I'm not particularly familiar with The Lone Ranger, but I understand the basics from pop culture osmosis...

I am a fan of the epistolary format in general, and I think it works fantastically for this particular piece. You've added some really nice touches with the letter that's missing a second page and the sheriff's note that accompanied the newspaper clipping. These details, for me, kept it realistic in feel and really sold the format. The one place where I might tweak it is at the beginning. Other sections from Britt's POV aren't in an epistolary format, and I think it might help the flow of the chapter and sharpen the borders between Britt's actions and the found documents to make them all match. I didn't find this hindered my comprehension at all.

I'm glad Tonto's English is getting better :-)

Overall, I really enjoyed this! You do a great job landing an episodic feel. This seems complete but I completely see how future chapters could build on this. The notes at the beginning were very helpful to me as a fandom-blind reader. Thanks for including them!

Wow! How wonderful! I feel like I'm right there! You've captured the greatness of those exciting days when I lived to watch The Lone Ranger, Annie Oakley, etc.
You've almost made this retired schoolteacher speechless for - not only do you have an original plot and capture the elusive, magic "something" - you also use the proper words, punctuation, etc.!
Thank you for the many hours you have spent writing and revising and polishing the stories until they shine. I look forward to your future stories.

This was fantastic, amazing, awesome, wonderful!
(Squeels in giddy delight at having found so good a story at last!)
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!
Please do write more; you are so good at it! You capture the heart and expand on it with such skill and tender understanding that it makes every sentence a pleasure to read, and the whole chapter a delight to think back on once finished.
Keep it up!

Hi, here from WA. Sorry I'm late for the challenge, but better late than never, right? XD I'm totally fandom-blind, so apologies in advance if I say something silly. I'll be reviewing as I read.

Oh, thanks for the primer. I think that will help a lot X)

At first I was a little put off by how short and mundane the first few little parts were, but I think they actually did a fair job of setting the scene. The phone message with the secretary's note possibly did the best job of conveying the tone along with setting things up (and also made me snicker, which is always a plus).
I probably wouldn't have broken up the narrative intro into short parts by time and other means (Saturday, 10/6, 9:07 AM, 10:49 AM, Very old box marked "Dan's College Papers") when they could easily be combined into one slightly-less-short real-time piece, but I guess it keeps a similar style to the rest of the story so I don't hate it. I'm a little on the fence there.

/Britt placed a second box marked "Donate" in the trunk of the car first and a single box marked "Keep."/
-This sentence doesn't read right to me.
-Maybe something more like: Britt placed a second box marked "Donate" in the trunk of the car first, [and] then a single box marked "Keep." Or: Britt placed a second box marked "Donate" in the trunk of the car first, followed by a single box marked "Keep." Or any number of other combinations. It's really whatever works for you.

The descriptions of the box and its items (e.g., the pouch and book) are very nice and vivid. I like that old, musty feeling.

/With your outstanding underclass achievements I hardly felt such an endorsement by my hand would have been very helpful anyway but considering your law school admission essay, Professor Rotier or one of the other members from the Committee might possibly have remembered me from our very lively classroom debates, which could potentially endanger the good works that we are attempting to accomplish.../
-This reads as a run-on. That part before the first comma could really use at least one more comma. You might also be able to break that whole sentence into two, although that's really up to you.

Ha ha, I like how Britt's first assumption is that his dad was writing a self-insert novel X) I guess that's a reasonable first thought when the idea of this being reality is even stranger, but it still amuses me greatly. Welcome to FFN, Britt :3

/Britt began to wonder if perhaps he was missing something./
-X) Maybe so...

/but this was one time when, once I realized where the discussion was going, that I lied through me teeth./
-Should "me" be "my"? Also, the "when" and "that" don't work together. If you omit that middle clause, the ones on the end don't match up. Maybe take out "that" and insert it in place of "when", or vice versa? (i.e., but this was one time that, once I realized where the discussion was going, I lied through my teeth. Or: but this was one time when, once I realized where the discussion was going, I lied through my teeth.) Whatever works.
-I do like the sentence though, and the way you worded it made me smile.

I think that entry was a nice one, and the interaction between Dan and Uncle J. was good to show their characters.

/This man about whom he was reading was much more like himself than his father...except for the tears./
-Love that last bit tacked on the end XD Tears are too unmanly for Britt, ha ha.

