Thanks for this interesting fic, it was quite confusing at the beginning to be honest but as the story progressed it became interesting.

After reading the last chapter, I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

I sort of enjoy the story it was different but weird all until You started to help Sakura in the story That shows me the personality isn’t that different from the original which I thought was the whole point

I like your style of writing especially your attention to details and ideas. But there is something called to many ideas and not enough story progression. You spent almost 1/3 just talking about his inner other personality that you kept repeating and detailing and repeating and more random back ground details that kept bouncing to different flash backs with more details not even telling us the reader when the flashback ended or when it even begins. It’s extremely confusing, and the once excitement of reading something cool becomes boring.

It’s cool you want to add something to the character, it’s wonderful it even has a back story for why he has it. It’s good you introduce it to us. But show it, not over 1,000 words of why or random filler or repeat of what you already mentioned.

Okay he has a second persona, it traveled with him. Cool got it carry on with the fight. But then you begin with the whole flashback and then more flashbacks and after that you have his inner monologue after a flashback and then reintroduce his ethics morality and then back into flashbacks of other reasons why his morality is like this finally you the author remember about the fight so you bring us back without even know we are back so we assumed it’s still a flash back but it isn’t. I had to skip a lot of pointless details just to I can understand your main concept.

What i’n Saying is, it’s grest to have a lot of ideas, and you want to exposition. It wonderful, but time and place. You are in a fight, your character doesn’t have much time. It’s a quick fight with everyone watching him. The fight should have to take this long. You can explain the ideas into parts.

You keep bringing us his parts and then changing his actions of that of naruto. We get it, he has 2 souls into 1 body and they are fighting the merger. Then you add another soul that travels with him and that’s the “other him” cool that can work but you got to establish key concepts first.

Us as the reader can’t understand you when you jump around and add more stuff and more detail to stuff we are still trying to understand from the other stuff before hand.

It’s a fight, yet the actual fight was about 1/3 and the other 2/3 is about him contemplating, flashbacks, random more details about his random personality. Then his soul and more random details. Then you repeat the same thing you just mentioned earlier, it gets boring and that’s sad. Because you have great ideas, but you need to eat your thoughts organized first then write it down.

Vision how to explain it, you understand the details of the said ideas and then give us the summary version of those details. But TIME AND PLACE. Not during a fight or even during important story moments. Maybe when he’s asleep or resting or actually has time to sit and think. Not in between fights unless it’s battle tactics or strategy not 2-3 flashbacks about something else entirely.

You also need to tell us or give us a hint he’s entering a flashback, or he’s remember something quickly or anything. You can’t tell us he’s a focus fighter that’s a highly trained assassin but then start talking to himself all randomly and starts having flashbacks about his awesome badass moments.

First of all, pick a dam story. Those badass moments are those from the past. Make it a quick enough to exposition his personality and morality not into a whole chapter. Why? Because we are reading the tales of this inside naruto body not his past self or anything. Pick and idea and run with it, stop jumping around please. It’s confusing and not enjoyable and it’s frustrating because I enjoy your concept but you can’t write it clearly enough for my to enjoy it more. I want the story to move forward with this character fighting 3 different personalities. The naruto one that was manipulative, the main core Mc and his deeper demon side. It’s wonderful but you got to organize your story man.

Well, you can definitely tell this was a filler chapter. You dragged out all the personal business before leaving. Then you went on that long explanation for the chakra exercises. You need to watch doing that. Fortunately, it balanced mostly since the information was interesting, but it was really starting to wear thin and toward the TMI/boring side.

interesting story so far I am guessing the list with Samui and Temari in a previous chapter are Naruto's harem speaking of which I hope Tayuya's still in Naruto's harem

Like this story has plenty of action, suspense and humor.
Would be nice to see more romance between Naruto and the princess.
Since he is going to have to pay damages to village (believe they should pay for the damage they did to him growing up).

fucking shit

Boooooring

Mc is awful didn’t get past chap six but so far just awful the multi versal nihalisim like normal nihilism is boring and no one should ever care about a nihilist because the feelings mutual
Fights were ok but everything else is just cringe

Well that was a fun chapter. I liked the omake at the end and how Yuuki is holding up at these times. Btw "Anything goes" martial arts? Better watch out Ranma doesn't show up.

Good fight and overall good chapter. Plenty of spelling mistakes but they're all the same. Duel not dual. Bout not bought...etc

Btw Never use Kushina Uzumaki-Namikaze. Hyphenated names don't exist in Japanese and Chinese cultures. Women keep their maiden names in China while in Japan they adopt their husbands name but in Kushina's case since she is from a famous clan, Minato would then adopt her name. OR they may combine surnames to form an entirely new name (uncommon as it's easier to create a new name instead)

Jäger is rainbow six siege lol

two syringes...

In the paragraph after the "The Snake is ready. Fighters... You may begin!" I have no idea what I suppose to read.

This story I feel conflicted i love the tone cause it really feels like a filthy place here konoha is shown how it really is a filthy place I wish mc was evil though I would to see him open the gates of hell for the world