Been a while and it seems like we've finally concluded this little trip for Starly.

Overall, the buildup to Starly joining was both well-executed and unique. Having its father look after it and encourage it and help during the battle gave it a uniqueness to that moment that I appreciated. We also get that better insight into Maverick, so overall I felt it was good. Perhaps didn't need to be AS long a segment as it was, but the pace didn't hurt it, so it's fine.

Obviously Maverick and Sabrina have a little crush going.

There's not much else to say in terms of the plot as it was really just a driving buildup to that singular point, so I guess I'll touch on the writing. You still have that fabled tense issue, especially when you have Maverick's POV/Narrator asking questions or speculating about the future. You tend to slip into present tense there in a sea of past tense, so it stands out. Otherwise there are the occasional strange words or phrases, or just ones that would have something better. Like saying Starly "screamed" when using Growl. Something akin to "shrieked" or "screeched" would have been better to convey how grating the sound is.

Other than that, I think it was solid and I look forward to the show (hopefully) officially getting on the road soon.

Dare to Be Silly,
Epicocity

Sorry for the delay, but I'm here to review another chapter.

Having experienced part of this chapter before, it was nice to get the fuller context, with the final scene being a very particular highlight of the chapter. It was heartfelt and sweet with both Turtwig and Sabrina, both. Very nice.

As for critiques, they're small things. I felt like there were more line breaks than were needed for what you wrote and could have done without any of them, but that's my opinion. And the other one was that it felt like Rika just appeared in the Pokemon Center rather than her coming into the conversation naturally.

Ultimately small nitpicks. Not much else to say, though. A nice chapter further building the relationship of Maverick, his Pokemon and his future girlfriend. Get her some glasses!

Dare to Be Silly,
Epicocity

It might be because there's been a bit of time in between updates, but it definitely seems like there's been an improvement to your writing! I was glad to see the delve into the thoughts of Maverick throughout the chapter, and I know that he will only grow from this. He went through quite a bit this chapter, so I'm glad to see that by the end, it's seems that things are looking up for the better. His relationship with Sabrina is already touching, and I know that the pair will grow ever closer as their journey continues. I'll be awaiting the conclusion of this set of chapters in the future! Keep up the great work!

So I take it this is Maverick's Meet Cute with Sabrina.

Overall a shorter chapter, but one you made have enough events. I criticized the early intro of Sabrina last time, but this one was much better, folding her with the main cast and giving us more of her personality. Your strongest aspect here was showing us who she is instead of telling us.

However, in some places, this backfired. Namely early on there were some heavy redundancies like "Sandgem was a town full of sand". You didn't seem to mean it ironically, so it came off as a little silly.

Not too many tense issues this time, though (just one major one in parentheses).

Overall, a solid outing from you in this installment with some good character work before I'm presuming we move on to more plot development.

Dare to Be Silly,
Epicocity

I'm a big fan of the way that this story begins. There's certainly a mysterious element to the opening of this chapter, with the imagery (Mount Coronet "blocking the sun" or the "strangely dressed mansetting a peculiar tone for the events that lie ahead. The way you describe these grunts and Charon is authentic, too; the grunts read like underpaid grunts that are involved in something waaay over their heads. A good depiction of Team Galactic, built upon by Hunter J, one of my favourite Pokéani characters. I do feel bad for the Galactic grunts considering all of their bosses tend to be deeply authoritative, as well as being quite bad people to put it mildly; both of these traits are exemplified perfectly by Hunter J, and the way our poor grunt crumbles at the first sign of her immense pressure reflects this. I cannot wait to see what's in store for the villains of our story.

Rowan's introduction is an interesting piece of writing, and from the brief dialogue him and the boy have, it's evident he knows what he's talking about. Of course, this is cut short pretty quickly by the Lake Valor disaster. Your imagery describing this disaster, with flames so intense that not even water is a match for them as scores of Pokémon lie dead, is fittingly apocalyptic, though the emphasis on "seemingly" does have me intrigued.

The start of the story calls back to the start of the Sinnoh games nicely, and the detail about Rowan giving out new Pokémon every two years on that specific date has my interest; I rarely see fics that put so much emphasis on Rowan's eccentricity, but this fic does that well and has my full attention on it. Rika's a good take on the scrappy, easily excited and quite clumsy but good-natured teen that exemplifies the beginner trainer, although the focus on the red Gyarados here adds an interesting element. I can't wait to see where that plot thread leads.

Hell yeah, Paul and Ash! Loved that fight in the anime, and the tense descriptions of it capture that spirit. Maverick, our title character, seems an interesting chap too, and the note this chapter ends on has me wanting to read on. Assuming these two are going on their adventures together, I can't wait to see where these two personalities lead us. Good starting point!

