""Are you always this awkward or are you just nervous?" He asked bluntly."

Me: *snorts and shrugs* "A lot of both if I'm being honest!"

This was an amazing story, I say was because it's now ended :(. I'll be sure to come back and read it from time to time.

Ahaha everyone is wondering what crazy scheme is going on between Kurotsuchi and Ayumi... and then the kids just shocked them so much. Amazing - hilarious! Nemuri is tragically cute this chapter. Uh, it makes me really uneasy when Shunsui says that everything will be fine. I hope it will, but those words set me on edge.

Kurotsuchi in love continues to amuse me. His behaviour is so odd - people already behave strangely enough when they are in love, so it makes sense that he’s even more strange. He doesn’t have the cautious tact that someone would have if they’d been in the dating world, before, which, again, makes perfect sense. I enjoy how you present him, as always.

Awww Kurotsuchi is getting all messed up over her! I think you set him up well for that. He seems less like an irredeemable psycho in your depiction and more like someone who never had the time or desire for affection until he met Ayumi. I don’t mind either depiction of him - I like both for different reasons. Your depiction of him makes him seem more vulnerable, if only on the inside. I never would have been able to think of him that way until reading your story.

Lol Grimmjow’s reaction to the humans is the same as mine was, at first, since I haven’t read your other stories, the humans came as a shock to me. Awesome.

First of all, meant to mention this earlier, Ayumi is SO brave. For all her self-consciousness and anxiety, for all her concern about dangerous situations, this has never stopped her from pursuing what she wants. And no matter how attracted someone might be to Kurotsuchi, it would take guts to take this step. It’s amazing. I think that really balances out her character.

Oh... my... goodness... this chapter - you weren’t kidding! No holding back. Well, I’m glad. These kinds of scenes are hard enough to write without worrying about other peoples’ sensitivities. I’m glad you wrote it the way you wanted because, sometimes, if you don’t do that, these chapters and stories don’t ever exist.

This chapter was so sensual. I could relate to Ayumi and your description really let me know what she was feeling. I could pretty much put myself in her place.

And usually I prefer to read only one perspective in a story, but, since the beginning, you’ve been checking in with Kurotsuchi’s perspective, and I think it works. Especially now. His pride and masculinity and how it drives his actions in this chapter plays a big part in why this chapter is so sexy. Finally, he is not using his brain for science, but is letting his instinctual self dictate his actions a little, all influenced by Ayumi. And the most interesting, most dangerous part of knowing his point of view is that he seems to be falling in love with her! That’s how it seems to me and I’m freaking out aaaaaaaaaAAA! Love it!

I enjoy watching the Seireitei send Kurotsuchi on errand after errand. He gets so mad.

Am I the only one excited at the prospect of him “dealing with [Ayumi] later?”

You’ve set up an interesting mystery about the sickness. It’s cool to see that reiatsu involved, since it plays such a huge role in the manga/anime. I think you’ve taken what materials are available to you from the original story and used them very well!

Ahahah Aizen. Definitely took me a couple glances to figure out what he was doing.

I felt a little lost with Amaya and Linake, but, I think I’m understanding them. I gather they are from another story of yours? Honestly, they could be canonical characters for all I know (I haven’t read all of Bleach.)

That was an exciting chapter. Especially the Espada arrival. I was pretty nervous for Ayumi the whole time. Glad Kurotsuchi could come to her rescue, so to speak, but I’m sure she’s going to get an earful about endangering herself.

That virus is freaky dangerous, all right. Gotta be worried for anyone going near it.

Meanwhile, Kurotsuchi’s internal battle with himself over Ayumi is amusing. She’s unsure, too, and that’s understandable. But his whole understanding of himself is being challenged and that’s just super fun to read about. Also hot (is it okay to say that?)

Woah! Crazy! Hot! Unexpected! I’m blushing over here! What a first kiss, whoo! Nicely written... ahem! Woah... Amazing, wow. Sorry for not being more constructive in my review.

I think you really have Kurotsuchi’s voice down. His speech on her confidence (or, more accurately, lack there of) was dead-on Kurotsuchi, in my opinion. I love reading what you’ve written about him. You’ve done a great job.

Wow, two school girls got sick and this attracted the head captain’s attention? That seems a bit far, to me, like, he might have better things to attend to, but, oh well. I’m glad our protagonist seems healthy, for now.

That’s an interesting cliffhanger you left us on. Seems like you might be introducing a subplot. This is good timing, in my opinion.

a large portion of this chapter went to the more mundane teeth-brushing, breakfast-eating routine. Definitely write about whatever inspires you, because you’re a good writer and it’s impoetant to keep writing, but, if I were workshopping this with you, I might advise removing parts of those parts, if that makes sense?

I did enjoy the dilemma Ayumi faced in regards to picking up more responsibility and it is thrilling that it was interrupted by the very person she hopes to impress most. And now she’s in his private lab, which I’m not sure but it seems pretty terrifying, to me, hehehe!

Kurostuchi’s perspective was interesting. I always feel a little concern when authors choose to show the significant other’s thoughts, as it spoils the mystery for readers, but I don’t think you went too far, so that’s good.

Still some errors here and there with spelling and punctuation, but nothing major.

I’m not as interested in all the specifics of her job as I am with the development of her and her captain’s relationship, to be honest, but I deeply appreciate how much thought and detail you put into their squad. It seems realistic and it gives me a good idea of what her responsibilities will be, which I’m sure will be useful for understanding the story, going forward.

The difference of age, rank, and experience between her and Kurotsuchi is just my favourite. This dynamic is just fantastic to read about and I’m so happy to have come across this story.

Ahhh, Rin... his personality is a little bland against the backdrop of Squad 12, but I get the impression that that will be a godsend to Ayumi as the story progresses.

I kind of want her to keep her snug-fitting uniform, haha. I just find it funny, since she’s so cute about it. That first encounter with the captain and lieutenant was priceless.