Good characterization of Uncle J. in his capacity for hunting criminals and in the lessons he and Tonto teach Dan.
Also like the newspaper article about catching the Cardoza gang at the bank. I can see why Britt would be a little stunned, ha ha. Gave some good character to Dan.

Well, it was interesting to so many generations of crime fighters. I didn't honestly feel that much for Britt, although I felt a little more connected to him towards the end, but I think Dan and Uncle J. were the more interesting characters. I found them rather intriguing, and was invested in their adventures and real-time asides with Britt varied in effectiveness—some seemed a little dry and unnecessary, where others did have good impact—but I think you did a good job with arranging all the newspaper clippings and journal entries and whatnot. One thing I might advise is to go back and reread things with an eye for commas. Some commas are stylistic choices and you have an amazingly comma-free style that I somewhat envy, but there are a few places where sentences become run-ons or have muddled meanings because of missing commas.

All in all, I think it was a nice story, and the epistolary format worked well for you without becoming overly dry as it is sometimes wont to do. Good job :)

This memoir had a lovely rhythm to it and a very engaging narrator, especially toward the end where he settled into his tale and seemed to be a bit more involved in his own story. I don't know if that was intentional on your part or a happy accident, but it certainly helped build up the idea that these were memories written down at the direction of Uncle J for a purpose that was unknown to the author until the end. Good job.

While I very much enjoyed the first chapter, I guess I am just not a big enough fan of either the Lone Ranger or Green Hornet to stay with this story. But it is not the writing, that is done well. Good luck with the story.

Hi, VST! Fandom blind, but I don't think that'll be a problem. :)

Opening
It's a poignant opening. Dan sure has a sad childhood. All he really has in his family is Grandma Frisby. And then, where he lives in is surely a harsh place. Bandits. Diseases. Two things that can easily claim a human's life.
An inconsistency: [and my grandmother had already passed away by the time my mother and father arrived.] I'm pretty sure that you're referring to grandfather instead of grandmother, since it seems like Dan's mother dies before his grandma.

Plot
I really like how you showcase Dan's character throughout this story. First, we start with his sad childhood, in which he only has his grandma as his family... But his grandma dies, leaving him alone. Luckily, he has Uncle J.
I like how he and Uncle J. have issues with trust. Well, with Uncle J.'s behavior, I can understand. For kids, although school is for their own good, they will never like it. But it's great to see that Dan finally meets Uncle J.
Gotta say that the scene with Victor is an adorable one. Getting a horse? That sounds awesome. No wonder his classmates are envious!
[I became was the envy] - I think something doesn't sound right with this?
My favorite part is the whole arc with JPC, which is dark and tense. JPC may be creepy, but it's what that keeps me hooked throughout the arc.
It's sad that the event results in PTSD for Dan and various problems (lack of sleep, difficulty in concentrating), but it's nice to learn how he gets over it. Also, the meeting with the beautiful woman is a (bitter)sweet scene. Although Dan never gets to know her more, her presense seems to delight him so much that Dan's PTSD is dissipating.

Characters
I think the greatest part is the realistic portrayal of Dan's PTSD and how he eventually gets over it. JPC has kidnapped and abused and nearly killed him. Even when everything is over, with JPC in the jail, Dan can have nightmares about JPC (to the point his academic stuff is bothered) and still feel like JPC is following him.
But of course, things gotta come to an end, which is a realistic progress of PTSD. Dan starts learning to push back JPC whenever he haunts him. And he succeeds. He isn't bothered by JPC so often now.
Oh, and JPC is a creepy guy. Him heating his knife and using it on Dan are terrifying. But this [Let Juan Pedro Cardoza take good care of you?] is even creepier, since JPC himself has been portrayed as a terrifying guy.

Ending
It's a beautiful one indeed. Dan realizes that all the mess with JPC is in the past. He may still be terrorized by JPC's shadow, but Dan has become strong enough to push back JPC whenever he haunts him again. Dan riding to the sunset may be a classical setting for an ending, but it has always been a beautiful imagery to signify an end, especially for an adventure story. It hints that the journey continues, and that's true for the adventurous Dan!

Well done!

Keep writing. Always enjoy The Lone Ranger TV series.

