Harry for hexing PERCY WEASLEY that supposedly happened DURING his trial with Dumbledore? Anybody who was at the trial themselves who WITNESSED every single moment of the trial in person should be in uproar when they read THAT charge, by demanding to know exactly WHEN did Harry supposedly hex ANYBODY during the trial let alone Percy Weasley. They all saw what Harry said and did the whole trial. He never had his wand out or threw curses at anyone, yet everyone who was actually at the trial is going to believe the charge of what they all know he DIDN'T do during the trial?