Now I see why you took a long time publishing a chapter. This is really good, especially the bond between Maverick, Rika, and Alex. They almost remind me of Ash, Misty, and Brock. Maverick and Rika remind me a lot of Ash and Misty — two friends who bicker like animals fighting over territory, but still support one another like brother and sister. Speaking of which, Ash must be a huge influence in Maverick’s journey as a Pokémon trainer. You even mentioned his battle against Tobias at the Sinnoh League and how Maverick was hoping Ash would win.

Anyway, this was a good chapter, Diamond. I can’t wait to see more from you in the new year. And what you have in store for the trio. I’ll see you in 2019...or on Twitter

Stay tuned

This was a pleasant enough chapter, and about time it finally came out, too!

So, in terms of positives, you're clearly setting something up here with the Lake Guardians, and this new character who appears she'll be a companion (possible love interest for Maverick?). Either way, hoping to have her meet the group soon because otherwise, her scene this chapter seemed a little misplaced.

Overall, the happy, start-of-journey feel was nailed this chapter, and I can see your vision for this moving forward.

On a more technical level, the writing was fairly solid, save for your tricky tense issue. Remember "can" and "have" are present tense. When used in narration that's primarily past-tense, it should be "could" and "had". Likewise, you had a consistency issue with Mt. Coronet.

As for the slightly more critical, this chapter felt just a bit too fluffy. The events themselves were fine, but dragged on a bit too long than was necessary. Fun interactions are fun, but this took up a huge chunk of the chapter and just went on. It's something to consider moving forward. Same with your "omniscient" perspective. You're mostly keeping it limited per chunk but there was one part you just started talking in general and it was completely divested from the rest of your writing, making it stand out, and not in a good way.

This wasn't a bad chapter by any means, and I enjoyed a lot of it, but these ARE things to consider moving forward.

Here's to a more productive 2019!

Dare to Be Silly,
Epicocity

It is a great chapter. Why did Sabrina kind of acted just like Dawn at the beginning of her journey?

Well...this was...er, brutal, to put it simply.

Most of the chapter was very focused on this singular event taking place inside the prison and the escape with it. Clearly J's survival was a huge unknown factor and I'm glad you've at least addressed that it's something which shouldn't be but is. Have to say, I'm glad you've depicted J very well as a very violent, vicious and no-nonsense woman. Perhaps a little bloodier than the anime, but that's to be expected.

Another thing that I thought worked well was the juxtaposition of the bulk of the story and then the ending. After all this violence and destruction that sort of culminates in the rebirth of Team Galactic, we then see the birth of new trainers as it were. It's a nice contrast.

However, there are some criticisms to have. Namely, that big problem of yours continues: tenses! Some of them were especially prevalent here, and I know a large part of that is the inability to give this a proper edit job. Other than that, while I understand how you wanted to frame the scene, there were a LOT of line breaks, and at some point it detracts because we're not running consecutively with a single character. Made especially egregious when were all in one location. It may be personal preference, but is something to keep in mind. Other than that, it's a good chapter and I look forward to the next.

Dare to Be Silly,
Epicocity

Well, that was a quick change of tone. While it was a sudden change, it did show that things will at points get very serious, which will hopefully make for a strong read when we do get there.

The scene between Maverick and his mom was touching. You want to leave on this big adventure, but at the same you’re leaving home. Everyone who goes on that journey probaboy experiences that when they start out, so it was nice to see Kimberly reassure Maverick over the entire thing. She clearly got experience as well. And the mention of the Advanced Coordination League makes me interested, since it’s something completely new.

The following scene is the big part of the chapter. First off, what exactly happened has to be be asked. At this point, we can only presume it’s a dream, but there certainly could be something else going, especially since it’s very specific for a dream. Mentioning poaching and J obviously tells that this is some kind of villain plot, big or small. It’s pretty brutal to be honest, with the poacher having no issue to just have his Zangoose harm the girl badly and then take her Pokemon.

We also get to see the appearance of a Pangoro. Are the post-Gen 4 Pokemon gonna be a bigger deal, or just be there? Because there’s clearly options if they do end up being a bigger deal, especially when it comes to the Pokemon Maverick, Rika and Alex might catch.

Next chapter’s hopefully gonna be a fun one, and a return to the tone we had previously, with our three main characters getting their starters.

Continuing directly from last time, we do learn more about our main characters, and are introduced to the third one it seems.

I like Rika. She got the attitude down, with seeing no issue in sleeping in so she can get herself some good food.

We also get to meet Alex, who seems to be pretty mellow and more of the study guy, unlike Rika eho has looks to have nothing left for regular subjects in school. His parents not being around makes me ask if that’s just some small tidbit or actually important. I guess I’ll find out when the story has come that far.

And if Rika and Alex don’t end up together, I don’t know anymore. I mean ”fun loving. Just as I remember him.” and ”Kind. Just as I remember her.” seems like the most obvious hints in the world that those two are going somewhere.