Hi, VST! Congrats on completing your piece for the 2017 WA Alternate Writing challenge! Thought the way you exemplified the Epistolary writing style by mixing different techniques worked well for this piece. It allowed you to explore the story in many different ways that bring it all together in the end. I especially like that this doesn't start off as the usual rehashed tale of how the Lone Ranger comes to be. We, as readers, know his origin. However, his "descendent" in the story has no idea about his connection to the Lone Ranger and uncovers the truth as he's cleaning out the old attic ahead of the house being sold.

I like this entry here: ((Five boxes marked "Trash" were stacked by the curb. Britt placed a second box marked "Donate" in the trunk of the car first and a single box marked "Keep.")) because it is something anyone who has moved or has ever had to clean out a family members house after they have died tends to do. It's an almost bittersweet statement because it regulates the worldly possessions of someone into terms of what is worth keeping, what is unimportant and can be given away and what is just worthless to anyone. These weren't things that were unimportant to the individual(s) who owned them. This was their life represented in every note, piece of furniture or clothing.

I like how in the journal entries that LR and Tonto are referred to as ((Uncle J. and T)). It provides them anonymity and preserves their roles as justice fighters while allowing for them to still be talked about as people. They are more than just heroes to young Dan. They're family and play a pivotal role in his life. He loves and admires them, a fact which his words ultimately convey and that his meticulous keeping of items pertaining to them all indicates.

I love the lesson Lone Ranger (and Tonto) teaches here when he says (("Dan, when dealing with flies, it's easier to catch them when you smear a little honey in the trap than it is to chase them all over the countryside. We often find that criminals are a bit like flies. End of lesson.")) It's a good lesson and one we can apply to nowadays. It translates to the idea of fighting smarter, not harder. If the LR figures out his targets moves then he can work out how to capture them without having to kill himself or Tonto or their horses.

Ha, I love how you tie the family together with the revelation that Britt was the ((crime fighting vigilante Green Hornet)). Talk about keeping it in the family! Great way to showcase how fighting crime and stopping injustice are things that run in the blood. It shows how the desire to rise above corruption and greed can be passed down from one generation to the next.

Just one small formatting issue I saw:

Here in the entry after ((Tuesday, 11 June 1878:)) the ((9:45 PM:)) is not in bold or italics. Nothing major but thought I'd point it out for you!

Very lovely story! Love the way you told it through the eyes of Dan Jr. rather than Tonto or even the Lone Ranger himself. We really get a feeling for the man he was through Dan's perspective. In all this was a fabulous piece! Good luck in the challenge!

Hi, here from WA Alternate Format Challenge.

I've always been curious about the Lone Ranger, so I'm happy to see the brief primer you include.

Your use of many mediums for the epistolary style reminds me of people doing family tree research. But your version is actually better since your character doesn't have to gather the materials himself - they were already gathered in a box for him.

I also liked that you have a story within a story and that you resolve both stories in a satisfactory fashion. Frame story is one of my favorite storytelling devices.

If I have anything to critique, it would be that I don't feel like I know Britt at all. True, he's only a reader of the various letters/news clippings/diary entries, so he's limited in what he could do, but with the way it is now, I feel like I would hardly miss anything if you left out his point of view altogether. I mean, I didn't even realize that Britt was more than a son of Dan Reid, Jr. before the reveal at the end.

With all that said, your in-fandom readers might not have any problem with any of those. And I do like the ending with Britt's realization of why his father never talked about the things in the box. All in all, I'm glad I read your story.

Enjoyed this story. Not a great fan of the Lone Ranger, but really enjoyed how you brought the Lone Ranger and Green Hornet full circle.
Enjoyed the format. The present and the past told in different ways. . . through newspapers, journal entries, even phone messages. Nice.

I think what makes this one stand out from a lot of the other epistolary entries is the variety of sources you use. I mean, it's not just one thing like letters or diary entries. It's a mix of signs, newspaper articles, letters, diary entries, phone messages, and other correspondence to piece together the story. That alone makes it feel like a more believable scenario. When it comes to history, you just can't get the full picture from one source. So, thank you for that. I still say it with your work all the time, but while I've never been big on westerns, you do have a strange power to keep me interested all the same. Good luck on the challenge!

Best,
Zad
Critics United