Really enjoyed this

Boring

lust and bloodlust are two very different concepts. just because they share the last 4 letters in english doesn't mean they're the same thing or even similar. Japanese has two different words for these concepts as well

WAS THAT A SUPPER BUTTER BUNS REFERENCE? I see you're a man of culture as wet

Pure frustration filled… He dashes over
[Pick one verb tense, either past or present. It’s terrible for your narrative to jump around]

getting into a decent college or start a good career
[Maintain verb tense]

He's heard of people having eyes that weren't black
[Um…that would be EVERYONE]

Akira felt several warning bells go off in his head
[I always hated this cliché. It completely skips the observable signs that real people see that causes that “hair standing up” sensation. There is ALWAYS a tell. Importantly, what that tell is can say quite a bit about your character either in powers of observation or past history informing him]

Chapter 2
teacher?!" Akira obviously knew
[Source Mixing, and Telling. Breaking to a new paragraph (because the narrative breaks from Ann to Akira) to describe Akira’s reaction (anger? Curiosity?) would’ve given you more opportunity to fill in characterization]

I heard-" Ann glares
[Source Mixing. When you break from one character to another, you need to break to another paragraph or you’re adding unnecessary confusion. And give up opportunities to give clear descriptions. It gets even worse below, and having only dialog with only the actions/responses from the OTHER character. Even for those of us who’ve played the game, that’s just inviting confusion]

He quickly jumps
[As opposed to slowly jumps? That’s not a slow action by default]
pencil she angrily threw
[Just the action indicates anger, though if you want more, facial expressions or body posture would be better than Telling. Also goes into Source Mixing]

they leaked." Ann covers
[It’s good that you’re deviating from the game script, but Source Mixing is still ruining the scene by implying the wrong character owns that paragraph]

"W-Why?" she stutters
[This is good – NOT source mixing. This is how your dialog and narrative should be. One character in the dialog AND the source of the action]

and waited for her… all she does
[Still mixing verb tenses. Either make your story in past or present, but don’t mix them. Especially not within one scene]

Everyone says we're "getting it on"…
[Within dialog, when somebody’s quoting you switch to inverted commas/single quote marks]

I like how you’re inserting more personality behind your Akira, but the Source Mixing is not only robbing you of a lot of opportunity to describe the characters, it’s also driving me crazy. Good narrative needs to clearly lay down who’s saying and doing what, and jamming one character’s responses to a different one’s dialog creates anything but.

... oh man... I'm FINALLY done reading this story. I can't believe I actually started reading from last night! There's not a single moment when I can stop smiling from all the romance between those two! I can't wait to read your next story!

oh no... oh nononono SSSHHHHEEEEEEEEEEIIIITTTT This will be one awkward conversation!

Holy Shit... I know he's mad but Damn I've never expected him to hurt those two... Let's hope Akira won't do something he'll regret

I can't tell who is who anymore... but I'm feeling a lot of cringe and I'm smiling... idk what to think/feel anymore

aww I actually like ryuji... but I guess it makes sense since he's supposed to be the comic relief

I like the fact that you made Akira more relatable with average high school students

ha! that rhymed

You should addno flames/hateon your summary and a couple of disclaimers like "ooc Akira"... or let them know that there are people who put themselves in the protagonist

But what do I know... I haven't even read the story yet! I have high hopes for this story!

Hell yes! Another member of Akira/Ann ship and man oh man! This story was so fun to read, i felt as though the chapters were melting away! This ship needs more writers. Speaking of writers, you and others like jokermans inspired me to start writing my own ones! I also don’t really mind reading your fight scenes tbh. Eagerly waiting for the newest chapter!

Good