As to be expected, the letter from Prof. Rowan tells Maverick and Rika they can get themselves a Pokemon. Not surprising, but hey. Of course, Alex will join them, because of what kind of story would this be if he’s left out?

Some enjoyable interactions are thrown into the mix as well. This is something you’re doing great, alongside engaging characters so far. Is there a reason Alex’s grandmother is called Winona? Just noticing it since a Hoenn Gym Leader has the same name.

A fun follow up to last chapter, with our main characters being able to finally get their Pokemon soon hopefully really setting the plot in motion.

And he took Turtwig...not like that image of him and Torterra spoiled anything months back...

Jokes aside, the chapter was strong, though not much to talk about since it was mainly the aftermath of Maverick's "dream" (still believe he was transported there somehow) and the three receiving their starters. On the latter, it was interesting choices as I had Alex pegged for Chimchar to have the advantage over Maverick but it'll be interesting to see how Piplup fits him. As for Rika, I have a feeling she'll get into Contests alongside Chimchar so if I'm right about that...have fun with those.

We also get introduced to Nelson...who I feel is going to become a minor rival/supporting character of sorts for this story. I don't expect much out of him if I'm honest, mainly since between the evil team, our three main characters, and that girl, we've already got a lot of characters. Though, I have a feeling that he'll have some importance at some point in the story.

Finally, Turtwig and Maverick make an interesting pair, both of them being labeled weak in the past and wanting to prove them all wrong. I have a feeling that Turtwig's previous trainer will appear at some point, maybe even be a part of the villains, but lead to character development for Maverick and Turtwig.

Anyway, I know you're going on a hiatus, but don't take too long to get the next chapter out!
-Potat

Well...that chapter took an unexpected turn real fast.

The beginning was nice, allowing us to see the relationship between Maverick and his mother as one of her caring for her children, wanting them to succeed but also not wanting them to leave just as any mother would want. Though, I am curious as to what this Advanced Coordination League is and if it could possibly play into anything later on down the road.

As for the rest of the chapter...man did it get dark (both literally and metaphorically) with the introduction of the girl and the poacher. Though...how did Maverick see it all? Did Riolu do something with aura to let him see it or was it a freak chance he somehow saw the events? Maybe a Lake Guardian? Because I have no clue and I want to know.

My only complaint being that of Pangoro. I know you said you're veering out of canon slightly (such as with the Trainer's School and how one can get their Pokemon) but even still, I feel as though maybe having Maverick being confused over the sight of Pangoro and not naming it in-story until the poacher called it by name should have happened. It's just a minor quibble and nothing major though.

Otherwise great chapter! Can't wait to see who Maverick picks.
-Potat

So, first chapter. It being called Tranquil Times is ironic, considering the opening scenes are anything but tranquil, unlike when we get to the real start of the story.

Getting a glimpse of future events really helps out this kind of story. Sure, your typical adventure is fun and all, but I wanna know what to look forward. Those scenes do exactly that, giving me a sense of excitement for the future.

And then we’re introduced to our main characters. Well, mostly Rika, but still. She seems interesting enough, while we really don’t get a whole lot on Maverick. Of course, one of the main characters has to forget it’s their birthday. You’d think you’d remember your own birthday, especially the one when you’re able to get your first Pokemon.

Having Maverick and his dad watch the League battle between Ash and Paul makes me wonder if we’ll get to see any of the anime characters make an appearance, in any kind of capacity.

Ending the chapter with Maverick picking up the envelope wraps things up nicely. Though one can probably guess what exactly the content of that letter will be, since it’s from Prof. Rowan and meant for Maverick and Rika. I possibly can’t figure this out.

Well, a fun start, with lots of possibilities set up and a rather relaxed start to the adventure.

The first steps towards an adventure begins! Though, not without a new friend joining them for some birthday celebrations.

So, the chapter seemed pretty straightforward in the sense of introducing a new character the same age (ahem...sorry, "older") as the main characters and hinting at a Trainer's School. The latter I feel will become important to the plot since these kids are all thirteen while Dawn who left a year earlier than them (unless it takes longer than a year to travel all of Sinnoh in this universe...I mean, time is never determined in the Pokemon anime other than a trainer having to be ten to start their journey) had never mentioned anything about this school. Either way, it's an interesting concept that'll probably have some payoff down the road.

As for Alex, he seems like a rather nice guy who Rika may or may not have a crush on. We'll see how that develops but I can already tell they seem like good friends from their short interactions this chapter.

As for some tiny issues I noticed...you seem to sometimes end a sentence inside of a quotation with a ".". Instead, it should be a "," unless you use an exclamation or question mark since a comma allows for a smoother time reading the quotes from the characters. Also, the word following a quotation should be lowercase unless it's a proper noun. Otherwise the story seems to have very few errors or mistakes.

Looking forward to the next chapter!
-Potat